by Dixon, Ruby
The baby kicks again, and even though I just peed, it feels like I need to get up again. I knew being pregnant wouldn’t be a barrel of fun, but sometimes I wish this kid would pick somewhere to sit other than my bladder. “I’m awake.”
“Do you think the kit is well?” His hand caresses my belly and I can hear the worry in his tone.
My heart squeezes. My Aehako is always so laughing and carefree, so easily confident. Yet lately, as my belly grows, so does the worry in his eyes. This isn’t the first night he’s been unable to go back to sleep, and I suspect it won’t be the last. He’s not going to sleep well until I have this baby…and that’s months and months (and months) away from now. “I’m sure it’s fine. Go back to sleep, love.”
“But it is very active tonight.”
“Sometimes it does that.”
His hand slides over my belly. “What if it is trying to get our attention? What if something is wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” I reassure him.
He doesn’t sound convinced. “How is your stomach?”
I have the occasional bout of nausea thanks to strong smells, and every time I do, Aehako panics. It’s like he can’t stand the thought of me sick or hurting, which is kind of sweet. In the middle of the night, though? It’s also kind of irksome. I remind myself that he’s just worried. This is our first baby together. It’s natural for him to be overprotective. “It’s good.” I make my voice sound as sleepy as possible. “Go back to bed, love.”
Aehako just tugs me closer, burying his face in my hair. “You would tell me if it was not, yes?”
“I absolutely would, I promise.”
He grunts and gets quiet, but I notice his hand stays protectively over my belly, and he twitches every time the baby kicks again, as if it’s punching his insides and not mine.
My poor Aehako. It’s strange, because normally out of the two of us, I’m the worrier. I’m the one that stresses over small things and tries to take the weight of the world on my shoulders. He’s the lighthearted one, the laughing, teasing one that makes me forget all of my worries. When it comes to this pregnancy, though, our roles are reversed. I’m the one that takes everything in stride, and it’s Aehako that has the sleepless nights and the constant fear. It’s Aehako that hovers over me as if I’m fragile glass and won’t let me do a thing around the cave that might disturb me.
He’s making himself crazy. At some point, he’s going to snap, because I don’t think he can take another six months of this, which is what it sounds like I’m in for.
The baby shifts again and I fight back a groan of irritation, because now I really do feel like I have to pee. But if I get up again, Aehako’s going to panic.
There’s no winning this.
* * *
“He is stressed,” Kemli tells me as she hands me a cup of tea later that morning.
“Do you think so?” I take a sip, trying not to worry.
The elder sits across from me with her own cup, her expression wry. “All males get touchy when their female is with kit. It is not just the body that changes, but she gets tired. Her feet hurt. She craves strange foods.” Kemli shrugs. “My Borran fussed and hovered with each of my kits. You would think a female had never had young before the way he acted.” Her mouth quirks, and then she sobers. “You must also remember that you are not with the healer, here in the South Cave.”
“But…I feel fine,” I protest. “There’s no need to bother Maylak when I feel fine.”
“I have known Aehako all his life,” Kemli says wisely as she stirs her tea with a fingertip, pushing the leaves around. “He is all humor and charm, but he is also very protective. When he worries, he cannot hide his feelings behind a smile. Do you know that I offered to make bone broth with his last kill, and he looked outraged that I even suggested it?”
I gasp, shocked. “What? Why?”
“Because it was one of the fanged hoppers with a long tail, and you know how strong they smell if cut wrong. He worried it would smell in the cavern and he did not want your stomach upset.” Her mouth twitches again. “It was just a simple suggestion, but the next thing I knew, he’d decided to take his kill out to the cache. I suspect he hid it so I would not make broth without him knowing. He’s been making others cook at the far end of the cave, too. As far away from you as possible.”
I’m surprised. I had no idea this was going on, though I have noticed that there hasn’t been a lot of cooking scents lately. I thought maybe I was just not noticing them. “Oh, but…”
Kemli waves a hand in the air. “He is to be a father for the first time. Everyone puts up with it. We are all excited to see your little one be born.” Her smile grows warm and she looks at my belly as if she can see the barely noticeable bump underneath my thick clothing. Her voice lowers and she leans closer to me. “It has been a while since kits crawled around these caves. To think that there are three to be born. It is like the tribe is waking up from a long sleep. We are all very eager to have more young born.”
“Even so,” I protest. “Everyone has to cook. You can’t live your lives tiptoeing around me just because I’m pregnant and will be for a while. I’m just one person.”
“Ah, but you carry hope in your belly.”
“Well, so do Georgie and Liz—”
“But you are here,” Kemli points out. “They have the healer with them. You do not. And Asha is here in this cave.”
Oh, I know all about Asha. My mood sours as I think about the annoying woman and how she used to hit on Aehako. It’s been months and I still haven’t gotten used to her being around. Every time I see her, I want to punch her in the face with jealousy, so we stay apart.
Her weathered blue hand covers my smaller one. “Be kind to your mate. The last kit to be born was Asha’s and it did not live. You must forgive Aehako if he worries more than he should.”
God. I immediately feel like the world’s biggest jerk. That’s why Kemli says Aehako’s worried. It doesn’t have to do with Asha’s flirting but the death of her baby. “Of course,” I manage, touching my belly. “I really do think everything is fine, though.”
“I imagine it is,” Kemli says with a chuckle. “You are human, but still strong and healthy.”
“Thanks?”
She pats my shoulder. “It will just take time for him to get used to fatherhood.”
“How much time?”
Her eyes twinkle. “How much longer until the kit is born?”
I groan. “That long, huh?” I sip my tea, and try not to grimace at the flavor. It’s a mixture I always liked before, but now that I’m pregnant, the taste feels a little too strong, a little too bitter. I don’t want to turn it down, though, because I’m acutely aware of how much effort goes into every bite of food and every sip of water. Nothing here comes from a spout or a grocery store. Tea leaves have to be gathered and cleaned and stored, and even the smallest cup of tea shouldn’t go to waste.
But if I drink it, I’ll barf, and then Aehako will flip his lid, and then the rest of the day will be shot and—
Kemli drains her cup and smacks her lips. “I do love strong tea. Is yours to your liking?”
“It’s great,” I say, holding it up. “Thank you so much.”
She lifts her chin, indicating my drink. “Shall I finish that for you?”
With a sheepish smile, I hold the cup out to her. “I think the baby doesn’t like strong flavors.”
“When my belly was full of my youngest, I hated the taste of red meat.” She waves a hand in the air and rolls her eyes. “That was a very long three full turns of the seasons.”
I’ll bet. A lot of the diet here is red meat. I can’t imagine living three years on fish and roots. I chuckle at her expression. “So what did you—”
“Human,” a voice hisses, and an all-too-familiar woman stomps into Kemli’s cave without bothering to scratch a greeting. “Come and get your mate!”
“Asha,” Kemli says in a dry voice. “Come in. My cave is always
welcome to visitors.”
Asha tosses her thick, dark hair and glares at both of us. I get to my feet, feeling just a little fat and awkward at her presence. The female sa-khui is utterly gorgeous, her skin a lovely shade of flawless blue, her eyes bright and snapping fire. Her stomach is lean and hard and reminds me that my belly is starting to distend and my ankles have a tendency to swell lately. She’s magnificent and she knows it.
She’s also kind of an arrogant ass. She looks down her flawless nose at me, her expression imperious. “Do you not think we have enough to put up with right now? Can you not make Aehako behave?”
“Make him behave? I don’t understand.” I rub the slight bulge of my belly as I get to my feet. “What’s he doing?”
Her gaze goes to my stomach, and for a moment, pain flickers in her eyes and I feel like the biggest jerk. Then, the sneer returns to her pretty face and Asha looks at me with such disdain. “He is harassing Hemalo over dye. He says he will upset you and Aehako now says such things are not allowed in his cave while his mate is pregnant.”
I wince. “Oh boy. I’m coming.”
“Good,” Asha says viciously. “Are we all supposed to sit and stare at the fire until your kit is born? Because that is what Aehako will reduce us to.”
“This is his first kit, Asha,” Kemli says mildly. “All males lose their minds when their female is pregnant.”
“I do not care.”
“I’ll talk to him,” I say to the women. While it’s sweet that Aehako is so, so protective of me, Asha also has a point. The entire cave can’t tiptoe around while they wait for my baby to be born. I don’t know if I’m going to be pregnant for nine months or twenty, because the sa-khui carry for so much longer than humans. Either way, Aehako needs to learn to cope, and I do, too.
We’re not the only ones that live here. It’s an entire cave system full of people and they can’t cater to one pregnant lady.
So I follow a huffing Asha out of Kemli’s cave and to the back of the South Cave, where the storage areas are set up. Sure enough, Hemalo is set up in the one cave set aside for hides—cured, uncured, dyed and undyed. He’s in front of a stretched skin, a bowl of pungent junk at his feet, and I can smell the concoction even before he comes into view.
I smile brightly even though the scent of it makes my eyes water and my gag reflex rise. “Hi guys, what’s going on?”
Aehako immediately comes over to my side, all big protective body and flicking tail. He’s got a slight frown pulling at the edges of his normally smiling mouth. “You should not be in here, Sad Eyes. The smell will make your stomach upset.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him, keeping the fakely cheery smile on my face. “I heard you and Hemalo were fighting?”
The big male behind Aehako gets to his feet. Of all the people in the tribe, I would think both Hemalo and Aehako would be last on the list of fighters—my mate because he doesn’t take much in life too seriously, and Hemalo because he just seems all soul and art. He’s not a warrior or a hunter like the others. He’s a creator and loves nothing more than fussing with leathers.
Hemalo gives me a mild smile, his soulful eyes full of apology.
“We are not fighting,” Aehako says, his voice surprisingly tight. “I am simply telling him that he cannot dye leather with you so close by.” Even now, his big hands—though gentle—are steering me toward the entrance of the cave, as if he doesn’t want me anywhere near the tanner. “In fact, you did not sleep well last night. Perhaps you should take another nap.”
If I take another nap, I’m going to fall asleep out of sheer boredom. “Aehako,” I protest, letting him pull me along. “I’m not tired.”
“You are,” he insists.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” He takes my hand in his and when I plant my feet, he just grabs me and carries me away.
“Aehako!” I protest. “Stop this!”
“I know what is best for you, Sad Eyes. Do not be stubborn.”
I want to grab his shoulders and shake him, but his movements are making my stomach churn a little. Either that, or the smell of the dye really is affecting me. I twist my hands in his warm tunic, holding on as he carries me in his arms back to our cave as if I’m nothing more than a naughty child. He eventually sets me down oh-so-gently in the middle of our quarters and then looks me over.
I put my hands on my hips, annoyed at his high-handed actions. “That’s it. We need to talk.”
“Are we not talking right now?” He gives me a ghost of his usual playful smile and touches my cheek. “Or do you want me to do other things with my mouth?”
He gives me a roguish grin as if he didn’t just pitch a tantrum at one of his tribemates. I stare at him, aghast. “Don’t get flirty on me. What’s eating you?”
The light-hearted smile on his face fades immediately into a scowl. “Nothing.”
“You yelled at Hemalo—”
HIs eyes flare and suddenly my playful Aehako is gone. In his place is a wild-eyed, teeth-baring, snarling man. He stabs a finger at the ground. “Because he is not doing as he is told! Hemalo is not thinking of you and our kit!”
I stare at him, aghast.
“He is being selfish!”
“Will you listen to yourself right now?” I shake my head. “Aehako, love, they live here, too. They can’t just tiptoe around for the next year because I’m pregnant.”
He flings his hands wide. “Why not?”
I’m worried about him. We were both a little anxious when I got pregnant, because we knew that I shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant. That the khui fixed the problems that had led to me being sterile, so we were cautious at first. But as time has gone on, I’ve become more and more comfortable with being pregnant, and it’s clear Aehako has…not.
“You need to calm down,” I tell him in my most level-headed, soothing voice. “You’re stressing yourself out, and you’re making me worry about you. I love you, Aehako, but I don’t love how you’re acting right now.”
My big alien mate drags a hand over his face. “I…my apologies, my mate. I just saw him at work and it made me angry.” He drops to his knees in front of me and pulls me into his arms, nestling his head against the slight swell of my belly. “I think only of you and our kit.”
I put my hands on his head, run my fingers lightly over the short hairs of his scalp. “They live here, too,” I say gently. “If the scent bothered me enough, I’d talk to him. Do you really think Hemalo would do anything deliberately to try and spite us?” Hemalo is so kind and gentle, I can barely imagine him with Asha, much less doing anything to be cruel. “He’s just working on his leathers because he likes to. It’s nothing to do with you or me.”
Aehako sighs heavily, his cheek pressed to my belly as I massage his scalp. “I just…worry.”
I want to ask if it’s because of Asha and Hemalo’s empty arms, but if their loss isn’t on his mind, I don’t want to add another worry to the pile. “You’re supposed to be the carefree one, remember? I’m the ‘Sad Eyes’ and you’re the happy one.” I trace my fingers down his scalp, caressing one ear lovingly. “I hate that you’re so upset, love. Talk to me about it. Don’t take it out on others.”
His arms tighten around me. “I…have had bad dreams.”
“About?”
“You and the kit.” His words are thick, reluctant. “That terrible things happen to you both and I am helpless to do anything about it.” He buries his face against my tunic, as if he can’t bear the thought of even remembering those dreams.
I chew on my lip. “Like…Rokan type dreams?” I ask hesitantly. His brother Rokan has a strange connection with his khui, and always seems to “know” a bit more than he lets on. If Aehako has the same…
“No. Nothing like that.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “So just bad dreams that make you wake up in a terrible mood.” I caress his head as he rubs my belly and nods. “I understand. They’re just dreams though, love. I promise yo
u I feel fine and I’d let you know the moment I didn’t.”
“I know.” His big hand cups my belly even though it’s nothing but the slightest of bulges. “I just wish that the healer was here. I would feel better knowing she checked you and said everything was fine.”
It’s a brilliant idea, and one I immediately latch onto. If seeing the healer will make him return to his laughing, carefree self, I’m all for it. “Great. Let’s go see her, then.”
Aehako looks up at me in surprise. “What?” He shakes his head. “It is the brutal season. You should not leave the caves.”
“I don’t care,” I say, smiling. “It’s a half a day’s walk to the main caves, right? I can walk for half a day.”
“It will take longer with bad weather,” Aehako admits.
“Then we walk for a full day. Look, if it’ll ease your mind, why don’t we do it? I think it’s a great idea.”
He frowns, running his hand over my belly again. “I cannot take my mate out in the brutal season.”
I let out a frustrated puff of breath. “Why not?”
“It is cold.”
I chuckle. “It is always cold, love. I’m not going to snap like an icicle the moment I go outside.” He looks alarmed at my choice of words and tugs me a bit closer. “Besides, I’d like to see the healer, too.”
“You said nothing was wrong?” Aehako blurts immediately.
“Nothing is wrong,” I quickly reassure him. “I just would like to see Maylak. I’d like to see Georgie and Liz, too. We can compare notes about human-sa-khui pregnancies.” I touch his cheek gently, running my thumb over his high cheekbones. “I want to visit with my friends. I want to relax in the heated pool in the center of the cave and not come out for days. And we can visit your mother and father. That’d be lovely, wouldn’t it?
The more I think about the idea, the more I love it. Maybe we need a vacation. Just to get away from everyone else in the South Cave for a few days. Because it’s the brutal season, everyone’s underfoot and getting on each other’s nerves, and Aehako is more stressed than I’ve ever seen him. Being the leader is an extra burden, and he’d probably do well talking to Vektal, too.