“Because my family loved you. No one thought you were unworthy, and I’m no princess. You put me on a pedestal I had no interest in being on.”
“Your family is exceptional in its generosity of spirit, but the son of the guy who drove his car into the lake because he was too wasted to see the end of the road? A kid who got into trouble more often than not? I should never have asked you out, even after we kissed. Wouldn’t have, except Brad badgered me until I admitted how I felt. He said I was an idiot and that everyone in the Gallagher family knew I was in love with you. Except for you, of course.”
“If you were so in love with me, why did you dump me?” The sharpness of her tone signaled rising temper.
He turned to stare into the fireplace because looking at her all but gutted him. “I know I explained it badly before. I don’t know if I really understood myself at the time. You had our lives all planned out. How we were going to college together, what careers we’d have. Even when we’d have kids.”
“And I had the audacity to bring those brochures from the university to show you. You went nuts and broke up with me.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you, Maddy. I hated myself for doing that. But I was dying here. College wasn’t for me, at least then. I needed to make something of myself, become something better. Not only for you, but for myself.”
Her tone was heated. “No one thought you were somehow less. Not Brad, not me. No one in my family did.”
“They were the exceptions. Others in town weren’t so tolerant.”
“Damn it, Logan. You projected your own insecurities and assumed others felt like you did.”
“Doesn’t matter. Even if it was only to myself, I needed to prove something.” Instinct had his head whipping around, and he caught the fist that would have sucker punched him. Maddy went with her fists first. At least that much hadn’t changed.
She wrenched her hand back. “You’re such an ass! You were perfect for me! You say I was perfect? I wasn’t, not by a long shot. But you were perfect for me. I loved you, Logan, with all my heart, and you walked away from that and ground my heart into dust in the process.”
“You loved me, but I wasn’t perfect for you. And I wasn’t waiting around for you to figure it out on your own. I had to make myself into something I could be proud of, something that was worthy of you, your family, this town.”
“You didn’t even ask me to wait for you. I would have.”
The hurt in her eyes almost broke him in two a second time. “I know you would have. But I didn’t want to hold you back.”
This time she shoved him, pushing him back on his heels. “Hold me back? You asshole. There, you want profanity from ‘perfect’ Madison Gallagher? You’re an asshole, a fucking asshole. Making decisions for me. Treating me like I’m some piece of spun glass, too delicate to handle. It’s like when we made love, I always felt like you held back. Well, I didn’t want you to hold back.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.” Which, by the look on her pissed-off face, was the wrong thing to say.
“I’m taking you down, you condescending son of a bitch. There’s another swear for you.”
He caught her when she launched at him. He held her tight, arms wrapped around her to keep her from punching him. When she struggled, he brought his lips to her ear. “Hold on to me for a minute, Maddy. I’m sorry I hurt you. I did what I had to do, but I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He found himself stroking the hair at the nape of her neck and couldn’t make himself stop. The fight released from her body until she was molded against him.
“You did more than hurt me.” Her words were muffled into his shoulder.
“What do you mean?” He loosened his hold so he could see her face.
She shook her head. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I don’t hit people. I’m going upstairs.”
He caught the glint of tears on her cheeks and felt like she’d connected with that fist. “Madison.”
She ignored him, and took a candle and climbed the stairs to the loft, the dog trailing behind her.
Maddy brushed her teeth in the candlelight, rinsing with the icy water from the tap. Logan was an FBI agent. She should have guessed, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about the revelation. Little things that had puzzled her before now clicked into place. How he and Brad had been so tight the last time Logan had been in town. How working in construction hadn’t fit with his drive to succeed. And there was his knowledge of the criminals involved in human trafficking. The fact that he’d been shot, had a nasty scrape on his head, and had nearly died of hypothermia due to being in federal law enforcement wasn’t lost on her.
She replayed their conversation in her head, thinking it revealed more about their years together than she had understood at the time. Logan had been a little boy when his mother had died, but she wondered if a child that young would see his mother dying as some kind of abandonment or rejection. Add his father living in a bottle and neglecting his son, and she figured there was the likely root of Logan’s feelings that he wasn’t worthy of love, that to be loved he had to deserve it, and be something more than he was. When he’d broken up with her, she hadn’t been able to see beyond the hurt and anger. She remembered thinking that whatever issues he’d had would be resolved if she loved him enough. Now, the pain was still there, but maybe some understanding, too.
With a sigh, she moved into her bedroom. Even dressed in flannel pants with a thermal top under her sweatshirt and her fleece-lined slippers with heavy socks, cold still seeped into her bones and brought up goose bumps on her skin. She’d thought to sleep in her bed in the loft, but had to reconsider. It was just too cold. Plus, Logan had her quilt.
Grabbing the second pillow from her bed and pulling the blanket free, she hauled them down the stairs. Logan had pushed back the ottoman to make more room on the rug in front of the fire, and was spreading the fleece blanket on top of it. She tried not to ogle. He’d shucked the snow pants, and the thermals outlined his fine butt. His shirt rode up as he stretched, revealing the muscular sweep of his back. She’d seen enough of him earlier in life and earlier this evening that she should be used to it by now. Apparently not.
She kept her tone matter-of-fact when she spoke. “There’s a still-packaged toothbrush in the bathroom. There’s also a shower in there if you want to use it.” She nodded to the door of the downstairs bathroom as she dumped her bedding on the couch. Sophie settled on her bed next to the hearth.
Logan watched her. “You’re sleeping on the couch?”
“Yes.”
“Got any more blankets than that?”
“No, I’ll be fine.”
“I think we’ll both be cold.”
She pondered his comment as he disappeared into the bathroom. The area directly in front of the fireplace where he’d spread the fleece blanket felt warm enough, but when she moved away even a few feet, the cold crept through her clothing. No way was she sleeping with Logan on the rug, so she’d have to figure out how to stay warm. She pushed the couch a few feet closer to the fire, then went back upstairs to pull the flannel sheet off her bed. As an extra layer it wasn’t much, but would help. After arranging her bedding, she crawled in and pulled the sheet and blanket around her.
Logan returned, and without saying a word, folded over the fleece blanket and, with the quilt on top of that, crawled into his makeshift bedroll.
The fire crackled and snapped, flames sending shadows dancing across the room. The wind must have picked up, because she could hear the low howl whipping around the cabin. Logan lay on his back staring into the fire. She thought he looked tense, probably worried about the delivery truck with the women somewhere in the mountains. If the weather remained clear, at first light she’d hike into town if necessary to get a search started.
She tried to sleep, shifting to find a comfortable position on the couch. The fire died down and the chill crept through the blankets. Her upper half was mostly okay, but her legs and feet were freezing. She’d never be
able to sleep with cold feet. Logan rose and added wood to the fire. He paused, a dark silhouette in front of the flames. He must have sensed she was awake.
“Cold?”
“Maybe.”
“Switch places. I’ll take the couch, you take the rug.”
“No. You nearly died of hypothermia. You need to stay warm. Plus, the couch isn’t long enough for you.”
“There’s enough room for both of us on the rug. We’d be warmer if we shared the blankets, but even if we don’t, you need to get closer to the fire.”
She wasn’t even sure why she felt she needed the distance from him. He’d laid that kiss on her, and it had been a whopper, but he wasn’t the type to push where he wasn’t wanted. No, the problem wasn’t Logan. The problem was she didn’t trust herself.
Despite what had happened between them, despite the devastation of losing Lily, she still had feelings for Logan Ross. And it wouldn’t take much for her to ignore the danger signals and dive right in. Simple self-preservation should have put up a huge roadblock, made her want to keep him at arm’s length, but her instincts must be wonky because she couldn’t get the thought of giving her body that happy dance out of her mind.
“Jesus, Madison. You’re shivering.”
It was true; her teeth were starting to chatter. He stooped and arranged his bedding flat on the floor, then strode over to the couch. She let out a squeak when he scooped her up in his arms, blankets and all. “What are you doing?”
“Rest assured I’m not forcing myself on you.”
“I never thought you were.”
Using his foot to nudge his pillow to one side, he laid her down on the rug where warmth engulfed her. Her cabin wasn’t all that big to begin with, and the rug not that wide, so if they both lay in front of the fireplace they’d be pretty close together. Without another word, Logan arranged the covers over both of them and slipped underneath. He rolled over so his back was to her, and as far as she knew, went right to sleep.
And why shouldn’t he? Hypothermia had brought exhaustion, and he needed sleep. Smooshing down the blanket so it would act like a sort-of barrier between them, she snuggled into their makeshift bed, and glad for the heat of the fire, closed her eyes.
Chapter Ten
When she woke, Maddy felt wonderfully warm, delicious heat completely enveloping her. She slowly blinked her eyes open. The darkness was near impenetrable, and despite the fire dying down, the cold remained at bay. She stretched, moving her legs a tiny bit, then froze. The reason she felt so warm unquestionably had something to do with the long body spooned behind her from head to toe. Moving her feet told her that Sophie had somehow managed to slip under the covers to settle next to her legs. Blankets were no longer crushed between them, and Logan’s arm was wrapped around her stomach and had her locked snugly against him. Her head rested on his shoulder, and his face was in her hair. Oh god.
She couldn’t stay nestled up against him. It wasn’t fair to him, and it was sending her good sense AWOL because the idea of turning in his arms to bite him on the neck was incredibly tempting. She’d bite his neck, then lick it, and run her hands over those washboard abs (keeping in mind that he’d been shot, of course) and after that, she knew what would happen. Nestled against her rear was proof that even in sleep, his mind had taken him to the same place.
It took all of her willpower not to press back against the hardness, maybe even grind a little. Heaven help her, she was nuts. Certifiably crazy. She lifted her head and tried to scooch away from him.
His arm immediately tightened and pulled her back. “Stay.” The word was muffled against her neck.
She rolled onto her back and heard his sharp intake of breath when her hip brushed against his straining erection.
“You might as well shoot me now, because I want you so bad I think I’ll die if I don’t have you, Madison.” His gravelly voice sounded hoarse.
All the yearning she’d bottled up sought release, threatening to erupt. The scratch of his beard against her neck, the earthy smell of him, the muscular body hard in all the right places, all combined to push the past, and good sense, aside. “I want you too.”
“But?”
“No ‘but.’ I want you.”
From the stillness of his body, she guessed he still wasn’t sure if she was giving him the all-clear. She turned to face him and did what she’d fantasized about. She clamped her mouth on his neck, then using her teeth, bit down not too gently. A growl emanated from low in his throat, and he went from zero to sixty in no seconds flat. He flipped her onto her back, Sophie scurrying away, and braced over Maddy on his elbows, his silhouette barely discernable against the glowing embers of the fireplace. With his hands framing her face, he found her lips with unerring accuracy.
She cradled him between her legs, heat enflaming them as he rocked against her. A little voice in the back of her head tried to remind her of the pain that had resulted from when they’d been together before, and was ignored. His tongue tangled with hers, and he slipped a hand under the hem of her sweatshirt to find her breasts, rubbing his thumb across a peak until it tightened in response.
“You’ve got too many clothes on.”
“Why don’t you do something about that?”
“Yeah, why don’t I?”
He pulled off her sweatshirt and thermal, the movement bringing his erection more snugly against her, sending her body into quivering ecstasy at the thought of getting a happy dance after all.
Logan wasted no time in taking advantage of her half-naked state. He dipped his head and found a nipple, rolling it around his tongue before sucking it deep into his mouth. She sent a questing hand to the front of his waistband, only to find it already gapped with the strength of his reaction to her. She stroked the engorged head and he surged into her hand with a groan. His mouth returned to hers and the kiss turned carnal as he rocked in her grip. He broke away, giving her a nip on the chin as he pushed back. “Be right back.”
He rose and quickly pulled back the grate of the fireplace to throw in a couple of logs that immediately began to spark and flame. There was a rustle as he found his snow pants, and then he was back. On top of her—blissfully. This time his kiss held an urgency that had her tugging at the waistband of his thermals. He moved out of reach, instead using both hands to pull her flannel pants down past her hips. Big hands held her thighs firmly apart, ratcheting up the frenetic pace of her heart. With a dip of his tongue, he drove the pace higher, sliding his fingers through silky folds, then into her. Where before their lovemaking had held a restrained element, now sensations spiked wildly, their lovemaking more intense and with abandon. She couldn’t catch her breath, couldn’t even be sure she was breathing, didn’t recognize the noises she made as her own.
“That’s it, baby. That’s it.” He urged her on, higher and faster. “Come for me, sweetheart. Come for me.”
Fingers stroked as he worked his tongue and she heard herself giving helpless little whimpers until finally, finally, she did as he asked and came for him. She melted into the blanket, limp, spent, her mind whirling without pattern. She heard the crinkling of a foil packet and then he was there, back where he’d been, nudging her legs farther apart. Poised for entry, he held himself over her, and in a gruff voice, asked, “You still want me?”
She lifted a hand to his cheek and pulled his face down to hers even as she rocked her hips up to take him into her. With that first penetration, he held himself still, as if savoring the sensation. Then he kissed her and began thrusting, moving forward to the hilt, then pulling back, and then forward again with even more force. She’d thought herself used up, drained, but the heady sensation of him hard inside her had the heat building once more. He must have sensed her gathering response, because he slowed down and used warm fingers between them, gliding over the exact right spot to heighten the intensity until once again she was at flashpoint.
He was there with her, and this time they burned together.
The next time Madd
y opened her eyes, she found the half-light of early morning. The wind had died and the quiet was complete. They lay under the blankets, Logan holding her close, his chest rising and falling against her back as he breathed. Sophie had returned, settling against Maddy’s feet. Oh lord, what had she done? The pain of the past that was never fully gone roared back at double its usual intensity. How had she lost her head so completely that she had engaged in lovemaking again with Logan? Not only engaged in it, but encouraged it. Reveled in it. Demanded more.
It was obvious that she had no willpower where Logan Ross was concerned.
Logan shifted, turning onto his back, and she used the moment to slip free. At the fireplace, she stirred the embers and laid some kindling and a couple of logs.
Upstairs, she pinned her hair up to keep it dry, stripped down in the cold bathroom, and stepped into a blessedly hot shower, thankful her hot water heater didn’t require electricity. The shower had always been one of her favorite places to think, but today all she accomplished was an endless round of self-recrimination.
Logan wasn’t interested in the long-term, at least with her. That lesson had been drummed into her head many years before, but apparently she’d needed a refresher lesson. Stepping out of the shower, she toweled off in record time. Dressed in warm clothes, she returned downstairs.
Logan still slept soundly, which she guessed had a lot to with his recovery from hypothermia. After dressing Sophie in her coat and the hated booties, they both ventured out the side door.
“Geez, it’s freezing.” She tugged the zipper higher on her coat and ducked her chin under the collar. The temperature was so brutally cold it felt like the brittle china-blue sky could shatter into a million pieces. Sophie did an about-face to return to the warmth of the cabin, but Maddy tugged on the leash. “Let’s get this over with, baby.”
Opting once again for letting Sophie do her business under the carport, Maddy stood under the overhang taking in the changed landscape. White snow as far as the eye could see. Every branch, leaf, and pine needle had its own accumulation. The hard edges of the house were softened by the fluffy white blanket, the glow of the fireplace visible through the window giving her cabin a homey feel.
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