by Alex Miska
“Not ideal?” Xander asked.
“No, it will be. I just… We could barely agree on a shade of purple, and now look at these orchids! The florist held one of our linens up to it so you can see the difference. It’s all wrong!”
“Why is the florist working on Christmas?” Kendall whispered to Jackson.
“Maybe they’re Jewish,” he whispered back. Jackson was using more gender-neutral pronouns these days, and Dean was certain it was for Kendall’s benefit.
“Does it matter?” Marcus asked. “They’re freaking out over a flower.”
“I wish those dildo plants had bloomed already,” Julian grumbled. “Those lilies would have been great.”
“These orchids aren’t that bad. I’m telling you right now, we’re not changing the table linens. Or the chairs.”
“We’ll have to change the boutonnieres, though.”
“We are not changing the boutonnieres!” Xander shouted.
“But these orchids…”
“No. They’re fine. In fact, we can use the ones that match the décor the least. We don’t need to match the table.”
“I guess the vests are dark enough and closer to the right color,” Julian muttered.
“How about we wear the ivory vests I liked.” Julian snorted rudely at Xander’s suggestion, and Kendall giggled.
“You could each wear different vests!” Marcus called up the stairs.
Both men shouted, “No!” before Xander grumbled that they’d never have a private conversation again, which was more than a touch dramatic.
“But Xander, seriously, those vows…” Dean could hear the tears in Julian’s voice. “Please, please… I can’t…”
“Why, Brat? Tell me why you’re insisting on traditional vows. I just can’t understand it, and writing our own vows is really important to me. I want everybody to kn-”
“Because… because I can’t… I can’t write them!” Julian gasped.
“You write beautifully, and you tell me you love me every day. Why can’t-”
“Even if we had four years to plan this wedding, I still wouldn’t be able to come up with a way to express just how much you mean to me, and how grateful I am to have found you and have a life with you. You’re funny and smart and weird and loving and tender and protective and goofy and fashionable and a good listener and persnickety, and I don’t have four years. I have four weeks and- and-”
“It’s okay. It’s okay, Brat. I love you too, and traditional vows are a great idea. I’ll just have to keep doing silly vows until then.”
“Maybe we can find a good compromise. I know it’s important to you. But could you stop the silly vows? You already got Quinn calling me Stumpy. Isn’t that enough?”
“No more silly vows?! Are you suuure?” Dean had a feeling the giggles and those loud smackings were the sounds of Xander kissing Julian in the silliest way he could.
‘Awww,’ Kendall mouthed before grabbing Marcus’ arm and trying to drag him away.
“We want to hear some silly vows!” Marcus called upstairs before loudly asking the twins, “Did you get to hear any silly vows? I feel deprived. Deprived!”
“No, we haven’t.” But Dean was just as curious as Marcus. “And Kendall’s right, if we don’t move along now, things will happen that we can’t unhear. In fact, I think we’re already hearing-”
“You are not,” Julian said from the top of the landing. His face was splotchy from crying, which meant that there was at least one thing Julian didn’t do flawlessly. Well, that and singing; Julian’s karaoke serenade to Xander on Halloween had sounded a lot like those internet videos of dogs trained to bark human-sounding words.
“Does this mean you’re both still together?” Marcus teased. “Because the wrong shade of purple orchid sounds like a marriage-crushing ordeal.”
“Oh hush, you,” Julian said, blushing. All four of them giggled. “Just watch Chance and Logan’s bizarre meltdowns as they spend the next five years planning their wedding.”
Dean could imagine his older brother having multiple similar breakdowns over their wedding. But Logan? “Logan won’t have a meltdown,” he told the group at large. “He’ll probably just keep talking Chance off the ledge like Xander just did for you.”
“Ohhhhh, I think it’s time for our family to share some stories over dessert,” Julian said with a wicked grin. “Logan doesn’t lose his cool very often, but when he does… Chance and I have tantrums but Logan? It’s epic. And you know what he’s like when he starts making lists. C’mon, Trouble.”
Julian held his hand out to Marcus, but Kendall snatched it herself. Yes, their Kendall actually held his hand, saying, “No more crying or else we’ll switch all your orchids to calla lilies! Don’t push us on this, mister.”
“But Kennndallll…” Julian whined. “Calla lilies are for funerals!”
Gigi received a gift ‘from Dani’ (which Amelia had mailed for them when she was upstate visiting family), containing a silly mug, a cozy fleece blanket, and a digital frame filled with new and old photos. Although she might not be allowed to keep it, Chance also sent an official gift: a stuffed dog, a pink fleece jacket, and a picture of Dean, Jackson, and Chance in the snow with Luna and Roger. Chance even included a note letting his grandparents know the boys were healthy, adhering to his very strict rules, and wouldn’t be allowed to date until they were 18. The day of the wedding, they received a very formal thank you note from Gigi and a far less formal secret Skype session because Gig desperately needed to see the hall as they helped get everything ready. It also meant she got to meet more of the people in their life, including Marcus and Kendall.
Apparently, the archway had to be built by hand and the fairy lights woven through it, in addition to stringing lights throughout the room. Quinn, Tommy, Chance, and Trip were all helping keep the grooms sane (although each groom escaped his watchdogs twice already to kibbitz over how the hall was coming together). Logan, Amelia, Dani, Grandma, and Nana were all working on food prep at Moore Delicious. Luckily, a contingent of giant, former military men had helped the boys and Chance pick Kendall and Marcus up, and they stayed to help them, Greg, and Grandpa hang lights around the room.
“None of them are gay,” Marcus poked his head between Dean’s and Jackson’s to tell Gigi.
“None of who?” Dean asked.
“Whom,” Gigi corrected because she didn’t get enough of an opportunity to correct them these days.
“The army dudes!” Marcus’ stage whisper was drawing attention.
“Hey! That’s security dudes. I’m Navy,” Specter shouted.
“You know they can hear everything you’re saying, right?” Jackson asked, blushing. “Besides, maybe some of them are just bi but seriously, they’re not all straight.”
“They didn’t ping Julian’s gaydar,” Dean reminded them.
“I want to see the room again!” Gigi shouted, wanting another excuse to check everyone out.
“I don’t see how their sexuality is any of our business,” Kendall said sharply.
“True, but Quinn is miserable. Maybe he’ll move here if-” Jackson jerked his head in the Security Dudes’ direction.
“Letting Quinn feel up his bicep doesn’t constitute serious sparks, especially if Julian didn’t notice,” Dean reminded his twin. “Besides, wouldn’t Xander know?”
“Seriously, guys. Stop it. Now. You’re being rude,” Kendall said, an edge to her voice warning them all that they had crossed a line.
“You’re right. I’m sorry. It’s none of our business. I just like the idea that big, manly men don’t have to be straight, you know?” Jackson was a little too obsessed with being manly, Dean thought. Then again, Dean did his push-ups and sit-ups and burpees right alongside his twin, so maybe he was being too hard on him. What Jackson really wanted was to fit in. Dean wished that his need to be himself didn’t directly affect how their peers saw his brother, but maybe the contrast would actua
lly help him.
“Sparky’s gaydar isn’t broken,” the guy they called Buzzard said from clear across the room. “His gaydar just depends on everyone being attracted to him, and he’s our cute little mascot. You don’t fuck your mascot.”
Greg and Grandpa started to laugh so hard they nearly fell off their ladders.
“Sparky’s more like our weird, annoying little brother,” Specter argued. “He’s too useful to be a mascot. And seriously, do you think he’s the poster boy for Heimdall Security?”
“Aww, I’m sorry. You wanted to be the mascot, didn’t you?”
“No,” Specter said way too quickly. “Why, do you?”
“Neither of you gets to be our mascot. We need someone who isn’t a complete asshole,” Max said with a note of finality.
“You’re right, boss,” Specter said. “Clearly you’re the mascot.”
“Why aren’t you turning the screen so I can see who’s talking?” Gigi asked.
“You’d only see their butts anyway,” Dean told her.
“Soooo?”
“You’re right. You’re missing out,” Marcus lifted the twins’ new tablet and showed Dean’s sister the rest of the room. “They all have some pretty hot asses.”
“Hey! How about you go back to staring at our asses while actually helping?” Specter barked at them.
“Yes, sir! I’ll stare at you from up close, sir!” Marcus said with a salute. At least these men took their ogling with humor.
“I’ll talk to you later,” Gigi said, laughing. “Congratulate the grooms for me and send me pictures!”
Character Guide
Cassius was so excited and confused. Luna and Roger and Frankie were all here in this place that smelled like tons of people he’d never met, and he was the only one who wasn’t dressed up yet. His boy and girl (who didn’t know they were his yet, dammit) and Roger’s boys were putting things on the wall and ceiling, and people who worked with his Julian were helping, and so were Julian’s brother and father.
‘Why are we here?’ Cassius asked his friends. ‘There are so many people here too. Do you know what they’re doing? Never mind. That doesn’t matter. All that matters is my soulmate and Xander are so anxious, and I should be with them.’
‘Trip says Julian and Xander are getting married,’ Frankie said. ‘Dani and Greg got married, but we didn’t get to witness it first-hand. This time, we get to observe the ritual for ourselves.’
‘But what does married mean?’ Cassius asked. ‘When my soulmate and Xander talk about it, they are happy and worried and angry. It doesn’t make sense. Is married good or bad?’
‘Chance and Logan decided to get married,’ Roger reminded him. ‘They’re very happy about it. Everyone’s happy about it. The boys say that that makes Logan their brother too. Now let’s take a nap.’ Roger curled into a tight ball and fell instantly asleep. Cassius envied her ability to be so calm when so much was going on.
Luna poked Cassius’ hip with her nose and echoed the words Julian had told him this morning, ‘Married means they’ll be together forever and ever! It’ll be awesome! Will Chance and Logan have a party like this?’
‘I think everyone has a party when they get married,’ Frankie said decisively. ‘I believe it’s the party that is making them unhappy.’
‘So you think Julian and Xander will be happy after the party?’ Cassius asked. If they were together forever and ever, Cassius would be in heaven. Then again, it had never occurred to him that they might stop being together.
‘Of course. Dani and Greg are happy,’ Frankie said. ‘Now tell me, why aren’t you dressed?’
‘I don’t know! You all look so spiffy. Where is my new hat?’ Cassius held back a whimper; he wanted to look spiffy too, and he had a brand new hat that would be perfect for this party. Luna had a cute tiara on her head, Dean tied a big, lovely bow around Roger’s neck, and Frankie wore a white collar, bow tie, and a strange eye-hat he called a monocle. Cassius hoped he didn’t have to wear a monocle. Hats belonged above the eyes.
‘Julian never fails to put a hat on you. You know better than to doubt his and Xander’s commitment to fashion,’ Frankie admonished. ‘Now, let’s patrol and make sure that everyone is doing their job properly. Is there a scent for commitment to one’s task, Cassius?’
As distractions went, Frankie’s question was perfect. Cassius wasn’t sure what scent commitment would have, but he described the tangy essence of satisfaction at a job well done, and they walked around sniffing each man carefully to ensure they were on task. People began to enter, and everyone took a seat to stare at the wall, even though there was no television. When Dean announced that it was time for him to find Julian and put on his fancy outfit, Cassius was delighted.
‘You look gorgeous!’ the boxer assured his soulmate as soon as he entered the room. Julian often needed a bit of flattery, and Cassius was always happy to remind him that he was perfect.
“Hello!” Julian greeted him. “Let’s get you dressed. Are you ready to get married? You have a very important job, you know. You’re carrying our rings!”
Cassius sat up straighter. He hadn’t realized he was marrying Julian too! And he was thrilled to see that he had a white collar and fancy bow tie of his own but, instead of that shabby monocle Frankie was overly proud of, Cassius got to wear his tall white top hat! As soon as he was dressed, Dean led him back to the party room, and Trip brought him to stand in front of everyone.
Music played, and everyone got quiet to watch Xander and Julian enter. When they saw each other and pet him hello, they finally relaxed and smelled happy again. A lot of talking went on, and Cassius commented once before Julian reached for the box on the back of his collar. When the three of them hugged, Cassius knew their task was complete. They were married!
Character Guide
“My car’s still toasty warm. Say the word and I’ll pull around back, and we can disappear into the sunset together,” Chance offered, before poking his head all the way inside. “Oops! Sorry, wrong room.”
“Don’t even joke about that, Chance!” Julian said, looking up from the well-lit mirror in the hotel room he’d commandeered for bridal prep. He wasn’t sure he could laugh at his brother’s fiancé’s attempt to joke about abandoning both him and Logan.
“You know I’d never disappear on my brothers,” Chance said with a small smile.
“I’ve known you for five and a half years and I have to say, you’re still not funny,” Julian said. “Yes, of course, my brother thinks you’re hilarious. But you have to remember, he wants to get in your pants and he’s not funny either.”
“Greg also thinks I’m funny,” Chance grumbled.
“I know. That’s who I was talking about,” Julian quipped before deflating back into a little pile of anxiety. “But really, how are things going out there? Is Xander helping? I should be helping.”
“Julie, sit back down,” Quinn’s hand clamped down on his shoulder. “The security dudes are here. They and the kids and your dad and Greg are hanging all the lights, setting up the chairs and arch and everything, all according to Xander’s diagrams.”
That relaxed Julian enough that he could say with mock indignation, “What makes you think I didn’t make those diagrams?” (As their houseguest, Quinn had witnessed the couple squabbling and obsessing for hours as they created excruciatingly detailed instructions on the room’s setup.)
“They’re drawn precisely to scale and don’t require a mystical handwriting interpreter,” Quinn said, rolling his eyes.
“Julian, everything looks beautiful, and Greg’s been texting you pictures. But I can go take some photos myself, if it’ll make you feel better,” Tommy told him. “Stay here. If you walk around without your contouring blended, you’ll scare the children.”
“This is crazy, isn’t it?” Julian asked. His hands were shaking. Actually, his whole body was shaking, and he was getting sweaty; he threw off his robe and sighed at t
he cool air on his skin. “Is Iceman okay, Chance? Is he freaking out?”
Before he could say any more, Chance was squatting in front of him. “Xander is going a bit groomzilla down the hall, but he’s okay. How are you doing? If you feel like everything’s moving too fast, you don’t have to do this. He’ll understand.”
“He’ll understand?!” Julian shrieked. Well, he’d thought it was going to be an indignant shriek, but it came out a whispery squeak.
“He loves you,” Chance said in that irritatingly soothing tone he usually reserved for Cassius whenever he hid from Logan’s cats. “But he doesn’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for.”
Fuck it. Julian dropped his makeup sponge on the table and raced out of the room and down the corridor. He beat a rapid staccato on the door and tried to hip-check it open as soon as someone turned the knob. Trip, the brilliant fucker, had already anticipated this maneuver because the locky bar at the top of the door was engaged and all Julian ended up with was a bruised hip.
“Ow!” Julian cried, rubbing his hip. “Lemme in, I need to talk to my man.”
“No seeing the bride before the ceremony!” his fiancé shouted and, for all Julian’s femme-ness, he knew that Xander had been referring to himself.
Julian’s silk robe settled on his shoulders and Chance whispered in his ear, “That thong is adorable, but you just gave the entire hall a show.”
Julian snorted. There was nobody anywhere nearby. “Iceman, can you at least come to the door? Please?”
“I’m here, Brat. What’s wrong?” A pale hand reached through the narrow space and Julian grabbed it like a lifeline.
“I just talked with Chance and, umm, I needed to say I love you and I’ll understand if you want to postpone the wedding,” he told Xander, trying to choose his words carefully. Julian had a tendency to get a project in his mind and then it was full steam ahead. “I mean, this isn’t exactly the wedding you’ve been dreaming of and I know you made a lot of compromises and-”