by Soraya Lane
“We should go upstairs,” he said, kissing her head as she gazed up at him. They were stretched out side by side, still naked, still enjoying the peaceful aftermath of sex. But he was right, she wanted to get up to Harry. And it was only a matter of hours before he’d be up and excited about Christmas, anyway.
He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it, before helping her up as he rose. She was about to pull away to retrieve her clothes when Cody tugged her back, not letting go of her hand until she was standing against him. His eyes were shining, it could have been the light from the fire, but she saw something there, something she hadn’t seen before, only she didn’t know if it was happiness or sadness or a combination of both.
Cody’s hands rose and cupped her face on each side, his kiss warm and gentle. They stood like that, connected, lips moving slowly in time with each other, until he finally dropped his hands.
It felt like a last kiss. It was bittersweet, painful almost, knowing he was going soon and, just like last time, she was never going to see him again.
“Cody, what did the letter say?” she whispered.
“You don’t know?” he asked, sounding confused.
“I never got it, Cody. And my mom can’t remember what she did with it. All I know is that I never saw it.”
“I can’t believe it,” he muttered, tucking her tight to him, his chin resting on the top of her head. “It said that it was easier to just go instead of saying goodbye, because I knew I might never leave if I had to look you in the eye and say it.” He paused and she tried not to cry. “And it said that I loved you, and that even though I had to go, it had been the best summer of my life with you. Or something along those lines.”
Cody didn’t say anything after that and neither did she, and she’d never felt so close to someone yet so far away at the same time. She would never know why her mom had kept the letter all those years, or whether she’d ever find it, but it changed everything. Because all this time, she’d believed she just didn’t deserve to be loved, that somehow it was her fault, but now she knew that Cody hadn’t just turned his back on her so easily.
When she was dressed, and Cody had slipped on his shirt and jeans, he took her hand and unlocked the door, leading her out of the room and down the hall. Their feet made quiet padding sounds as they crossed the timber barefoot and then made their way up the thickly carpeted stairs.
She stood outside the room where Harry was, the low light from the hall providing just enough illumination to see his face on the pillow. He was a tiny lump in a very large bed.
“I should go snuggle up with him,” she whispered.
“Come with me, just for a little bit,” Cody replied, still holding her hand. “Please.”
She nodded and followed him down two more rooms, smiling to herself as she stepped inside. Earlier when she’d come looking for him, she’d gone straight to his old room just presuming he’d be in there, and it hadn’t surprised her when he was. But now she could look at it properly, and it took her straight back down memory lane.
“We had some fun times in here,” she whispered.
“Not as fun as the times we had outside, but yeah, the memories aren’t bad.”
She swatted at him and he laughed, catching her wrist, his gaze burning a hole straight through her it was so intense.
“Take a shower if you want; I’ll be out here.”
Lexi was so tired, and she hadn’t realized just how tired until she’d come upstairs and looked at the beds. She was ready to collapse into one, but he was right, a shower would feel good.
“I’ll just take a quick one.”
She left the cardigan she was carrying on the bed and smiled at Cody as she passed. His abs were on show from his open shirt, and she resisted the urge to reach out and glide her fingernails across his stomach as she passed. How the hell had he gotten even better with age?
Lexi entered the bathroom and looked around. She’d been working in the Ford house for months now, and she’d never gotten used to the opulence. The number of bathrooms, the floor-to-ceiling tiles and exquisite taps and thick, embossed towels—it was all just so indulgent.
She touched the towel hanging on the heated rail and wondered if Cody had already used it. She had no problem being wrapped in something that smelled of him. Even after everything—their years of no contact and their spat over his development—she still wanted him. He was the only man who’d ever made her feel so alive, and her body seemed to defy her even when she was point-blank furious with him.
She turned the faucet on and started to strip down, leaving her clothes in a puddle on the ground to come back to later. She reached out a hand and felt the warm water, and stepped in, face straight under the steady stream, water teaming over her forehead and down her body, before reaching for the soap and lathering up her body.
But then something else touched her body. Something big and silent, moving in behind her, hands stroking across her slick wet body. His mouth closed over her neck, puckering a kiss there, the body behind her as rock solid as the kisses were feather-light.
Lexi let him stroke her, closed her eyes and gave in to the feelings pooling inside her, the heat she felt for him flaring all over again. And then she turned, slowly, arms looping around his neck as he scooped his hands beneath her buttocks and lifted her up, her legs locking around him.
She stared through the steam and water at him as he rocked slowly inside of her, kissed him as water streamed between them. It was like everything they both wanted to say was pulsing between them, their actions the only words they needed, and when they were done Cody held her and kissed her, before slowly lowering her to her feet again.
He reached for the soap and gently lathered her again, washing her down and waiting for her to rinse herself, before quickly washing himself. And then he was stepping out, passing her a towel and wrapping her up in it.
She dried herself, silently, watching him as he wrapped a towel around his waist and bent to collect her things. He opened the door and they walked back out into his bedroom.
“Here, wear this,” he said, passing her a soft shirt from his wardrobe.
She took it, lifting it and inhaling, loving the scent of him stamped into it. “Thank you.”
Lexi put her underwear back on and then buttoned up the shirt, and she watched as Cody pulled on fresh briefs and a T-shirt before pulling the covers back and lying down.
“Come here.”
She looked at the warm spot beside him, wanting nothing more than to snuggle up to him and fall asleep in his arms, just this once. But she couldn’t.
“I don’t want Harry waking up in a strange bed alone,” she whispered.
“Just for a few minutes. I promise I won’t let you sleep here.”
Lexi glanced at the door, knowing she should go. “Okay, but just for a minute.”
She climbed in beside him, scooting over close to him as his arm came around her, mouth against her hair. He felt so good; so big, so warm. So right.
And when he started thrumming his fingers against her skin, she knew she should never have taken up his offer because now she didn’t ever want to leave his bed.
* * *
Cody stared down at Lexi, wishing he could find the right words to say to her when she was awake.
“You were the one,” he whispered as he stroked her cheek. “You were the one and I was too damn scared to stay and find out.”
He would never have been happy staying in Texas, or maybe he could have been but he just didn’t want to admit it. He lived for his work, loved the city and everything about it, but he was lonely. He’d known it for months, maybe even years, but he’d refused to acknowledge it. But now, here with Lexi, he could see as clear as day just how lonely he’d been.
Just how lonely he’d be when he returned.
Why had he never been brave enough to ask her back then if she wanted to go with him?
He waited one more minute before carefully extracting himself and standing, bending t
o scoop her up in his arms and carry her the short distance to the guest room, just as he’d carried her son earlier. Cody lowered her beside Harry, watching as she instinctively nestled into her son on the bed.
Tomorrow it would be Christmas, and the day after that, he’d be gone. Seeing what he could have had, looking at mother and son tucked up, it made him realize what he’d been missing all these years.
Chapter 17
LEXI woke up to hands pressed to her cheeks and a nose smooshed against hers.
“Mommy, it’s Christmas!”
She groaned and shut her eyes for another few seconds, before Harry started to yank at her, tugging on her arm.
“Mommy, come on! We have to see if Santa came!”
Lexi laughed and sat up. No matter how little sleep she’d had, Harry’s excitement was contagious. She’d always loved Christmas—her mom had made it special for her no matter what—and she’d tried to ensure that Harry always had an amazing one too, no matter how low her bank account was or what was going on around them. This year was going to be no different.
“Okay, let’s go. Just let me put my jeans on.”
She touched the shirt she was wearing, not ready to take it off just yet. It was so soft and it smelled so nice, and when she shut her eyes it brought back memories of the night before that she hoped she’d never forget.
“Come on!”
“Alright, alright!” She tried not to laugh at Harry when he grabbed her hand, dragging her behind him. She glanced at the bed and felt bad for not making it straightaway, but it was Christmas morning and her son wasn’t going to wait.
“We need to get back to our place. Why did we stay here?” he asked.
“Um, because someone decided it was a good idea to run away in the snow last night and we ended up here,” she said, ruffling his hair and wondering how he was so unaffected by what had happened. “Talking about that, you owe Cody and Tanner a big thank-you. They were so worried about you that they went straight out looking to find you.”
She was pleased to see he ducked his head and looked at least a little guilty.
“And then, when you were asleep, Cody went over to our place and brought the letter for Santa and the milk and cookies you’d left out and left them here.”
Harry stopped, one foot on the stairs. “Did he write a letter to Santa, to tell him to come here? What if he thought we didn’t leave anything out for him?”
Lexi bent down and kissed his cheek. “Of course he did. Cody knows what he’s doing.”
She had no idea what the time was, but from the light filtering through the windows she was guessing they’d slept in a little. And when they got downstairs, she realized they’d definitely slept later than usual.
Cody was in the kitchen already, barefoot and wearing jeans and a shirt that was undone and rolled up at the sleeves. She gulped seeing him standing there, so muscled, so strong, and so damn sexy as he held up his coffee cup.
“Merry Christmas, you two,” he said with a wink. “Coffee?”
“Yes, please.” How did the man look so fresh and handsome after so little sleep?
“Cody, has Santa been?” Harry asked.
“Huh, you know what, I don’t know. But there was an empty glass over there by the tree.”
Harry’s squeal cut through the air, and Lexi gave Cody a grateful smile and mouthed “thank you.” It was one thing putting everything out, but she’d forgotten completely about actually drinking the milk or eating the cookies.
He walked a coffee over to her and she took it gratefully, inhaling the strong aroma. “Thanks. Just what I needed.”
Cody looked like he was going to embrace her, but then something passed over his face like he wasn’t sure how to react. She stepped in to him, not waiting for him to initiate contact, palm to his warm chest as she stood on tiptoes to brush a kiss to his cheek.
“Thank you for last night,” she said quietly. “For everything.”
Cody softened again then, his easy smile replacing the faint frown he’d been wearing as his arm slipped around her. He bent then and placed a gentle, sweet kiss to her lips.
“Honestly,” he said, “it was the best night I’ve had in a long time.”
Lexi let go of him when Harry excitedly started asking which presents were his, giggling with excitement as he ripped through paper and triumphantly showed his gifts off. She sat down with her coffee, watching Harry, her heart filled to overflowing as her son zoomed around the room with his new farm toys. But what choked her up was seeing the way he was so eager to show his things to Cody, and the easy way Cody spoke to him and laughed.
For a man determined to keep a wall up, a man who was apparently so happy focusing on work and nothing else, he did a damn good impression of a guy who would make a really, really good dad.
* * *
Later that day, Cody looked around at the table, happy that Lexi had decided to join them. She was sitting beside his father, and Harry was happily sitting between him and Tanner, talking a mile a minute and making him remember just how exciting Christmas had been for him as a kid. It was so easy to forget. He swallowed away a lump of emotion as he realized that Lexi was sitting in his mom’s seat. It hadn’t been hers for more than twelve years now, but still, she would have been sitting there if she’d still been alive.
When he was at work, he lived and breathed it, refusing to think about the past or pain or memories, which was why coming home was always such a shock to him. Everyone else thought it was that he didn’t like ranching life, but after being back this time, he knew it was a façade he couldn’t keep up forever. Ranching was in his blood, and he damn well loved the place. He just didn’t like the way it made him feel sometimes.
Mia called out to him across the table and he grinned as he saw the way her husband, Sam, had his arm slung casually across his sister’s shoulders, even at the table. It was clear they were just as in love now as they’d always been. But it still didn’t make him crave the same life or love; all he saw was the potential for so much heartache, and he preferred situations he could control.
“Can you pass the cranberry sauce?” Mia asked.
Beside her, her Sophia squished turkey in her hands and then stuffed it in her mouth, grinning the entire time.
“Really nice manners, Sophia,” Cody teased.
“That’s my girl,” Mia said, laughing as her daughter ate like she’d never seen food before.
Everyone chatted and filled their plates a second time, their family so rarely all together that they were largely on their best behavior. Even Angelina, who usually looked so out of place when she was home on the ranch, seemed relaxed. Although he’d put money on it they’d be fighting over who got to use the jet first to get home as soon as the day was over.
The sound of a spoon being tapped against glass pulled Cody from his thoughts, and he looked up to see his father standing, one hand on Lexi’s shoulder as he steadied himself. He looked well today, his cheeks full of color and his eyes shining bright, and Cody tried to soak it in, wanting to remember him like that forever.
“I should have said something before we ate,” Walter said, looking around the table and smiling when he met Cody’s eyes. “But I’m an old, sick man so I suppose I can make my own rules.”
They all chuckled, and Walter lifted his glass of wine and gestured at them all before continuing.
“It’s so good to have you all home. I thought the best moment of my life was when Tanner gave up riding those damn bulls, but I think I’ve changed my mind. It’s this, having you all home at Christmas this year.”
Tears shone in his father’s eyes and Cody stamped his jaw shut tight as he fought his own surge of emotion. It was what he hadn’t said that hit him hard. This could be their last Christmas together, and they all knew it. Walter’s doctor hadn’t given him a timeframe specifically, but he had said to make the most of every month, and they all knew the cancer was a ticking time bomb.
“This year, we’re lucky enoug
h to have Lexi with us, and I think it goes without saying how much I like this little lady.” They all laughed then, even Cody, and he met Lexi’s gaze. Her cheeks were flushed a deep pink at being singled out, and he loved the way she glanced sideways, shy and uncomfortable in a way, but his family loved her and he hoped she knew it. “It’s been a privilege to have her and young Harry living on the ranch, and mark my words, she’s the reason I’m not moping around the place feeling sorry for myself. I think she’d give me a good kick up the backside if I started moaning, so we’ve been good for each other.”
Cody stared at her, finding it impossible not to, and wondering if she would have been sitting at this table for another reason entirely if his mom had still been here, if he hadn’t left like the devil was chasing him out of his home state.
“Anyway, enough of hearing this old man speak. It’s just damn good to have my house and table full again.”
They all raised their glasses and sipped wine, the noise level rising again as everyone enjoyed the festivities. Cody talked ranching with his brother for a bit, before moving to sit with Angelina. He’d barely had time to talk to her when she’d arrived, and he wanted to know more about her work—she was usually desperate to talk shop, but when he’d brought it up earlier she’d been quiet about her new ventures and he wanted to know more.
“You looking for an exit already?” he asked.
Angelina shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.” Then she laughed. “You know me too well. Of course I am.”
They sat quietly for a moment before his sister laughed again.
“Don’t you think it’s weird, how those two got the ranching gene and we got the, what? I don’t even know what to call it?” she said.
“The get-the-hell-out-of-dodge-and-make-a-name-for-yourself-in-the-business-world gene,” he said dryly. “That what you were trying to say?”
“Well…” She shrugged before grinning back at him.