by Bailey B
Asher shakes his head, the brooding expression he’s known for back in place. That’s better. Too much more of this mood swing and I might be fooled into thinking he cares. “Why do you hate me?”
I look around the cafeteria, scanning the lunch line for Maggie’s fire engine red hair. She should have been here five minutes ago. I exhale a sigh, realizing she probably got caught up with Mr. Alverson and that Asher is going to keep his I-am-your-friend charade going. “You ripped the head off my favorite doll.”
Asher leans his elbows on the table. His dark brows pull together, amethyst eyes staring into my soul. I shudder from the intensity but don’t look away because, in this light, they almost have a blue hue. It’s not often that I’m this close to Asher, actually paying attention to him. They’re fascinating.
“First of all, I never ripped her head off,” he states so matter of factly, I would have believed him had I not seen him clutching baby Ariel’s hair in his hands all those years ago. “And we were seven. Don’t you think it’s time to let that go?”
In truth, I have let it go, but in my head, this excuse doesn’t sound as pathetic as admitting he hurt my feelings. That I haven’t gotten over being called shark bait. “Liam told me I shouldn’t be alone with you. He says you’re not the guy you pretend to be.”
Asher picks up his burger with both hands, then takes a bite. Something so natural as eating should not be so fascinating, but the man moves with fluidity and grace. I never noticed it before and can’t stop watching. Grease drips onto the paper plate and down his arm. He sets the burger down, wipes his arm with a napkin, and then his mouth.
“Tell me, how is blindly following Liam working out for you again?”
He smirks and something inside me flutters. My lips turn down into a frown. I must be emotionally traumatized if I’m finding Asher appealing. I refuse to fall into the mosh pit of girls that lose their minds because they think he is attractive. Nope. Just nope.
I look around the cafeteria, desperate to find Maggie. She would set me straight and shoo him away. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like she is going to make it in time for lunch today.
My ears perk at the sound of a boisterous laugh that’s cut short. I look up and over to the door, already knowing what I’ll find. Liam stares at me, teeth clenched, fists balled at his sides. While he and Asher may be friends, there’s a lot of tension between them. Sometimes I wonder if they have the keep-your-friends-close-enemies-closer thing going on.
Liam shakes free from Corah’s love hold and storms across the cafeteria. People move out of the way because they aren't used to seeing this side of him off the football field. They don’t know about his temper. Liam works hard to hold the persona he’s created.
“What the fuck are you doing over here?”
I can’t tell if Liam is talking to me or Asher. It doesn’t matter, he looks murderous. His broad chest heaves up and down with each strained breath. He ignores Corah as she snakes her arms around his waist again, focusing on me for an extra second. For a moment, I can’t help but wonder, Is he jealous?
“Ellie and I wanted some alone time. Didn’t we, El?” Asher winks at me and my cheeks flush against my will. Being alone with Asher is the last thing I want. He’s arrogant and selfish and has a crude sense of humor. What’s he playing at?
“You’re joking.” Liam all but laughs. He’s pissed and it puts me on edge. Twice now he’s gotten mad at me, and I don’t know how to feel. Especially since I haven’t done anything wrong. “Him? Of all the people you could be fucking, you chose him? What the hell, Lainey?”
“I… um…” A balloon inflates in my lungs pushing on the magic button that starts my waterworks. I hate that Liam is upset with me, but I’m crushed he’d assume I’m screwing someone else. Does he think I’m that easy?
“I knew it,” Liam mumbles when I can’t formulate a sentence that doesn’t betray how hurt I am. He runs a hand through his hair, then shakes his head. His eyes narrow and fixate on Asher and I fully understand the phrase if looks could kill. “You're just like your mom. You can’t stay away from what isn’t yours.”
I don’t have time to figure out what Liam means before Asher stands, fists balled at his side, and says, “Really? You're going there?” He runs his tongue over his teeth and then makes a clicking sound. “Fine. You’re no better than your dad. Can’t keep your dick in your pants.”
“Fucking prick!” Liam smacks Asher’s soda off of his tray and the carbonated drink sprays everywhere. Once the can stops spinning, what’s left of the brown liquid spreads across the table, sliding off the edge and into my lap. My lip quivers as I look down at the mess that was Maggie’s clothes. Her skirt is soaked and her blouse is ruined, the front now more brown than white.
“Shit,” Asher mumbles under his breath. He stands and pulls his shirt over his head, lifting his undershirt in the process and exposing the hard lines of his stomach. For a moment, I’m stunned. The man truly is gorgeous. His fair skin pops against the contrast of his black skinny jeans. Hard lines exasperate the six-pack he’s worked hard to build the past few years. Every inch of him pulls me in, and those are just the parts of his body I can see.
Asher has always been attractive, drawing the eyes of anyone who dared to look. I’m looking. Really looking and wondering, When did he go from boyish cute to ‘make my heart race handsome’?
“Put this on,” he insists, tossing the white button-down at me.
I catch the fabric and hold it in my hands. I look to Liam for guidance because I’m more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles. That was a mistake. Liam’s neck flushes red as he removes Corah’s arm again. She’s trying to comfort him, to soothe him back into the calm, collected king the school knows. It’s not working. He’s too far into the red zone to see clearly.
“Lainey is fine!” Liam yells.
I am not fine.
I’m embarrassed, and wet, and sticky, and on the edge of losing the composure I’ve fought all morning to hold. Even though Liam is looking at me in a way he never has before, he made it clear last night that we are just friends. I shouldn't have to worry about him getting pissed at me for having lunch with Asher. He eats at our table all the time. Why is today any different? And why does he care if I put on Asher’s shirt? Besides, if Liam hadn’t thrown the soda, I wouldn’t need something to cover up with!
I slip my arms through the holes and pull the button down over my head. Asher isn’t a big guy but his shirt swallows me, falling halfway down my thighs, covering my skirt. His lingering scent swirls through me, a mixture of laundry detergent and beach musk. I like it. I don’t want to, but I do.
The corner of Asher’s mouth lifts into a delicious smile that makes my heart flutter. I bite my bottom lip and look from one boy to the other. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now, let alone why. All I know is Liam has gone from looking like he wants to kill Asher to looking at me with disgust and a little bit of desire.
“Come on, babe. Let’s get out of here.” Asher rounds the table and puts his arm over my shoulders.
Liam grabs me by my elbow before we can take more than a step and spins me to face him. He is the only person to ever hold me the way Asher is and it has never been in public. Our moments were stolen in the dark, away from prying eyes.
“Lainey, what the hell is wrong with you? You hate Asher.”
I don’t hate Asher, but that doesn’t mean there is anything going on between the two of us either. I know I should say something to let Liam know that Asher and I are just friends, and that is a stretch, but I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Like my every breath hangs on Liam’s approval or that my heart beats for his sideways glances. Maggie was right all along; I deserve to be more than someone’s dirty little secret.
“Why does it matter? You and I are only friends. Remember?”
“I know that.” Liam huffs. “I don’t think Asher is good enough for you.”
“Lee Lee,” Corah coos. She steps in
front of him, silently demanding his attention, but Liam looks past her. To us. “Don’t be silly. You should be thrilled your two best friends are together. We can double date now!”
“Yeah.” Asher wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me out of Liam’s reach. “That sounds like fun. What are you two doing next Friday night?”
Liam’s eyes widen and then narrow on me. His reaction to double dating makes me feel like I’ve been gutted under the weight of his gaze. I hate it. I want the strength I had moments ago, when I shoved it in his face that he lost all say in what I do when he made us friends. I want to be the girl who lives freely without worrying about what a guy who never gave two shits about her, until now, thinks. Most importantly, I want Liam to realize that he’s an idiot for giving up on us and I think the way to do that is to make him jealous. That’s the only logical explanation for why he’s acting this way. He’s jealous.
Maybe that’s why I reach my hand up and cup the back of Asher’s neck.
Maybe I’m intrigued by the tiny flutter in my stomach from when Asher’s head dips.
And maybe, just maybe, I like the rush of adrenaline that shoots through me when Asher’s mouth presses against mine.
The kiss lasts a fraction of a second, but it’s long enough to set me on fire. Even without tongue, Asher’s lips make me weak at the knees. I don’t understand why he has this effect on me. I gave up on my pathetic excuse of a crush when he called me shark bait, but something inside me stirs to life. Something I’m not ready to acknowledge.
Asher pulls back and rests his chin on my shoulder. His heart beats wildly in his chest, and mine mimics the rhythm. Hard thumps. Fast thrums.
“Liam.” He smirks. “It’s been fun, but there are only five minutes left of lunch and I plan to use every minute of it. If you know what I mean.”
Asher takes my hand in his. He pulls me out of the cafeteria and we run down the hallway then duck into the empty art room. He closes the door behind us and that bubble in my chest pops. An invisible noose wraps around my neck, tightening with every strained breath. Breaths that, no matter how big, never fill my lungs. So I take another and another. Each one faster than the last, but there’s never enough air.
I kissed Asher.
I let Liam and everyone else in the cafeteria think I moved on with his best friend.
I. Ruined. Everything.
“Breathe, Ellie.” Asher rubs his hands down my arms. I look into his eyes, tears streaming down my cheeks.
This can’t be happening.
He seems so calm. Like everything that just happened is normal, but nothing about today has been normal. Normal was on another planet and we’ve moved two galaxies away.
Asher takes a large, exaggerated breath that spans the time of four of mine. He does that again and says, “Like this.”
I copy him, forcing my breathing to match his slow and steady pace. After a few seconds, I feel my lungs fill and a weight lift from my chest. Today has been a whirlwind. I don’t know which part was worse—coming to school looking and feeling like I’d been run over by a truck, pissing Liam off; or needing Asher, of all people, to talk me through a panic attack.
Asher pulls a couple of stools out from one of the tables and sits across from me. “You good?”
“Yeah.” As good as I can be from emotional whiplash. I’ve gone from Liam’s closet girlfriend to Asher’s newest conquest in a matter of hours. At least only half of the rumors are true. I sit onto the other stool and brush my cheeks with the back of my hand. Black water stains my skin and I realize the makeup Maggie worked so hard on this morning is ruined. I run my fingers under my eyes then wipe them on my skirt. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Going along with all that craziness.” I flick my wrist, indicating I’m talking about what went down in the cafeteria. I don’t know what to call it besides crazy.
Asher’s lips lift in the corner. I like his smile, which is terrifying because, before today, it’s been years since I’ve noticed it. “It’s cool. It was kind of fun.”
“Why’d you do it? Say we’re together?”
Asher rubs his jaw. He stares at the wall behind me, searching his thoughts. After too many moments of quiet, he meets my gaze again. “I didn’t like what people were saying about you today.”
Panic slithers down my spine. I’ve known all day that my name has been in people’s mouths, but no one has had the balls to say any of it to my face. Everything I know about today’s gossip is speculation based on snippets I’ve caught. “What are they saying?”
Asher shakes his head and looks down at his hands. “Nothing. It doesn’t matter, because everyone thinks you’re mine now.”
“We aren’t together, Asher. Don’t you think people will be suspicious when they see you hooking up with someone else?” They might not. I mean, I was Liam’s backup girl. Their words, not mine. Would it be so hard to imagine that I could be the same for Asher? I shudder. I don’t want people to think I’m an easy lay with no morals.
“We’ve only got a few weeks left, Ellie. I can keep my hands to myself.”
“But why would you want to?”
I’m trembling, only I’m not cold. My nerves are shot and the thought of being Asher’s girlfriend is too much to handle. Even if it is fake. We aren’t enemies but we haven’t exactly been friends either. Outside of lunch, I don’t hang out with him. We have nothing in common. Asher spends all of his free time at parties or down some hussy’s pants. Whereas I am either with Liam, Maggie, or at home.
I shake my head, finding more flaws with Asher’s plan the longer I think about it. “Liam will never forgive us if we do this. Are you willing to throw years of friendship away over a fake girlfriend? Because I can promise you nothing is gonna happen between us, Asher.”
“Liam’s dad slept with my mom. He’s not my friend, Ellie. He’s my half-brother.”
“What?” I stare at Asher in disbelief and wait for him to elaborate because there is no way in hell I heard him right.
Asher shrugs like this bit of information is no big deal. It’s a HUGE fucking deal. A mind-blowing, world tipping big deal. Everything makes sense now. The fights with our parents. Them forbidding us to see Asher and yet, except for the third grade, we’ve always been in the same school. Even though he’s never lived in the right school zone. “How long have you known?”
“Since the sixth grade. The only reason I was able to come to Ridgewater freshman year is because Derek pulled some strings. The old principal was adamant that, because I was out of zone, I couldn’t come here.” Asher pauses to flash a wicked grin. “I obviously got my way.”
That smile falls and Asher rubs his palms across his thighs, then rests his hands on his knees. “Anyway, Liam likes to throw it in my face that I’m a home-wrecking bastard. I didn’t intend to drag you into our drama, Ellie. I just wanted to know why you were sitting by yourself today, but then Liam started with his usual malarkey and I snapped. He acts like he owns you.”
“He’s just protective.” I look down at my hands, embarrassed. Liam can be possessive at times, but it’s only because he loves me. At least, that's what I've always told myself. Now, I’m not so sure.
“No, Liam wants to have his cake and eat it too, which is bullshit.” Asher stands and pushes his stool back under the table. “What do you say?” He holds out his hand. “Be my fake girlfriend for the last few weeks of school.”
I take it and let him help me to my feet. On a normal day, I’d be thrown by Asher’s show of chivalry. Today, however, I think I’ve gone numb. He pushes my stool back under the table, beside his, but doesn’t let me go. A tingle of… something… trickles through my veins. Like the kiss, I don’t want to think about the feeling, let alone figure out what it means. “I don’t know.”
“Come on, Ellie. By now, the rumors will be running rampant. Everyone probably thinks we’re together anyway.” He pauses, waiting for my response but I’m still unsure. “Did you see the way L
iam looked at us?”
“Yeah.” I sigh, thinking about the way Liam's eyes narrowed on me. “He was pissed.”
“No, he was jealous. Guys want what they can’t have, and I publicly took you off the market.”
I tuck both of my lips between my teeth and fight a smirk. I hoped as much, but hearing my suspicions confirmed is nice. I swallow hard, not sure what’s crazier: Asher’s suggestion or that I’m actually considering it. If Asher is right, and Liam was jealous of us, there is a chance I can get him to see me as more than… whatever I am to him. “You think he was jealous?”
Asher laughs and puts his arm over my shoulder. He opens the door with his free hand and we step out into the hallway. Those lips, the ones I just had on mine only minutes ago, hover close to my ear. He’s putting on a show for anyone who’s looking, and people are looking.
“I know he was.”
I stare at the four text messages I’ve sent Liam, waiting for his reply bubbles to pop onto my screen. I’ve been standing at the front entrance of the school for thirty minutes with fleeting hope that we are okay. He ignores me, which I should have expected after what happened in the cafeteria, except now I’m stuck at school without a ride home.
I squeeze my phone between my fingers and glance over my shoulder at the football field. Maggie still has another hour of band practice. It wouldn’t be the end of the world to wait for her, but then I’d have to explain how Liam stood me up and she’ll sing the get under someone to get over him tune. Kissing Asher today was one thing, but sleeping with him, or anyone else for that matter, is a horse of a different color.
My ears perk at the sound of an engine. It’s too loud to be Liam’s Range Rover and no one at this school has enough money for a classic muscle car. Which means it could only be one thing: a motorcycle. And there is only one person in our school who rides one.
I take that back. Plenty of girls have ridden it. Too many, if the rumors are right. My stomach twists at the thought. Yet again, I refuse to acknowledge that the sensation is from anything other than disgust. I squashed what stupid feelings I had for Asher years ago. There is no way in hell I’m letting them come back. Especially now.