Oh, God!
He was pretty sure he shouted at the first onslaught, the moment the warmth of Gavin’s mouth surrounded him. He pushed up, unable to control the eager thrust of his hips. Gavin withdrew a bit, pressing a restraining hand down on his stomach, and he gripped the comforter beneath him, holding it desperately as he fought to keep still.
Gavin’s hand joined the effort, gripping the base of Derrick’s cock as his mouth worked up and down the shaft. Derrick saw sparkles behind his eyelids. The scope of his awareness narrowed until all that remained were heat and suction and pressure. The strokes of Gavin’s tongue worked their way around the head of his cock. Insensible words mingled with his gasps, but he had no idea which ones. He panted until he was dizzy with it, twisting his hands in the covers, wrestling against them as much as clinging to them.
The aching pressure grew tighter, heavier. He chased it and shrank from it in turns. He wanted the thunderous orgasm he knew was building and he wanted it never to end. Then it was upon him; it surged from his balls along his cock and wrenched a strangled shout from his throat. In its wake, it left him limp on the mattress, panting harshly.
“That,” he breathed as Gavin stretched out above him, “was incredible. Thank you.”
Gavin kissed his neck, laughing. “I don’t know if you really ought to be thanking me for this, but you’re welcome.”
“Sorry, that was probably not the thing to say, was it?” He let his hands wander, over Gavin’s shoulders and back, enjoying the feel of him too much to be all that self-conscious. “You feel good.”
“So do you.” Gavin’s fingers combed through his chest hair, and Derrick’s stomach twitched as they moved lower. He gave a quiet moan, his hands moving with more intent down Gavin’s back. He paused at the waistband of Gavin’s jeans, then licked his lips and cupped the tight, narrow swell of Gavin’s ass.
No longer distracted by his own erection, he could feel just how hard Gavin was. Gavin closed his eyes and ground down against Derrick. His jeans clung to him, a little low on the hips, and Derrick squeezed, finding Gavin’s ass firm.
Gavin moved above Derrick. “That feels good,” he breathed, pushing his erection against Derrick’s belly again. Derrick pulled him in harder, watching Gavin bite his lip as the pressure increased.
It was a moment longer before Gavin opened his eyes, murmuring, “Wait.” Deftly, he slipped the condom off, knotted it, and dropped it in a wastebasket Derrick hadn’t even noticed beside the bed. “There. Before we get too carried away.”
“Oh. Right.” Derrick colored, embarrassed that he’d forgotten.
Gavin looked pleased with himself as he lay down beside Derrick. Derrick rolled up onto his side and dipped his head to kiss Gavin, tentative as he tried to figure out what he would do next. Gavin responded by seizing his hair again. He transformed the kiss. It became hungry, demanding, and something within Derrick answered with determination. His arm curled around Gavin’s waist; his hand slid over Gavin’s ass, pulling him closer as Derrick’s knee hooked forward between Gavin’s legs.
Gavin groaned, riding Derrick’s thigh, damn near humping it. His hands were everywhere. His tongue pushed into Derrick’s mouth. Derrick met it with a curl of his own, sucking. Gavin rolled onto his back, giving Derrick access to his fly.
He inhaled a deep, slow breath, shoving nerves aside, and tugged Gavin’s belt out of its buckle, reaching for the buttons.
Then Gavin’s hand caught his, stopping him. Derrick looked up, taking his eyes off the actions of his hand to see Gavin watching him with a somber expression. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this. Really. Just know that. Okay?”
“I know.” Derrick nodded, meeting his gaze. “I want to.”
He felt his face heating up again. He pulled his hand out of Gavin’s and blatantly covered Gavin’s cock with it. Gavin moaned as Derrick’s thumb ran along the outline of his erection underneath the denim. He traced the ridge on either side of Gavin’s fly, up and down, listening to Gavin’s sounds, the hitches and gasps in his breath.
One by one, he opened the buttons down Gavin’s fly, staring as the line of his cock was exposed. It strained against the stretchy burgundy cotton of his underwear. Derrick shoved his hand between Gavin’s jeans and underwear, stroking along that bulge, and then inside the underwear themselves, gripping Gavin.
Impatiently, Gavin pushed his jeans and underwear down his hips, panting and gasping semi-coherent pleas. “Oh, God… oh, God, yes… just… just need…”
He replaced Gavin’s hands with his own, tugging on his jeans and underwear. He didn’t want to reveal just enough; he wanted Gavin bare, wanted all of him. His legs were as lean and muscled as his ass had been under Derrick’s hands, but before Derrick could admire them for long, Gavin grabbed him behind the neck and jerked him down into a greedy kiss.
Derrick let himself be pulled down; he met Gavin’s mouth with an eager clash. Gavin thrust his hand into Derrick’s hair, gripping the back of his neck with the other, and Derrick found his own touch becoming unintentionally rougher. His fingernails scraped back up Gavin’s thigh.
Dear God. The sound Gavin made, the way his body undulated, seeking more, was indescribable. He played with Gavin the way he’d learned to play with himself, to make what might have been just a perfunctory jerk-off something better. He watched Gavin’s responses; his face looked nearly tormented, his hips rolled and shifted, wordlessly begging for more. Derrick’s lips curved up a little in a tight, fierce smile, and he wrapped his hand around Gavin’s dick.
Gavin went boneless, falling back against the bed, moaning. Derrick watched for a moment, his eyes moving from Gavin’s enraptured face down his body to where his hand moved up and down Gavin’s cock. It felt different without the slide of the foreskin he was accustomed to. Not bad, but strange, not to be able to glide up and down so easily. He stretched out, brushing the soft stubble on Gavin’s chin with his lips in a half-kiss as Gavin’s hips rose and fell to lend his own momentum to the strokes of Derrick’s hand.
Gavin’s cock felt warm, heavy, incredibly alive in his hand. Somehow stroking it felt much more real, much more everything than his own felt. He wondered just when that dry friction would become irritating, and decided not to test the limit. Gavin made a disappointed sound as Derrick released his dick and began searching in the tangled covers for the lube he’d seen Gavin toss aside.
“Um, wait. Here.” Gavin opened his eyes and did his own digging, emerging with the bottle first and offering it to Derrick, his eyes glassy and eager.
“Thanks.” He flipped open the cap and poured it into his palm before kissing Gavin. He took his time with that kiss, drawing it out rather than rushing. If it happened he never got this chance again, he thought, he wasn’t going to hurry through it. He wrapped his hand around Gavin’s cock again, slicking lube along it as he stroked down. Gavin’s response was instant and breathtaking. He caught a handful of Derrick’s hair and thrust up into Derrick’s slick grip, sliding through his fist.
His strokes faltered, his concentration broken by the pull on his hair. He pressed Gavin down, and stretched out beside him, kissing and nipping his jaw. He stroked slowly, ignoring Gavin’s impatient movements until he began groaning in frustration. Then his grip tightened; his hand curled around the head of Gavin’s cock with a twisting motion on each pass. He lifted his head and looked down at the sight of Gavin’s cock sliding through his hand. When he stopped moving for a moment, squeezing firmly, Gavin continued pumping, fucking Derrick’s fist until Derrick took up the rhythm again, faster and harder than before.
Gavin clutched at his shoulders and back as Derrick bent his head to kiss the faint, soft hair on Gavin’s chest. His palm returned to the head, cupping it, squeezing, twisting just the slightest bit around the crown on the down-stroke. He pressed his lips to Gavin’s shoulder, listening to his wordless sounds of desperation.
Gavin’s gasps and groans grew hoarser, louder, his breath hitching
and catching. His face was strained, his mouth open as he panted. “More… faster… oh, God, please….”
He tucked his face against Gavin’s neck, his grip on Gavin’s cock growing tighter, pumping faster. He murmured soft encouragements against the racing pulse along Gavin’s neck, while Gavin’s hips moved without cease, thrusting up to meet Derrick’s strokes.
“Oh, God… just… oh, God, don’t stop… oh, fuck yes…!”
When he lifted his head to kiss Gavin, he found himself caught by the back of the neck again. Gavin’s hand tangled in his hair, and his mouth opened, gasping against Derrick’s. His tongue thrust messily, without thought for decorum. Derrick returned the sloppy kisses, eager and unrestrained, feeling a surge of power and triumph at Gavin’s urgency.
A little harder, a little faster, and Gavin’s back arched. His dick throbbed in Derrick’s hand, spurting across his stomach, before he sank back down onto the mattress. Gavin’s hand released the grip on his hair it had never occurred to Derrick to mind.
Derrick released his grip on Gavin’s cock and laid his head against Gavin’s shoulder, listening to his ragged breathing. Now that he had nothing to do but think over what had happened, an unaccustomed doubt assailed him, only partially assuaged when Gavin’s arms came around him. The embrace calmed him; it felt comforting and right in some way the rational part of his brain protested that it shouldn’t be on so short an acquaintance.
Maybe it was just the feeling of being held by someone after so long.
“Was that all right?” he murmured as Gavin’s breathing slowed, distracting himself from questions he couldn’t hope to answer.
Gavin lifted his head and gave him an incredulous, amused look. “Oh, my God, yes. It was better than all right.”
Derrick chuckled a bit self-consciously, blushing again as he laughed at himself for the ridiculous concern. But Gavin slid a hand alongside his face and drew him up for a kiss that was more tender than passionate. Derrick returned it, a bit of confused disquiet welling up within him. He knew what to do with the passion; he wasn’t so sure about the tenderness. It implied things that had nothing to do with simple lust and everything to do with….
… stuff he had no business thinking at this point.
He pushed it aside and lifted his head with a crooked smile. Distraction. That was the key.
“Good. Want me to go get you a washcloth? Or anything?”
“If you don’t mind.” Gavin nodded, looking down the length of his torso with a wry smile, utterly unashamed.
After another kiss, he rose, pulling his pants back up and buttoning the top button. He debated for a moment whether to clean Gavin himself, or if that was too intrusive. Too intimate. Was not doing it impolite? Was he expected to leave now, or would Gavin want him to stay the night? What was the protocol? How did all this work?
Jesus, why didn’t he know this sort of thing? His twenties suddenly seemed like a complete waste.
Was there a handbook he should pick up?
He decided to err on the side of under-assuming and handed Gavin the cloth.
He sat on the edge of the bed, frowning, opting for honesty. “I’m not sure what comes next, here. This isn’t the sort of thing I usually—or ever—do.”
“Um, well, I guess that depends on what you want.” Gavin busied himself wiping his stomach, but Derrick could see him bite his lower lip. His tone was diffident, and he wouldn’t meet Derrick’s eyes. “We could kiss again. We could just lay here, hold each other. We could say good night. We could do more. It’s up to you.”
All of those sounded like very good options, none of which answered the question he’d been trying to ask.
How did one phrase the question, Is this a one-night stand or something else?
“I’d say it’s up to both of us. But just to clarify, you don’t want me to leave?” He kept his voice quiet and steady, determined to accept any answer with equanimity.
“I’d prefer it if you didn’t, actually,” Gavin replied with a shake of his head.
He tried not to look as relieved as he felt, nodding calmly. “That’s good. That’s the first question answered. I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to,” look like I’m looking for more out of this than I have any business doing, “assume anything.”
He pushed his jeans off his hips, debating whether or not to keep his underwear. Then he laughed at himself; being shy seemed futile at this point. Something chimed behind him as he discarded those, too, and Gavin reached over the side of the bed for his own jeans and withdrew his phone from the pocket.
“Bad form, I know, but I’ve got to check this text here.”
Derrick gave him space, wondering who would be texting after midnight on a Friday. It couldn’t be business at this hour, could it?
Gavin sounded apologetic. “It’s Andi. I never told her I was going out tonight, and she was expecting a call from me. She must be worried sick. I’ll need to call her. Please, get comfortable.”
Derrick lay down on his side, trying to look more casual than he felt, and nodded. “That’s fine. Go ahead. I’ll wait here.”
He watched as Gavin disappeared down the hallway toward the living room and out to the balcony, then closed his eyes with a slow sigh once he was gone, trying to figure out what he should do next.
HE WASN’T SURE WHAT TO DO WITH HIMSELF once Gavin left. Lying naked on the bed felt awkward and conspicuous in a way he hadn’t felt in Gavin’s presence.
Unable to lie still, he busied himself tidying the room. He peeled back the rumpled bedclothes and smoothed them, stopping just short of making the bed. He gathered his discarded clothes from the floor and laid them across the back of a chair, then checked the locks on the door Gavin had carelessly thrown closed earlier. Gavin’s shirt and glasses were gone from the hallway floor.
Deciding he was thirsty, he walked naked to the kitchen, grabbing two empty beer bottles off the island and rinsing them in the sink along the way. Looking through the patio door at the balcony, he could see Gavin’s back. He held his phone to his ear, and Derrick would see a wispy stream of smoke rising above his head. He filled two glasses with water and took them back to the bedroom before Gavin could turn around and see him standing there staring.
When Gavin returned, Derrick lay on his side in a strange compromise with modesty that probably only made sense in his own mind. Gavin ducked into the bathroom and emerged smelling like soap and toothpaste, reminding Derrick he hadn’t brought a toothbrush.
“Sorry about that,” he murmured as he undressed. He set his glasses and phone on the table next to the bed before slipping under the covers and stretching out beside Derrick.
Derrick lifted his head just enough to shake it, then lay down again. “It’s fine. I’m just trying to figure things out.”
Gavin propped himself up on his elbow. “Like what?”
“Well, I’m a guy who likes things simple, you see.” Derrick shifted onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, his fingers fidgeting against his abdomen as he thought. “And the reason—well, one of the reasons—I gave up on the idea of dating was it’s all really complicated. There’s a ton of rules, none of which I know the first damn thing about, and to tell the truth, I never particularly cared to learn.”
He sighed. “Like, just now. Here I am, laying in nothing but my skin, and I’m wondering, if I lay here exposed, am I shameless? If I get under the covers, am I presuming too much? You see?”
Gavin stared at Derrick a moment.
Then he burst into laughter. Which, Derrick supposed, was an appropriate reaction, considering how ridiculous he was being.
“You are over-thinking this entirely too much.”
“Am I?” Derrick chuckled, closing his eyes for a moment in amused chagrin.
“You are. I didn’t think you were shameless.” Gavin sighed, still smiling. “I’m more inclined to appreciate the view than to worry about propriety.”
Derrick laughed, tucking his head into the pillow to disg
uise a blush.
“Just do what feels right. If it doesn’t feel right, you aren’t going to enjoy yourself, and that’s not worth any amount of your time.”
Derrick lay there for a moment, quelling the urge to make an observation about the apparent contradiction between the philosophy Gavin had just espoused and what he had said the previous weekend about his relationship with his ex and doing things he hadn’t wanted. It wasn’t his place to say such a thing. He didn’t know what had happened between them; he couldn’t make any judgments.
“Yeah, that makes sense,” he said, shifting to join Gavin under the covers. Gavin immediately curled against him. Derrick hesitated a moment. Alarm bells in his head went off, warning him of the dangers of being too intimate with anyone.
But they didn’t stop him from wrapping his arm around Gavin, laying his cheek on top of Gavin’s head.
Gavin felt good next to him, despite the danger.
“This works,” he murmured with a sigh.
Gavin’s body against his didn’t quite feel relaxed, even when his arm draped across Derrick’s waist so he could press closer. A tension hung between them, not quite uncomfortable, but expectant.
Then Gavin blew out a nervous breath. “I guess I should ask this, since I won’t be able to relax until I do. Why did you leave?”
Derrick closed his eyes, stifling a soft groan. He’d dreaded the question since they’d stopped groping each other long enough to think rationally for two consecutive minutes. Looking at Gavin, touching him, his reasons for walking out no longer seemed satisfactory. Nor did they seem like anything Gavin needed to hear.
He didn’t need to hear about the worst-case scenario, the one that terrified Derrick. He had no doubt Gavin thought about anything but as he waited and worried over what his future might be like, or even how much of a future he might have. He didn’t need to hear how Derrick had taken Gavin’s struggle and made it about his issues and fears.
Inertia: Impulse, Book One Page 11