by Nicole Fox
I give myself one more look in the mirror and then leave to find the photographer. The ceremony is intimate—just our family and friends on the beach—but I wanted to document it properly.
When I open the door, however, there are two bodies blocking my way.
I yelp in surprise and stumble back. Immediately, a warm, familiar hand is around my wrist, and Dmitry pulls me back to standing.
I go to thank him before I remember it’s our wedding day and wrap my arms around myself. “You aren’t supposed to see me before the wedding. It’s bad—”
The words die on my lips when I finally look over and see the second body in the doorway.
My mother.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she says with a small smile.
I blink at her, unsure what to think.
Sadie told me my mother had come into town when everyone thought I was kidnapped or missing, but after a day or two of no news, she left like always.
My mother grows bored quickly. She can’t stay in the same place for very long, which is why I long ago gave up on keeping track of her. Even if I’d wanted to send her a wedding invitation, I didn’t know where to send it.
Dmitry grabs my shoulders and leans forward. “I know you didn’t invite her, but I thought it was important that she be here. If I was wrong, I’ll personally escort her off the premises, but I just think you should consider how you would feel years from now if your mother wasn’t at your wedding.”
His voice is low, but I know my mother can still hear him. Her eyes go soft, forehead wrinkled, and I realize that—even though it makes no biological sense—she has the same puppy-dog face as Tatiana.
Unfortunately, it has the same devastating effect on my heart.
The ice in my chest thaws slightly, and I kiss Dmitry and agree to speak to my mom.
“I only have a few minutes,” I tell her, stepping into a side hallway just off the kitchen.
“I know,” she says, standing back to admire me. “You look beautiful, sweetheart.”
I smile but don’t know what to say, and my mother sighs. Her dark hair is the same shade as mine, though she has been dying hers for years to keep away the grays, and she tucks it behind her ear nervously.
“I know I haven’t always been around when you needed me, but when Dmitry reached out to me, I knew I had to come,” she says. “I’ve never been the best mom to you, but I hope you know I still love you.”
I cross my arms, unwilling to give her even an inch. I want her to spill her guts to me before I make my decision.
“That Dmitry is a catch,” she says. “Handsome and thoughtful enough to try and make today perfect for you. Hold onto him.”
“I will.”
She swallows and folds her hands in front of her. “Well, I don’t have anything else to say. Just that I’m sorry, and I hope you’ll let me stay. I want to see my daughter get married.”
Before Tati and Olivia, I might have turned my mother away. I might have refused to let her attend my wedding day.
But now, I can’t help but think how devastated I’d be if one of my girls experienced a big life moment without me. Even though my mother missing out on my life has been entirely her fault, I don’t want her to ever be able to blame me for keeping her away. So, I nod.
“You can stay, but keep away from my girls. I don’t want you confusing them.” The words catch in my throat, and I swallow back tears. “I only want to introduce them to you if I know you’re going to stick around.”
My mother nods, understanding.
We don’t make any plans for the future. There are no promises for our relationship to change or for her to be around more, but for today, she’s here, and I have to admit, it isn’t the worst thing in the world.
The wedding is a blur of happiness mixed with adorable cameos by our girls.
Tati is the ring bearer in a frilly white princess dress she picked out herself, and she pulls Olivia in a wagon behind her. Olivia is supposed to be the flower girl, but she’s much more content playing in the basket of flowers than throwing them in the aisle.
They’re perfect.
The breeze off the ocean makes Dmitry’s hair stick up at strange angles and it whips at my dress and veil until I finally take the veil off and hand it to Sadie to hold. Seagulls squawk loudly from the shoreline and the neighbor’s kids scream as they boogie-board next door to us, interrupting the minister a few times.
It’s all perfect.
Every single second is perfect, and when Dmitry bends me back in a kiss to the whoops and cheers of our family and friends, I’ve never been so happy in all my life.
I convinced Dmitry to have a reception, but he vetoed the idea of a dance and dinner. Our guests are invited back to the house for cake and coffee before men from the Bratva politely yet firmly escort them out.
Do I have to go? Tati asks, her eyes wide and blinking.
No puppy-dog eyes, Dmitry warns her before kissing her forehead. You are going to have so much fun with Sadie and Devon.
“I bought so much candy you won’t even believe it,” Devon says, enunciating so Tati can read his lips.
That’s enough to assuage Tati’s worries, and Sadie does her best to assuage mine.
“Olivia will be fine,” she says. “I’ve babysat before.”
“Not all night, though,” I say.
“The nanny will be there, too,” Sadie reminds me. “Don’t worry.”
As Sadie and Devon load up the girls, I do my best not to fret, though it’s difficult. It’s the first time I’ll be away from Olivia for more than just one night.
Dmitry lets me stand on the porch and wave until the car is no longer visible, but then he wraps his arm around my waist and drags me inside like a caveman.
“You aren’t worried at all?” I ask as he kisses my neck and chest, his hands exploring the curves of my body.
“Maybe a little,” he admits. “But I’m way more turned on than I am worried.”
I gasp, trying my best to hide my amusement. “That is horrible.”
“It’s honest,” he says, searching my side for the zipper. “I want to get this dress off you and hear you scream my name. If that makes me a bad father, then so be it. Tonight, I’ll be a bad father.”
I want to reprimand him, but at that moment, he finds the zipper and a rush of cold air hits my body as he peels the dress down.
I didn’t need to wear a bra with the dress, so with one tug, I’m left standing in a white thong and my lacy garter. Dmitry growls and drops to his knees in front of me.
His hands caress my thighs and then he drags his teeth down the inside of my leg until they catch on the garter. He tugs it off and tosses it to the side like a dog throwing a bone. Then, he focuses his attention between my legs.
I curl my fingers in his hair as he pushes my panties aside and flicks his tongue over me. He sucks and plays and massages until my legs are trembling, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to stand much longer.
“Dmitry.”
He groans. “Like that,” he says against me. “I want you to say my name like that.”
I laugh and just as I do, he wraps his lips around my center, and pleasure blooms inside of me. If Dmitry’s arm wasn’t pressed to my stomach, pinning me to the wall, I’d fall flat on my face.
He caresses me with soft kisses until the trembling fades, and then he stands up, pressing his body into mine until we are flush. Until there is nothing but him.
“My legs are JELL-O, and we’re still in the entryway,” I say, pointing to the door.
Dmitry grins and scoops me into his arms. “Good thing you’re light enough for me to carry.”
He carries me up the stairs and throws me back on our bed.
I don’t even have time to sit up before he grabs my hips, rolls me onto my stomach, and then pulls me to the edge of the bed.
I arch my back and shimmy my hips from side to side. Dmitry moans and unzips his pants.
“You shouldn’t do things like t
hat,” he says, snapping the waistband of my thong against my skin. “Not unless you want our first time as husband and wife to be really, really rough.”
I look back over my shoulder, and Dmitry’s blue eyes are black. Despite the sunset streaming through the open window, his pupils are dilated, and his eyes are pinned on my body, consuming me.
When he looks into my eyes, I lick my lips and arch my back even further, allowing him all the access he wants. “I like it rough.”
The animal rips through him in a growl, and Dmitry positions himself at my opening, his pants around his knees, and slides inside in one stroke.
I gasp, but he doesn’t slow down. Doesn’t ease it in. Doesn’t allow me time to adjust.
Just like I wanted, Dmitry is rough.
He claws at my hips, dragging my body onto him again and again until I’m certain I’ll break. He drills into me faster and harder and it still isn’t enough.
“More, please,” I say, gripping the comforter. “Dmitry.”
“Fuck.” His hands have a bruising grip on my hips, and somehow, he finds the energy to speed up. To give me more.
Another orgasm tears through me, and I bury my face in the comforter. Immediately, Dmitry wraps his hands in my hair and lifts my face so my words are no longer muffled.
“God. Dmitry. Yes. Yes.”
When my trembling finally stills, Dmitry slides out of me and rolls my limp body over. When he crawls over me, I kiss his forehead, then his lips, and then his neck. I bite his earlobe as he slides into me again, and the pace is less crushing.
It’s soft and easy, and I plant my hands on his lower back and roll myself over him.
“Oh damn,” he moans. His breath is hot on my neck, and I want to show him how much I love him.
I want to show him how much he means to me.
So, I make love to him. With every roll of my hips and caress of my body against his, I tell him.
I hook my legs around his thighs and draw myself up to him. I grab handfuls of his hair and moan into his ear.
I give Dmitry everything I have left, and when he finally comes, he’s looking in my eyes.
His forehead wrinkles, and his eyes flutter closed for a second, but when they open, he stares at me. He brushes his blue eyes across my skin as he empties himself inside of me, and I know this is the most intimate thing I’ve ever done.
I know Dmitry is telling me the same thing I’ve been trying to tell him.
I love you.
32
Dmitry
Six months later
The house is quiet. Everyone has been asleep for hours, but I can’t seem to settle.
Courtney has noticed my foul mood, but she hasn’t said anything. I can only tell because she’s gentler with me. Still kind and loving, but nervous, as though I’m a wild animal she adopted as a pet, and I’ve suddenly grown large enough to eat her.
I hate that she’s nervous to talk to me, but I’m not sure how to get out of my funk.
Everything seemed to change at once when she and I got together.
I’ve shifted towards more legitimate businesses and away from some of the violence of my old Bratva lifestyle. And suddenly, I’m not just worried about myself and the bottom line. I’m terrified every second of where the next attack will come from and if it will harm my family.
I should be happier than ever with Olivia walking and Tati excelling in school and proving so resilient despite the trauma in her past. I should look at my gorgeous wife, who is running her own business and working towards her dreams of being a clinical psychologist, and feel nothing but joy. But I can’t keep the dread at bay.
The Yakuza have completely disappeared from the city.
Akio has stopped returning my calls, and for all I know, he’s dead.
The fact that he agreed to return the final stash house to me without a full-on bloodbath was always suspicious, but now I can’t help but think I’ve underestimated him. His silence has settled over me like a dense fog, and I’m having a hard time finding my way out.
Especially since I can’t just track someone down and torture them for information the way I would have before.
Well, I could, but I know Courtney wouldn’t like it, and I’m trying to respect her wishes. Especially since things are already tense between us. There’s no need to add another issue.
I hear Olivia cry from her nursery down the hall. I wait, hoping she’ll settle herself down, but after a minute, I walk into the hallway.
Courtney is already there, along with the live-in nanny.
She’s thinner than ever—Courtney, not the nanny. And she looks as tired as I feel.
The nanny, Barbara, must see it, too, because she offers to take care of Olivia and tries to push Courtney back into the bedroom. Courtney allows her to comfort Olivia, but she doesn’t go to bed. She comes to me.
Even though the first six months of our marriage haven’t been sunshine and roses like I hoped, Courtney still wraps her arms around my waist and buries her face in my chest. I kiss the top of her head.
“Why aren’t you asleep?” I whisper.
“Why aren’t you?”
I sigh, unable to give her an answer, and we both just stand there for a moment. I’m debating whether I should force Courtney into the bedroom with the threat of punishing her if she disobeys. It has been a while since we’ve done any role-playing and maybe that would tire her out enough that she’d get some sleep. However, before I can, Tati’s door opens.
She squints against the bright hallway lights and presses a palm to her forehead. When she looks around and sees us, she jumps in surprise.
Courtney extracts herself from my hold and kneels down in front of Tati. What is it?
My head, Tati says, face twisted in pain.
Another headache? Courtney asks.
She nods and lets Courtney fold her into her arms.
Tati has been getting migraines for a few months. Nothing seems to help, so we rub her shoulders, offer heating pads, and keep the lights dim until they pass.
Go to your room, and I’ll be in with a heating pad, Courtney says.
Tati listens and shuffles back to bed.
“They’re becoming more frequent.” Courtney pinches the bridge of her nose like she has a headache of her own. “We should take her to another doctor.”
I lay a hand on her shoulder, offering a small amount of comfort. “I’m sure she’s just growing.”
“All kids grow. Not all kids get crippling migraines,” she snaps. I can see immediately that she regrets it and opens her mouth to apologize, but I hold up a hand to stop her.
“No, I’ll do it. Olivia is asleep, and you two both look exhausted,” I say to Barbara and Courtney. “Get some rest. I’ll sit with Tati tonight.”
Courtney tries to argue, but I pull her into a hug and smile at the nanny. “Thank you. We appreciate it.”
“It’s my job,” Barbara says, waving us off as she goes to get a heating pad.
As soon as she’s gone, Courtney turns on me, her cheeks red. “I don’t like the nanny.”
“What?” I ask. “Barbara has been a lifesaver.”
“We should be taking care of the girls,” she says, gesturing between the two of us. “You and I. Not a hired helper. I feel like you’re always too busy to help, and I can’t do it on my own anymore.”
“Which is exactly why we have Barbara. Because we can’t do it alone.”
“I can’t do it alone,” she says. “You’ve been focused on work for months now. I thought now that the stash house arrangement was sorted out, things would be better. But there is always something.”
I look around, not wanting Barbara to hear us arguing, and then pull Courtney into my office. I pull the door closed, and she’s like a caged tiger, pacing back and forth across the floor.
“You knew what you were signing up for,” I say, trying to hide the panic in my voice. “I told you this life would be messy.”
“I know you did,” Court
ney says, taking a deep breath. “I just thought we were signing up to do it together. I didn’t think I’d be left to manage everything on my own. Do you know it has been two weeks since you’ve touched me?”
“We just touched in the hallway.”
“Sex,” she clarifies, though I already knew what she meant. “Do you still want me? Because I don’t know anymore. I feel like your head is always somewhere else, and I’m not sure how to make you stay with me.”
Her words break my heart, but if I crack open, there is no way of knowing what will spill out. I clench my jaw. “I’m here with you right now.”
Courtney’s eyes turn down in sadness, and I step forward and wrap my hands around her waist. I press a kiss to her neck.
“I’m here with you now,” I repeat. I put as much feeling, as much meaning as I can into the words.
But I’m afraid. Afraid it won’t be enough.
She’s hesitant at first, but her body softens in my hands. She arches herself against me, and when our lips meet, I know she’s as hungry for me as I am for her.
It has been too long.
I turn her around and lift her up on the edge of my desk. Courtney wraps her legs around my waist, and I moan into her mouth.
My hand is sliding down her stomach, headed for the warmth between her legs, when there’s a knock on the door.
She pushes me away and wipes a hand across the back of her mouth, and I growl out, “Come in.”
I expect it to be Barbara or Tati, but instead, it’s Pasha.
“What in the hell?” I ask. “It’s the middle of the night.”
He winces. “Sorry, but she called you back. You told me to tell you when she called.”
“She?” I ask.
Pasha nods, confirming the question I didn’t ask.
“Elena?” Courtney asks.
I turn to her, my lower lip pinched between my teeth. “Please don’t wait up for me. It may be a while.”
I see the disappointment on her face, but I can’t ignore this meeting. I have to go, and she knows that.