There was rarely a time when a situation presented itself that threw him into a quandary about his response or the expected response of someone else. He had honed his thinking to include allowing the client or patient to work things out for themselves with little more than encouragement and suggestive prompts from him. He listened intently before responding and it was that attention to detail that built confidence in his clients and his colleagues that if Ethan had faith in their ability, so did they. It was well-known and accepted that if Ethan made a statement of support or disapproval of a situation, it was because he had put some time into that decision.
He sensed Amara was young and had no training in slowing her responses to allow for that process time. He could teach her, wanted to mold her to use her obvious talents without sapping her own energies too much or too often. She was opinionated and likely impulsive, that much he could see. With that, and the fight she had evidently put up in the intake center, she would need to be controlled by someone—or someones—first, so that she could learn that same control in her own life. He felt his cock and his mind jump in excitement to share that with her. To learn about her, possibly to work, and maybe even to love her was something that had his heart racing. For some unknown reason, her very being was calling to him.
He agreed with Finn and Wilder that a woman needed more than one protector in the world, as it had become more dangerous on as many levels as it had become safer. He also agreed that working alongside her would have its own intrinsic advantages. One of those benefits would be that he could see her throughout the day if she were at the Center or at Restoration House. But he also understood if they found a woman, she would find a way to burrow past his outer shell and through his gray area and take up residence where his passions lay. And it was this that gave him pause.
Ethan was like his partners, not wanting to open himself up to pain and heartache but knowing that if he didn’t make himself vulnerable, he could never be in the position to reap the advantages of that deep, abiding love he longed to experience. He thought they’d found that with Karen, who accepted them as a foursome—she with Finn, Wilder, and himself as her lovers, her protectors and her colleagues. Unfortunately, Karen soon began to show signs of discontent and restlessness. Those behavior markers were occasional in the beginning and slowly increased until it was obvious to all of them that she was no longer happy in their arrangement.
Not wanting to keep anyone in their little group who was not happy because it grew the unease and discontent of everyone, they encouraged her to find her own happiness. In the process she had taken theirs, but they had been aware of her need to leave long before she left so the pain was a slow build and not unexpected. The loss was still dramatic, and the men wandered around in various stages of devastation for quite a while.
Ethan tuned into the conversation that Finn had started with Amara as they sat around the corner table in the large multipurpose room. He still paid attention to the dialog her body was having and compared it to the words she was speaking.
“Amara, I’m Dr. Finley Berg, but people call me Finn. I rarely answer to Finley.” Finn made a comical grimace as he reached out his hand to shake hers. The corner of her lips twitched. Good call, Finn. Finn waved his free hand in his companion’s direction. “And this is my colleague Dr. Ethan Glasman.”
Ethan reached out his hand and noted how cold her fingers were. A sure sign of anxiety and uncertainty. That was real emotion. He imagined she felt raw, exposed, and with the upcoming physical, he expected she felt vulnerable on all levels. Her grip was strong, though clammy, when he clasped her hand in greeting. She licked her lips and after looking him in the eye, she dropped hers briefly, sucking in air and blowing it out before returning to stare at him. He could see she wanted to challenge him and yet, held back. He gentled his demeanor.
“Hello Amara, it’s nice to meet you.” He’d held her hand with slight pressure, which he increased when she tried to remove hers too quickly. His show of concern was questioned; he could see it in her face. His show of the hierarchy of dominance, she seemed to accept mutely. He smiled before lessening the pressure and allowing her to remove her hand, which she did so hesitantly. “I understand you’re not from this area of the world.”
“Why would you say that?” she asked suspiciously.
“Your accent, your turn of phrase, and because you were transferred to our center from the immigration intake center.” He expected that his mention of the intake center would elicit a telling response and he was not disappointed. Amara stiffened and leaned away from them.
Her lip curled into a snarl but even that was done with a modicum of grace. “Yes well, that experience was not one to repeat.” Her arms slid around her belly and tightened as though calming an ache. “No one should go there.”
Ethan nodded. “I’ve worked with clients who come from the immigration center while they transition and integrate into living in this part of the world. It’s a process called assimilation, and most people do well. However, there are some, unfortunately, that do not have the welcoming experience we intend. For those few who have already been abused or are more vulnerable for one reason or another, usually women, the experience is not a good one. I imagine your encounter falls into that category.”
“Yes, my experience absolutely falls into that category.”
As they spoke Ethan saw her mannerisms relax and her eyes soften as though she did not feel threatened by them. Good, because he was absolutely attracted to her intelligence, her articulation, and her need for protection.
Finn spoke. “I’m the security analyst and all-around techie here, Amara, and I understand you have concerns for your safety. What areas concern you specifically?”
Amara shrugged. “I’d like to say every area, but I know that’s not distinct enough. Without going into detail, I have come from a bad situation where I was vulnerable in every way.” Her voice hardened, and she seemed to look right through Finn as she spoke to him. Ethan knew she wasn’t responding to Finn particularly, but her memories of what she had experienced. “I was safe all the time I was growing up and then several months ago I was no longer safe. I’m worried that I’m going to be found and forced to complete what the monsters began.” And to underscore her fears she looked toward the door and her eyes darted around the room before returning to Finn.
Finn reached out his hand to touch her arm and Ethan saw her tremble. He felt an irrational pride in a woman he had just met as he watched her hold steady despite her concerns. He found himself wanting to praise her and had to bite back the words good girl.
“Ethan will be talking to you and the other women later about all of that history and how to help you get past it. He’ll help you to lead a productive life with as little fear as possible, but I can help today by showing you some of the ways that we keep you safe.”
Amara’s relief was palpable. “Would you? That would help me so much and I’ll be able to reassure the other women who have the same concerns. Could we do it now?”
“Sure.” She and Finn stood to follow through on the offer when Wilder returned. Amara’s small nervous smile immediately disappeared.
Ethan touched her as though he had no other recourse. She called to him. Finn reached out as well, reassuring her with his physical contact. She stiffened and then relaxed. She didn’t seem to feel threatened by the fact that she was flanked by both men as though they needed to protect her from Wilder. Nothing was further from the truth. Ethan had seen the good doctor almost annihilate a low life who had laid his hands roughly on Karen. It’d taken both he and Finn to pull him off the stupid man. Ethan had no doubts after that encounter that the sleaze who had dared touch their woman would have second or third thoughts before he did it to another.
Wilder stopped before coming too close to the group and smiled as he reached his hand out in invitation. “I promise I’ll do everything I can not to cause anyone any more pain, including you. We want to help you. I would like to ask you to soothe the
fears of the other women during my exam, like you’ve done already.” Wilder nodded encouragement to Amara as he kept his hand extended.
“I promise it’s okay, honey.” Ethan held his breath as he watched her make the decision and take the first step in Wilder’s direction.
“My job is to keep you safe, but it’s not just my job. We all want to protect you, every one of you. I know whatever happened to get you here makes you leery of trusting anyone, but I promise, you aren’t going to be harmed anymore.” Finn stroked her arm and then slid his hand to the small of her back in his own encouragement for her to step forward. She did.
When she reached Wilder, she slid her hand into his offered one and he drew her closer to him with a smile. “Good girl. Now, help me decide who is the bravest or least likely to freak out, besides you, to start off the exams.”
Chapter 6
Amara
Amara couldn’t believe that the men she’d just met and spoken to were the protectors in her dreams. She wondered why the dark-headed woman wasn’t with them, but maybe she was at home. There was no recognition in their eyes, so they probably didn’t dream about her. She must find the woman. She’d have to get their names because the doctor at the first center had said he would take her home. Amara overheard something about his wife. Maybe she was the one who spoke to her. If possible, she was even more confused about the events in her life than she was when she went from the cave on her island to here. Only time would tell what it all meant. For now, she needed to help one of the men who would be significant to her in some way.
Amara wasn’t sure about standing in the room when the doctor examined the other women. Her whole exam would have consisted of a full body scan in her world, her time. This was invasive, embarrassing, primitive, and oh, damn, her eyes were stinging, and her nose was tingling. She had to get a grip on not only their pain but her own.
Once Dr. Corsini made the suggestion to comfort the abused women, she almost had no choice. The panic in the women’s eyes and the desperate screaming through their brain caused her to follow the first woman into the exam room. She was just as trepidatious as the woman who was being treated partly because it was an unknown to her as well. She had not had one good experience since she was captured and forced into the training nicknamed ‘Mating for Mankind’. While these three men appeared genuine, she was automatically suspicious of their motives. She sensed their sincerity, but could she trust her own instincts?
She could feel the abused patients’ fear; it was tangible. Understanding where it came from, she didn’t have the heart to refuse them her intuitive comfort. The pain and core deep fear that she absorbed from the women was, at times, debilitating. Her own fears were hard enough to control, when her tortured thoughts and abject terror surrounded her, she almost couldn’t bear it. It was a strain, even now when she knew these three men were different from those she had recently escaped. They were like her cousins, kind, protective, loving, controlling.
At one point, Wilder had stopped the second exam. “Amara, this is too hard on you, especially since you were hurt as well.” When she opened her mouth to dispute her physical well-being, he warned, “And do not deny it again. I should never have put you in that position. Go to Finn. I know Ethan is working with the other women right now, but Finn can show you whatever you want to see to prove you’re safe.”
His concern and firmness melted some of the thick ice she had packed around her heart. She waved away his concerns with a flip of her hand. “Don’t worry. I’m fine. I can do this.” She took another deep cleansing breath and released it slowly. “I’ve been surrounded with so much pain in the last months, I haven’t renewed completely yet. I can do this. I need to do this.”
He gave her a hard, assessing look. She could feel his mind processing worry, concern and something else. A softer emotion. No, she wouldn’t follow that thread. She pulled back and sent him an entreating look. He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded.
“All right, but if I think you have had enough, there is no discussion. You will accept it and go to Finn. You’ll have to promise me before you start again.” The signals she received mentally and visually told her he meant what he said.
“Understood.”
“Good girl. Ready to continue?” At her nod, he led them back to the worried woman and Amara immediately began to address the woman’s concerns.
Hearing Wilder’s good girl for the second time gave her an irrational sense of pride. The warmth of his murmured words of praise, his approval of her actions was his acknowledgement of the difficulty of the act. It was as though he understood how challenging it had been for her to walk to him. Then how hard it was to walk away. Trusting seemed natural with these men but she knew what too much trust could do. It could take your soul if you weren’t diligent. She would never make that mistake again, but oh how she longed to let go and give her burden to another. She was so very tired.
Amara watched carefully, searching for a reason to stop these primitive medical exams but there was none. Wilder was kind, soft-spoken, and respectful in everything he did. He kept a quiet conversation going as he discussed the wounds, both old and new, that he saw on the female bodies. He talked about their health, asking about personal violations of a sexual manner. His tone never changed, his inflection stayed even and calm throughout. She saw him hesitate as he explained tearing in a woman’s most private areas but he did so in a matter-of-fact way, never making eye contact during the delicate part of the examination.
One by one he addressed the concerns he had, listened to the women’s explanations, and he offered recommendations to make the situation better. Amara respected him even more when he never hesitated to offer pain medication, soothing balms and remedies for their aches and pains. He didn’t ask questions that implied he was concerned with drug use. He never once suggested that they had asked or earned maltreatment or subjected themselves willingly to the abuse.
As she had with Finn and Ethan, Amara felt herself drawn to Wilder just by his manner and the gentleness of his ways. She sensed a strongly opinionated man, however, as he examined the women. His emotions warred within him, and she sensed he had to work at controlling them at times. She also discerned he would be a formidable opponent if crossed. In fact, all three men had a distinctively profound protective streak that nearly vibrated through the air when she was with them. These men had the capacity for deep love and powerful passions couched in a strong protective shell that any woman would cherish if she were the object of that love.
At an earlier point in her life, she thought she’d have been able to enjoy something so all-consuming. After what she had experienced on her island, she wondered if she would ever find the right man or, in this case, men. She didn’t want to deny, nor could she successfully ignore, her attraction to all three men. In her time, plural coupling was not unusual, but in this time, she had no idea how they would view it. What she wouldn’t do to have that type of connection.
For now, she had work to do. By some strange phenomenon, fate had allowed her to return to an earlier time where she could try to stop what had happened on her island. If she were lucky it would be enough. Amara now knew the year was 2051 and she would be born in one hundred years. All this happened for a reason. She had a purpose and a direction. It might be possible to change the thinking now, hoping to eliminate the horrors of the future for both men and women. She wasn’t a leader in the truest sense, so how she would accomplish her task was a mystery.
This era was a confusing one for Amara. She knew her history, had read that after the war, the world went off track for a while. There was plenty of technology, but she saw that it was still predominately singular usage. Artificial Intelligence was more developed in her time. Possibly these were the early years of high technology, the learning period, when people spent many hours with their faces attached to the gadgets in which they accessed information. In her own time, the thrill was gone, the usage was more accepted and needed less personal interaction.
Amara had found herself speaking as though things were automated. Evidently that was true to a lesser degree. She looked over at Wilder Corsini as he dictated notes at a desk in a small office. He stopped to look up at Amara, his smile encouraging. He pointed towards the bathroom just off the exam room.
“Okay, you’re next sweetheart. You want one of the women to come in with you?”
“No. But I am a little nervous.”
“Well you’re a lot calmer than the descriptions that were given to me before I got here so I don’t think you’re going to have any trouble.”
“Maybe, but it’s all so invasive, embarrassing.” She looked at the floor and could feel the heat rush across her cheeks to punctuate her statement.
“I know and you’re right but it’s something that I have to do, and you need me to do it. Even if you haven’t been sexually violated as these other women have, I can see by your movements that you’re in pain. You’ve experienced violence in a physical as well as a psychological way. I can’t do much for your psyche, that’s Ethan’s gig, but I can help to heal the physical wounds. Do you want me to turn the camera on so there are eyes on what goes on in here?”
Amara shook her head. “No, I trust you as much as I’m able to right now. And I don’t want anybody to be able to go back and look at me in that way.” Amara sensed deep compassion and a longing in Wilder that encouraged her.
“Understood. So, empty your bladder into this cup. I’ll try to be as noninvasive as I can, sweetheart.”
Amara knew, intrinsically, he would keep his word and when he called her sweetheart, she melted inside. True, it was familiar, and she should reject it, revolt against it, but she wouldn’t. This was one of the men who, unbeknownst to him, kept her sane and focused. She understood he was taking a personal interest in her well-being. When she returned from relieving herself and putting on the cloth gown, she found another female in the room, an old warhorse of a woman.
Captured Desire Page 6