by Harper Bliss
Chapter Ten
Jessica glanced into Liz’s eyes, as though all the strength she needed for what she was about to do could be found in the depths of them.
She started by pushing herself up with one arm. Her left side—the intact one—would become visible first. She moved her bra from underneath her and tossed it to the side. Ever so slowly, Jessica started to turn on her side to face Liz, covering her chest as best she could with her arm, still limp from the massage. She stopped when she came eye to eye with Liz, who kept her gaze firmly on Jessica’s face.
Her right side was covered by the arm she held in front of it.
Liz raised her hand and with the lightest touch imaginable, stroked Jessica’s left arm. “You’re so brave,” she said.
It was all Jessica needed to reach the next level of courage. Those words from Liz.
As she turned onto her back, Liz’s hand slipped onto Jessica’s belly, and stayed there. The physical connection between them strengthened Jessica’s resolve. She was doing this. There was no mirror anywhere near her. She wouldn’t even have to see it herself.
Jessica lay on her back, her arms crossed over her chest.
Liz’s hand was warm and comforting on her belly. She’d pushed herself onto an elbow and wore a gentle smile on her lips. She looked deep into Jessica’s eyes. She started moving her hand. Just her fingers really, wiggling them about a bit. One started tracing a circle around her belly button. Jessica’s remaining nipple reacted instantly. It pressed against the flesh of the arm covering her breast.
Then, out of nowhere, or so it seemed to her, she said, “Kiss me, please.”
Liz’s eyes narrowed, then closed, as she brought her face forward and gently placed her lips on Jessica’s. Jessica’s body responded by relaxing into the mattress. Another woman’s lips on hers. It had been too long. She had pushed too many people away. She’d become afraid of everything, of the smallest, most ridiculous things, as well as the delicious pleasure of kissing another person.
Liz removed her hand from Jessica’s belly and brought it to Jessica’s neck, her fingers caressing her jaw. Their tongues slipped into each other’s mouths and, as they did, Jessica lowered her arms. She freed her chest from the cage she had kept it in. Her nipple stiffened more in response.
She threw an arm around Liz’s waist. No matter how good that top looked on her, she wanted to yank it off her. Her other hand she used to draw Liz’s face closer toward hers, to drink more of her in. She tasted so good. She smelled divine. Her flesh felt hard and toned underneath Jessica’s touch. Jessica was getting so carried away, she nearly forgot about how she got here in the first place. Until they broke from their kiss.
She smiled up at Liz and kept her arms where they were, away from her chest.
Liz caressed her cheek. “You set the pace.”
“Seems to me you’re rather good at that, actually,” Jessica replied.
“In that case, I most certainly wouldn’t mind you asking me to kiss you again,” Liz said, her voice low and sexy.
Jessica glanced at Liz’s shoulder line and the strong arms coming out of the sleeves of her T-shirt. She never wanted Liz to wear anything else again. Then she shut down that line of thought because it reminded her too much of how Liz had come to lie next to her in bed, about to kiss her again.
“Kiss me,” Jessica said.
Liz leaned in again and pressed Jessica into the pillow a bit deeper this time. Her body didn’t push all the way down onto Jessica’s, but it was mere millimeters away. The kiss was less exploratory, more brazen. Liz’s fingers cupped Jessica’s jaw with a bit more vigor. This woman wasn’t about to treat her like a delicate doll—the way Jessica had been treating herself.
Jessica brought her hand underneath Liz’s top and reveled in the smooth touch of her skin, before giving in to the urge to take that T-shirt off her. She pushed it upward to make her wishes known. Liz withdrew from the kiss and grinned at her.
“I like the pace you’re setting, Jess,” she said, found some balance, and proceeded to hoist the T-shirt over her head.
Jessica swallowed hard as she came face to face with Liz’s near-naked torso. Bloody hell. What was it she said she did? T-Rex? Jessica wondered if she could sign up to watch from the sidelines while Liz worked on her muscles. Whatever it was she was doing, it was working a charm.
Jessica let her finger drift over Liz’s skin. She explored slowly, letting the sensations wash over her. It was only after a few minutes of doing so, that she realized she had left her right side totally exposed.
But Jessica didn’t stop exploring Liz’s skin with her fingers to cover herself up. Feeling Liz’s soft flesh against hers was so much more powerful than the fear that kept her from showing herself.
Her hand reached Liz’s breast and when she stroked her nipple through the fabric of Liz’s bra, it rose to meet her touch.
“This is going to have to come off, I think,” she said.
“Why don’t you help me with that?” Liz shot her a grin, then maneuvered over Jessica to give her easy access to the clasp of her bra. Jessica unfastened it and guided the bra off Liz’s body.
“There we are,” she said, her gaze drawn to Liz’s breasts. Just like Liz, to Jessica, they looked perfect. Unblemished. Small, tight nipples. A creamy roundness to them she wanted to discover more of. Jessica couldn’t bring herself to touch them. While Liz’s bra had still covered her breasts, it hadn’t been a problem, but now she suddenly felt incapable of bringing her hands to them.
“I used to have beautiful breasts,” Jessica said, without the slightest touch of self-pity in her voice. “I was never one of those women who grew up hating my body.”
“Do you hate your body now?” Liz asked. She shuffled a little closer and lay down on her side, facing Jessica.
“Hate is a strong word.” Jessica sought Liz’s hand and intertwined her fingers with hers. “It just feels so out of balance, which makes it feel not right. Makes me feel not right.”
“You’re still a gorgeous woman,” Liz said. “Take it from me.”
Jessica scoffed.
“You are.” Liz brought her face closer and kissed Jessica on the nose. She planted another soft kiss on her cheek, then found her lips. When they broke from the brief kiss, Liz drew a path along Jessica’s neck, to her ear. “You’re so hot. You turn me on,” she whispered. She kissed Jessica’s neck again. She planted light kisses along the length of it while her words buzzed around Jessica’s head.
You turn me on.
Was it a trick of the trade?
What else could it possibly be?
Liz’s kisses trailed down. She kissed the swell of Jessica’s left breast, then looked at her. “Is this okay?” she asked.
Jessica hesitated. “Give me a second.”
“Of course.” Liz let herself fall onto the bed next to Jessica.
“No, stay where you are. Please. Tell me what you see.”
Liz quirked up her eyebrows, but then followed Jessica’s instructions. She lowered her gaze and looked at Jessica’s chest.
“Tell me,” Jessica whispered.
Liz cleared her throat. “I see a beautiful breast with a terribly erect nipple.” She briefly looked up and smiled at Jessica. “And I see a scar. Like this.” With her finger she drew a half-moon in the air. “Like a smile, actually.”
“How off-putting is it?” Jessica asked. Her arousal levels had dropped and had been replaced by renewed anxiety.
“It’s not off-putting at all, Jess.”
“It’s hardly a turn on, though.”
“It’s who you are now. It’s a testament to what you’ve gone through. Of your survival. It’s powerful that way.” Liz looked at her and cocked her head. “Do you want to see?” She threw in a smile. “Maybe because you’ve been so afraid to look, you’ve blown it out of proportion in your head. I’m telling you, it’s nothing more than a smile-shaped scar, which will fade away more with time.”
Jessica relaxed her neck
. All her muscles appeared to have cramped up again. She’d need another massage if she went through with this. But maybe it was better to do this together with Liz, who didn’t seem squeamish about looking at her scar. Jessica had even asked her a pretty unfair question and Liz had barely batted an eyelid. She needed someone as strong as Liz by her side to get through this.
Jessica nodded.
“I’ll get that hand mirror I saw in the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”
Jessica followed Liz with her gaze. She was only wearing panties. If Jessica hadn’t stopped them, they might be doing much more pleasant things right about now. But how could she even think of that as long as she hadn’t seen herself?
Even though she was nervous, Jessica couldn’t suppress a smile forming on her lips when Liz exited the bathroom.
“What?” Liz asked, obvious glee in her voice.
“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more beautiful woman in my life.” Jessica chuckled to make herself sound a tad less serious, even though she meant every word. “You should be on television.”
Liz chuckled with her. “Have I told you I don’t have a TV? No Netflix subscription. Nothing. I don’t watch television. What would I be doing on it?”
Jessica’s eyes grew wide. “So you have more time for T-Rex.” She gave Liz another once-over, more to stall than anything else. “It really works wonders for you.”
Liz giggled. “It’s called TRX. Total Resistance Exercise.” She hopped onto the bed and put a hand on Jessica’s belly again. “Are you ready for this?”
“I’m still flummoxed by your admission that you don’t watch any television,” Jessica said.
“We can talk about that later all you want,” Liz said. She put the mirror down. “How about you come and lie in my arms and I’ll hold the mirror in front of us?”
Jessica inhaled deeply, then let the air flow from her mouth slowly. “Okay.”
Liz sat up a bit and opened her arms wide.
Jessica pushed herself up. It was strange to not have any form of top on, not even a towel to protect her chest from view. She lay down in Liz’s arms. Her breasts pushed against Jessica’s back.
Before reaching for the mirror, Liz wrapped her arms around Jessica and pressed her lips to her cheek. No more words were needed right now.
She held Jessica until Jessica nodded and glanced at the mirror lying next to them.
Liz reached for it and brought it in front of them.
She held it up to their faces first. In the reflection, she blew Jessica an air kiss. Then she slowly started lowering the mirror. Their faces disappeared from view and Jessica closed her eyes, the way she had become accustomed to when standing in front of a mirror.
“Ready when you are,” Liz said.
Jessica inhaled, then tried to relax into Liz’s body. She opened one eye. The other one opened a sliver regardless of her trying to keep it shut. It made no difference if she looked with one or two eyes, anyway. One blind eye couldn’t hide what she didn’t want to see. Not if she dared to look in the mirror.
She blinked her eyes open properly. She looked above the mirror first, then let her gaze descend. She focused on her left breast, which, for a woman her age, she had always thought, looked very respectable. Then she finally took in the entire picture. The void on the right. The nothingness, broken only by a dark red scar curving upward.
Her throat tightened. Her breast was really gone. She had felt it, this strange emptiness where before there had always been something. She had known every time she padded her right bra cup with a prosthesis when dressing. She had known even more so when she hadn’t dared to look. But now she was looking. The scar didn’t remind Jessica of a smile at all. Or perhaps it did look a little like one of those scary clown smiles. A blotch of red on a white surface. Something that wasn’t supposed to be there. Something disconcerting no matter which way you looked at it.
She brought her hand to just underneath the scar tissue. Let it rest there for a moment. Then she ran a finger over the flatness of her chest, avoiding the scar at first.
All the while, Liz cradled Jessica with her strong arms, and held the mirror perfectly still.
Jessica’s finger crept upward. She ran a fingertip over the outer edge of the scar. It was strangely smooth, but it wasn’t the same smoothness as soft skin—of Liz’s skin she had touched earlier. The texture was different, ridged in places, and as though it was coated with another kind of protective layer, a film of something she wasn’t used to.
This had replaced her breast. It would have to do, at least for now. She could have reconstructive surgery later. Another operation. More scars. They could tattoo on a nipple. Jessica wasn’t sure she wanted anyone to wield a scalpel on her body ever again—as long as her life didn’t depend on it.
“I’ve seen enough,” she said. “For now,” she quickly added because she felt she should.
Liz put the mirror on the bed. “Anytime you need me to hold that mirror, I’ll be there.”
Jessica ignored the make-believe aspect of Liz’s statement. In fact, Liz would be leaving soon. Jessica couldn’t bear the thought of that.
She relaxed into Liz’s arms. She didn’t want to look at her gorgeous face, nor see her perfect breasts, not for a little while.
Liz wrapped her arms around Jessica again. What they had just done together was, in many ways, much more intimate than having sex. How could Liz possibly go now?
“How are you feeling?” she whispered in Jessica’s ear.
“Not very horny.” Jessica chuckled. “Which is a damn shame now that I’ve got you almost naked in my bed.”
“The night is young.” Liz kissed her lightly on the cheek again. “How about I make us some dinner?”
Jessica huffed out some air. If this wasn’t the girlfriend experience, she didn’t know what was. A walk. A cup of coffee. A massage. And now dinner? All in one day.
Jessica freed herself from Liz’s embrace. She looked around for the towel and wrapped it around her chest, then sat in front of Liz on her knees. “Quite honestly, I would love for you to stay a while longer, but I haven’t just slipped into a different dimension. I haven’t forgotten what this is. I know that what I want is not possible.”
“Everything’s possible,” Liz said with a smile that totally belonged on television.
Jessica tilted her head. “I think we both know that’s not true.”
“After what just happened, I’m not just going to go, Jess.” Liz reached out her hand and put it on Jessica’s knee.
“I appreciate that.” Jessica put a hand over Liz’s. “But—”
“But what?” Liz squeezed Jessica’s knee. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
Jessica knitted her brows together. “Then I’d like—” Just in time, before she said anything too outrageous, she swallowed her words.
“Tell me.” Liz scooted closer. “Tell me what you want.”
Jessica waved off her question. “Never mind.”
Liz pushed herself up. She mirrored Jessica’s position and sat in front of her on her knees. “May I hazard a guess?” She took Jessica’s hands in hers.
Jessica couldn’t help but stare at Liz’s chest. By the time she found the resolve to look up again, she could only say, “Yes.”
“I think…” Liz caressed Jessica’s palm with her thumb. “You’d like me to stay through the night.”
Jessica scoffed.
Liz looked her in the eye. “Did I read that so wrong?”
“You’re not a social worker, Liz. I’m very much aware of that.”
“I’m not, but that step you just took… I’m not immune to that. It was a big thing. I want to stay. Of course, I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
“You’re so different than what I’m used to with Laurel,” Jessica said.
“Your entire situation with Laurel was very different.” Liz scooted closer on her knees. “Let’s be clear, I’m not going to look you in the eye and tell you that I
want to stay, solely out of the goodness of my heart. That would be wrong. But I feel things, too. And my gut is telling me to stay.”
Jessica grimaced. “I’m glad we cleared that up.”
“Let’s just start with dinner, shall we?” Liz brought a finger to Jessica’s chin.
Jessica looked into her bright smile. Every fiber of her being wanted to say yes to dinner with Liz.
“I’ll do the cooking, remember?” Liz’s smile transformed into a cocky grin.
“Does that mean you have to get dressed?”
“I can do ‘naked chef’. I guess it’ll depend on the ingredients I’m cooking with.”
“I had a big shopping delivery this morning. There should be something you can work with.”
“Great.” Liz touched her palm to Jessica’s cheek. “What would you normally do for dinner? Do you cook?”
“Sometimes. I used to enjoy cooking because it relaxes me. But, er…” Christ, this was going to make her sound like a spoiled rich girl again. “Well, my father’s chef prepares a lot of my food. I have a freezer full of meals made by him. In fact, since my diagnosis, I haven’t had a free spot in my freezer. My father even suggested I get an extra one to store all the food he’s had prepared for me.”
“That’s so sweet.”
“Maybe in some way.” Jessica waved it off. “Let’s not talk about my father.”
Liz nodded. “So you don’t actually need me to cook. I could just grab something from the freezer and pop it in the microwave.”
“I’ll just have to trust your integrity. And the smells coming from the kitchen.”
“Hey, if anything, I’m a hooker with integrity.” Liz laughed heartily.
Jessica shook her head. She took Liz’s hand in hers and planted a kiss on her palm.
Chapter Eleven
“I had an advertising agency for ten years,” Jessica said. She looked up from her plate, which contained a bunch of ingredients she didn’t even know she had. Pomegranate seeds? She knew they were very trendy these days, but she had no idea how they had appeared on her shopping list. Although it wouldn’t take a lot of sleuthing to find out who had decided Jessica needed pomegranate seeds in her diet. It was probably her stepmother, who loved a fad more than anything else. Jessica stuck her fork into a piece of tuna. “This is delicious by the way. Are you a chef as well as an art historian?”