by Mila Young
“It gets easier once you assert your dominance. You don’t need to worry about this.”
“No.” I push his hands away. “You don’t get it. It’s not getting easier. Each time I’ve shifted, my wolf is stronger. It takes everything to fight her back.”
I hug my middle and glance over to the undead, who haven’t moved, just watching. I doubt they really understand what’s going on. They resemble something robotic needing activation.
Dušan reaches over and takes my arm, holding me firmly. His finger brushes the inside of my arm, the touch coaxing a calmness racing up my arm. “Have you allowed your wolf to be in control at least once during your transformations?”
“Of course not. Are you crazy? If I do that, what if I never gain command over it again?”
“You will,” he says sternly.
“You don’t know that. Something is wrong with me and the normal wolf rules don’t apply here, Dušan. You’re not listening to me. What if when I let her have free rein, she becomes the monster you feared would tear out of me all along? What if I’m then forever lost while she goes on a rampage and kills everyone? What if she comes for you?” I’m shaking my head, my chin quivering at the thought.
Dušan drags me into his arms and holds me in his strong embrace. I sense the quickening of his heartbeat, and there’s no denial I’ve touched a nerve.
“You’re letting fear control you,” he explains.
His words infuriate me because he’s not listening to me. “That’s not true.” I shove my hand against his chest to get away from him, but his arms are like iron and he holds me in place.
“Listen to me,” he says in a deep, authoritative voice. “Our wolves are part of us. They are our other halves. And I know it’s terrifying, but to complete your connection with her, you need to let go of the reins on at least one transformation.”
He’s insane! The thought alone terrifies me.
Unease twinges in my gut. How can he think I can ever do this? I tense up just thinking about it, let alone going through with it.
“I can’t,” I say, shaking my head again.
“You have no choice. The only way your wolf will become submissive to you is by showing her how much you trust her.”
I wrinkle my nose with confusion. “That makes no sense.”
“Yes, it does. And we’re going to do it this morning, as soon as we find a big enough herd of zombies.”
Fury blinds me, and I wrench free from his grip. “Don’t tell me what to do!” I stand toe to toe with him, a cocktail of dread and anger coiling in my chest until I can’t breathe.
His jawline clenches, and I expect him to lash out to grab me, force me into this. But that never comes. Only words. “We get one chance at the element of surprise. To save the families and innocents like Kinley and help them escape the shackles my stepbrother will impose on them. A few zombies will be taken out quickly against a pack. We need an army of them. I’m sorry you don’t like having the responsibility placed on your shoulders. Fuck, if I could, I’d take it from you in a heartbeat and bear it myself.” He leans in closer, still not touching me. “But I offer you the next best thing. Me by your side every step of the way.”
Hurt rages to the surface of my thoughts. What he says is true, but worse yet, I can’t shake the guilt that I’m too terrified to give my wolf full control.
A drop of sweat runs down my spine.
“You know I’m right,” he reminds me.
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I like it.”
He laughs, and I hate how easily he breaks through my barriers. My insides are a battleground, emotions rising in me like a storm.
“Shall we do this?” He stretches out his hand, palm side up.
I huff, exasperated. “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask.” He grabs my wrists and yanks me to his side. Before I can protest, his lips are on mine, and he whisks me away to another world, where I forget my worries.
It’s so unfair that he affects me this easily. I cling to him, loving the feeling that I can’t escape. Fire ignites between us when he whispers against my mouth, “Never stop believing in yourself.”
DUŠAN
My heart hurts.
Meira is terrified, and it kills me to push her so hard. In truth, unleashing control of our wolf happens naturally when we transform the first time. But Meira isn’t exactly a role model for following the normal wolf rules. She has a human parent. She has… or had leukemia. Her wolf refused to come out for most of her life. And then a damn tranquilizer from Mad forced her first change. Nothing here is normal.
My beautiful wolf needs to believe she can do this. And not just for the sake of the Ash Wolves pack, but for herself. If she doesn’t relent power to her wolf soon, she will never gain its trust. So her whole life she’ll battle for power during her changes rather than taking charge of her wild side.
She holds my hand as we traipse back to the cave, and I study the six undead wandering in our direction behind us. It’s incredible to see the aggression in their eyes now replaced with a haziness.
I am beyond proud of Meira and what she’s able to accomplish.
Once we emerge from the woods, Lucien and Bardhyl jerk their attention our way. They stand in the cave’s entrance. Their attention flips to the small tribe behind us.
“Fuck yes, you did it!” Lucien cheers.
Bardhyl rushes down to take Meira in his arms, lifting her off the ground. Her laughs are a song of promise as she radiates the beauty of a warrior still yet to unleash her wings.
“What’s next?” Lucien asks.
“We find a herd of undead,” Meira answers as her feet touch the ground. She stands tall and glances over at me with determination and I couldn’t be prouder of her at this moment.
Lucien rubs his hands together gleefully. “We’re making a zombie army.”
The three of us surround Meira. The wind blows her dark hair over her face and she struggles to push it behind her ears. She’s naked and isn’t shying away. Whether she knows it or not, she has come so much further than she realizes.
Bardhyl kisses the top of her head. “Are we all going?”
“Only if you promise me to stay in the trees when we find the herd so you don’t get trapped by them,” she says, her voice suddenly serious and stern.
“Agreed,” I answer, followed by Bardhyl and Lucien doing the same.
She looks up at me, sincerity deep in her gaze, and her expression screams terror. It kills me to see her still scared, but if I don’t push her, she’ll lose that opportunity to bond with her wolf. She may hate me for it, though I would rather live with that than have her suffer her whole life.
She jerks away from me, her shoulders curving forward.
My fingers tingle with the urgency to reach over and tell her she isn’t alone. But a surge of electricity dances down my arms. She groans with pain before falling to the ground, transforming.
We watch over her, and each one of us would do anything to keep her protected. She means everything to me, and if she’s going to be what Bardhyl coined, the Zombie Queen, then I’ll adore her even more.
Seconds later, she’s in her stunning tawny fur, her ears pointy, and her long tail behind her. Pain rages behind those beautiful eyes, and I hope she listens to me and releases her wolf once we find the herd.
She lifts her head, inhaling the air, then she nudges past Lucien and trots into the woods.
“We stay close,” I say, and we’re off. Meira takes the lead, and we three watch her back. The six zombies trail behind us. I won’t deny it still unnerves me to have them so close.
We travel deeper into the woods, farther from the Ash Wolves compound, which puts me at ease. This area is less likely to be occupied by wolves hunting us down. But it doesn’t take us long before the moaning sound of the undead finds us.
Enormous fir and oak trees surround us, trees exploding with green leaves. The place would be beautiful, if it weren’t for the lurching shadow
s amid the trees. Disfigured silhouettes in the distance are exactly what we’re here for, yet a shiver crawls up my spine.
Meira hurries forward, and we’re running to keep up.
When the first zombie emerges, a barrel of a man with a shirt hanging off his body and ripped jeans, his eyes lock on to us.
A guttural growl shatters the air, and suddenly, the thumping of feet on the ground grows louder… closer.
Meira wastes no time and jumps at the hulking man, taking him down quickly, tearing half his arm off. Blood gushes from the wound staining the Earth.
“We need to hide now,” Lucien whispers, his hand on my back.
That’s when I spot the wave of the soulless emerging from the shadows. Several dozen at least. Fright shakes me to the core to be out here with so many of them.
I turn and follow Lucien’s choice of a tree with low-hanging branches. Bardhyl is already up there. I jump up and snatch one, then swing myself up. Hastily, I make my way to a thick, sturdy branch to easily take my weight. Close to fifteen feet off the ground, I sit close to the trunk with a clear vantage point of the grounds below.
Lucien is above me, while Bardhyl is on a branch facing me.
“If this works, how do we get all the zombies into the compound?” Bardhyl asks. “It’s not like we can ask Kinley to not mind us while we drag dozens of zombies through her home. She’ll die of fright.”
“Plus,” Lucien adds, “it might cause a bottleneck once others spot zombies coming out of her house and start shooting at them.”
The thoughts plague my mind. “The only option I see is getting them through one of the main entries to the compound.”
I turn my attention to Meira. She’s already taken down three creatures, but as I watch her calculate every move on whom to attack next, worry creeps across my mind. She hesitates as she looks around, and I sigh. She’s still holding on to her wolf, instead of giving it free rein. Dammit, Meira.
This makes her slower to kill these while battling her own chaotic war in her mind.
Coldness seeps into my bones at the thought that I didn’t realize earlier how much she struggled with her wolf. She will forever lose the ability to control her wolf if she keeps pushing it away.
“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Lucien tries to reassure me. “The zombies won’t touch her.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about. It’s her not relinquishing control of her wolf yet. She hasn’t yet given her wolf full trust yet.”
“Oh, fuck!”
I tense, fingers clenching the branch beneath me, and I pray to the moon the damage she’s done to herself so far isn’t too far gone.
But as those thoughts tumble through my mind, a tsunami of zombies breach the shadows of the forest.
Next thing I know, there are close to a hundred of them pouring out.
My heart slams into my ribcage as I wrench my gaze from them and to Meira, who leaves a bloody trail in her path.
Fuck! Please don’t let me have made a mistake by letting her handle this alone.
Chapter 20
Lucien
“Go to the right,” Dušan bellows in my direction. “She’s coming your way.” He’s in human form, hoping Meira seeing him this way will help her fight harder and gain power over her wolf.
Bardhyl and I run in our wolf forms to cover ground faster.
My heart pounding wildly, I careen around a tree and pivot to go back the other way. We’ve been chasing down Meira for the last twenty minutes at least. Since she butchered every last zombie from the herd, she’s gone wild. My chest squeezes to see her frantically darting right and left in the woods, lost and confused.
No matter what we do, we can’t seem to catch a break. And more than anything, Meira is our priority.
Stop her, then bring her back.
My insides clench with dread that her wolf is too far gone to be controlled again. It tears me apart to know she’ll live with that her entire life. I just pray by some miracle it’s not too late.
I charge faster, leaping over logs, darting after her.
MEIRA
I’m falling.
That’s how it feels. Darkness pounds across my mind while my wolf takes charge. She’s running wildly, so out of control, I sense her fear, her confusion. I’d lost her with the attack on the Shadow Monsters, her hunger too hard to tame. Even now, I taste the putrid blood at the back of my throat, while my adrenaline is on fire.
I shake off the heaviness trying to drown me. Once again, I push up against her, to steal back control.
With every last reserve, I drive her aside. My paws hit the ground, and my men surround us.
Her panic is palpable, while I scream in my head to slow down so they can catch me. They’ll find a way to help. They have to.
Because I can’t live like this.
Trapped.
Forgotten.
Ruled by a wild creature.
She veers right, and kicks me out of her way, and darkness comes for me once more.
I scream.
LUCIEN
Bardhyl steamrolls up ahead of her, but she’s too busy glancing back at me closing in, Dušan flanking in from the right.
She swings left, like I knew she would, and I leap diagonally to meet her, to cut her off.
Fast paws carry me over the ground, and I scramble toward her, spearing through the forest.
She lunges over a log as I reach her, and I use that moment to throw myself at her from the edge.
I crash my shoulder into her, knocking her over.
Her desperate snarls slice through the air. We both slam down to the foliage-covered ground. With the momentum, we roll, tangled together in a furious mess of growls and kicking up dirt.
My head spins. The ground is hard and unforgiving, but it’s her I’m worried about.
The moment we come to a pause, I scramble up to my feet, as does Meira, a growl rolling over her throat.
She backs away from me, her lips peeled back, ears flat against her head. I search for my mate in her eyes, but all I see is a feral wolf.
A phantom hand grips my heart, squeezing it.
Bardhyl suddenly leaps out of the shadows. He’s in his human form already. He lands on her other side.
She bolts from him, but I’m on her in seconds when Bardhyl runs and jumps across her back.
His weight brings her down fast. She growls a warning to back away, a desperate and terrified sound that rips me apart on the inside.
Bardhyl doesn’t wait a second, still straddling her, grabbing hold of her head, pressing her cheek to the ground so she doesn’t bite him.
I call to my swift change as Dušan bursts past the shrubs and joins us. He throws himself to his knees so she can see him. I’m at her rear in seconds, grabbing her kicking back legs, holding her down as Bardhyl shuffles to kneel behind her, his large hands pushing down on her torso.
As cruel as this seems, it’s the only way. If she escapes, Meira will struggle to come out. And by the time her wolf is exhausted and she does emerge, who knows where her wolf will have taken her?
But the more I look at her body bucking, hearing her distress, the more my heart shatters at the thought that maybe we’re too late to have saved her wolf. Her strength is extraordinary. She attacked over a hundred zombies and the three of us still wrestle to keep her down, but what good is that if she can’t bond with her animal?
“Meira,” Dušan begins. “Listen to my voice. Focus on me, and pull yourself out. You are in charge. You are the wolf.” He never stops encouraging her, letting her hear his voice.
She’s been alone so long in her life that it makes me wonder if her wolf has assumed a lone wolf approach. I’ve heard it said that while our wolves may not emerge until we hit puberty, they can sense and experience the emotions we do.
Meira bucks harder against us, and I glance up. “It’s not working. You need to dominate her,” I demand.
“He’s right,” Bardhyl adds. “It’s the only way if sh
e hasn’t calmed down yet. Her wolf is too wild.”
Dušan is grief-stricken, and I don’t blame him. He pushed her to do this. But in truth, we’re all just as responsible. Each one of us owes her for putting her in this position. Salvation of the pack drove her to the edge and never once did we ask if she was really ready.
I grind my back teeth, fury lashing through me.
Dušan gives a single nod, and instantly, a charge of electricity threads through the air with his change.
His thunderous growl rises through him and covers even me in goosebumps from the power he exudes. Some wolves are born to be leaders; their wolves carry tremendous power. Their presence alone can drive other wolves into submission, and Dušan is one such Alpha.
With a sudden shake of his head, his lips peel back, and he unleashes a deep, gravelly growl. The corded muscles in his neck flex, the sound earthy, carrying a deadly warning.
Meira falls still. Her chest rises and falls rapidly with her fear. Still, a rumble rolls past her throat.
Bardhyl half-grins, but I can tell it’s a struggle. “She’s a fighter, my angel legs.”
Dušan suddenly jerks forward, his mouth and teeth instantly latching on to the side of Meira’s neck. He bites down. Not to kill her, but to hold her to the ground of his own force. To assert dominance, to get the wolf to back the fuck down.
Bardhyl and I release her. This is something that is done by Alpha and Omega. If Meira can’t control her wolf, then Dušan will take charge for now.
Threatening growls punch through the silence.
Meira doesn’t move, her wolf well aware that such a bite could kill her, so she sits in silence.
And Dušan will force her down for as long as it takes for her to submit.
Bardhyl clenches his jaw, watching them.
Waiting.
Come on, little one. Just give in.
A brutal wind rushes past, rustling the branches, chilling my skin. All I can think about is the hardship Meira has been through her entire life. Losing her family. Surviving alone in the woods. Not understanding why she was different. And now to see her on her side on the ground like this makes me sick to my stomach.