Nikolai hadn’t seen her reaction, focused on the foam cup in his hand. “I hope you’re not like Nessa and prefer it cold.”
She accepted the cup, trying to let its warmth fill the parts of her that hungered for Nikolai. Needless to say, it didn’t work. She took a few testing sips, found it still too warm and set it aside.
While she sat atop her sketchbook, Nikolai glanced around her studio. He took in everything, from canvases hanging out of reach to shelves filled with paint tubes and spray-paint cans. There was a look of wonder on his face that made her stomach tighten. It was as if he saw through her, saw to her soul, and found it mesmerizing.
“I had no idea you were capable of so much. This is beautiful.” He stepped closer to her, still scanning the paintings. There was everything from fluid paintings flecked with veins of gold to expressive graffiti-style works.
“The change was rough for me. My panther has a strong voice, so I found it difficult to find my humanity while she was in control. Oscar helped me. He put a spray-paint can in my hand and let me have at the outside of his house. After I filled those walls, he gave me a paint brush and a few wrapped canvases.
“There was no stopping me after that. Oscar was smart and grabbed a few mural commissions for me. He started my career. I can’t say it pays well, but it does make me happy.”
Nikolai’s brows flattened. “It sounds like you and Oscar are pretty close.”
Monica didn’t know how to describe the ocean that had opened between them since joining Oscar’s Pack. It was as if she no longer existed to him. His eyes moved over her paintings like they weren’t even there.
When Nikolai finally tore his gaze from her work, he looked to her. The hunger in his eyes was clear. It stole the breath from her lungs, made her heart leap. In a moment, he was before her. There was a viciously desperate expression on his face, like the space between them hurt. Like he was starving, and Monica was the only thing that could sate him.
She shuddered. He placed his hands on the counter, trapping her where she was. His face hovered over hers so that their breaths mingled. Monica tilted her head, exposing her neck to him. His breath fell over her skin, and she let out a small moan.
Slowly, maddeningly slowly, Nikolai touched his lips to the skin of her shoulder, revealed by her crooked shirt. Her moan deepened as the sensation shot through her body. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt, and she had to grip his arms to keep herself from melting right then and there. He growled into her skin. The sound rippled over her. She should have feared the sound from the Alpha of another pack, but her body answered with moisture between her legs.
His breath hitched. With a grunt, he grabbed her and pulled her into his body. They came together, a near perfect fit if it hadn’t been for the obvious need between his legs. Monica swallowed and lifted her head. Their lips crashed together. The moment her lips parted, Nikolai’s tongue delved into her mouth.
She let him feed from her, sating the hunger that consumed both of them. Yanking his shirt from the waist of his pants, her hands drifted along the muscles of his back. Her touch was featherlight, creeping along his skin. He shuddered and moaned into her.
“Why do I want this—you—so damn bad?” He framed her face with both his hands.
Monica pressed her eyes shut, her insides churning. All the years she’d spent as a shifter, she’d known one thing. The place beside Oscar belonged to her. Now, Nikolai pressed against her body and ignited things she’d never felt before. His presence set her skin on fire. His touch was an electrical storm. His grin, that sharp-toothed grin, destroyed her.
Finally, she found the strength to extract herself, stepping away from him and her perch. Nikolai grasped air, the muscles of his jaw working. She could see the fire echoed in his eyes and what it took not to follow her after she pulled away.
She shook her head. “I don’t think…” The panther purred in her mind, cutting through her thoughts. She took a breath to try to reorganize her mind. “I don’t think this is smart. Our packs are a mess. As it is, everyone already thinks I’m a traitor.”
Nikolai growled. He took a small step forward and stopped himself. “For what?”
“What do you think, genius? Helping Lia get her skin back from your dumb ass.”
His face fell. It crumpled into a look of shame before he ran his hands over it.
“I made the decision to help. Don’t go blaming yourself.” Monica stood with her spine straight.
“Yeah, but I was the idiot who grabbed her sealskin while she and Miles were bumping uglies in the sand.”
Monica choked on her laugh, eyes going wide with surprise. “That’s how you got it? That’s a new low, even for you.”
His eyes dropped to the place she’d been sitting, to the sketchbook she’d tried to hide with her body. Lightning quick, she darted forward and snatched it away from his reaching hand. Monica bit her lip and hid it behind her back.
Nikolai’s eyes sparked with a cunning light. His grin returned. “What do you have behind your back? Another clever prank?”
“Hush. Not everything is about you,” Monica said as she jammed the sketchbook onto a higher shelf. “It’s a commission for a client that they asked to keep secret.”
“How would you feel about lunch? I think it’s about that time. All I know is that I’m starving.” The hunger on his face was not for food.
Things inside Monica twisted with need. Her own hunger returned, ready for Nikolai. It was almost too strong, but she found the will to resist it and stepped out of reach again. He wasn’t the one for her, she told herself. She’d decided to get Oscar’s attention and it would never work if she was under Nikolai.
Her throat tightened, her body rebelling at her mind’s decision. The panther hissed and swiped at her from the inside. Pain slashed through her body. She couldn’t help but wince, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
“I don’t think lunch is a good idea. We should probably stop meeting like this.”
Nikolai spun away from her and ran his hand through his hair, undoing the tie it’d been held in. She thought she imagined the growl she heard until he turned back. His jaw was tight, lips pulled into an angry grimace. She felt the need to step toward him, a magnet in her stomach yanking her forward. Somehow, she held her place.
This wasn’t her mate. He wasn’t meant for her, no matter her own lust. He needed to see that, too. No matter what was between them, they each had their own paths and Monica was sure they didn’t intersect. She looked away, glancing to where she’d hidden the sketchbook and gathered her will.
Later, she would rip up the sketch and let Nikolai work on his own problems. They’d all made their own beds and there was no reason to make them worse. Oscar would never love her if she made herself available to every Alpha she came across. Nikolai would never earn the trust of his pack if he dallied with a girl from another pack.
Chapter Nine
Monica pulled the sketchbook down from where she’d hidden it with every intention of ripping out the most recent sketch. She touched her fingers to the page, ready to pull, and found herself pulled into the art once more. It was amazing how well she’d captured his face, the strength and determination there.
Her gaze followed the line of his jaw and the shape of his lips. Having felt them first hand, she could better see the places she’d gotten wrong. Instead of ripping it out, she grabbed a pencil and worked on adjustments.
She’d driven out to see Oscar again and found herself lingering in her car. Oscar directed shifters in repairs, shouting orders and pointing them in the right direction. Everyone followed his command to become a tireless machine. And yet, Monica didn’t feel welcome. It wasn’t the family she wanted.
She didn’t get out and call his name. She didn’t even wave. Instead, she hit the gas and kept going. Her head was a mess again. With each passing day, she’d found herself replacing Oscar with Nikolai. She wasn’t doing it on purpose, and she didn’t think it was her panther�
��s doing anymore.
One bear was not equal to another. She cursed herself. Was she being stupid? If so, which choice was the stupid one? Was it better she choose the man who hadn’t noticed her since she’d been changed, or the one who couldn’t seem to resist her while his own world fell apart?
Monica took the sketchbook and pencil back to her bedroom where the balls still lingered. She hadn’t had the heart to clean them up, enjoying the frivolous fun every time she opened her door. Some would roll away, but it was still a veritable playground. It brought a smile to her lips as she waded through and climbed atop her bed.
Maybe she was stupid, but it was better to live with joy and excitement than to live safely. She wasn’t going to ask Nikolai to be her mate. That was too much. There was an undeniable blaze between them, a firestorm of lust and laughter, but she wouldn’t expect anything long term out of it. That way, her heart was guarded.
She set the sketch aside once she was happy with the progress. Wading through the mess of balls, she found her keys and set out. The drive was filled with thoughts of what might happen once she got there. She played the scenario in a million different ways, knowing the real thing would be greater than anything she could make up.
What she hadn’t expected was another coup on his front lawn. Fires had been lit and people shouted at Nikolai’s house. Worried, she lurched from her car and rushed forward. A form stepped into her view.
Thinking it was Nikolai, she stopped and reached for him. Only when the hands of a stranger wrapped around her outstretched wrists did she realize her mistake. She looked up at a young shifter. His face was all sharp angles, like a marble angel that had been starved. His blond hair was shaved on the sides and left long on top, gathered into a small ponytail. He leered at her from head to toe.
“What do we have here?” He scented the air, leaning too close to her in the process.
Monica cringed and tried to pull away. His grip was tight, but he allowed her to break it anyway. She fumbled back, peering around herself to take in her situation. This wasn’t her own pack. There wasn’t a familiar face in sight.
Great, she thought. She’d walked herself into a potentially violent situation for what? A booty call? She really was a hot mess.
“I’ve smelled you all over the place the past few days, like my brother’s truck. What possible reason could a pretty kitty like yourself have for being here?”
Brother?
Monica’s brows furrowed against her will. Confusion was a slap in the face. As much as she wanted to run, if Nikolai was inside he was in trouble. This group clearly meant ill will. Her panther itched to run inside and protect him. It was a foolish notion, one she hadn’t felt for anyone until now.
Slowly, she gathered herself. She counted the number of people on the lawn. With the fires burning and people shouting, it seemed a lot larger than it actually was. If she could guess, there were only six or seven people. It hardly even amounted to half of Nikolai’s pack. While that would be a nearly harmless uprising, she was more worried about the shifter that claimed to be his brother.
If they were both born of the same parents, she figured their strength would be a near equal match. Who would win a challenge? The thought of Nikolai fighting for his life scared her more than she thought possible. In that moment, she decided it wouldn’t come to that.
Carefully and confidently, she pushed past the people. The man claiming to be Nikolai’s brother watched her with hawkish eyes. His gaze never left her as she climbed the front porch, prickling across her back with every step. At any moment, she expected him to pounce on her, to take her prisoner.
Yet, he did nothing. Standing in the threshold of Nikolai’s home, she spared one last glance back. The shifter watched her with a smile on his lips. He was cocky, as if she were playing right into his hands. Whatever he thought would happen, she would fight against it. He might be rallying against Nikolai, but he’d never been put up against one of Oscar’s shifters.
Monica locked the door behind her, warning anyone against entering. It’d been unlocked when she entered. Perhaps that’d been an invitation. Anyone who would like to fight against him was welcome to come inside and try. And, yet, the shifters were still on the front lawn.
“Finally gathered the courage to face me yourself? I knew I smelled you out there.”
Nikolai’s voice came from the kitchen. She heard the clatter of silverware in the sink before Nikolai appeared in the doorway. His sandwich was halfway to his mouth when he paused. Surprise was written all over his face, from the rise of his brows to the drop of his jaw.
“You’re not what I expected.” Slowly, his surprise faded, and anger took over. He spun toward the living room, giving her his back. “I thought this was over.”
“Yeah, and I thought you were an Alpha with control over his pack.” Her words were cutting, but she knew he needed it. He was hiding inside while his pack rioted all over the place. “There’s less than ten idiots outside. Between the two of us, we could probably scare them off.”
He glanced over his shoulder, sizing her up, and then nodded. “While I have no doubt that you could put them all in their place, help from one of Oscar’s shifters would make me look even worse. I’m going to wait for Alex to come to me. Once he finds the courage to take me head on, then we’ll find out who is the better Alpha.”
Monica lost it. “The better Alpha is a smart Alpha! He uses whatever resources he has available to get the job done, to protect his people. Even if that means protecting them from themselves. You’re acting like you don’t know which of you is better.”
His lips pressed into a thin line. After a moment, he shrugged. Her panther surged forward. Her skin ached and her throat burned, but she fought the creature back. Now wasn’t the time.
“You don’t. At least, you don’t think you do. You think you’re no better than those assholes. Well, I have a newsflash for you. While you’re a bit of an idiot, you’re also a good man. Don’t doubt that.”
He spun on her, throwing the sandwich onto the nearby desk. “A good man wouldn’t have tried to steal someone’s freedom! He wouldn’t have risked his people over a bunch of sand just because it was someone else’s dream. A good man would know who he was.” The last words were a growled confession.
They hit the room, clearing the air until there was nothing but Nikolai, Monica, and those words.
“Should I come back when you have that figured out? Or, am I wasting my time with you?”
He made a pained sound and took a step forward. She could see the hunger, the desire that ignited between them each time they were in the same room. It was sudden and all consuming. Slowly, his fist clenched. He stayed where he was, not once taking his eyes away from hers.
It was her turn, she realized. He wasn’t going to move. Caught between confusion and rejection, Nikolai waited for her to make a move. While he’d made mistakes like all the Alpha bears had, his weighed the heaviest on him. Oscar still didn’t see anything wrong with what he’d done in the name of expansion, but Nikolai regretted every moment of it.
Monica was about to close the space between them when glass shattered. A brick clattered across the floor to land between them. Glass caught the firelight outside and glimmered like fire all around them.
“Well, that’s a bit cliché,” Monica said. There was a numbness in her chest that was slowly melting into anger. “There isn’t even a note attached to it.”
Nikolai bent to grab the brick. He tossed it in his hand, testing the heft of it. “How about this? We get these assholes off my lawn and then we talk.”
Monica reached for the hem of her shirt, the panther all too ready to rise for the fight. “You have a deal. Although, I don’t know how much talking I’ll be able to do.”
***
Before Nikolai could respond, the words caught in his throat while Monica shifted. Her panther form slid forward, nearly seamlessly. Her shift was as elegant as her animal form. Soon, a large cat, roughly the siz
e of a motorcycle, approached him. She rubbed her cheek against his leg and turned toward the now open window. Glass crunched under her feet, but the pads of her paws were too thick to be pierced.
She leapt out the window and landed among a group of his own shifters, snarling and swiping. Nikolai watched with an odd sense of pride. Here was a woman who’d once ran over his mailbox and argued with him over a dildo. Without hesitation, she jumped to his aid. Not only with the shifters outside, but with his own woes. He’d thought she’d turned her back on him completely after the other day.
Now, Nikolai kicked open his front door and strode onto the lawn after her. The shouts of his delinquent shifters being pounced on by a panther was a joyful sound. While she kept them busy, Nikolai approached the man who claimed to be his brother. He waited, leaning against a car parked on the side of the road—on top of his mailbox, Nikolai realized.
Well, he did need a new one, after all.
The closer he came, with the firelight illuminating the man’s face, he couldn’t find any touch of resemblance. This man looked nothing like his father. It was possible Alex looked like his mother, Nikolai reasoned. The man was slight, everything about him wiry and malnourished. His face was gaunt, a mask of death.
Alex pushed off his car with a triumphant smile, as if getting Nikolai to come outside had been a victory. True, the standstill had lasted a while, but no matter what Alex thought, Nikolai was about to end it.
“So, you’re the one who claims to be my brother,” Nikolai began, his voice flat as if he was bored. He pretended to look away, his attention still firmly locked on Alex.
The man swaggered forward. He thought a lot of himself, apparently. Nikolai was not so fond of theatrics. A man’s worth should have been apparent from the moment he entered a room. It was one of their father’s doctrines, words he lived by.
With each passing moment, Nikolai became less and less convinced this shifter had anything to do with his father. He remembered the man, the bear he’d been, as if he still towered over his shoulder. He’d been an imposing man, with hammer-like fists and a hunger for everything. Perhaps Alex had his hunger. The gleam in his eyes said it all. Or, Nikolai thought he saw something that was only the firelight reflected.
Her True Alpha Mate Page 6