“It’s not a competition between us to see who will become more famous, Reece.”
“If it were, you’d win, and I’m perfectly okay with that.”
He laughs.
Ronni joins us. “What’s so funny?”
“I didn’t know you were still here.” I say it with a smile, but what I really mean is I wish she were gone.
“Where else would I be?” She pops a shrimp in her mouth.
“Ronni, could you do me a favor and not sit in the front row during the dress rehearsal or live show?”
“Afraid I’ll steal your thunder?” she jokes.
“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, because I truly appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but it felt like there was a gun to my head every time you looked at me today. If you want me to succeed and not make a fool out of you, please, please stay out of my line of sight.”
“We’ll be in back,” Garrett says. “Far behind the audience. With the lights, you shouldn’t even be able to see us.”
I take his hand. “I want to see you.”
“You’re going to do great, Reece.”
Ronni adds, “Play exactly like you just did, and everything will be fine.”
I’m surprised to hear such encouraging words from her. Her ass must really be on the line with this one.
The next few hours go quickly. Dress rehearsal flies by without a hitch. I pray the live show goes the same way. But now, minutes before we go on air, I hear the cast joking around with the audience and the gravity of the situation sinks in.
I’m in the green room with Anderson and the band, watching the feed on the television. I know exactly how things will go from the dress rehearsal. There will be a skit first, then Chris will do his monologue, then another skit, then we’ll go on for the first song. My stomach turns. I probably should have eaten something, but I was too nervous. Why didn’t I ask Garrett to wait back here with me?
“Calm down, Reece,” Jonah says. “I can see you shaking.”
“And you’re not? Aren’t you nervous? This is huge.”
Keith offers me a shot of vodka. I push it away. Cade tells a joke. I don’t laugh. Anderson tries to rub the tension from my neck.
“You’re not the only one,” Darren says. “I’m nervous, too.”
I sit heavily on the couch. “Great, now I’m worrying about you screwing up.”
“You’re all going to be fine,” Anderson says. “You’ve played these two songs a hundred times in the past month and more than a dozen times today. You can play them in your sleep. Trust your muscle memory, your instincts. And if anyone has to pee, do it now.”
The first skit is over. We have about fifteen minutes. I put my earbuds in and listen to a few of my favorite Reckless Alibi songs.
Anderson waves at me. I stash my phone. We’re escorted behind the set. I hear the end of the second skit. Laughter from the audience once again reminds me this is a live television show. There’s commotion and urgency as they go to commercial break and two dozen stagehands change the set from a bedroom to our stage. What if someone puts Jonah’s cymbals in the wrong place or forgets to turn on my amp? Any number of things could go wrong.
A production assistant hands me my guitar. “Now,” someone says and leads us onto the set. The five of us wait in silence as someone else counts us down leading out of the break.
I stand behind the mic and do a quick scan of the audience. I see Garrett. Somehow he’s front and center. He smiles at me and my heartbeat slows. He puts two fingers to his lips, kisses them, and waves them at me. Everything is going to be okay.
I briefly close my eyes as we go live and I hear Chris Pratt say, “Ladies and gentlemen, Reece Mancini.”
Chapter Thirty-seven
Garrett
As I predicted, she was a huge hit. I pull up her Instagram and see she has a few thousand new followers. I’ve never seen someone go from zero to sixty like she has.
I’m excited for her, but rising to fame so quickly can be a shock to the system. I’m still getting used to it, and it took us far longer.
Maddox picked her up from the after-party and took her to breakfast to celebrate. I didn’t protest much. They are best friends, and I’ve come to accept him as part of her life over the past few weeks. We even went on a double date last Wednesday.
I force myself to put down the phone and quit searching her name. Then I close my eyes, despite all the fucking noise in my head, and nod off, short of the sleep I didn’t get last night or the night before.
A knock on my door wakes me. The clock tells me I’ve had six hours of sleep. Good enough. I pull on a shirt to go with my sweatpants and see who’s here.
Brad walks in pushing a stroller, Katie on his heels.
I smile. “Hey. What’s up?”
Brad takes in my tousled hair. “You just wake up? It’s three.”
“The after-party went all night.” I tell them about it while getting a water bottle from the fridge. They knew Reece was going on SNL, but I don’t tell them that Ronni picked her instead of us. I don’t want any animosity. “What brings you to the city on a Sunday?”
“We’re looking at apartments,” Brad says.
I’m shocked. He always seemed so set on staying in Stamford. “You’re moving here?”
“It makes sense now that I’m back with RA and Katie has quit her job.”
I turn to her. “You’re okay with this?”
“I’m sorry I was so difficult during the Florida tour and then after, when we found out about Olivia. I had a totally different vision of what life would be like.” She touches Brad’s arm. “He was meant to play, and I can’t think of a better band than RA. Living in the city would mean less commuting for him which means more time with us.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that, Katie. You and Ella will be able to hang out.”
“She convinced us to check out a few places in the building.”
“Here?” I laugh. “Wouldn’t it be crazy if we all ended up in the same place?”
“Built-in babysitters,” Brad says. “Right, babe?”
She smiles. “Speaking of babysitters, Ella was supposed to watch Olivia for us, but she’s running late. I’d take her with us, but she can be such a distraction, and we really need to focus on picking the right place. Think you could watch her until Ella gets here?”
I look at their sleeping baby. “How hard can it be?”
Brad says to Katie, “We should go now, before he has to eat his words.”
Katie hands me the diaper bag and gives me instructions, like how I shouldn’t put her on the couch or anywhere else where she could roll off. And how not to give her small things she could choke on. “She’s been fed, but she may need to be changed if she wakes up before Ella gets here.”
“If she wakes up I’ll do that airplane thing she likes.”
As soon as they leave, I text Reece to let her know I’m tied up at the apartment and won’t be over until later. She doesn’t text back; she must still be asleep.
I check on Olivia. She hasn’t awakened, so I run to the bathroom, splash water on my face, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I do it all in record time, then race back out to see if she’s moved. Then I sit and stare at her, wondering how parents get anything done. Don’t they just watch their babies sleep all day?
Her lips move and pucker like she’s sucking. Every so often one of her hands twitches. She’s wearing an outfit with a pink guitar on it, and I chuckle thinking how much Katie has come around.
Olivia’s hair is short, thin, and brown. She’s wearing a pink headband with a bow on it. I wonder if Katie puts it on her so people don’t mistake her for a boy. There’s not much chance of that. Olivia is beautiful. I stroke her soft round cheek, then touch her tiny hand. She instinctively grabs onto my finger and doesn’t let go. I sit on the couch next to the stroller and let her hold it.
Thoughts of Reece and me having a kid bombard me. I pull away from Olivia and stand up. Where the h
ell did that come from? I pace the room, keeping an eye on the baby. Am I really thinking what I think I’m thinking? It’s completely off-the-wall ridiculous. I don’t want kids.
Do I?
Olivia cries. I go to her, hoping she won’t be mad that her parents aren’t here. “Hey, Ollie, it’s Uncle Garrett. Remember me?”
She cries harder, and I pick her up. She’s gotten bigger since the last time I held her. I sit and bounce her on my lap until she stops wailing. “See? You’re okay. Did you know you might soon live in a place like this? I’m sure your parents will want you to have your own room, though, so your apartment will be bigger. Thanks, by the way, for letting your dad come back and play with us. It’s super cool of your mom, too.”
She watches my face as I talk. She can’t really understand me, can she? She touches my arm, grasping at my tattoos. “These are only pictures.” I explain some of them to her.
I hear a horrible sound and quickly hold her at arm’s length. “You did not just take a crap.” I take a whiff. “Shit.”
I put her on her back on the area rug and get the diaper bag. Armed with a diaper and wipes, I turn to Olivia to find her three feet from where I left her. “How in the hell did you do that?”
I bring her back to the rug and then think better of it. I race to the bathroom, find an old towel under the sink, and come back and lay it on the floor. I put her on it.
I look at her outfit, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to get it off. There are about a hundred snaps. Do I have to remove the entire thing to change her diaper? I’ll start at her feet and work my way up.
“Jesus, how can a pretty little thing like you smell so bad?”
I free her legs and push the rest of the outfit up to her chin. Then I get a dozen wipes out of the box and spread them next to me. I’ve seen Brad do this. I wish I’d paid closer attention.
She rolls over. “Ollie, you gotta help me out here. You can’t get shit all over my apartment, ’kay?” I put her on her back again. She fusses when I remove the diaper. I freak out when I see the brownish-yellow goo. “What the fuck are they feeding you?”
I breathe through my mouth as I use wipe after wipe, fighting her legs so they don’t get in the shit and smear it all over. Just when I think I’ve accomplished the task, she rolls over again, and I see how much I missed on her back. “At least you’re still on the towel. I’m going to burn it after you leave.”
I clean her up, place her on her back once again, and attempt to figure out the diaper. It takes me four tries and three diapers to get it right. I hold her up triumphantly and examine my success. “It wasn’t that hard.” I look around the room and laugh at the dozens of shit-stained wipes and torn diapers. “Now if I can only figure out how to get you back in your clothes.”
Olivia flails her legs, making it hard for me to get her feet in, and I do a horrible job of snapping it. Relief sets in when there is a knock on the door. “Come in.”
I expect Ella, but it’s Reece. She sees me and Olivia and the mess on the floor. I expect her to laugh, but she rolls her eyes. “This is why you couldn’t come over?”
“They were in a bind. Ella should be here any minute to take over, then we can go to your place.” I hold Olivia out to her. “Can you take her while I clean up?”
“I’ll clean up. You keep her.”
She gets paper towels and a trash bag from the kitchen. While she’s picking things up, I say, “Throw away the towel, too.”
“You can wash it.”
I turn up my nose. “You didn’t see what came out of her. I’m not taking any chances. Plus, it’s an old one. Dump it.”
She puts it in the bag, double ties it, and sets it by the door.
I sit on the couch and tickle Olivia until she laughs. “She’s one cute kid, don’t you think? I mean despite the two tons of shit that just came out of her.”
Reece sits in the chair across from us. “I guess.” She pulls out her phone. “When did you say Ella would be here?”
“Soon. You want to hold her?”
“She seems happy with you.”
“You’re not scared of a baby, are you, Reece? I mean, you’ve held them before, right?”
She shakes her head.
“Never?” I get up and put Olivia in her lap. “It’s easy.”
“Garrett, no.”
“See? She likes you.”
Reece reluctantly looks at Olivia. I see about five hundred emotions cross her face. “Take her back. Please.”
I pick her up. “She won’t break.” I pull a toy from the diaper bag and take her to the couch with me. “You think you might want one of these one day?”
She goes completely ashen. “You want a baby?”
“I don’t know. I never thought I did, but now that I’ve seen Brad and Katie handle it, even on tour, I’m thinking, I don’t know, maybe someday?”
She’s silent for a second. Speechless even. I can’t blame her. “Garrett, I—”
My front door opens. “Knock, knock,” Ella says and comes in. The smile on her face when she sees Olivia says it all—she has major baby fever. She holds out her hands. “Give me that little angel.” She picks her up and smells her head. “Don’t you just love that baby smell?”
I cross to the door and pick up the trash bag. “Excuse me while I get rid of this smell.”
“I’ll have her out of your hair in a minute,” she says. “Thanks for watching her. Come on, sweetie, let’s get your things together.”
I zip down the hall to the garbage chute, drop the bag inside it like it’s a bomb about to go off, and run back.
Ella is pushing Olivia, in her stroller, out of my apartment. I reach down and touch her cheek. “See you later, Ollie.”
When I go back inside, Reece is sitting on the couch holding Olivia’s toy. She has tears in her eyes. Maybe she wants kids someday, too.
~ ~ ~
“Thanks for helping me pack,” Reece says. “This is so different from your tour. We are limited to one large suitcase each since there will be nine of us on the bus plus two drivers and our equipment.” She looks at the piles of clothes on her bed. “I don’t know how it’s all going to fit. It’s a good thing my wardrobe will be sent ahead to each venue.”
I’m not wild about her riding and sleeping on a bus with her band. I don’t trust Jonah as far as I can throw him, but I think I trust Reece. She’s got this new air of confidence about her, yet I know she’s scared as hell inside.
“Did you book your ticket to Winnipeg yet?” she asks.
“Bought it last week.”
“I’m glad we only have to go sixteen days without seeing each other.”
“I’ll be there for three days. I’m not sleeping on the bus, though. I’ll fly us to the next city if I have to.”
She tackles me into the chair in the corner and sits on my lap. “I can’t wait. I miss you already.”
“Do you know the other band you’ll be sharing the bus with?”
“I’ve never heard of them before. Three girls and a dude.”
I chuckle. “Their band name is Three Girls and a Dude?”
Her body shakes on top of me when she laughs. “I forget their name, but it’s three females and one male.”
“Good. It’ll even things out on the bus.”
She squirms in my lap, making me hard, kisses me, then hops up. “Packing now, sex later. All night if you want. I can sleep on the bus.”
“Don’t think I won’t hold you to that.”
“I have to get some things from the bathroom,” she says, grinning. “Can you find my luggage lock in the top drawer?”
She leaves, and I glance around the room. Which top drawer? She has two nightstands and a dresser. I start with the nightstand on the right: condoms, a book, a box of tissues. No luggage lock. I move to the one on the left. When I open the drawer, I see the old composition book she used to write songs in. It’s frayed around the edges and has a circular water stain on the cover. I leaf throu
gh it. Man, this brings back memories.
There are a few songs I don’t recognize. I guess she never put them to music. I stop when I see a song titled “Strong.”
She never did tell me why she got that tattooed on her wrist. I listen for Reece, knowing she might not want me looking through her private things. I hear her shuffling around the bathroom so I sit on her bed and read the lyrics.
Too weak to be strong, too tired to carry on.
A slice of the wrist, a gun to the head.
A cut or a bullet and like you I’d be dead.
Too weak to be strong, too scared to go on.
I look up. Fuck. Did she want to kill herself after I left? I shouldn’t be reading this. Lyrics are incredibly personal, but I have to know if it’s about me.
I was only eighteen, he was following his dream,
we were too young to bring you to life.
I turned away, and him I betrayed,
by becoming another man’s wife.
I read more lyrics about grief consuming her, about wanting to end her life to meet the flesh and blood she destroyed. I try to wrap my mind around it.
As realization dawns, hatred permeates my every pore. I re-read some of the verses, thinking of the scar on her abdomen. We were too young to bring you to life. Like you I’d be dead.
She walks into the bedroom and sees me with her notebook. She runs for it, but I keep it away. I hold it up and yell, “Were you pregnant, Reece? Did you fucking abort my baby?”
Chapter Thirty-eight
Reece
Six years ago …
I stare at the phone after we hang up. I couldn’t face him today. I couldn’t let him look at me, even from ten thousand miles away.
I lied. I didn’t go out with Missy last night, didn’t get drunk. I didn’t have a sip of alcohol.
I cry into my pillow because I know why I threw up. Tuesday came and went. And now it’s Sunday. Garrett’s right, my period comes like clockwork. He’s been gone for two months. At first I thought because I had my period last month—sort of—that it wasn’t possible. But I googled it a few days ago when I started to get nervous. I read that because I’m on the pill, it’s possible to have breakthrough bleeding resembling a period. I also read that certain medications, like antibiotics, can reduce the effectiveness. I had strep throat shortly before he left.
Reckless Reunion (The Reckless Rockstar Series) Page 24