by Anne Warner
CHAPTER XV
THE TRIAL OF A SICK MAN IN THE HOUSE
"Well, where--" began Mrs. Lathrop in a tone of real pleasure at seeingMiss Clegg come into her kitchen one afternoon a few days after.
Miss Clegg dropped into a chair.
"Well, I _have_ got trouble now!" she announced abruptly, "Elijah'ssick!"
"Eli--" cried Mrs. Lathrop.
"--Jah," finished Susan. "Yes, Mrs. Lathrop, Elijah's sick! He was sickall night an' all this mornin', an' I may in confidence remark as I hopethis'll be a lesson to him to never do it again, for I've got a feelin'in my legs as 'll bear me out in lettin' him or any one else die aforeI'll ever work again like I've worked to-day an' last night."
"Why, what--"
"Did n't you see young Dr. Brown?"
"No, I--"
"Yes, I supposed so," said Susan, resignedly; "I know your ways, Mrs.Lathrop, an' I never look for any other ways in you. It's good as Idon't, for if I did I'd be blind from lookin' an' not seein'. I knowyou, Mrs. Lathrop, an' I know your ways, an' I realize to the full howdifferent they are from me an' my ways, but a friend is a friend an'what can't be endured has got to be cured, so I come to tell you aboutElijah just the same as I do anythin' else as is easy heard."
"Is--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"No, he is n't. That is, he was n't when I come out, but he had his penan' said he was goin' to write a editorial sittin' up in bed. He can'tget out of bed on a'count of the sheet, but 'Liza Em'ly's there if hewants anythin' so it don't matter if I do leave for a little while. Shecome an' offered an' I don't see why she should n't have a chance toget married the same as any other girl, so I set her in the next rooman' told her not to go near him on no a'count, an' naturally there ain'tnothin' as'll make 'em wilder to talk than for Elijah to feel he'd oughtto be workin' on his editorial an' for 'Liza Em'ly to feel as he had n'tought to be spoke to. I don't say as I consider Elijah any great catch,but if 'Liza Em'ly can find any joy jumpin' at him with her mouth open Iain't one to deprive her of the hop. Elijah's a very fair young man asyoung men go, an' I think any girl as is willin' to do her nine-tenthscan have a time tryin' to be happy with him. If she ain't happy long itwon't be Elijah's fault for he's just as sure his wife 'll be happy asany other man is."
"But about--" said Mrs. Lathrop.
"Yes, that's what I come to tell you. He woke me last night, tappin' onmy door, an' hollered as he had the appendicitis on both sides at once."
"On both--"
"That's what he said. Well, as soon as I got awake enough to know as Iwas n't asleep, I knowed he was wrong somehow an' I sat up in bed an'hollered back to him to take ten sips o' water, hold his breath while hecounted fifteen, an' go back to bed. I was n't calculatin' to get upwith no two-sided appendicitis in the middle o' no night if I could helpit, an' I knowed anyhow as it was only some of them dried apples o' Mr.Kimball's as was maybe lodged here an' there in him an' no harm done ifhe'd only let me sleep.
"But, no sir, Elijah had no idea o' lettin' me sleep while he set upalone with his own two sides. There's suthin' about a man, Mrs. Lathrop,as 'll never let him suffer in silence if there's any woman to be wokeup. A man can't be a hero unless a woman stands by barefooted with acandle, an' he feels a good deal easier groanin' if he can hear hersneezin' between times. So back come Elijah right off to say as I mustbe up an' doin' or he'd be dead afore dawn. I was so sound asleep Itold him to set a mouse trap two times afore my senses come to me an'then when they did I was mad. I tell you I was _good_ an' mad too. I puton my slippers an' father's duster as I always keep hangin' to mybedpost to slip on or dust with just as I feel to need it on or dustin',an' I went to Elijah. He was back layin' in bed done up in a sort o'ring o' rosy, groanin' an' takin' on an' openin' an' shuttin' his eyeslike he thought he could make me feel pleased at bein' woke up. But Iwas n't goin' to feel pleased. I tell you, Mrs. Lathrop, a stitch intime saves nine, an' I hadn't no idea of encouragin' Elijah to wake melike that, not while there's maybe a chance of me havin' him to boardmore 'n the three months I promised. I saw as I was gettin' into theduster as all my comfort depended on how I acted right then an' therean' I was decided to be firm. I stood by the bed an' looked at him hardan' then I says to him, I says, 'Well, what did you wake me up for?''No one ever felt nothin' like this,' he says; 'I've got two appendixesan' I can feel another comin' in my back.' 'Elijah,' I said, 'don't talknonsense. You've been an' woke me up an' now I'm woke up what do youwant me to do?' I leaned over him as I said it an' let a little hotcandle grease drip on his neck an' he give a yowl an' straightened outan' then give another yowl an' shut up again. 'I'll make you some gingertea,' I says, 'an' put a mustard plaster wherever you like best,' Isays, 'an' then I shall look to be let alone,' I says, an' so I wentdownstairs an' set to work. Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I made that tea an' Ibet I made it strong; I put some red pepper in it, too, an' poured alittle mucilage into the plaster, for I may in confidence remark as Ididn't intend as Elijah should ever look forward to wakin' me up in thenight again. Then I went upstairs an' he sit up an' took the whole ofthe cup at one gulp! You never see no one so satisfied with nothin' inall your life! He fell back like he was shot an' said, 'Scott, Scott,Scott,' until really I thought as he was ravin'. Then I said, 'Where doyou want the plaster, Elijah?' an' he said, 'On my throat, I guess.' Isays, 'No, Elijah, you've waked me up an' wakin' me up is nothin' tojoke over. You put this plaster on an' go to sleep an' don't wake me upagain unless you feel for more tea.' I spoke kind, but he could see as Ifelt firm an' I set the candle down an' went back to bed.
"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, what do you think,--what _do_ you think? Seems asElijah was so afraid o' burnin' himself in another place that he wentan' put the _sheet_ between him an' the plaster an' glued himself alltogether. This mornin' when he awoke up there he was with the sheetstuck firm to him an' I must say I was very far from pleased when hehollered to me an' I went in an' found him lookin' more like a kite thananythin' else an' not able to dress 'cause he could n't take off hissheet. 'Well, Elijah, you _have_ done it now, I guess,' I says; 'Inever see nothin' the beat o' this. If I have to send for young Dr.Brown to take that sheet off you, you'll be in the papers from theearthquake to Russia an' back again.' Well, that was all there was to doan' when 'Liza Em'ly come with the milk I had to ask her to go up toyoung Dr. Brown's an' ask him to kindly come as soon as he could an'amputate Elijah out o' bed. He come right after breakfast an' he had atime, I tell you! We worked with water an' we worked with hot water, wetried loosenin' the edges by jerkin' quick when Elijah was n'texpectin', but it was all no use. Dr. Brown said he never see such aplaster, he said it'd be a fortune for mendin' china. Then we got thedish-pan an' tried layin' Elijah face down across it an' pilin' books onhis back to keep the right place in front soakin', but even that didn'thelp. Dr. Brown said in the end as he thought the only way maybe wouldbe to do all the corners of the sheet up in a paper an' let Elijahcarry it hugged tight to him an' wear father's duster down to the crickan' sit in it till he just slowly come loose. But Elijah did n't want togo bathin' in a duster an' I had a feelin' myself as if Meadville heardof it we'd surely be very much talked about, so finally Dr. Brown saidhe thought as he'd go home an' study up the case, an' I let him go for Ihad my own ideas as to how much he knew about what was makin' thetrouble. So he went an' then I got dinner an' took some up to Elijah an'told him jus' what I thought of the whole performance. I talked kind butI talked firm an' I done a lot of good, for he said he did n't know butit would be better if he arranged to live with the Whites after theFourth of July 'cause he had a feelin' as maybe he was a good deal oftrouble to me. I told him I hadn't a mite of doubt as he was a good dealof trouble to me an' then Mrs. Macy come. I had to stop talkin' to himan' go down an' tell her what was the matter. She said right off as heridea would be to shut the windows, build a big fire an' make Elijah jus'work himself loose from the inside out. I told her about the mucilagethough an' then she changed her views an' said I'd best fold the sheetneatly an' let him wear i
t till he wore it off next time he growed a newskin. Mrs. Macy says she's been told we keep sheddin' our skins the sameas snakes an' that that's really what makes our clothes need washin' sooften. She said the moral was plain as by the time the sheet'd needwashin' Elijah would shed it anyhow. I see the p'int o' what she saidan' I felt to agree, but while we was talkin' Mrs. Sweet come in an' herview was all different. She said as Elijah would find that sheet a mostawful drag on him an' to her order o' thinkin' he'd ought to go down towhere Mr. Kimball makes his dried apples an' steam loose in the vat. Shesays he can steam out very fast an' Mr. Kimball bein' his uncle 'llnaturally let him sit in the vat for nothin'."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop.
"Well, I don't know," said Susan; "Lucy come in while we was sittin'there an' she said her view'd be for me just to take a firm hold of thesheet an' walk straight out of the room without a so much as 'by yourleave' to Elijah, but I'd be afraid of tearin' the sheet if I did thatway. An' then Gran'ma Mullins came an' her view was as I'd best sit an'sop Elijah with a sponge, which just shows why Hiram is so tore in twobetween such a mother an' such a wife's views."
"What--" asked Mrs. Lathrop again.
"Well, Elijah was writin' a editorial when I left an' 'Liza Em'ly waslookin' at him an' sighin' to talk an' I come over to tell you all aboutit."
Just here a piercing scream was heard from across the way.
"My--" ejaculated Mrs. Lathrop.
Susan sprang to her feet and ran to the door; as she opened it ElizaEmily was seen flying down the Clegg steps.
"What is it?" screamed Miss Clegg from Mrs. Lathrop's steps.
"Elijah dropped his pen," screamed Eliza Emily in reply, "an' when hereached for it he fell out o' bed an' tore loose."
"Did he tear the sheet any?"
"No, but he thinks he's tore himself."
Miss Clegg began to walk rapidly towards her own house.
"You can see I've got to go," she called back to her friend over hershoulder; "this is what it is to have a man livin' in your house, Mrs.Lathrop."