by Stasia Black
That was when she’d seen Finn for what he really was. Just another man. Not special or romantic or any of the other hundreds of stupid little fantasies she’d woven around him since he’d first strutted into town like a prize peacock the handful of years before like he was God’s gift.
But now here he was, bending over in the dirt to patch up her feet.
“It’s okay, I think they’re good now,” she said, putting out a hand on Finn’s as he looked over his work, again examining her right foot from all sides.
She withdrew her feet away from him, bending her legs as modestly as she could. “Can you get me another pair of socks?”
Those hazel eyes of his flicked back up to hers again. She felt snagged by his gaze. Like suddenly her lungs felt too big in her chest.
“Sure,” Finn said, suddenly looking away like he was embarrassed to have been caught staring. Didn’t he realize she’d been staring too?
She put a hand up to her cheeks. They didn’t feel any warmer than they had all day but she’d swear they were flaming.
He rummaged through the backpack and pulled several items. He handed her socks and another pair of jeans.
She gingerly pulled on the socks first and he turned his back as she leaned on her elbows and lifted her bum to wiggle into the jeans.
She was sweating more than ever when she sat back up with the jeans on. Putting stifling denim back on made her feel like she was suffocating but the only other things she brought were skirts and dresses.
Still, looking around and then back at her boots, she had no idea how she’d be able to keep going.
“Here,” Finn said, “put these on.”
“Those are house slippers.”
He kept holding out the fuzzy slippers. He flipped them over. “They’ve got soles. And there’s no way your feet are getting stuffed back in those boots. I think these are our best option.”
Sophia looked doubtfully at the thin soles that were little better than cardboard. But she took them because really, they were her only option if she didn’t want to walk through the desert in her socks.
And she’d decided that maybe Finn did know what he was talking about when it came to surviving in this outside world. All she’d ever known of it was life before The Fall and then that one last horrific day—
She put it out of her head and pulled the slippers on, wincing even at the slight pressure they put on her sore feet.
Finn stood up and held down his hands to her. The sight of him standing above her, shirtless, his silhouette surrounded by golden sunlight… well, it was sure a sight to behold.
Sophia swallowed again before grabbing hold of his hands and letting him pull her to her feet. He shook out his shirt and then pulled it back on. He fastened the buttons quickly and then without a word, put all their supplies back into the backpack.
Including the wedding dress. Though Sophia didn’t miss his sharp, jerky motions as he shoved the wedding bag to fit into the backpack. Or the hard line of his mouth as he slung it across his shoulders.
Still, when he next looked her direction, his features softened again. “How does standing feel?”
“It’s— It’s okay,” she stuttered.
He frowned. “Here, take another drink of water.”
He reached around to the side pocket of the backpack and pulled out a water bottle. It was almost empty and he’d barely drunk any.
Sophia took a small sip and then held out the rest to him. He just shook his head and went to put the bottle away when she stopped him.
“Don’t be stubborn, Finnigan. You’re no use to me passed out in the desert because you wouldn’t take care of yourself.”
He arched an eyebrow but finally nodded and took the last swallow of water from the bottle. Then they headed out.
Sophia’s feet did feel much better but she’d already done so much damage to them that it was still rough going. Not to mention that she was much more cautious about where she stepped now. She was also aware the whole time about how much she was slowing Finn down.
She tried suggesting he go on ahead of her but he shut her down every time she brought it up.
“Jesus, stop talking like that. I’m never gonna leave you alone out here in the middle of nowhere. Not in a million years so just stop saying it, okay?”
She bit her lip and they went on in silence for another long while. Maybe even an hour. The sun was punishing and it took more concentration than Sophia would have thought to stay upright and trudging ahead.
Finn paused every once and awhile for them to take sips from the water bottle and Sophia was far more careful about how much she drank. Still, with as much as the both of them were sweating, she couldn’t imagine the little they were drinking was enough to keep them hydrated.
“What we should talk about is what I’m carrying around in this backpack,” he said sometime later, as if picking up their conversation right where they’d left it.
“I don’t want to get in another argument,” she sighed. She was already so tired. She couldn’t handle arguing with Finn on top of everything else. Her feet felt battered and her legs like jelly. How long had they been walking? Hours. But how far had they come and how many more miles was it to the river?
“I don’t want to argue. Hey.” Finn reached out and touched her shoulder. “No arguing. Okay?”
The earnestness in his eyes made her pause. She didn’t know what to do with earnest Finn. It was kind of freaking her out. She shrugged and then started forward again.
It didn’t stop him talking though, as he easily kept up beside her with his long legs. “I worry about you. You look at people and see the best in them. But the world out here isn’t like that. You can’t just trust people. Everyone out here is only looking out for themselves. They’d betray you as soon as look at you.”
Sophia shook her head. “Just because you’re a pessimist doesn’t mean I have to be. Some people see the glass half full.”
“It’s not— Jesus, Soph.”
“Look, I’m not trying to argue,” she said, reaching out and putting a hand on his arm. She pulled it back almost immediately because touching Finn was… weird. It made her feel weird. Anyway. “I know the world’s a bad place, okay? Dad drummed it into my head. It’s dangerous out there, honey,” she lowered her voice in an imitation of her dad’s. “But regardless of if it’s dangerous or not, we still have to live in it. The hard stuff still has to get done. Somebody has to do it. So I don’t see the harm in trying to stay positive.”
“The harm is that you aren’t prepared for when the awful things happen.”
He said it so vehemently that Sophia couldn’t help turning to look at him again. His jaw was clenched and there were two bright spots of pink high up on his cheekbones. She didn’t think they were because of the heat, either.
“What happened to you?” she asked. The question came out almost as a whisper but his head jerked her way violently, but almost as quickly, he looked away again.
“I’ll tell you,” he said. “And then maybe you’ll get what I mean. You can’t trust people. Anyone.”
Sophia frowned but then he started speaking.
“I was eleven when D-day hit. My mom had split years before, she was a real winner like that, so I still don’t know what happened to her, but I guess she probably died. Anyway, Dad was in prison doing a nickel for trying to rob a 7-11—and I was living with my Uncle Murphy.”
He shook his head, like he was getting off track. “I was a little shit. Always in trouble at school. I got in fights and stole stuff all the time. So then there’s the Fall and the Death Riots and to Uncle Murphy it was like Christmas had come early.”
Sophia’s mouth dropped open but he just kept going.
“There was so much to loot, you see. And I was small enough to slip in between all the other looters in the riots. So he’d use me and we’d work in pairs, me running into stores and snatching what I could off the shelves and bringing it out to my uncle.”
�
�But you were just a child!”
Finn held up his hands and wiggled his fingers. “Light fingers, heavy pockets. And the other looters were still less likely to beat up a kid to get to the loot. Most of the time.”
“They hurt you?” Sophia felt breathless as she asked it, and not just from the exertion from walking for hours under the boiling heat.
Fin shrugged. “It got worse the more time went on when there was less and less to find in the stores.”
“And your uncle just kept sending you in there all alone?”
“Oh, that and much worse than that. I was like you once. Well, maybe I always thought the glass was just about empty going on gone. But I still thought, I don’t know. No matter how desperate things got, some things still mattered more. Like family. But I was wrong. Really, really wrong.”
Sophia felt her stomach go sour. “What’s that mean?” She asked it even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.
“It was a couple years after The Fall and supplies were running low. Uncle Murphy said he’d heard of a trading post where we’d get good trades for the little we did have left. We had some gold and jewelry stashed and I thought that’s what he was gonna sell. Instead, after we got to Hell’s Hollow, Murphy sold me.”
“Finn!” Oh God. Finn just kept on walking though, so she hurried to keep up with him.
“I don’t even know how much he got for me. He left me in the outer room while he went in and made the deal. Then he wouldn’t look at me while two men dragged me away.”
Finn shook his head. “Big fat fuck he sold me to tried to bugger me that night. But I’d got strong in the two years since The Fall. And I’d always been a fighter. So even though I was small…” He shook his head again, like he was trying to shake off the memory. “Anyway, I killed him that night.”
Sophia’s mouth, already dropped open, fell open even wider. “How?”
“Shard from a vase I broke.”
Sophia blinked. She wanted to ask a million more questions but had the sense not to from the look on his face.
He’d said he’d killed a man when he was thirteen. This had to be what he’d meant. God. She couldn’t even—
“And you got away?”
Finn nodded, jaw flexing. “I ran.”
“But you were fifteen when you came to Jacob’s Well, right?” She knew he’d been fifteen but she still asked it as a question. For a short period of her life, she’d made it her business to know everything about Finnigan Knight. But she never wanted him to know that.
“Yeah.”
“So what happened in the two years in between.”
“I kept running. Went east. Did any work I could. Stole when I couldn’t. Fought on the front. They were so short on soldiers they didn’t care I was just fourteen. I could hold a gun.”
“God, Finn!”
He shrugged and rolled his eyes. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I didn’t tell you all this so’s you’d feel sorry for me. I’m just tryin’ to make you see. It’s not a nice place out here, Soph. People will use you, abuse you, sell you. Everyone’s got an angle. You can’t trust anyone.”
I trust you, was her immediate thought.
He finally stopped and put a hand on her arm. “And control is just an illusion. You don’t have any control out here. There’s no steady ground underneath you. The second you think you’ve got some, it’ll shift. Even Jacob’s Well. Look what happened. Your dad worked for years to make it a safe place for you. And even he couldn’t keep control for long and he’s one of the strongest men I’ve ever met.”
“Finn.” Sophia wanted to reach up and hold his face. Pull him into a hug. “I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through. I can see why you see the world the way you do. I might too, having been through all you have.”
She searched his green eyes. “But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. That’s what Dad’s trying to do. What all of us are trying to do. We’re going to build a better world. One where you don’t have to be afraid all the time. One where you can feel safe.”
But Finn only looked frustrated at her response. “Soph, you aren’t hearing me. The world’s not changing. It caught up with Jacob’s Well, that’s all. No place is safe.”
“Then why are you here?” she asked, exasperated. Her voice was a croak, her throat was so dry.
He just looked at her like she was missing the obvious. “You, Soph. I’m here for you.”
What?
Sophia’s breath caught. Had he just— What did he—
Those damn blue eyes of his were more intense than ever as he moved closer. His head dropped and hers rose like they were magnets attracted to one another.
Sophia’s heart was thumping so hard she was sure it was about to beat right out of her chest.
Did Finn— Did he like her? Like her like that?
His head dropped and she felt dizzy. Was he about to— Was this her first kiss? Where was she supposed to look? It felt weird looking at his face, he was so close. She’d be cross-eyed. That wasn’t sexy. And she suddenly very desperately wanted to look sexy. So should she close her eyes?
But what if he thought that meant she didn’t want to?
So she opened her eyes again and looked away from his face which was closer than ever.
And saw a glint in the distance.
“The river!” she exclaimed, pulling back from Finn. She realized a second too late that she’d ruined her own first kiss.
Finn jerked back and looked over his shoulder.
No, she wanted to say. I mean, yes. The river. After we kiss, we’ll go to the river.
But Finn was hiking the pack higher on his shoulders, clearly focused on the river now. He did hold his hand back for hers, though, so maybe she hadn’t ruined everything.
She took his hand.
It was so strong and steady and it made her stomach swoop to hold it.
It was only after she’d held it for several steps, furtively stealing glances at Finn that she asked herself what the hell she was doing.
You’re about to get married!
To strangers.
From a strange land.
She clutched Finn’s hand even tighter, his warnings swirling in her head. Could she really do it?
She’d been so sure of her path for so long. Did what just happened really change anything? The closer they came to the river, though, she couldn’t think about anything else but taking a long, cool drink of water.
She couldn’t. She knew they had to boil it first but still. Water. She could soak her feet. Take off all her clothes and soak her whole body.
She couldn’t help her eyes inadvertently flicking to Finn at the thought. Her tongue flicked out to wet her dry lips. It didn’t help much considering how dry her tongue was, too.
Finn turned to her and grinned. He pulled out the water bottle and handed it to her. “Here, have the last bit. I’ll get to boiling some more.”
He was always thinking of her needs first. Taking care of her. He was a good man.
You, Soph. I’m here for you.
She took the bottle and drank the water but left some for him. And she didn’t take her eyes off his as she held out the bottle.
“You can have it all, Soph.”
She shook her head and pressed the bottle into his hands.
He took it and drank, doing the same as her, looking at her the whole time. No, not just looking at her.
She’d never been looked at like that before.
She felt like a meal he wanted to devour.
She was about to get that first kiss after all. She stepped close, breathless after he finished the water and tossed the bottle to the ground. He threw the backpack and the guns he had slung over his shoulder to the ground the next second.
He reached for her, eyes full of that devouring hunger and she wanted it just as badly—
When the bank of the river was suddenly full of the sound of stomping hooves.
Finn’s eyes jerked up, over Sophia’s should
er. In a single moment, desire was exchanged for terror.
He shoved Sophia behind him, arms out to protect her, but it was too late.
Men on horseback had them surrounded.
Chapter Four
FINN
Finn didn’t even have time to reach for the guns before the men on horseback had them completely surrounded. He tried to duck down for one but the leader, a huge man in black, made his horse stomp forward until Finn and Sophia were forced to take several steps back away from the guns.
Finn moved in front of Sophia, between her and the lead bastard on the biggest horse.
No, was all he could think. Not now.
He had to protect her.
But how?
They were surrounded. Finn didn’t have a gun and they were circled by—he did a quick count—six men on horseback.
He pulled the knife he always kept on his belt and brandished it at the man who seemed to be the leader.
“Whatever you think you’re going to get here,” Finn growled, “we won’t be giving it easily. So why don’t you just move along and save all of us the trouble?”
But the man wasn’t looking at him. He was looking past Finn’s shoulder. At Sophia.
Finn was about to snarl at him to get his eyes off her when the man spoke.
“You wouldn’t happen to be Sophia Wolford now would you?”
“Yes,” said Sophia slowly, peeking out from Finn’s back. “How did you know? Who are you?”
“Name’s Jagger.” Jagger slid one leg over his horse and then jumped down. The guy was huge, tall and barrel-chested, maybe in his late thirties or very early forties.
“Governor Rodriguez from Santa Fe called and told me you’d be coming. I’m the Governor of Carlsbad, just a little bit up the way.” He jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “We started riding south as soon as we heard you’d be coming this direction. The border’s lousy with thieves and bandits and Governor Rodriguez wanted to make sure you got through safe.”