by Nicole Helm
“Let’s just consider you on a need-to-know basis. And you don’t.”
“That doesn’t work for me,” he said, and his voice had a hard edge to it. But he wouldn’t fight her or hurt her. It was hard to be afraid of an edge that wouldn’t cut. What must be in his past, she wondered.
“You’re not going to threaten it out of me. Or torture it out of me. Why would I tell you anything?”
“So I help you, Willa,” he said, sounding irritable.
“Maybe I don’t need your help.”
“Fine.” He turned away from her and started walking back toward her house. He was calling her bluff. That was fine. She didn’t need his help. She knew where she was going, and maybe she didn’t know what she was doing or how exactly she was going to do it, but she had a target. A place to go. She...
She muttered a swear and then scrambled after him. “Wait. Okay, wait.” She didn’t need his help, but it might come in handy, and didn’t her parents deserve as much help as she could offer? He hadn’t brought his team along, but he still likely had more resources than she did.
“I’d like your help.” When he didn’t so much as move a muscle, she sighed. “Please.”
“You have to tell me what you know.”
“Couldn’t you just...let me lead and trust that I know what I’m doing and I’ll fill you in as needed?” She knew he wouldn’t agree to it, but at least if she’d asked, she didn’t feel quite like she’d utterly let down her parents.
“How about we start with the thing you’re not telling me.”
Willa wanted to pout. How did a man who didn’t know her know she was keeping things from him? How had he caught up to her so quickly?
It was just an unfortunate reminder that even if she was capable of weathering threats, she was out of her league when it came to actually ending them.
“I wasn’t lying to you before, exactly. I don’t know who they work for, and I don’t know where they are. But... I do have access to a few answers.”
“How? Where?” he demanded.
She didn’t need to tell him about the papers. She didn’t need to tell him anything. She could lie. She could lie. Intellectually, she knew she was capable. But emotionally... Well, it just didn’t seem possible. “Obviously they knew that their work was dangerous. That something might happen to them and I’d never get appropriate word. So, they always leave me some coded information about who I can contact if I have real cause to believe they’re in danger.”
She didn’t include the other stipulations. She was supposed to wait thirty-six hours. She was supposed to research a few things before she went straight to the source. For their own safety, and hers.
But they’d never, ever given her reason to worry before. There had never been a legitimate reason to take their last resort. She was still struggling with believing she should. Maybe that’s why she hadn’t actually looked at the information yet. She’d just grabbed it and ran.
Because she’d let emotions win over sense. Over careful thought. She was afraid for her parents, irritated with Holden’s high-handedness. Emotions had won, and she’d made mistakes.
She blew out a breath. “How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Make decisions without letting your emotions get in the way. Mom and Dad are forever scolding me about it, and I did it again. Felt then acted without thinking it through. I don’t know how to turn it off. The feelings. The fear.”
“You shouldn’t have to do it. You’re a civilian.”
“I wish. I wish it were that simple, but it’s not. I’m stuck between two worlds, and I don’t fit into either. I don’t know how to be comfortable in either. I can’t sit around and hope they’re okay. I know too much. Understand too much. But I can’t shut off how scared I am for them. I can’t shut off how much I love them. So, how can I? How can I lock it all away until it’s convenient?”
She stood there waiting for an answer. A magic one that could give her the capability of doing what her parents did.
“I don’t know your parents, Willa, but they left you with some elaborate underground compound. That doesn’t strike me as something people who can shut off their emotions do. If they really shut emotion off, wouldn’t they have given you up for adoption or something to keep you far away from them?”
Willa didn’t know what to say to that. It kind of made her want to cry. She knew her parents loved her, but they left her so often. They’d put her in danger before and likely would again. Sometimes she wondered if they just...loved their life a little more than her.
But Holden, a man she barely knew, had a point. That point brought up more emotion. Tenderness toward her parents, and maybe even a little toward Holden.
Holden, who was going to help her. Or maybe he was going to use her, but if it got her to her parents, did it matter? “There’s a car. At a storage facility for RVs and boats. Outside town. It’s a trek, but I figure whoever was shooting at me wouldn’t be able to track me to that vehicle. Not right away, anyway.”
“And then what?”
“Then I’d follow their code. I’m not sure what it’ll lead me to. Them? Their superiors? Something else entirely? I don’t have a clue. I can only follow it and hope I’m wrong—and not so right I lead the bad guys right to their doorstep.”
He inclined his head. “Solid plan. Lead the way.”
She blinked. Once. He...was agreeing to her plan? And letting her lead? She opened her mouth to ask if he was sure, but then closed it. She didn’t need him to be sure. She was sure.
So, she began to walk. She knew where she was going, though she considered taking a circular route in case this was some kind of trap. It felt like one. He’d agreed too easily. Especially after arguing with her about partnering up not that long ago.
“The woman...”
“Shay?”
“Yes, her. She’s...okay with you working with me?”
“Okay isn’t the word I’d use. She agreed. Reluctantly.”
“Why?”
“You have information I don’t.”
He said it so matter-of-factly she had no choice but to believe him. He saw her less as a partner or leader and more as the means with which to get the information he needed. Which didn’t bother her. She hadn’t yet proved to him just how good of a partner she could be.
But she would.
They walked. Walked and walked. Sometimes she tried to engage Holden in conversation, but he almost always turned it into asking her more about her parents and what she knew about what they did.
They continued to walk, even as the dark of night began to slowly lighten into the glow of dawn. Willa took a deep breath of almost-morning air. She was often awake at this time, tending to her animals. She loved the otherworldliness of it. The stillness. The light that no other part of day could quite emulate.
“Must you hum?” Holden muttered grumpily.
“It’s just such a beautiful morning.”
“It’d be a hell of a lot more beautiful in bed. Asleep.”
“Once we get to the car, you can take a nice little nap.” She took in her surroundings, satisfied with the progress they were making. “We’re getting close. I’ll want you to stay out of sight while I get the car. I think I can sneak it out without anyone seeing me, but if I do get caught, it’ll be a lot easier to talk my way out of it with Earl if I’m alone.”
He eyed her disapprovingly. “You’ve proven you’re a flight risk.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“You’ve run away from me once. You won’t run away from me again.”
An odd shiver ran through her at the seriousness in his tone. Odd because it wasn’t fear or worry. It wasn’t even foreboding. It felt a bit like anticipation, and that didn’t make any sense.
So she ignored it. “You’ll be able to see me the whole time. Beside
s, if I run, I have no doubt you’ll find a way to follow me and pretend like you’re the big, bad wolf who’s going to really punish me this time, while dodging punches and telling me to quit it.”
Cheerful despite the lack of sleep, she went back to humming but only got about a half a step farther before Holden grabbed her by the arm. It was unexpected, and not gentle, but not a rough grab, either. He seemed to excel at touches that were powerful without being threatening.
“I want you to be very clear about one thing, Willa,” he said, his voice cold and authoritative. “I don’t hurt women. I won’t. But I’d incapacitate you if it became necessary.”
Despite the chill in his voice, his hand was big and warm and gentle. She smiled. She couldn’t help it. “Of course you would,” she said indulgently. She even patted his hand. He likely had to believe it. A man like him had to believe he was the strongest person in the room. And he was. No doubt he was stronger than her, but if he refused to do little more than roll around and hold on to a woman’s arms or legs, he’d never actually incapacitate her or any other woman.
The world tilted, and suddenly she was on her back, but...gently. Nothing jarred. It wasn’t like falling. Because no matter that Holden had knocked her off her feet, he’d also somehow cushioned the blow.
Which didn’t really prove his point. She supposed the way one of his large hands cuffed hers together over her head was supposed to prove it for him, but that just meant he was leaning over her. Looking at her with an odd light of triumph in those dark blue eyes of his.
She didn’t feel incapacitated. She felt...alive. Like every nerve ending sparked with energy. That triumph in his gaze faded into something else.
And his gaze dropped to her mouth.
* * *
HOLDEN WONDERED IF a head injury could cause a person to detach from their own body. To have a personality transplant. To be changed utterly and completely just because a woman he could damn well take down, but wouldn’t, acted like he was cute for explaining the truth to her.
He was a man who enjoyed women, when time allowed, but a certain kind of woman. Not a guileless farm girl who somehow had secrets and spies in her family and looked up at him when he’d knocked and held her down as if he was holding her hand.
How could he be attracted to freckles, and a nose just a shade too close to sharp? Her hair was like gold in the pale light of dawn, and her eyes that deep, mesmerizing green. Her mouth...
Holden jumped to his feet so fast he nearly tripped over himself. But there was no way he could...
No way. It was just a trick of the pearly dawn and...his head injury. It had to be that.
Not just...her.
She leveraged up on her elbows, still lying sprawled on the ground where he’d taken her down. To prove a point.
Why could he never seem to prove a point with this woman? He was an accomplished field agent and had been for years. After all the mistakes of his early adulthood, he hadn’t made any for years. He’d honed himself into a machine. Machines didn’t make mistakes because women were...
Whatever she was.
“Why are you looking at me like I’m a snake?”
Snakes were a hell of a lot less dangerous than this woman. “How far are we from the car?”
She got to her feet, and though he had half a thought to help her up, he kept his hands deep in his pockets.
“You know, I’m not a total shut-in,” she said, brushing the dirt from her pants.
“Huh?”
“I went to school. Off and on. I even had a boyfriend my junior year of high school. Terrible kisser, but, you know, he did actually kiss me.” She pulled a face. “He was not good at it.”
“Why are you—”
“And that was like seven years ago—my junior year, that is—so I’m not as young as I look.”
“I didn’t—”
“So, don’t start treating me like I’m some kind of freak. Life’s been weird, but I’m not some wolf child who doesn’t know anything about life outside my menagerie of animals. I like animals, but that doesn’t mean I’m completely...” She trailed off, clearly frustrated with her lack of having a word for whatever she wanted to say.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied.
And he didn’t. More or less. Maybe he hadn’t pegged her at twenty-four, but not too far off. And he’d never considered that she’d been totally sheltered. She seemed to know how to deal with him just fine.
“I know what I seem like. But I’m not...that. I’m not naive. I’m not incompetent. And most important, I’m not stupid. You’ll need to understand that and believe it.” She set her gaze to the east. “I’d say we have a mile left. Let’s not waste daylight.”
She started marching and Holden followed, not sure what else to do in the situation. If he tried to explain himself, it’d be overkill. And show too much of what he’d been thinking back there when his only thoughts could be the assignment at hand.
But the words were there. The explanations. The excuses. And the strangest urge to lay them all at her feet, when he was much more comfortable keeping complicated emotions to himself.
They walked the last mile in silence. As the storage place came into view—nothing more than a big field with a tall chain-link fence around it and a tiny office situated in front of the gate of the fence—Willa’s pace got slower. Until she came to a complete stop.
“You’ll need to stay out of sight. You see the road there? Keep walking down it. Pretend you’re a hitchhiker.” She gave him a once-over, her mouth curving. “You kind of look like one.”
He gave her a doleful look that had her chuckling. He schooled away the smile he wanted to give in response. “I’m not letting you out of my sight, Willa.”
“Just to get the car. You walk down that way, and I’ll get the car and drive and pick you up. I can’t guarantee no one’s in the office, even if it is early, and I don’t think it’s wise to let anyone see you. Especially if someone out there is looking for me. I get the car, I meet you down the road a little ways. Stick your thumb out. Voilà.”
Holden studied her. He didn’t think she was lying. That was her plan, and she was right. It was best for their purposes, if someone was following her, if they thought she was alone. Vulnerable.
She wouldn’t be. He’d be damned if he’d let her be. But that didn’t mean he felt comfortable walking away from her while she went to get a vehicle. It would be far too easy for her to take off, and then he’d lose more precious time trying to track her down.
Time that could lead to her parents or whoever else was the target ending up dead, and no matter that it’d be her fault, he’d feel like he had blood on his hands.
Hands she took in hers. A surprisingly firm gesture. Maybe a little desperate. “You’re going to have to trust me,” she said, squeezing his fists with her much smaller hands. “We’re going to have to trust each other. We can’t work knowing the other person is keeping secrets.”
It should be of no consequence to him that she was a liar. That no matter how entreating her gaze was, or how oddly comforting her hand on his was, she lied. And it hurt. Which made the words that came out of his mouth next far too bitter for the situation. “But you are keeping secrets, Willa.”
Chapter Eleven
“Holden.” She didn’t know what else to say. Yes, she had a few secrets. She’d phrased that poorly. She’d only wanted his trust. His partnership.
Maybe she was letting her loneliness get in the way of good sense. More feelings when she was supposed to school them all away.
She dropped his hands, feeling vaguely slimy. Like she was the one in the wrong. “Then I’ll trust you first,” she said, squinting her eyes against the rising sun. She couldn’t predict what he’d do. She could only control herself.
Herself. Someone who couldn’t escape her emotions. No, she c
ouldn’t. Maybe it was time to stop fighting them. Maybe she had to trust them. “I trust you, Holden. I’m going to trust you to realize the best option is for you to start walking down the street and for me to meet you a ways down and pick you up. If you don’t, well... Then I was wrong about you and I’ll have to live with it.”
She started walking away from him. She was desperate to look back, to see what he would do, but it would only undermine her point.
No matter who she wanted to be, or what world she felt more comfortable in, deep down she wasn’t the image she gave off.
If he’d wanted to kiss her, and part of her desperately wanted to believe that’s what that moment had been, he wanted to kiss the damsel in distress. The weak, innocent, too-young-looking woman who loved animals more than people and wanted a simple life free of the fear and danger of her parents’ lives.
She wished she could be that simple. She wished that’s who she was.
But it wasn’t.
She approached the gate to the storage area. She peered in the little office building, but the lights were off and the hours clearly stated. She glanced at the little security camera pointed at the gate. Likely there were more on the inside.
That didn’t bother her so much. She knew the owners, and while she knew they wouldn’t appreciate her breaking in, she was taking what belonged to her parents. She could probably sweet-talk them out of pressing charges.
Maybe.
She bit her lip. Charges didn’t actually worry her in the overall sense. But if law enforcement put some kind of flag on the car, she’d have the kind of police interest she didn’t need when she was trying to sneak somewhere to help her parents.
“Taken care of.”
Willa whirled around at Holden’s voice. He was shoving his phone into his pocket and going straight for the lock on the gate. “Security cameras are down. It’ll be explained to the owners as maintenance from the security system. We’ll get a replacement car in here within the hour to make it look like your parents’ car wasn’t taken.”