by Rachel Grant
“Why would they do this?” Ava asked.
“They’re afraid if too many counterprotesters show up, they won’t be able to use the rallies to recruit more members,” Josh said. He reached out and squeezed the girl’s hand. “By posting our address, they’re trying to scare me off. Stop the training sessions at the gym.” He turned back to the monitor. “I need to contact the police. Seattle has a registry for people in danger of swatting attacks, but I don’t think Portland does. It’s time to change that.”
“Swatting?” Ava asked. “Is that when people call the police to report fake crimes so SWAT teams will be called in?”
“Yeah. It’s basically attempted murder, but getting the cops to pull the trigger,” Owen said.
Josh ran a hand over his face. “Ava, you’re going to need to come with us to R&R on Thursday. I can’t leave you here alone.”
“I don’t need a babysitter.”
“This isn’t about you. It’s about them.” Josh pointed to the computer screen.
“But I have plans with Marcus on Friday. I haven’t been able to see him all summer, and we were going to the lake with Casey and the others.”
“I’m sorry, Ava. It’s too dangerous.”
Maddie put her hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Ava can stay with me.”
“Aren’t you going to the Painted Hills?” Josh asked.
“I’m going to the visitor center on Thursday. I’ll be gone all day but home that night.”
“Troy Kocher might know where you live. And he knows you’re associated with me. Ava might not be safe alone at your house either.”
“Then she can come with me to the Painted Hills, and Friday, I can drop her at the lake with her friends.” She glanced at Ava, who clearly wasn’t sure if she liked this idea but wasn’t ready to shoot it down either. “If you haven’t been there, the Thomas Condon Paleontology and Visitor Center has some great exhibits. You can explore while I work.”
“Sounds boring,” Ava sighed. “It’s just a bunch of old rocks.”
“You can learn about hell pigs,” Maddie said.
“What are hell pigs?”
“Come with me, and you’ll find out.”
Ava looked from Maddie to Josh. “I don’t know.”
“It’s either go with Maddie, or come with us to R&R.”
Ava pursed her lips. Finally, she huffed out a sigh and said, “Fine. I’ll go see the old rocks.”
Josh cleared his throat and fixed Ava with a stare.
Ava wrinkled her nose, then offered Maddie a smile that might even be genuine. “Thank you. For the offer.”
Maddie smiled. Thursday alone with Ava was bound to be interesting.
Josh hung up the phone after speaking to an officer with the Portland Police Bureau. Alerts would go out informing officers that any 911 calls that indicated violence at his address were to be handled with caution—phone calls would be made to Josh and Ava first to confirm the report. Officers sent to the scene would be informed of the likelihood of it being a false alarm.
He left the office to find Maddie watching TV with Owen and Ava. She smiled when he stepped into the room, and his heart squeezed. It was crazy, this attraction. And the timing was terrible.
In theory, he barely knew her, but they’d spent hours on the phone in the two weeks since they’d met, and he felt like he knew her. Like he’d known her forever. Plus, she was a Pacific Northwester—had grown up in the same state he had, graduating from high school two years after he did. She felt familiar to him. They had a similar history, even though they’d never met.
She rose from the couch. “All set?”
He nodded. “The police chief was personally informed, and she’s taking the situation seriously.” He smiled. “The irony of being in the high-end private security business and having to turn to the police for this.”
“It’s because of me, isn’t it, Uncle Josh?”
He couldn’t deny Ava’s question, much as he wanted to. If he were the only one at risk, he’d contact the police, but it would be handled differently. He should have considered her safety when he signed on to train the volunteers. When he’d calculated what he was risking, he hadn’t factored in Ava. So much for putting her first. He was a failure as a father.
He’d quit now if it wasn’t too late.
And it sucked that Voigt Forum was counting on that reaction. Not only to scare him away, but to discourage others from stepping into his place.
His hand curled into a fist. “I won’t let anyone hurt you, Ladybug.”
Her mom had started calling her that when she was one and wore a ladybug raincoat and boots to play in the rain. Josh had picked it up, and it had been her nickname for years, but he realized when the name slipped out that he hadn’t called her that since he’d moved to Portland.
He knelt in front of her. “And I won’t send you to live with anyone else. Ever. I promise.”
Ava swiped at her cheek. “’Kay.”
“But I need you to help me out. I will need to know where you are at all times—not because I don’t trust you, but because it’s the only way to protect you. I’m going to put a tracker in your purse. You are not under surveillance. You understand?”
She nodded, and he kissed her forehead. “We’ll talk more in a bit. Right now, I need to walk Maddie out.”
Ava nodded and Josh rose.
Maddie stood as well. “I’ll pick you up Thursday morning at seven,” she said to Ava.
Ava groaned. “It’s summer vacation. I should get to sleep in.” But it was a good-natured grumble.
Josh followed Maddie out the door and down the front walk to the driveway. When she would have paused by her car, he placed a hand on her hip and pulled her into the shadows next to the garage. “Thank you for taking Ava on Thursday and letting her stay with you through Saturday. She hasn’t been able to see her friends much this summer, and she needs that connection.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I can help.”
“I think she’ll be nicer than she was at the start tonight.”
She placed a hand on his cheek, her fingers stroking the stubble on his jaw, and he leaned in to the touch. “It’s fine if she’s not. I can take it. There’s nothing Ava can say that would hurt me. I know what she’s gone through and that it’s not really personal.”
“But still, don’t let her get away with being a brat. She’s better than that.”
“Deal.”
She continued stroking his jaw, and he felt all sorts of things he shouldn’t be feeling when he had so much on his plate.
“Josh? Owen is on the right path and you’re doing great with Ava. But you’re forgetting someone. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself too, okay?”
He held her gaze, his stomach tight. “That’s a luxury I can’t afford.”
“But you need to. Listen, on Thursday, when Owen is busy with R&R paperwork or whatever, grab a kayak and paddle to the center of the lake, and then…just breathe. Or fish. Or whatever relaxes you. Just promise me you’ll give yourself some silence. Take a time out.”
He’d mentioned to her how much he loved being out on the water during one of their phone calls. Now he closed his eyes and imagined what she described and slowly nodded. “Deal,” he said, echoing her. He cupped her face in his hands. “There’s something else I want to do. And it’s very, very selfish.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that?”
He lowered his head and took her mouth with his, his tongue diving deep as she gripped his shoulders and kissed him back, her response just as fierce as his kiss. He pressed her to the side of the garage, his hand on her neck as his other found her breast.
She threaded her fingers though his hair, her mouth nipping his lips, her tongue meeting his as she made the sounds he imagined late at night as he stroked himself. Now he pressed his erection to her belly, and her hand left his hair to slide between their bodies and caress him.
Layers of clothing separated them, but it didn’t matter. H
er touch triggered the best kind of ache. “I want to be deep inside you,” he whispered. “To make you scream as you come. To lick every part of you.”
She bit his earlobe. “That doesn’t sound selfish at all.”
“Oh, but it is. I want you splayed on my bed and utterly abandoned to my touch. All mine.”
“You’re killing me, Warner.”
“I think about you,” he continued, “as I slide my hand down my cock and imagine how you’d feel. How you’d look when I make you come with my mouth. If I could do one thing that was selfish, just for me, it would be you.”
She gave a husky laugh. “Your kind of selfish sounds amazing.” She kissed him, then pulled back as far as the wall at her back would allow, which was only about a half an inch. “It’s a shame we can’t get involved right now.”
“A damn shame,” he said, his mouth on her neck, pressing openmouthed kisses on her smooth skin, trying to get his raging lust under control.
“So, when are we going to not see each other again?”
He smiled against her neck and took a deep breath, trying to make sense of their schedules for the next few days while the ache in his balls tried to eclipse rational thought. “Saturday night. I’ll take you out to dinner after you deliver Ava home. A thank-you for helping out.”
“Okay. It’s not a date, then.”
He stepped back and brushed his hands down her clothes, straightening the top where it had ridden up thanks to his groping hands. He threaded his fingers through hers and led her back to her car. He paused and cupped her face, brushing his thumb over her lips—full and lush from his kisses—and his brain went straight to wondering how swollen her other lips might be. He pressed his mouth to hers one more time. This time, he was gentle, mouth closed, an almost proper good-night. “Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”
“Will do.”
He stood in the driveway, watching as her taillights disappeared into the darkness. Teasing aside, he had no idea how he was going to balance this thing that was definitely happening with Maddie and the rest of his responsibilities. Wanting her was selfish and wrong. But he wasn’t even going to pretend to fight it anymore.
9
Ava slept for the first hour of the drive as they left Portland and headed east. Maddie listened to Morning Edition to keep herself entertained. The rally in Portland eleven days ago might have faded from national news, but the local affiliates were still covering the story as the city braced for another rally in ten days. Portland’s police chief was interviewed, and she spoke at length about the rising number of what were essentially planned brawls breaking out in parts of the city.
The factions involved were usually some form of white supremacist group versus another group aligned to defend against fascism, but the anarchists never wanted to be left out. When questioned as to whether or not the Raptor/Bond Ironworks-sponsored group was involved in the brawls that plagued the city, the police chief stated she’d spoken with Josh Warner, Arthur Bond, and Raptor’s CEO, Keith Hatcher, and been assured that the newly formed group’s only goal was to provide security for people who protested the increasingly active white supremacist movement in the Portland area. They would not in any way engage in brawls with the White Patriots, KKK, or other groups. Their goal was simply to show up and make it a safer place for other people to show their opposition to the racist rallies that were occurring with alarming frequency.
The Raptor-Bond Alliance, as the news was now calling it, was created on the simple hope that with safety, more would show up and demonstrate to the white supremacists in the region that they were far outnumbered.
They played portions of an interview with Josh and Keith. When asked if Raptor’s owner, Maryland Senator Alec Ravissant, supported the volunteer project, Keith stated that Ravissant was pleased with Josh’s initiative and reminded the interviewer of the counterprotest the senator had attended last October.
“Senator Ravissant,” Keith continued, “is a firm believer in free speech and understands that cities like Portland must issue permits that make the events possible, but he also believes firmly in the right to oppose hate groups like the White Patriots, and the only way to send a message is to let them know they’re outnumbered.”
“Keep in mind,” Josh said, picking up the thread of the interview, “these rallies aren’t harmless free speech exercises. They are about recruitment, more soldiers for their white army. The next step is arming and training, and then armed conflict. They want nothing less than for white people to use violence to—in their words—‘take back’ our country from Black Americans, from Native Americans, from Asians and brown people. From Jewish people like myself. They say they’re concerned about immigration and they just want to stop more brown people from coming in—reprehensible enough, but that’s their slippery slope. They want nothing less than eradication. The fundamental goals of the White Power movement haven’t changed since the founders of the movement returned from Vietnam and began organizing.
“It hasn’t changed since Oklahoma City—which McVeigh had hoped would be the signal to start the next war. Read the manifestos, listen to the scholars who’ve been studying the movement for decades. This current group is simply following the old playbook. What we’re doing is the first line of defense, to try to halt recruitment in their tracks. Let them know we see them and won’t stand idly by and politely let them use our parks and streets to recruit for their army of hate.
“Plus,” Josh continued, “there’s a darker side that goes hand in hand with these rallies, which is using the gatherings—and the brawls that the police chief mentioned—to further accelerationist goals.”
“Could you define ‘accelerationist’ for our listeners who are unfamiliar with the term?” the interviewer asked.
“Accelerationism relies on the idea that Western governments are irreparably corrupt. Some white supremacists believe the best thing they can do is accelerate their demise by sowing chaos. You’ll find accelerationist ideas cited in manifestos written by mass shooters and referenced in white supremacist chat rooms. Accelerationist literature is frequently found in the browsing history of white men who’ve committed random acts of violence. This isn’t confined to the US by any means. The shooter in New Zealand specifically cited accelerationist ideology.”
“Uncle Josh is really smart.”
Maddie startled and pressed her hand to her heart. “I didn’t realize you were awake.” She returned her hand to the steering wheel and kept her gaze on the road as she added, “And yes, your uncle is very smart. He’s been researching the White Power movement for some time.”
“I’m scared for him,” Ava whispered.
The NPR interview ended, and Maddie turned off the radio. “These are scary people.” She searched for reassuring words, but the truth was, Maddie was scared too. Doxing and the risk of swatting was nothing to wave away. “But one thing your uncle knows is how to protect himself and others. I heard a rumor he got medals for that kind of thing when he was a SEAL.”
“He doesn’t talk about being a SEAL with me.”
“I don’t think he can talk about the missions. They’re probably classified.”
“Yeah. I guess.” Maddie felt the girl’s gaze as she shifted in her seat. “What’s up with you two? Are you dating or just sleeping together?”
Maddie took a deep breath. The first question was reasonable, the second she suspected was intended to trigger a reaction. “We’re not sure where this is going but agree it was bad timing for us to meet.”
“So you’re just fucking him.”
She gripped the steering wheel and studied the white lines on the two-lane highway. This was a seventeen-year-old girl who probably knew little of sex or love or dating and who very much wanted to put Maddie in her place. “Whether your uncle and I are sleeping together or not is really none of your business. Just as your sex life is none of mine.”
“I don’t have a sex life. I’m not a slut.”
“
Honey, having sex doesn’t make you a slut. Having sex with ten people doesn’t make you a slut. Because there is no such thing as a slut. Slut shaming is a construct meant to control women and their bodies. Men are not condemned for the same act. It goes both ways, or it’s not a thing. If it’s wrong for a woman to have sex, it’s wrong for a man too.”
“Men don’t get pregnant.”
“Men cause one hundred percent of pregnancies. Every single unwanted pregnancy was the result of male ejaculation. It is literally impossible to accidently get pregnant without a penis being involved.”
“Artificial insemination—”
“I said accidently. No one gets pregnant accidently through artificial insemination. And even with in vitro pregnancies, a guy ejaculated at some point.”
“My dad says women who have sex before marriage are sluts, and my mom wasn’t a slut.”
“Your mom made her own decision about her body and her relationship, and you can honor that, but your dad is flat-out wrong about the rest. Did your dad have sex before he married your mom?”
“He never said.”
“And he didn’t because he knew it invalidated his entire argument because it would make him a slut.” She sighed. “Listen, sex is not something to be taken lightly—unless you’re on good emotional ground and can handle a light relationship. You’re young, and the last few years have been horrible. This would be a terrible time for you to wade into the physical aspects of relationships. But when you’re ready, when you know who you are and can continue to be that person even after physical intimacy—because sex changes relationships, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise—then it can be wonderful, whether you’re in a committed relationship or just fooling around. But it’s your body. Your call.”