by Peyton Bogue
You don’t know. You don’t even know.
“It was like he was trying to hurt me by bringing it up,” Sage continues, shaking his head. “I thought that he was insulting me, but he was genuinely confused when I asked him what he was talking about. He did it to you, too,” he says, looking at Rhys with a frown. “He was taunting you with it, trying to use it against you.”
Rhys’s face twists up in a pained expression, and the shadows of his face seem to darken. He looks tormented, as if he’s replaying everything Sage is telling him in his head. Steele’s taunt might not have hurt Sage, he realizes, but it had hurt Rhys.
“What—” Sage cuts himself off, his words dying on his tongue. “I mean. . .” he shakes his head. “What does that even. . .”
Wariness floods Rhys’s eyes as Sage catches his gaze, and the entire world seems to still as Sage watches him. Rhys looks panicked, as if he’s afraid that Sage might run away from him, despite knowing that Sage can’t. His jaw is clenched tight, his muscles tense. He seems to straighten up slightly, as if he's trying to to brace himself. Brace himself against Sage. He looks at Sage cautiously, his face guarded.
“You are my mate,” Rhys says, his voice barely a whisper.
“Mate,” Sage repeats quietly, testing the word on his tongue. “How. . .” he bites his lip, unsure. “What does that even mean?”
“A mate is. . .” Rhys starts, his voice strained. “A mate is a werewolf’s equal, their match in every way. It’s someone a werewolf completely gives themselves over to. Not just physically, but. . .” his pale skin flushes slightly, “emotionally, mentally. Someone their wolf resonates with. And someone who completely accepts all parts of them, too.”
Sage stares at him, taking a deep breath. “And. . .” his throat tightens. “That’s what I am to you?”
“Yes.” Rhys nods, his stoic face pulled taut with lingering pain. “A werewolf’s bond with their mate is really—” he pauses, thinking. “Deep,” he settles on, wincing slightly at his words. Sage realizes a moment later that Rhys is trying to explain this to him in a way he thinks that Sage will understand, even though he’s not completely getting his point across. “It’s a bond that makes them so connected that it. . .goes deeper than love. It is love, I mean,” Rhys says, wincing again. “It’s just. . .kind of like the purest form of it.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sage asks, trying to keep his voice steady, but he just can’t. He can’t wrap his head around all of this.
“I—” Rhys starts, panic beginning to flash over his features. “I didn’t. . .” he inhales sharply, frustrated with himself. “It’s not something I could just come out and say, Sage. It’s. . .a big deal.”
Sage scoffs slightly, shaking his head. “Yeah, I’m starting to get that, Rhys. How could you keep something this big from me?”
Rhys runs a hand through his hair again. “I didn’t want to keep it from you. I only just kind of realized it, Sage. I didn’t want to make you feel like. . .” he pauses again, trying to find the words. “I didn’t want you to feel trapped. Like you had to continue a relationship with me because of a bond that you don’t understand. It’s. . .”
He trails off, his body taut and guarded.
“You’ve known this the entire time? That I’m your mate?” Sage asks disbelievingly. “You’ve kept this from me for weeks. Jesus Christ. How long have you known?”
“Sage—” Rhys says cautiously, and Sage can’t even wait for him to finish before he’s interrupting again. His mind is spiraling.
“Do you think that you have some kind of like—claim on me? Is that what this is?”
“No,” Rhys says harshly, shaking his head. “I don’t think that at all, Sage. Please, baby. I’m trying to explain—”
“When were you going to tell me?” Sage cuts him off once more.
Rhys swallows, repeating, “Sage—”
“When were you going to tell me?” Sage repeats, his blood pounding in his ears.
“I don’t know, Sage,” Rhys admits. “I wanted to tell you as soon as I read about it in my ma’s journal. But that was a few days before the masquerade, and then I saw you in your suit, and I couldn’t think about anything else. I was going to tell you after the ball.” He runs his hand over his face and sighs. “But then you were taken, and I. . .”
Sage watches as he swallows again, rubbing his hand over his lips. “Knowing that you were out there like that, and that I had no idea where you were. . .it was awful, Sage. It’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt. Knowing that he was hurting you and that I couldn’t do anything to stop it killed me. He had you, my mate, and it. . .I couldn't. . .”
“Steele said you wouldn’t be able to hurt him because he had me,” Sage says, biting the inside of his cheek. “That your instincts wouldn’t let you hurt him.”
Rhys nods. “I can’t do anything that would put you in danger,” he says. “It’s like a visceral reaction. My wolf refuses to do anything to hurt you. I knew that if I moved to get to you, he’d snap your neck. I couldn’t get to you without risking your life, and I knew it, and so did he.”
“You read about it in your ma’s journals,” Sage says slowly. Rhys nods. “You didn’t know that I was your mate until you read about it?” he asks confusedly.
“No,” Rhys says, shaking his head. “I think I did know. I grew up learning about mates and mating bonds. I’ve always felt differently about you than I have about anyone else. If I didn’t realize you were my mate, my wolf did. My wolf chose you. It’s. . .” he pauses again. “It’s why I’ve always been more protective of you and. . .everything.”
“Then why. . .what things could you have avoided if you’d figured that out sooner, Rhys?”
“A bond between a werewolf and their mate,” Rhys starts, his forehead creasing. “It’s a bond so deep that it can’t be broken. It allows for mates to connect to each other. You and I, we’re. . .connected,” he finishes lamely, sighing. “It means that I can feel you. I can feel when you’re in danger, or if you’re in distress. But our bond. . .” he hesitates. “It’s different.”
“Why?” Sage asks, confused. “Because I’m a human?”
“That’s part of it,” Rhys nods tentatively. “But also because I’m an Alpha. Our bond could be stronger than a normal bond would be because I’m not a beta. It’s more intense. We would feel things more strongly.”
“Would?” Sage asks, his forehead creasing.
“Our bond isn’t complete,” Rhys says, running a hand over his face again.
“Oh,” Sage says. “Why isn’t it complete?”
Rhys grows even more tense. “In order for it to be completed, I’d have to bite you. That’s why I wanted to bite you when we were. . .” his cheeks flush again.
“That. . .didn’t have to do with how you can’t control your wolf?” Sage asks, beyond confused.
“No, it did,” Rhys sighs. “The entire reason I can’t control myself is because of our bond. It all kind of just clicked into place for me when Steele said that he’d been in my territory for weeks. My ma wrote that whenever she felt threatened, she’d be even more protective of my dad, her mate.” He glances at Sage with wary eyes. “She’d lose control of herself until she thought the threat was eliminated. I didn’t know that Steele was in my territory, not until I smelled him on you, but I think my wolf did. My wolf knew that there was a threat against my mate, and I lost control of my shift because of it. The jealousy over Hazel, the overprotectiveness—it’s because my wolf was worried about protecting you, way before I even realized that there was something to be worried about.”
Sage is silent for a second, processing that. “But you said that our bond isn’t complete. Why did you only start wanting to bite me when you smelled Steele’s scent on me?”
“I’m not completely sure,” Rhys says, giving a small shrug. “All of this. . .it’s kind of new to me, too. I grew up hearing about it, but. . .my parents were killed before they could really explain it to me. But I think I wanted to
bite you then because my wolf knew that Steele was a threat to you. If I would’ve bit you, it would have completed our connection, and then I would have been able to sense wherever you were. It’s kind of like a beacon. I would’ve known you were hurt, and I would’ve been able to find where he’d taken you without needing to track you.”
Sage doesn’t say anything after that, just quietly sits on the couch as he looks down at his left wrist, at where Steele had bitten him, analyzing the raised scar as if he’ll find all of the answers to all of the questions he has written into his skin. He feels like Rhys has just dropped a bomb on him, as if all of this information has made his mind split wide open.
“When Steele threatened to bite me,” he starts, glancing up at Rhys, “why did he say that I would despise you?”
A pained look settles over Rhys’s features again. “The place where he bit you—” he cuts himself off. “Do you remember when I told you that it means something to werewolves?”
Sage just nods blankly.
“When he threatened to bite you on your neck,” Rhys hesitates, swallowing, “it’s where I would bite you to complete our bond because I’m an Alpha. If he had bitten you there, it wouldn’t break our connection, but it would sort of nullify it.”
Sage thinks back to the way Rhys had panicked, how he had frozen completely as Steele had come dangerously close to biting his throat. He’d looked terrified, devastated.
“Where he bit you on your wrist,” Rhys continues, taking a deep breath, like the words are stuck in his throat. “That’s where a normal beta would bond themselves to their mates. He bit you there to turn you into a werewolf, but he also tried to claim you. He tried to force a mating bond on you.”
Sage’s entire body tenses at the vitriolic hatred in Rhys’s voice. He stills, and Rhys takes a steadying breath.
“He said that you would despise me because he thought that you’d belong to him. Sometimes, if a connection is strong enough, a mated pair can share their emotions. He hated me, and he was hoping that binding you to him would make you hate me, too.”
“I don’t,” Sage says immediately, shaking his head as his pulse begins to race. “I don’t, Rhys.”
“I know, baby,” Rhys says, tentatively reaching forward and running his thumb along Sage’s wrist. “I know you don’t.”
Sage nods, then moves his hand so he can entwine their fingers together. He needs the warmth of Rhys’s hand to ground him.
He takes a deep breath, nodding again. “Okay,” he says quietly. “But you reversed that bite.”
“Yes,” Rhys says, nodding. “He didn’t have the right to force that on you, especially without your consent. You don’t want to be a werewolf, and you didn't give him permission for any of it—trying to turn you or claim you. Mating bonds aren’t taken lightly. There needs to be prior consent from both partners. You have to completely accept the bond in order for it to take.”
“Take?” Sage repeats.
“A mating bond can be rejected. It’s rare, but it could happen if the recipient of the bite doesn’t want it. When he bit you, your body started to reject it. That’s why it caused you so much—” he pauses, taking another deep breath. “Caused you so much pain,” he finishes through clenched teeth.
“How did you reverse it?”
“I don’t really know how to explain that part,” Rhys admits shakily, trying to rein his rage in. “I used our connection to stop it. After you’d passed out from the pain, I pulled his claim out through your skin. It was. . .incredibly hard. Maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And it’s. . .a really big deal. I wouldn’t have been able to do that if our connection wasn’t. . .true.” He blushes. “Only the strongest Alphas are able to harness enough power to stop a bite like that. And it took a lot of my strength to do it. That’s why I was so weak. Kai took one look at me in that emergency room and knew something was wrong. I was already really weak from the wolfsbane that was in my system, but reversing your bite completely drained me. You had some of my strength in your veins, and our connection allowed for it to start healing you. That’s why you’re slowly healing.”
“Thank you,” Sage says weakly. “Thank you for doing that for me. I’m sorry that it took all of your strength to do it.”
Rhys shakes his head. “You don’t need to apologize, baby. He bit you against your will. He didn’t give you a choice.”
Silence overtakes the room as Rhys rubs his thumb along Sage’s palm, still so tense and anxious that his movements are a little rough. Sage watches their hands for a few seconds, exhaling deeply through his nostrils as he tries to sort through his jumbled thoughts.
EIGHTEEN
It takes Sage a few minutes to process through his muddled thoughts. Rhys doesn’t say anything as he continues to eye Sage warily, the pinched look on his face darkening his guilty expression.
Sage, even as jumbled as he is, can’t help but think that he doesn’t feel as if Rhys has blindsided him by finally telling him all of this information, even though a part of him is incredibly infuriated. Sage can’t believe that Rhys kept this from him for as long as he did. They’re mates. Sage doesn’t even really know what that means, or how he’s supposed to react to that. He doesn’t understand why Rhys would keep something this important from him.
He’s angry, but above that anger, Sage can’t stop the relief that blossoms over his chest. Out of all of the things he’s been imagining in his head, finding out that he’s Rhys’s mate doesn’t even remotely amount to the horrific things he’s been thinking. He feels kind of like he’s been swimming through dark water, and it’s only now that he’s finally been able to breach the surface. An overwhelming sense of clarity settles over him.
Sage doesn’t really know how he’s supposed to act. Sure, he’s been imagining every worst case scenario possible about what Rhys wanted to tell him, but it had never crossed his mind—never even occurred to him—that Rhys was going to explain that they were mates, that they have such a deep connection, a connection of love, between them that Rhys can feel when Sage is in danger. And now that he finally knows. . .what is he even supposed to do with that?
Sage has never been able to explain how deeply he feels for Rhys, or how fiercely he doesn’t want anyone to touch him, to hurt him. Sage has never been able to feel that way about anyone else.
He’d known when he was looking at Rhys in that wolfsbane circle that if he didn’t at least attempt to do anything to stop Steele, Rhys would have bled out. Rhys had been injured, shot right in front of Sage’s eyes, and Sage had gone out of his mind—absolutely livid—when he’d realized that Rhys could’ve been taken from him. Sage had pushed past his pain and fear, had acted on instinct, on a drive to protect Rhys that had come from the depths of his soul, from so deep inside of him. . .
So deep in him—
That it had never occurred to him that maybe he was driven to protect Rhys, the person he loves most in this world, because he somehow knew—that he could somehow feel—that Rhys was his mate, too.
And Rhys has known for weeks about their bond. Kai knows. Rhys had known even before they had cornered Steele at the masquerade. He’d known that Sage might react badly, because he knows Sage. He knows how Sage thinks.
Sage understands, then, why Rhys wouldn’t want to tell him. Rhys knows how Sage processes things. He knows that telling Sage that they’re mates might make Sage feel like Rhys is trying to claim him, that Rhys is trying to make Sage belong to him, even after he’s always insisted that they’re equals.
But Rhys had still tried to explain everything to him, even after Sage had started to get angry. He’s still trying to explain.
Learning that he and Rhys are mates. . .that’s something Sage hadn’t been expecting, but he knows that he’s always felt differently about Rhys than he ever has for anyone else. Sage doesn’t know the why or the how, but knowing that they share this bond together, that Rhys loves him so completely that the bond they have is pure love. . .well, it’s not like Sage
didn’t already feel that way. He’s known for a long time that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Rhys. He’d known from the moment they’d been laying in Rhys’s apartment years ago, when he’d told Rhys that he was in love with him for the first time, and that he’d known that Rhys was in love with him, too, that he wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Sage had known when he’d looked into Rhys’s eyes that first time and saw nothing but pure adoration in them, as if his gaze was saying it’s you, it’s always been you, that Rhys had completely and irrevocably ruined him for anyone else.
And, well, he’s still angry—because Rhys knows better than to try to keep something this important from Sage—but, he supposes this bond between them, his love for Rhys, is answer enough, even if he was never asked the question that Rhys is very pointedly not asking him.
Sage takes a deep breath after a few moments pass, and Rhys’s eyes snap to him immediately, as if he was waiting for any signs to tell him what Sage is feeling.
“I deserved to know all of that, Rhys,” Sage says slowly. “You shouldn’t have waited to tell me about our bond.”
“I know,” Rhys says quietly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how you would react, Sage. This isn't something that either of us signed up for when we started a relationship. It’s. . .werewolves mate for life, Sage. What I’m talking about is forever. Just because I’ll want you for the rest of my life doesn’t mean that your only option is to be with me.”
“You should have at least given me that option instead of trying to hide it from me, Rhys. We don’t keep things from each other. Especially not something like this.”
“I know that, Sage,” Rhys replies, his guilt shining brightly in his hesitant gray eyes.
“You decided that I wouldn’t want to be your mate before you even talked to me about it, Rhys. As far as I’m concerned, being your mate isn’t that different from what we already are to each other.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking,” Rhys says immediately, shaking his head.