by Jenna Brandt
“All right, what is it?” she asked, even though she knew he was about to make a declaration that had been a long time coming.
“I love you, Margaret. You may not want to hear it, but it is true. I love you, and your refusal to allow yourself to love me in return is the real reason why I am leaving.”
He turned around to leave, and she started to reach out to stop him but refrained. It was better this way. She did not want to give him any false hope.
Instead, she said softly as he opened the door, “I will miss you. I have come to count on you being there, and our friendship means a great deal to me.”
Pierre stood still for a moment but kept his back to her. “It has to me as well, but I know I cannot be around you without wanting more.”
He stepped through the door and shut it behind him without looking back. She stared at it for several seconds without moving.
He was gone. Just like that, Pierre was no longer in her life. It seemed as if those she held most dear disappeared without a moment’s notice. It was as if something came along and wiped away their very existence before she could even take a breath.
Margaret blinked, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. She walked over and sat down in one of the chairs in the entryway.
She was taking in what had just occurred when Jackie barged into the room, saying, “Margaret, you better be ready because….” Her voice trailed off as she saw the tears in Margaret’s eyes. “What? What is the matter?”
“Pierre just came by to inform me that he is leaving for England.”
With an unnerving upbeat tone, Jackie replied, “I know, he came by and told me this afternoon. Why are you crying, you ninny? He is just going over there to lick his wounds. He will be back shortly.”
Margaret shook her head. “No, he told me that he was going to be there indefinitely. He left because of me, Jackie,” Margaret said in a voice riddled with guilt. “I drove him away!”
“He is a grown man, and he needs to learn to deal with rejection. It is a fact of life that he has needed to face for a long time. He needed to learn sooner or later that he is not always going to get what he wants. Anyhow, he will not be able to stay away for long. I know my cousin, and his home has and will always be in France.”
With a deep frown, Margaret looked down at her hands gripped in her lap. “I know, but I am going to miss him.”
“Mon chéri, you are not in love with my cousin, are you?”
Margaret’s eyes snapped up and grew wide with disbelief. “Of course not! It is just that I had not expected him to leave like this.”
But part of her had to admit that, if she had let herself, she could have indeed fallen in love with Pierre.
Jackie grabbed her friend’s arm and pulled her up. “You are just going to have to shrug this off. Pierre will get over all of this, and you will be getting married soon, so do not dwell on his departure. Nothing is ever perfect.”
Margaret had been spending a significant amount of time working with Randall on informing him about his past. Michel understood her need to focus on Randall for the time being, rather than preparations for their wedding. She wanted her brother to be fully himself before she moved forward with any other plans. She was disappointed his memories were not returning as she had anticipated, but remained hopeful they could in the future.
“Randall, are you in here?”
“Yes, I will be right out, Margaret.”
She waited in the sitting room of her brother’s bedroom chambers. It had been a week, and although she and Randall were growing close, she knew that they both wished his memories would return. Without them, it felt as if there was a missing piece to their lives and nothing would be complete without them.
Randall emerged from his bedroom and asked, “What are you doing here, my sister?”
“I was wondering if you would like to go on a ride with me today. I thought we could take a carriage over to the stables and then ride a set of Michel’s horses. It has been far longer than I like between visits.”
“Did we ride often when we lived in England?”
She smiled, saying, “Yes, living in the country, it was a constant pastime.”
“Then I should probably be good at it?”
“You were excellent. Perhaps not as good as me, but no one was in our province.”
“My, my, are we not boastful?” Randall laughed as he jokingly patted his sister on the back.
“No, I am not ‘boastful,’ as you put it. I am self-assured when it comes to horses. They are my area of expertise.”
“I will have to take your word on that since I cannot remember.”
The jest fell flat on Margaret, as she did not like when he joked about his memory loss.
As they rode in the carriage to the stables, Margaret looked out the window of the carriage at the city. It was so full with people constantly coming and going from all the shops and cafés. She was not sure if she would ever get used to all the busyness.
Margaret began to get excited in anticipation as they pulled into the carriage house at the stables. She missed riding, but it was much harder to find time to ride between all her social commitments and spending time with Henry. She planned to bring him to the stables once he was a bit older, but she knew it was not safe yet.
The twins made their way to the stable office. They knew who she was, and she was sure they had already sent a stablehand to start the process for them to ride.
An older man with brown hair peppered with grey was at the front desk. He smiled at her. “Good afternoon, Lady Margaret. I see you have a guest with you this afternoon who is not Lord Robineau.”
Realizing it might seem inappropriate, she quickly said, “This is my brother, Lord Randall Wellesley, the Earl of Renwick.”
“Pleased to make your acquaintance, my lord.” The older man looked down at something at his desk, then added, “There is an additional matter I need to discuss with you, my lady.”
“Yes, of course. What is it?”
“It seems we have a shipment here for you.”
“A shipment? What do you mean?” she asked, flummoxed.
“It seems you have a gift waiting for you. It is located in stall number seven.”
“May I inquire as to what it is?”
“I am sorry, my lady, but there are specific instructions that say you must go there in person. I am to hand you this note that you are to open only after you have seen the gift.”
It must have been an engagement gift from Michel. He knew she loved horses and must have bought her one. What a wonderful man she was marrying.
They arrived at the stall and Margaret meekly opened the door to the stall. She knew better than to go charging into the stall of a horse she did not know.
From out of the shadows appeared the most unexpected surprise. It was Charlie. How could this be?
Charlie moved towards Margaret and nuzzled directly into the hollow of her neck. Margaret wrapped her arms around her most prized mare and started to softly cry.
Randall reached out his hand and supportively placed it on Margaret’s shoulder. “Are you all right? What is going on, Margaret?”
“I just cannot believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“This is my horse, Charlotte’s Pride. I had to leave her behind in England. I thought I would never see her again.”
“How did she get here?”
“I have no idea,” Margaret replied. Then, remembering the letter she had been handed, she pulled it free from her pant pocket.
Margaret gingerly opened the envelope and pulled out the contents.
My dearest Margaret,
I hope this letter finds you well. During my time here in England, I was able to locate Charlie for you. I know how much you miss her, and when I found it possible, I could not resist getting her for you. I hope she brings you much joy and would like you to consider this my engagement gift.
With my undying love,
Pierre
She could not believe it. After several weeks of being away, Pierre was still thinking of her. She had always thought he was only infatuated with her, but this made her wonder if he really did love her. It did not change her mind, as she knew the marquis was her best chance for obtaining a Christian husband who provided security, but it did make her realize that Pierre was a kind man. She truly hoped he would find happiness without her.
“Margaret, who did this for you?”
“Charlie was procured and given to me by Pierre.”
Randall nodded. “That was kind of him. I wished he had stayed in France longer so I could have gotten to know him again.”
Feeling responsible for Pierre’s departure, she said, “It is my fault he left in the way he did. He wanted to court me, and I was not receptive to it.”
“Why not? Nothing against Michel, but would you be happier with Pierre?”
“I care for Pierre greatly but cannot see a future with him. We have different beliefs, and Michel can provide security and protection far above what Pierre can offer.”
“But is compatibility not more important than feeling safe?”
“Not for me. I would give up everything to keep my family safe.”
“What do you mean by that comment? Has something in the past caused you to feel unsafe, Margaret?”
To avoid talking about Catherine or the duke, she replied, “When Father died and I found out the family estate was impoverished, I felt that way.”
“I am sorry you ever felt unsafe. I will make it my goal to never let it happen again.”
“You have always protected me, ever since we were little. Some things never change.”
“When Pierre was here, he mentioned we were close growing up.”
“Yes, he was one of our playmates when we were children, whenever his family visited England. His father and ours started out as business partners and became friends through their projects together.”
“I hate this, Margaret. I feel like my memories are always just out of grasp. I want to remember so badly, but I feel like I am never able to make it happen.”
“Give it time, Randall. It will come with time.”
Rubbing his hand down Charlie’s mane, he said, “I have to say, Pierre seemed like a nice fellow when I re-met him. But even for a good family friend, this seems to be an elaborate gift. If you do not mind me asking, are you sure there is not more than friendship there?”
Margaret looked at her brother with astonishment. He always had an exceptional way of ascertaining what was really going on in a situation just under the surface.
“He thinks he is in love with me.”
“Are you in love with him?”
Margaret adamantly shook her head in denial. “No, I did not let myself. I need someone who sees eye to eye on important aspects of life. I need a man who believes in God the way I do. It was difficult to have him leave under such painful circumstances, but it was for the best.”
“You had not mentioned that you were religious.”
Margaret could hear the disapproving tone in Randall’s voice. She did not like being called “religious,” as it made her think of people constantly forcing their views on everyone around them. Instead, she considered herself a follower of Christ. She believed and would share her views if someone asked, but she never wanted to upset people. She truly believed that, through the way she lived her life, people would see Jesus in her.
She had made the mistake of hiding her spiritual side from Pierre and Jackie. She refused to do it again.
“Yes, Rand,” she admitted, using the nickname she had for him since they were children, “I have recently become a devoted Christian. I try to go to church regularly, and my relationship with God is of the upmost importance to me. I struggle sometimes with living my life according to the Bible, but after accepting the Lord’s offer of salvation, the emptiness I used to feel inside has gone away. It was our father’s dying wish that I find my own way to God. He left me a letter begging me to accept Jesus as my lord and savior. I could let you read it sometime if you would like.”
“Margaret, I appreciate your sentiment, but organized religion and I have never gotten along. It is not to say I do not believe in God, only that I do not feel the need to go to church to prove it.”
She could see that Randall was not receptive to what she was saying, so she opted to change the subject. “I think it is time for us to go riding.”
Brother and sister rode into the fields near the stables, and she was transported back to a time when they were children. It was picturesque, as the wildflowers were in bloom and lay in bunches sprinkled throughout the green meadows.
They laughed as they took turns taking the lead and hopped over puddles and fallen logs. It was nice to have a riding partner again as Michel did not enjoy the equestrian life, being from the city. He kept the majority of his horses as investments and to pull his carriages.
After running full steam, it was time to slow the horses and let them take a break.
Margaret watched her brother, who looked entirely at home atop the stallion he was riding. It was nice to be doing something so relaxing with him. They had spent hours in her home trying to force memories that may never come. She had to accept that just having him back, even without them, was enough.
God, please help me accept my brother as he is and not be saddened by what I cannot change. I find my hope through you, so I ask that you give me peace with how things are right now. You do tell us that we have not because we ask not, so I am asking you, Lord. If it be your will, please bring my brother back to me fully.
“Thank you for suggesting this, Mags. I really needed it.”
Pulling her horse to a stop, Margaret stared at Randall. “Why did you just call me that?”
“Call you what?”
“Mags?”
“I did not realize I had.” He thought about it for a moment, then continued, “I used to call you that when we were little, did I not?”
Margaret put her gloved hand to her chest and asked, “Do you remember calling me that?”
Several seconds passed as Randall concentrated, “Yes, I do remember. I recall going riding with you. Going riding today must be what caused this memory to come back.”
“I cannot believe it. I was just starting to accept that you might never regain your memories and now this happened.”
She realized that it was not luck or anything she did but God answering her prayers. It was His will for Randall to remember his past. She was grateful beyond words.
Chapter 19
Margaret was anxious to see how her brother looked in his formal attire. The dinner for his reintroduction back into aristocratic society was either going to help him gain favor in the right social circles or cause him to not be entirely recognized. She hoped it would be the former and that he would make a splendid splash.
She thought about the last week. Bit by bit, Randall’s memories were coming back to him. He already remembered a great deal, but there were patches in his memory that he had not regained. She was sure they would come in time.
It had been relatively easy to convince everyone that he was her brother. Once he was dressed in the proper clothes with the right haircut, it was obvious that he was her twin.
Jackie had stopped spending time with other men, including Monte, and focused her attention on Randall. She was smitten with him, and he seemed to be intrigued by her. It was going to be interesting to see what came of that situation.
“Can I come in, Randall?”
“Yes, I am still finishing getting ready.” Margaret entered her brother’s dressing room as he said, “You know, it still takes getting used to being called that.”
He finished adjusting his vest in the mirror, and then turned around to face Margaret. He lifted his glass of brandy to his lips and took a swig.
She smirked. “Really, well, I cannot even imagine calling you ‘Pepe.’ Why ever did you pick that ridiculous name?”
Randa
ll shrugged. “I have no idea. I got tired of not having a name, and everyone calling me ‘boy’ all the time, so one night when I was drunk—”
She interrupted him. “You were getting drunk even back then?”
“Once a lush, always a lush, my dear. Anyway, as I was saying, I was dancing with a… woman and she asked me my name. So, I told her I did not have one and asked her what she would like to call me. She said she was always partial to the name ‘Pepe,’ and there you have it.”
She shook her head. “One day a woman is going to be your downfall.”
Just at that moment, Jackie knocked at the door, asking, “May I enter?”
Randall and Margaret both burst out in laughter as Randall stammered, “Come in.”
Jackie entered the room with a frown on her face. In irritated confusion, she asked, “What are you laughing about?”
He looked from Jackie to his sister and said pointedly, “Perhaps you are right.”
Margaret replied to Jackie, “Nothing.”
Randall walked over to Jackie and took her hand. He kissed the top of it and said, “You look incredibly lovely tonight, Jacquelyn.” He insisted on calling her by her full first name, and surprisingly, she liked it.
Jackie blushed like a young schoolgirl, and Margaret raised an eyebrow in amazement. She had never seen her friend blush before. Jackie must be really taken with her brother to react that way.
“Thank you, Randy,” Jackie replied. Margaret waited for her brother to correct her, but he did not. He had always hated it when people shortened his name, and he still did. Albert had called him Randy, as the servant had when he was a little boy, and Randall told him not to do it again.