by Alex Miska
“Jackson needs a computer,” Quinn said with faux exasperation. “We’re getting parts, and then we’ll help him build it. Don’t you remember?”
Julian had remembered suggesting that, but hadn’t realized it was the first thing on the vacation to-do list. Then again, being computerless did constitute an emergency situation. They spent hours debating processors and video cards and motherboards and memory and how well different items worked together. Not only did Jackson have a ton of questions, but they were quality questions that proved that he’d already put a lot of thought into this project. They all had their smartphones out, checking reviews of various products and comparing notes.
Once they got through checkout and filled the car with their purchases, Julian asked, “How hungry are you?”
“Is this a trick question?” Jackson asked.
“I need to stop by the office for a sec. Want to come?”
“Who are you trying to set me up with?” Quinn asked.
“So suspicious! No, I want you to meet the guys there, maybe think about changing careers or doing consulting… but I told you about Buzzard. No way am I setting you up with him.” Buzzard was a giant wall of man-meat that had informed Julian that he didn’t hate him, despite the fact that Buzzard was an ultra-masc shade of gay (the kind who was the arch-enemy of femme men like Julian). Apparently, not hating him was high praise from the man, but Julian still avoided him whenever possible.
“Yeah! Let’s go to the compound!” Jackson said. Compound? Where the heck did they think Julian worked, a cult? Then again, as they rolled up to Heimdall Security, with its gate and codes, crawling with former military personnel… Julian had to concede that this wasn’t exactly your typical office building.
Julian’s companions were a study of contrasts, Quinn with his studied nonchalance and Jackson with his wide-eyed wonder. Their first stop was Specter’s workroom, which Julian liked to call ‘Gadget Central.’ He snuck up behind his immediate supervisor and, just as he was about to tap him on the shoulder, Specter said, “Boo!”
Julian jumped a foot in the air, and his friends snickered. One day, Julian would actually manage to sneak up on the retired SEAL but, alas, today was not that day. Specter turned and asked, “Did I miss the memo? Is it Take Your Kid To Work Day?”
“I came to check in, find out if there was anything you needed me to do, and I didn’t want to make them sit in the car.” If Julian had a bit of a whine in his voice, he wasn’t willing to acknowledge it. Specter grunted and turned back to fixing his doohickey.
Apparently that grunt was greeting enough, because Jackson and Quinn immediately began looking around. The kid had a question about everything, and Specter continually interrupted Julian’s explanations with his own gruff answers. Noticing Specter’s impatience, like a shark sensing blood in the water, Quinn began peppering him with questions of his own. The first was out of genuine curiosity but, after that, they became more and more obviously intended to infuriate until Specter broke and warned, “It is time for you to leave.”
Quinn nodded. “It was nice to meet you, Inspector Gadget.”
“I wish I could say the same, Quinn Ostry. And… Jackson, if you ever want to do a summer internship, let me know.”
As they left, Jackson asked, “How does he know our names?”
Julian had to laugh. He hadn’t introduced them today, but Specter had an eidetic memory. “Specter’s observant. He helped me teach your self-defense class a few times, remember?”
“Well, yeaahhh. But I was always with Dean. And how does he know Quinn?”
“When he did a background check on me, I’m sure Quinn’s name came up.” Well, that and Julian tended to chat a lot when he worked on hardware, and most of his recent fun-with-electronics stories included Quinn.
They bumped into Max as soon as they stepped outside the doorway. Max took one look at the three of them and said, “I win!”
“Seriously, you were the only one to guess he’d come on Thursday with the two of us?” Quinn asked.
“Lunchtime on Thursday,” Max clarified as he reached out to shake Quinn’s hand and clap him on the shoulder. “I’m glad to finally meet you, Quinn. I’ve heard so much about you. And Jackson, how are you doing?”
“How does everybody know I’m Jackson?” he asked with wide-eyed wonder.
“Because you’re with these two geeks. Finally building that computer?” The more people said to his friends, the more embarrassed Julian got by the sheer amount he must talk. Given how much time he’d been spending with Cassius and Frankie this past fall, he just hoped he talked more about people than he did about dogs.
“Can I see your guns? Can I touch them?” Quinn asked, as though star-struck. Max gave him a curious glance and flexed his bicep.
“Very impressive. But I think Quinn means actual gun-guns.” Julian had never understood why men referred to their arms as guns, but Max’s bicep was approximately the size of Jackson’s head, so it qualified as weaponry.
“I did, but…” As if mesmerized, Quinn reached out and felt up Max’s arm anyway, and then snatched his hand away. “Sorry. Umm… so, I’ve read a lot about them and created virtual models, but I was wondering if I could see some of the hardware up close. Maybe even shoot something?”
Julian met Jackson’s eyes and put a finger to his lips. This was his place of work. They would have to save the snarky sexually-loaded commentary for later.
“Sorry, employees only. But I’m familiar with what you do for Call to Arms. If you ever want to do some consulting work, let me know. Specter will probably have to give you a techie interview, but you passed the background check.” Julian loved that Max ran background checks on people before receiving résumés. It was simultaneously intrusive and protective and badass. Max handed Quinn his card and Quinn began to snicker.
“Maxim Domovik? Really? Domovik? Please tell me you do house security too.”
Max sighed. “That’s why we went with my handle, Heimdall.”
“Yes, I suppose naming your company after a Viking god is better than a… a…” Quinn started to laugh harder.
“House goblin?” Max supplied with a resigned expression on his face, causing Jackson and Julian to join in the laughter.
“House goblin?” Julian asked.
“It has different names in different areas, but a domovik is this bitchy little goblin that protects homes. But if you don’t keep the place clean or it doesn’t like your decorating aesthetic, it fucks with you and breaks shit,” Quinn explained while Max’s face colored. Quinn’s family came from various Slavic countries, so he had all kinds of weird Eastern European knowledge swimming in that head of his, and it was finally coming in handy.
“Are you done?” Max asked, crossing his arms.
“What did you do to Xander’s place back when it was in its creepy black-and-white décor?” Quinn asked instead.
“I’m not his house goblin,” Max clarified, which made Jackson laugh harder.
“Whose house goblin are you?” Julian couldn’t resist asking.
“I’m… Shut up. All of you go home. I’ll see you on Monday, Julian.” Max began to walk down the hall, but then stopped. “Jackson, I’m keeping an eye on your sister. Let me know if you’re ever worried about her, okay?”
“Thank you,” Jackson rasped, blinking back sudden tears and Julian hugged the boy to his side. On Monday, Julian had come here to get some background on the boys’ family. There were quite a large number of men who’d offered to go on an ‘Ass-Kicking Field Trip’ on the boys’ behalf, and Max had had words with the police over how badly they’d mishandled the situation.
“Let’s go build that computer,” Quinn suggested, angling Jackson toward the exit.
“Can we eat first?” Jackson asked. “Something really unhealthy? Logan is getting fixated on us eating a nutritious, balanced diet, so I don’t think I’ll be getting normal food for a while.”
As th
ey walked outside, a bunch of men were arriving and cheerfully greeted Julian and his friends. It didn’t escape his notice that Jackson checked out their asses as they passed; he might have to give the kids lessons on covert eye-fucking.
“I had no idea you worked with so many hot gay guys!” Jackson said as soon as they entered the car.
“I… don’t.” Julian was utterly baffled by Jackson’s comment.
“Oh come on! There’s Inspector Gadget and the house goblin, and one of those guys we passed is definitely-” Jackson listed in youthful optimism. Julian tried to figure out how the kid had gotten that impression. He looked to his friend for help, but Quinn sat there gape-mouthed.
“Oh no! I knew this day would come!” Quinn moaned. “Love broke his gaydar.”
Character Guide
Sir Francis Bacon disembarked from his chest-chariot and settled on the floor to watch the scene before him. This was an unexpected gathering of people and animals in Luna’s home, and he was utterly fascinated. His best friend, Cassius, walked over and lay down next to him. ‘How’s it going?’
‘Well, thank you,’ Frankie asked distractedly. ‘I have some questions, if you don’t mind.’
‘I’m always happy to help your studies,’ Cassius said. Frankie was aware that quite often, Cassius was just humoring him, but Frankie was heartened by the fact that his friend cared enough to pretend.
‘Do you know why Logan’s brother Greg and his friend and the Safe Harbor pup are here? Where are Chance and Logan? Why aren’t the felines getting in the way? Why is a tree in the house and who is that lying underneath it?’ Frankie wished he had opposable thumbs and a notebook to record his observations.
As soon as the school year started, Trip had introduced Frankie to a colleague of his while he gave a mathematics lecture. A student had come into the office for guidance, and as soon as Frankie heard the woman describe her area of study, he was hooked. He couldn’t believe there were people who were just as interested in learning about human behavior as he was, and that there was an entire field of study around it called Anthropology. Every week that month, Trip allowed him to spend time in her office while he taught, so that Frankie could better understand the formalities of the subject.
‘Well, the Safe Harbor boy is Chance’s brother. So is his mirror-boy. They finally live here now. Chance is going to care for them because they are still pups. Greg and Tommy are here to talk to them and-’
‘Hi!!!’ Luna called to Frankie, running past with a toy.
‘Hello, my dear!’ Frankie called after her, before returning to his conversation. ‘It appears your nose assessed the situation correctly, Cassius. I’m impressed. Perhaps there is an ass-ological medical journal in which you can publish your findings. We should ask Greg; he would know. As for my other questions?’
‘Chance and Logan are off doing their weekday stuff.’
‘Ah, yes. Just like my Trip. I had almost forgotten. And the tree?’
‘Some people put a tree in their house every once in a while. They put packages under it for others to tear open. Julian’s parents do this, but I’ve never seen one in Chance’s home before.’ Frankie had never heard of this ritual, and he hoped he would be able to witness the entire process. Cassius continued, ‘The bitch under the tree is named Roger. She is protecting the tree, and the cats must respect or fear her because they’ve been up on their wall-seats the whole time I’ve been here.’
‘Roger’s my new friend! She’s awesome!’ Luna shouted as she ran after her toy, which had been thrown by the human pup.
‘That’s wonderful!’ Frankie replied but, as always, reserved judgment. Luna thought everything and everyone was awesome.
‘Roger lives here now,’ Cassius added. ‘The boys belong to her.’
‘She’s lovely,’ Frankie said. Roger had a long graceful neck, and he imagined she smelled wonderful. ‘Once she wakes up, I’d love to get to know her better. What is her field of study?’
‘I don’t know if she has one yet. If she doesn’t, perhaps you could help her find one,’ Cassius suggested.
‘In all due time. First, I must observe. Too much is different today, and I must not waste this opportunity.’ Cassius fell asleep next to Frankie as he watched and listened. The men and boy discussed medicine, comparing the fields of human and animal doctoring and the necessary education for each, then they began talking about family and rules.
Frankie was so absorbed by the conversation that he didn’t even notice Roger was awake until she stood before him. She introduced herself in the traditional manner, and Frankie stood to allow her better access. ‘It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. Cassius informs me that the human pups belong to you.’
‘They are such good boys,’ Roger said, sighing. ‘Have you met them?’
‘Yes, I used to see them occasionally when they lived in a pup-hotel called Safe Harbor,’ he said.
‘They didn’t live here? Why not? Who took care of them?’ she asked with a small whimper, and Frankie felt a pang of guilt for distressing her.
‘Do not worry, they were happy there. There were other girls and boys, and they took care of each other. There were no dogs, I’m sad to say, but Cassius and I visited them regularly,’ he tried to reassure her.
‘I don’t like this,’ she said. ‘I don’t like this at all. They didn’t even have cats?’
‘No, but I think that was for the best. I don’t trust those creatures,’ Frankie said, a growl in his voice.
‘You’re right, you’re right. But I don’t like this,’ Roger said, pacing back and forth across the room. Perhaps a change of subject was in order.
‘May I ask what it is you study?’ he asked. She looked at him askance, so he clarified, ‘What are your interests? What do you do all day?’
‘I sleep and I take care of my pups,’ she said. ‘I used to race against other dogs when I was younger, and occasionally I run for fun now, but I became a mother and everything changed. I had two beautiful litters, and now I have adopted these human-pups.’
‘Motherhood is a very important job.’ Frankie told her and Cassius was quick to agree. Frankie only knew two mothers. One belonged to Julian, but Julian was old enough to care for himself. The other was his Trip’s sister, and her pups were very active and tiring. It was no wonder that Roger did so much sleeping. ‘Tell me, do you like your snood? My human made it for you. He also makes hats for Cassius, such as the one he is wearing now, and his work is much in demand.’
‘This snood is wonderful! Fashionable and warm! I’d be so happy if your person could make me another one day. Or maybe a sweater! Ohhh, I’d love a sweater!’ Roger said, and Frankie jumped at the opportunity to make her happy.
‘Then I shall convince him to make you more. It may take a good amount of intense staring to get the thought into his mind, but I will set myself to the task immediately,’ he vowed.
‘Thank you!’ she said, looking truly happy, and Frankie basked in the glow of her happiness.
‘And Cassius,’ Frankie said, turning to his friend, as he feared Roger might see just how enamored he was of her, ‘your headwear is fascinating, and it is not one fashioned by my human Trip, is it?
‘I’m sorry. But I can never have too many hats, or so my soulmate, Julian, says.’ Cassius looked so sadly repentant that Frankie licked his chin, letting him know there were no hard feelings. Aside from his ass-ological studies, Cassius was an avid millinophile, and was growing an impressive collection of hats. In fact, Frankie rarely saw him without something atop his head. ‘The box-man brought it to our house. Julian calls it a Jester hat, and it keeps surprising me! Your Trip has to try making something with these ding-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ahs!’
Cassius’ face was a study of rapture as he shook his head back and forth. The hat had colorful protuberances tipped with metal balls that tinkled with each motion he made. It was odd, and the noise would drive Frankie to distraction, but it suited his
friend.
‘Yes, it’s very nice Cassius, even though it’s really loud,’ Roger said kindly, but then she yawned.
‘You’re tired,’ Frankie observed.
‘Go sleep. We’ll take care of your boy for you,’ Cassius told her, stealing Frankie’s idea. He felt a pang of jealousy; Frankie had wanted to be the one to offer. Roger smiled at the two of them and returned to her post beneath the tree.
‘Back off,’ Frankie told Cassius with a growl.
‘Whatever,’ his friend said, lying back down for a nap. ‘But just for the record, I’m just as tall as she is, and I saw her first.’
Frankie growled under his breath and returned to studying this novel gathering of humans.
Character Guide
Dean was beginning to get really frustrated. Having a big brother and family that actually cared about what he was doing had been amazing for the first few days, but now he was beginning to see the downside. He and his siblings had been pretty much given free rein. The three of them had done the laundry and cleaning, cooked for the family, gone back-to-school shopping, and more completely on their own.
But right now, Greg Moore and his best friend Tommy were sitting in his living room, trying to make conversation. They were nice guys and genuinely wanted to get to know Dean, but they were mainly here because his big brother didn’t want to leave him unsupervised.
“You know you don’t need to babysit me, right? I’m not going to burn the house down or run away,” Dean finally blurted.
Luna bonked him in the shoulder with her squeaky toy, but abandoned him to yip in excitement when Tommy leaped off the couch and held his fists in the air, shouting, “Finally, someone wins a bet against the almighty Gregory Moore! You witnessed this, Dean. It happened right now: eleven twenty-two a.m. on December eighth! Come on, fork it over. I FUCKING WON.”