by Anna Santos
“Sophie was a girl who Philippe loved a long time ago. She broke his heart into tiny pieces and treated him like crap when she found out who he truly was,” Jo enlightened me. “She looked a lot like Mara. Or should I say that Mara looks a lot like her,” she pondered as she rubbed her chin.
With gritted teeth and black eyes, Philippe faced his maker. “You had no right to tell Aria that.”
Jo walked to him and said, “Get over it.”
“So, Sophie was your first love, and you…found a copy to replace her.” I put two and two together and felt strange about what I had just found out about his past. Philippe looked at me with a guilty expression.
“Do you still love her?” I had the right to ask that. He says he loves me. If he was still in love with that Sophie and her copy, I wanted to know.
“No.” His answer was short and fast. He didn’t hesitate. Even so, I doubted him.
“You’re his soul-mate. He doesn’t care about her now. Also, Sophie was a lie, a product of his imagination.” It was Jo who defended him. She would make a good defense attorney. She clearly loves Philippe and wants him to be happy.
I remembered our conversation in the hospital about love and deception. Philippe had talked about her. He didn’t say her name or what had happened, but I understood the sadness behind his words. Deception was a good word for that type of love. Some loves aren’t real. Some are a product of our imagination because we create an image of the person we love in our heads instead of seeing them for who they truly are.
“I don’t think about Sophie anymore,” Philippe said softly.
Even if he was attempting to reassure me, the fact was that Philippe had a lot of skeletons in his closet. He was a womanizer. He had girls falling at his feet. Correction: he has girls falling at his feet. Mara wanted to take him to bed. Jo could pretend all she wanted, but I wasn’t as naïve as everybody thought I was. That witch was trying to seduce Philippe. She wanted him back.
“Is everything okay, Aria?” Jo asked. She looked worried when I focused my vision on her. “I didn’t want to upset you, darling. Perhaps, I shouldn’t have brought you here… I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand why you are freaking out about some dead girl. I wasn’t born when Philippe was in love with Sophie,” I reminded them as I folded my arms. They were acting as if it was a capital offense to talk about old loves. “I’m not Philippe’s girlfriend, either. He can sleep around with whomever he wants.” Turning around, I gripped the doorknob and left before I burned that place down.
If I had to say one more time that I didn’t care about what he did, I was going to burst into flames. Even if I was trying to act cool about it, thinking about Philippe kissing another girl wasn’t fun at all. I was jealous. It was time to admit to myself that uncomfortable reality. I had been jealous of him and Jo. I was jealous when he was talking to Mara, and she was putting her hands on him.
“Is something wrong, Aria?” Camille asked, joining me. I shook my head and tried to smile. “Cedric is waiting for you. He sent me to call you.”
“We are coming,” I said, looking back and seeing Philippe coming out with Jo.
I felt a sudden urge to run away. There was a burning sensation in my stomach and gripping my throat. What if Philippe sleeps around with other girls to annoy me? A lot of men thought it was a way to make the person they like want to get back with them.
If he did that, I would hate him forever. It was disgusting and stupid to do that to a girl. If a boy truly loved a girl, he wouldn’t sleep around. If Philippe slept with others to prove a point to me, I was going to burn his sorry ass. Better yet, I was going to ignore him for a lifetime.
“You are glowing,” Camille whispered next to my ear as if it was a big secret.
“So?” I asked. I was supposed to glow, so the others would fear me or some crap like that.
“You are glowing too much. Your wings are turning red. That’s not a good sign.”
I widened my eyes, aware that I was losing my calm. It was Philippe’s fault. No. It was my fault, actually. I was stupid for trying to ignore my feelings for him. I liked him, even before I was kidnapped and had him back in my life. Great time to stop lying to myself. I deserved a medal for that. It was probably Cedric’s fault for telling me so many times that I was falling in love with Philippe.
“Shall we start?” a grumpy sorceress said.
I realized that they were waiting for me to join them. Philippe was already seated, and Jo was talking to one of the sorcerers, smiling widely while Cedric was staring at her with silver eyes. He wasn’t finding it amusing whatever she was saying to the sorcerer. She seemed to be flirting with the guy. I was becoming more and more intrigued with what was going on lately with the both of us.
I walked calmly to my chair and sat down, ignoring Philippe’s eyes and trying to stay the farthest I could from him. It was kind of impossible since my place was beside him. It was going to be a long meeting if I was planning to ignore Philippe and lose my talking buddy. I didn’t even know why I was mad at him in the first place. Maybe it would go away after a while. One could always hope.
I focused on the conversation among the leaders and representatives of the graveyard people and chased away the need to yawn a hundred times.
Another pause for coffee after another hour of discussion took place. I ran as fast as I could from Philippe’s side before he could open his mouth to talk to me. He had tried, and I had ignored him. If it was working for Jo, it should work for me.
I went to get coffee. Before I noticed, Cedric was in front of me.
“We should talk,” he said with a serious face.
I frowned at him. “Why? The meeting isn’t over yet, and you seem to be chasing Jo around during every coffee break.”
“What are you talking about?”
His expression made me believe that he was clueless about his attraction to her. Is he really that blind?
I sighed deeply and moved my hand theatrically. “What do you want to tell me?”
“I want to know if you are okay. You seem distracted. Did Philippe do anything to upset you?”
“Not intentionally,” I answered.
He arched an eyebrow. “What did he do and who was the girl in his office?”
“No one important. I was being dramatic.”
“Hmm.”
I asked him frankly, “So, what’s going on between you and Jo?”
“I don’t understand what you mean.”
I should slap him or shake him. Maybe then he would display some kind of emotion and stop acting like a robot.
“She’s mad at you,” I reminded him.
“I know. I was a jerk.”
“Yes, you were.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings.”
“You never do, and you always mess up,” I mumbled, looking at the ceiling as if something there was interesting. I was trying hard not to sound judgmental.
“Are you still mad at me?”
I gazed at him. “Do you care if I’m mad?” I asked with curiosity.
He seemed more interested in talking to Jo than with me.
“I do. You are my mate.”
“Just because of that?”
“No. I don’t want you to be mad at me. I want you to forgive me for what I’ve done.”
I sighed impatiently and turned around. I noticed that the others were watching us. They pretended to be looking elsewhere, but I wasn’t a fool.
Philippe’s office was empty, and it was soundproof. I grabbed Cedric by the hand and locked us in it. If we were going to talk, I didn’t want anyone eavesdropping.
I resumed our previous discussion. “How many times did I forgive you already?” I had lost count.
“If you can forgive Philippe for what he did, you should forgive me for the little white lie I told you.”
“Are you going to play that game again?” Comparing his lies to Philippe’s actions wasn’t the best way to gain my forgiveness.
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“He did far worse.”
“Well, he never lied to me. If I had to compare the things you did to me and the things he did, you would have a bigger list.”
Cedric looked at me with pensive eyes. “He’s a vampire. I’m an angel.”
“Is that your best defense?” I asked him, incapable of holding on to the irony. “Yes, Philippe was a jerk. He’s damaged and thought removing me from his life was the best for me. He was probably right as I don’t seem cut out to be ruthless and heartless. But he never undermined me. You do that constantly. You don’t care about my hopes and dreams. All you care about is having a powerful queen and breaking your curse, so you can rule.”
“That’s not true.”
“Philippe actually cares about what I have to say, about how I feel. Do you?”
“Of course, I do.”
I folded my arms and shook my head. “You don’t, Cedric. You want me to suck it up and embrace my powers. No place to cry or feel scared. Where were you when I was in the hospital? When my mom was between life and death? I was terrified and needed you by my side.”
“I wouldn’t be useful there.”
“Keeping me company when I needed you the most? Holding my hand? Did you even care when my parents got hurt?”
Cedric raked his fingers through his hair and evaded my gaze. “My priority was to find you and your kidnappers.”
My voice quivered with emotion. “You found me. I’m grateful for that. Yet you left me alone. I didn’t know what to do or what to feel. How does one tell her dad that it’s her fault that he and Mom almost died?”
“They should never have been here in the first place. Philippe brought them to manipulate you.”
I fisted my hands. “That’s not the point! It was because of my powers that they got hurt.”
“You are being childish and selfish.”
I froze as I blinked in shock at his words. “I don’t think I can be who you want me to be.”
“You aren’t even trying, Aria. You should be by my side in this meeting, not by Philippe’s. I thought that your angel would put some sense into your head, but you are clearly too attached to your former life and first mate.”
“When you came to me, you said you wanted to ask for my forgiveness. Yet you keep attacking me. What do you regret then?”
“Not telling you that you had a choice about our bond. It was wrong of me.”
“It was. You let me think that I would be the reason for you to die if I didn’t love you enough to break your curse.”
Cedric raised his hand to touch me.
I shook my head and stepped back. “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
“This is silly, Aria. You can’t possibly choose Philippe over me. What can he give you?”
I blew out a breath and rubbed my forehead. “The more we talk, the more I understand that you aren’t sorry at all. And you are surprised about Jo not wanting to talk to you. You locked her in the dungeons and betrayed her trust.”
“I had my reasons.”
“Yes, she’s a vampire and Philippe’s marker.”
“Jo is nothing like him. I wouldn’t hurt her.”
His words intrigued me. “Do you like Jo?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s an easy question. She’s a gorgeous woman. I saw the way you looked at her when she was talking to other men. Or should I say, she was flirting with them and ignoring you.”
“You are my mate.”
“I’m not what you need, and you don’t seem to be able to understand what I need, either.”
“We still have time, Aria. You just have to give me a chance.”
I looked everywhere but him. His request was suffocating me. “I can’t Cedric.”
His eyes lost their shine. “Why not?”
“We don’t love each other enough to survive the trial.”
Cedric scrubbed his face, turned around, and walked to the desk. He secured a hand on the chair.
“You will find someone else.”
“It doesn’t work like that, Aria. Gargoyles’ mates are matched. We can’t choose who we love.”
I put a hand against my heart as I watched his tense figure. I pondered about going to him to comfort him, but I didn’t want my action to be misinterpreted. “I’m sorry, Cedric. I just want to be normal.”
His face paled. “Are you sure you want to break up with me?”
I bit my lower lip and nodded. “Yes.” Relief washed over me as if a heavy burden had been lifted.
“So, you can be with Philippe.”
“So, I can be human again. Normal.”
Cedric walked to me. “I hope you don’t regret this decision. This may be the worst mistake of your life.”
“Duly noted.”
“We’ll have to perform a ritual to break our bond.”
“Okay.”
“Not now. I would still like to keep my powers if you don’t mind. I’ll need them.”
“In a couple of days then. Until that happens, you should try to use your powers for good.”
Cedric nodded and kissed my forehead as his hand caressed my cheek. “You can still count on me if you need anything in the future. We are still friends.”
I smiled as tears fell down my cheeks.
“Don’t cry. You were the one who wanted to break up.”
“I tried to fight and ignore it. I wasn’t strong enough. He and I share a connection… It’s so strong. We barely need to talk to know what we are thinking. I’ve always felt that love should be that. I know that giving you and my powers up is illogical. But I couldn’t live with your death on my conscience. You deserve to be happy. Even if I am not.”
“Calm down,” Cedric requested, hugging me and stroking my hair. “You can’t leave this room with tears or signs of weakness. Philippe is a lucky bastard. I only wish…”
“Why aren’t you mad?”
“Would it matter if I was mad at you?” he questioned. “It wouldn’t change the way you feel, would it?”
I shook my head and put my arms around his neck. “I like you a lot, too.”
“But you don’t love me more than you love him, do you?”
“No. I’m sorry.” I almost cried again. My body trembled, and he rubbed my back, drawing circles and humming a tune for me to calm down.
“You don’t need to ask me for forgiveness. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But Aria, I know that you love him since your angel’s awake, and you went to save him. You shouldn’t have cared about him once you accepted your angel.”
“So why did you ask me to choose to go back to you?”
“I didn’t want to be alone and was stubborn. I understand now that we can’t force love to happen. I think I’ve learned something through this experience. Plus, I got to know you… You are the best thing that happened to me since my parents died.”
“You never told me how they died.”
“It’s a long story. We don’t have time for that now. We need to make sure that you’ll be safe even after you give up your wings. Also, we need to stop the specters from producing Clarity. We don’t want your jerk of a soul-mate to blow up in pieces, do we?”
I laughed, hiding my head against his neck. Then, I stopped laughing, realizing that he had called Philippe my soul-mate. “I’m not your soul-mate anymore…” I puckered my lips. “Too bad I can’t have you both.”
“You are joking. Tell me you are joking,” he requested.
I giggled. “Maybe. Don’t you like the idea?”
“I don’t share,” he stated.
I kissed his cheek and nodded. “I don’t like to share, either.”
“Can I still punch him if he tries to hurt you?”
Grinning, I answered, “I would appreciate it a lot.”
Cedric smiled, clearing the unshed tears from my eyes.
“What?”
“You are the prettiest thing. He’s lucky to have you.”
I
blushed at his words. “He doesn’t have me. It doesn’t mean I want to be his, and he may not want me back.”
“Should I punch him now, then?”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “What are you going to do about Jo?”
“Nothing.”
“Why not? You like her. Don’t lie to me. You keep following her every move and…”
“Honey, you know how the curse works. I can’t choose who I want to be with. Well, at least, not like humans do. Mates must be assigned. And Jo isn’t a rejected soul… Not anymore. She had her chance.”
“That would explain a lot,” I mumbled. “She used to be one of us?”
“Yes. But her mate and she didn’t survive the trial.”
“Does that mean he was turned to rock? That’s so sad. She is so nice!”
“And she hates my guts now,” he said.
Stepping back, I mused about their problem. “You can like her even if she isn’t an angel. Who cares? Just tell her you like her. When you become a gargoyle again, you will be awake at night. She is a vampire and can’t be outside during the day so…”
“It doesn’t work like that,” he said, stopping my reasoning and my attempt to find a solution. “Gargoyles don’t feel like angels do. They don’t lust, they don’t…experience things in the same way.”
“You lust for her?” I noticed how his cheeks reddened, and he started avoiding eye contact. I had to grab his face to make him look at me again. “Is it an infatuation or attraction?”
“I don’t know.” I knew he was telling the truth since he sucked at understanding his feelings. “I find her enticing. But she’s a vampire, they are sensual by nature. She is also nice and…we seem to understand each other.”
“Unlike you and me.”
“We are different. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you and lust for you. I do.”
“Lust isn’t everything,” I mumbled, blushing at our closeness. We clicked, that was for sure. Even if I liked Cedric a lot, it wasn’t the same thing that I was beginning to feel for Philippe. “Love is more than desire.”
“Don’t you lust for Philippe?”
His question caught me off guard. “Philippe is gorgeous, but I don’t feel like I want to jump his bones.”