by Claire Raye
“You and me, Paul. What are we doing?”
“Um, well I thought we were seeing each other,” I say, still confused. “You know, dating, boyfriend and girlfriend type of thing,” I add, feeling a little like I’m fifteen years old again.
Sadie stares up at me, her face still unreadable as she asks, “For how long?”
For how long?
The question, the one she’s really asking, rings loud in my ears. Even though I hadn’t stepped in right away, it didn’t mean I hadn’t heard everything that idiot ex of hers had said to her tonight. All the bullshit and lies he spewed, the ideas he put in her head as he once again tried to manipulate and control her life to suit him.
“Please don’t tell me you believe him?” I whisper.
She shakes her head. “I don’t know what to believe, Paul,” she says, her words tinged with sadness. “I hate that he makes me doubt everything I do now, everything I feel, but it’s…it’s ten years of putting up with his lies and his games; ten years of…”
“I’m not using you,” I say, cutting her off. “I’m not using you and I don’t want to be a movie star and I’m not trying to get anything out of you other than to just be with you. Just be with you, Sadie.”
“But…”
“I could’ve gone home, you know,” I continue, not letting her question this. “Could’ve gone back to Canada after the accident, when I couldn’t walk and I sure as shit couldn’t work. But I didn’t,” I add, pausing as I stare at her. “Do you know why?”
She shakes her head and it kills me that she still doubts this. Doubts us.
I smile though, desperate to reassure her. “Because I wanted to stay here with you,” I admit. “I didn’t know how I could possibly justify it, but I wanted to be here anyway.”
“But we weren’t even…you know, together,” she whispers, blushing a little.
I chuckle, brushing my thumb across her cheek. “I know,” I tell her, this time brushing my lips against hers. “Didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about it,” I add, kissing her again. “Hoping that maybe, somehow we could be.” My mouth brushes across hers, barely touching her.
“He’s not signing the divorce papers,” she blurts out, that sadness in her eyes now replaced with regret. “He’s just doing it to spite me, but he’s going to make this hell for me, for us.”
“We’ll get through it, Sadie,” I whisper, pulling back a little and tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. “He doesn’t scare me and he shouldn’t scare you.”
“I know,” she says, nodding. “But he’ll make this look bad for us,” she adds, tears pooling in her eyes now. “He’ll spin this so it’s our fault. That we’re the ones who…”
“Sadie,” I say firmly. She stares up at me, a single tear now making its way down her cheek. I brush it away with my thumb before leaning in to press a soft kiss to her lips. “It’s just you and me here,” I murmur against her mouth. “There’s no him, no matter how hard he tries to change that.”
“Paul,” she whimpers as her mouth crashes against mine now, kissing me hard, hungrily, as though she’s trying to tell me something she doesn’t have words for. I slip my arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer as I deepen the kiss, desperate to show her how much I mean what I’m telling her.
When we eventually pull back, both of us are breathing a little harder. “Don’t ever let him make you doubt yourself,” I say, my gaze locked with hers. “Not your talent, not your choices and definitely not us, okay?”
“Okay,” she says, nodding.
The next morning, Sadie and I are lying in bed, both of us taking advantage of a rare day off during filming. It’s quiet and peaceful, the large glass sliding doors of her bedroom wide open, filling the room with sunlight and a soft breeze.
She’s lying on her stomach beside me, hands tucked under the pillow and her eyes closed even though I know she’s not sleeping, especially when she lets out a deep sigh.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask, rolling my head on the pillow so I’m looking at her.
She opens her eyes. “I’m not.”
I smile. “Yes you are,” I tell her. “I can hear it.”
She takes another deep breath, propping herself up on her elbows. “What do you have going on after this movie?” she eventually asks, her gaze fixed with mine.
I pull a hand from behind my head, sliding my arm across the sheets and beneath her. “Come here,” I whisper, pulling her closer.
She slides over, propping herself on my chest, eyes watching me as I tuck strands of hair behind her ear before running a finger down her nose. “Are you asking because you’re worried about us or because you genuinely want to know?”
“Both?” she says, shrugging.
I chuckle. “I’ve had another job offer,” I admit. “Although I haven’t committed.”
“Where’s it filming?”
My thumb brushes across her cheekbone. “London.”
Sadie licks her lips before dragging the bottom one between her teeth. “Whose movie?”
I tug at her lip with my thumb, pulling it from her teeth before leaning up to kiss her. “Aiden Morrissey’s,” I tell her. “New guy, he’s the dude dating Julia Harris.”
Sadie’s brows raise in surprise. “Yeah, I know Julia,” she says. “Never met him, but I hear good things about his script,” she adds. “It would be a great movie for you.”
I shrug. “Yeah, maybe.”
“What, you’re not sure?” she asks. “I can talk to Julia if you want or her PA. She used to work for Noel, before…”
I smile at her, pulling her closer as I brush my lips against hers. “I haven’t decided yet,” I whisper. “Because I wanted to see what your plans were.”
“My plans?”
“Yes,” I repeat, kissing her again. “What do you have going on after you finish filming?”
Sadie huffs out a breath, resting her chin on her hands, which lay across my chest. “The usual,” she says. “Edits, reshoots, post-production, promo.”
“Sounds busy,” I say.
“Yeah, it will be.”
“Long days,” I add.
“Yep.”
“Probably not much time off either?”
“Nope,” she confirms, shaking her head.
“Which would suck even more with the time difference in London.”
“Uh huh.”
“Oh well,” I say, smiling. “Guess I’ll turn it down.”
“Paul, no,” she says, pushing up on her arms now. “I can’t ask you to do that, no, absolutely no.”
“Sadie,” I murmur, pulling her closer. “You’re not asking me to do anything,” I whisper, brushing my lips against hers.
“But…”
“But nothing,” I say, kissing her again. “I’m doing what I want to do,” I add. “Seriously.”
Sadie stares at me, as though she’s trying to work out if she can believe me. But she can, because it all feels so oddly easy, giving up a job to be with her. To me, it’s a no-brainer, because she is where I want to be and who I want to be with.
“But, Paul,” she whispers, eyes locked with mine.
“But what?” I ask, grinning, even as I force myself to ignore the voice in my head that reminds me I was never prepared to do this before. That a job was always a job and Helena was always going to be there waiting for me when I eventually came back home.
“But why?”
I slide a hand into her hair, holding her to me. “Because of you,” I whisper against her lips. “Besides,” I add, wanting to lighten the moment a little before she totally freaks out on me. I slide a hand down to her ass, squeezing it as I add, “I haven’t worked you this hard just to disappear and let you slack off.” I give her butt a hard smack, making her squeal. “Someone’s gotta keep you in line now, don’t they?”
Sadie finally laughs, wrinkling up her nose as she asks, “Do they?”
Slipping my other hand down to her ass, I haul her up so she’s s
traddling my hips. “Uh huh.”
“You want some breakfast?”
Sadie rolls onto her side, her warm body pressed against mine. “Stamina for the next round?” she whispers, her mouth against my ear.
“Maybe,” I chuckle.
She leans in, pressing a quick kiss to my mouth. “You stay here, I’ll get it.”
She rolls away and out of bed before I have a chance to argue. “Fuck, I’ll be so glad when this damn boot is off and I can do shit like a normal person.”
“You know,” she says, standing naked at the side of the bed, her eyes raking over my body. “For a guy with a broken ankle, you’re still pretty damn good at doing a lot of things.”
“Oh, is that so,” I ask, grinning as I tuck my hands behind my head.
“Yep,” she says, nodding. “Doesn’t really seem to hold you back much at all.”
Laughing, I lean over, my hand reaching for her as I say, “How about we forget about breakfast and you get that sweet little ass of yours back in bed?”
“Uh uh,” she says, jumping back a little. “Refuel and rehydrate, remember?” she says, winking. “I believe you taught me that one.”
“Ugh, damn you for being such a good student,” I huff, flopping back onto to the bed.
Sadie giggles as she turns and struts out of the room, swinging her hips and teasing me with that gorgeous ass of hers. At the door, she pauses, glancing back at me as she adds, “I’ll be right back.”
I watch until she disappears from view before stretching my arms above my head, a long, satisfied groan falling from my mouth. Downstairs, I can hear Sadie moving about the kitchen, humming to herself.
I close my eyes, enjoy the moment as I lie here in her bed, absolutely no plans and the rest of the day in front of us. A ringing phone cuts through the moment, my eyes flying open as I reach for mine, only to realize it’s not the one that’s ringing. Leaning over, I see it’s Sadie’s, a name I recognize, flashing on the screen.
“Sadie, your phone!” I call, even as I see my thumb sliding across the screen to answer it.
“What?” she calls out, at the same time as I say, “Hello?”
“Oh, shit, sorry, I think I have the wrong number.”
I laugh, “Hey, Ava, and no you don’t,” I tell her. “It’s me, Paul. Paul Walker.”
“Paul?” she repeats. “But what…I mean, but…but I called Sadie Washington?”
Chuckling, I fall back onto the pillow. “I know,” I confirm. “I’m with her.”
“You’re with her?” Ava says, her voice lowering to a whisper.
“I am,” I say, still laughing.
“As in…”
“As in I’m here in her house, lying in her bed…”
“Whoa, okay, got it,” she says, cutting me off.
Another laugh falls from my mouth. “Yeah, so we’re seeing each other,” I continue. “I guess that’s kinda obvious. Anyway, how are you?” I ask. “I haven’t seen you in, what, forever?”
Ava laughs now. “Yeah, it’s been a while,” she says. “But I’m good, got married, now living in London. Have a dog, a house and everything.”
I let out a laugh. “Wow, you got hitched huh? Congratulations!”
“Thanks.”
“And back working with Julia again, too?”
“Yep,” she says. “Thank god. Beats working for Noel.”
“Yeah I’m guessing that’s a nice change?”
“Hmmm,” she murmurs. “And I’m guessing you’re learning all about my old boss?”
I shove a hand through my hair and behind my head. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“Well, speaking of,” she says, her words serious now. “Is Sadie there? I really need to speak to her.”
“Um yep, hang on,” I say, just as Sadie appears in the doorway. “It’s for you,” I tell her, holding out the phone to her. “It’s Ava.”
Sadie walks into the room, a confused expression on her face as she puts a tray of food and two mugs of coffee on the side table. “You know Ava?”
I nod, shaking the phone at her. “Yeah, we worked on a movie together,” I say. “One of the Fast & Furious ones.”
Sadie looks at me, a strange expression on her face. I shake the phone again, watching as her eyes move to it, her expression darkening because we both know the likely reason for this call.
Fucking Noel Robinson.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sadie
I’d be lying if a bit of panic didn’t settle itself in my throat at hearing Ava’s name and knowing she’s waiting to talk to me. It’s not like I’ve completely ignored her, but I’ve been avoiding her since I know she’s working with that reporter to bring Noel’s story to life. She’s helping to give a voice to something that has remained hidden for almost all of Noel’s career, a career I’ve been a part of, and I know what that looks like to the outside observer.
People will blame me for not controlling him. I’ll be looked at as compliant or in on the whole conspiracy. What he’s done tarnishes the industry’s name, but even worse, I was a part of it all. I stood silently by and watched him berate people, I watched him ruin people’s careers with one phone call and I never did more than tell him to stop. I’m as much to blame for this as he is.
I take the phone from Paul with a shaky hand and as if he can sense my unease, he slips from the bed and plods down the stairs giving me some privacy to talk to Ava.
“Hey Ava,” I say, once Paul is out earshot.
“Paul, huh?” She replies and I can hear a teasing quality in her voice that makes me smile a little. “That was quick.” There’s no judgment in her words, if anything she sounds thrilled.
“Yeah, it was, but I think it was a long time coming,” I reply, trying to play casual.
“Wait you and Paul knew each other already, too?” Ava asks, her voice going up a little at the end in a way that suggests I clearly should’ve chosen Paul over Noel.
“No, no, nothing like that. I guess I just meant meeting someone like Paul was a long time coming. You know…” I trail off, wondering if I need to explain that I clearly should’ve left Noel years ago. Hell, I should’ve never even gotten involved with him. “But never mind that. How are you? How are things in London?”
“I’m good. Things here are good. I’m working at the pub and doing some work for Julia. How are you?” Her question comes out like she already knows the answer, like she knows things are a shit show.
“I’m okay. The movie is coming along nicely other than Paul getting hurt on set and I have a few other things lined up.” I try to play things as casual as possible even though I know she isn’t just calling to catch up.
“That’s great. Well, not Paul getting hurt, but hey, that’s the life of a stuntman, right?”
We both laugh a little and the conversation falls quiet for a few seconds.
“So…” Ava starts again, and here’s the real reason she’s calling. “I hate that this is the reason I reached out. It makes me a shitty friend and I should be calling more, but Roger, that reporter from The Guardian, he has his story together. It’s taken a long time. A lot of research, a lot of people coming forward and tons of information to shift through.”
“Yeah,” I say, a defeated sigh leaving my mouth. I knew the day would come, but I had secretly hoped I would somehow be left out of it.
That was impossible.
Ten years together. Ten years of enduring what I did all because I felt I had no other option. But I guess what scares me the most is what I don’t know about Noel, what will be brought to light that has been hidden even from me.
“He’d like to meet with you, Sadie,” Ava says, her words laced with sympathy.
“I don’t think…”
Ava cuts me off, her voice as comforting as possible. “Listen Sadie, he’d like to give you the opportunity to review his story before it’s published. He’ll come out to L.A. to meet with you. Or wherever, but he’d like you to hear some of the things he fou
nd out before they’re made public.”
The way she says the last sentence makes my heart race. There are things I don’t know about Noel, but do I really want to know? Can’t I just live in the dark, hiding from the press? I’ve always known that things occurred without my knowledge and I’ve always had an idea that these things would affect me directly, but I’ve avoided confronting that. But now, now it’s about to hit me right in the face.
I’m silent too long and Ava begins talking again.
“He isn’t out to trash your name. He wants to protect you as much as he can. He understands you were just…”
“I was just what? Weak? Too stupid to leave?” I hear the words as they fall from my lips and they sound harsh and defensive. They sound like the words of someone who is just as guilty as Noel. I’m not an innocent bystander and I don’t want to be portrayed that way. I’d rather this reporter call it like it is than make me out to be another one of Noel’s victims.
“Hell no!” Ava practically shouts. “You were manipulated and taken advantage of. Sadie, you were in an abusive relationship and no one blames you for that.”
“It is what it is and I have to live with what happened,” I tell her, not looking for sympathy, but I need to move on from all of this and forget it ever happened. By inviting this reporter into my life, that’s going to be hard to do.
“Please, just schedule a meeting with him. Just listen to what he has to say. He’s not asking for your help or for you to verify his story. He has all the accounts and witnesses and…” She stops there because she was about to use the word victims and when anyone hears that word their thoughts go to dark places. She doesn’t want me to feel guilty, but I already do. “He just doesn’t want you blindsided by it all.”
I want to ask her what he’s found, I want to hear it all right now, but I also know how much it’s going to hurt. No one wants to put him or herself in a situation where you hear the worst about a person you once thought you loved, but even more so, no one wants to hear about how they were involved too.
“Fine,” I concede, knowing it would be better coming directly from the reporter rather than reading it in the press. This way I can prepare my family and friends too. I have a feeling there are some things in this story that might ruin my parents and I have to think about them too. “He’s already tried reaching out. I’ve got his card. I’ll get in touch with him.”