by T. S. Joyce
She blinked back overwhelming emotion and strode around the counter, only to launch herself into his arms as soon as she was close enough. “They’re happy tears. You’ve been pulling them from me all day. I can’t wait to plant them in my front flower bed. I can’t wait to watch them grow.”
“Shhh,” he crooned, rubbing her back in a soft, circular motion. “I didn’t mean to ruin our night.”
“You ridiculous man. Do you not hear what I’m saying?” Hadley eased back and cupped his face, then stroked the scar on his cheek with the pad of her thumb. “You did good.”
He thumbed her tears away as an uncertain smile stretched across his lips. “You still want to go to dinner with me?”
In answer, she leaned up on her tiptoes, shyness forgotten, and kissed him until her head spun. He rocked his weight and eased her more firmly against his chest, then splayed his legs and leaned back against the counter. Gently massaging the back of her head, he brushed his tongue against hers. A needy noise filled her throat as his hand found its way to the small of her back, arching her against his erection, hard and ready beneath the fly of his jeans.
“Woman,” he gritted out against her lips.
“Hmm?” she asked, nibbling at him.
“We’re already going to be late, and if you don’t stop rubbing against me, I’m going to take you into the back room and we’ll miss our reservation completely.”
She narrowed her eyes at the clock on the wall. I bet they’ll hold our table for a few minutes if we call and ask them to. Besides, if you want your Valentine’s Day gift, it’s hidden under my dress.”
Colin’s eyes went wide, then dropped to her chest. “I’ll call. You lock the front door.”
With an excited squeal, she snatched her keys and bolted for the door as Colin made the call. Hadley flipped off the lights, lest a late customer think they were still open for business and come knocking, then pulled Colin to the back room.
“We only have fifteen minutes to get there,” he said low, closing the door behind him and pulling the single chain to turn on the hanging lightbulb.
“Challenge accepted.”
He snorted and shook his head, but his dancing eyes said he liked her just the way she was, moxie and all.
He leaned against the table under the hanging mirror she’d preened in front of earlier. “Where’s this present you teased me with?”
She hadn’t known why she purchased the scandalous, strappy, lacey, expensive negligee when she’d picked it out from a specialty boutique last year. It still had the tags on it until this morning, but now, she was finally going to get her money’s worth. She was more of a comfy cotton kind of girl most days, so today had been a test in not gritting her teeth against the uncomfortable nature of the lingerie. Colin’s frozen expression when she pulled her dress over her head made all of that discomfort today worth it.
“This blows my gifts out of the water,” he murmured, reaching for her hand and giving her a spin. His dark eyebrows arched, and he shook his head slowly, as if she were a fine painting on a gallery wall. “Damn, woman.”
She frowned at the floor. Okay, she hadn’t really given too much thought to the technical part of fooling around in the cramped storage room. And she sure as heck wasn’t comfortable messing around in front of those big old picture windows in the main room. With a wicked grin, he slid his hand down the front of the red lace and pressed his finger easily inside of her. She’d been ready for him all day. She rocked her hips against his touch.
“We don’t need to lie down,” he whispered, turning her until she faced the mirror.
She didn’t know about watching herself while they made love, but he seemed determined. Colin pressed his finger into her again, and she groaned. Arching her neck back, she watched his reflection, his eyes practically glowing now and never leaving her breasts or hips as she moved with him.
“Colin?” she pleaded in a needy voice. He was going to make her detonate without him.
“You ready?”
“Mmm hmm,” she said. Nodding her head was out of the question right now. Really anything other than undulating against his palm was undoable, so garbled, husky words would have to do.
The lace fabric of her panties slid down, and she locked her arms on either side of the mirror. The soft jingle of his belt and the following slow rip of his zipper filled the small room and brought a quiver of anticipation to her stomach. He pressed his knee between hers and spread her stance. And when he was poised to enter, she clenched her hands until her nails pressed against her palms. She could see him, right there between her legs. She should look away, or…no, this was fun, not intimidating at all, like she’d imagined the mirror would make her feel.
“Watch,” he whispered against her ear.
Her heart pounded against her ribcage as he slid slowly into her. She could feel him, see him fill her. So much sensation. She backed up against him so she could take all of him. With his arms wrapped around her, he popped her breasts out of her bra, to sit just over the material, then cupped her sex again where they were joined. He moved within her slowly, but that didn’t matter. She was already teetering, and his teasing wouldn’t work tonight.
“Oh my gosh. I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming,” she whispered out as the first wave of pulsing pleasure crashed through her.
A low chuckle vibrated against her neck where he kissed her oversensitive skin there. “That’s one,” he murmured as he lifted those smoldering eyes to hers in the mirror. He looked otherworldly.
That’s one? Did two in a row exist? Her hips jerked as her orgasm went on and on, and as tingling pressure began to build again, she cried out.
Deepening the arch of her back, she couldn’t take her eyes from his shaft, sliding in and out of her. And her man couldn’t seem to take his attention from her bobbing boobs as their bodies crashed against each other.
“Colin!” she yelled out as her body seized from the inside out, her pleasure spilling over until she had to close her eyes against the sensation.
His powerful hips froze against her for a moment, and heat filled her with rhythmic jets of his own release. A feral sounding growl drummed against her neck as he bit the skin there. Not hard, but enough to make her orgasm rocket up another notch.
She loved this side of him. Erratically bucking into her, shoving her forward with his thrusts, like he couldn’t get close enough to her. That wild animal noise in his throat, and his eyes as they reflected oddly under the lightbulb. A chill rippled across her skin.
He buried his head against her shoulder blades as one last jet of warmth spilled into her. His breath released in a long, trembling sigh.
She looked a damned mess in the mirror, hair wild, eyes bright, boobs peeking out over her disheveled lingerie, smeared lip gloss, plastered grin across her face. That was awesome.
He rubbed his cheek back and forth across her back, like it was a sign of affection for him. Hadley canted her head in the mirror as a rumbling sound vibrated against her skin.
“Are you purring?” she asked, amused.
“Bears don’t purr.”
She frowned. Bears? “Oh.” She giggled. Of course. “Because of your profile name…Bearman.”
Colin jerked his head up and stared at her in the mirror with a troubled look. “Yeah, Bearman. That’s what I meant.”
Chapter Seven
“Thanks for buying me dinner,” Hadley said, glad the dark hid the heat that was creeping into her cheeks again. “This was the best day I’ve had in…well, forever.”
“It’s not over yet,” Colin said, squeezing her smaller hand in his.
The words should’ve been teasing, but when she looked up at his face, illuminated by blue moonlight, his expression was severe and guarded.
The woods around his house were dark, and the tree branches creaked and swayed in the stiff breeze. He’d asked her to come back to his place for her last present, and she’d told him it was too much. She’d explained that she didn’
t need any more gifts—only him.
Colin had insisted, and now nervous rumblings quivered through her every few seconds, like tiny aftershocks that followed an earthquake.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, tugging his hand until he stopped.
He wouldn’t look her in the eyes, and every time he breathed, it was heavier, as if he was struggling to pull air into his lungs. She pressed her palm against his chest where his heartbeat raced against his sternum. “We’ve walked around your house three times now. You’re scaring me.”
Dropping her hand, he stood back, then rubbed his palms over his face until the scratch, scratch of his whiskers filled the night air. “I don’t mean to scare you.” He took another hard breath and shifted his weight from side to side. “Fuck, I can’t believe I’m even thinking about doing this.”
“Doing what?” she asked, utterly confused.
“Showing you who I am.” He hooked his hands on his hips and looked anywhere but at her. Lowering his voice to a barely audible whisper, he said, “Showing you what I am.”
She shook her head and stared as his hands as he cracked his knuckles, then clenched and unclenched his fists.
“I already saw your shop,” she said, trying to soothe the panic he seemed to be experiencing. “I know you’re a blacksmith.”
“That’s not…” He grimaced and squatted down, hooking his hands behind his head.
She was at a loss on what to do. The cabin’s porch light was on, illuminating her hatchback. “Should I leave?” she asked, uncertain.
When he stood and settled his gaze directly on her, he looked ill. He was pale, and perspiration beaded on his forehead, as if he’d run a great distance. “Hadley,” he said, his voice sounding tortured. “I want more than anything to tell you everything about me and about my people, but I’m scared to death you are going to leave. Tell me you’ll stay with me just like we are, and that you won’t ask questions or need to know too much, and I won’t mention this again. We can go on just like we are.”
But…that didn’t sound right. With a frown so deep it made her forehead ache, she shook her head. “That’s not what I want. I don’t want a half-relationship with you, Colin. I want all of you, just like you can have all of me.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah. Let me in. Trust me like I trust you. It’ll be better for both of us that way. I don’t want a relationship built on secrets where I have to look the other way when you avoid my questions. Spill it, Cross. Do it quickly, and then it’ll be done.”
“Swear you won’t leave until you let me explain.”
“Okay.” She crossed her arms over her chest. A chill seeped through her sweater dress. Shrugging, she said, “Explain.”
“Swear first.”
“Holy crap, Colin. Whatever it is can’t be this bad. I’m in this. I’m here. I’m yours. Explain to me why you live up here all alone and where your scars came from. Explain the people in that photograph. Give me something. You’ll hurt me if you give me nothing.”
He hitched up his eyebrow and waited.
“Geez,” she muttered. “I swear I won’t leave.”
“Okay.” He drew a lungful of air. “Before I do this, you should know I keep my mind and would never, ever hurt you. Not even a little. It’s still me.”
She pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her hands and shivered. The temperature had to be dropping. No, it wasn’t that. She was scared. She just didn’t want to admit that Colin was setting off warning alarms to clang against her skull.
“I have to tell you something first,” Colin whispered. “Because if I don’t say it now, I might not get the chance to later. Hadley…” He lifted glowing eyes to hers. “I love you.”
Those words, more important than any others she’d heard in her life. He did care about her like she cared about him. “I love you, t—”
As the words left her lips, Colin gritted his teeth like he was in pain and hunched inward.
Then he exploded.
The force of whatever he’d done pushed her backward, and she landed hard on her rear.
Colin didn’t exist anymore, and in his place was a giant grizzly bear.
“Oh, my God,” she whispered in horror. “Colin? Colin?” she asked again, louder.
The enormous creature was covered in dark fur, and scars crisscrossed his body, making his fur look uneven in patches. Impossibly long claws sank into the earth as he approached with powerful steps that rattled the ground beneath her.
She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. Her Colin was gone. He was gone! And in his place was a predator with his glowing eyes.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she waited for him to kill her. Why else would he have brought her up in the mountains where no one could hear her scream?
Panting, she froze completely as he placed his paws, each the size of her head, on either side of her hips. She didn’t know what the animal saw in her expression, but she could read his as clear as day.
It was the first time she’d ever seen true sadness in an animal’s eyes before.
Inhaling deeply, like he was committing her scent to memory, Colin-the-Grizzly slowly lowered his head against her stomach and just rested it there.
She wouldn’t touch him. Couldn’t. She was frozen fast. Perhaps she’d die here, just like this, scared of the one she loved. As suddenly as he’d changed into this thing, he spun and strode with long, forceful strides into the woods.
Sobs wracked her body as she lay there. She drew her hands over her mouth to stifle the sound of her weakness, but it didn’t help. Curling into a ball, she squeezed her eyes closed and wept for all she’d lost—for all he’d lost, too.
She hadn’t fallen in love with a man at all, but something entirely different.
She didn’t know how long she lay like that, shocked to her core and crying. As the chill began to seep into her bones, she pushed herself upward and stumbled toward her car in a daze. Behind the wheel, she shut the car door and pressed the lock button. It wasn’t like Colin couldn’t get to her through her puny hatchback if he had the mind to. He was massive and belied a power she could only guess at. He could cut into it like a tin can.
She turned the key and the engine roared to life. Her headlights illuminated Colin’s tiny cottage and his tiny shop—his tiny life.
He could’ve killed her.
He could’ve hurt her.
She remembered the sick look on his face when he was about to show her what was living inside of him. This was why he banished himself to these mountains and to this lonely existence.
You swore you wouldn’t leave, his voice whispered over the hum of her motor.
Slamming her head back against the seat cushion, she searched for her dwindling inner strength. She couldn’t do this to him. Fuck, she couldn’t do it to herself without knowing everything. She wiped her damp lashes with her sleeve and turned the car off.
A quick scan of the woods said the terrifying bear wasn’t anywhere near, so she made her way back to his house and let herself in. With one flip of the light switch, the entire living and kitchen area were illuminated.
Every strange thing he’d done and said made sense now.
Bearman28.
His shifting eyes.
The growl in his throat.
His impeccable hearing.
Those scars on his back weren’t just from any animal attack. She’d bet her flower shop they matched claws that looked like Colin’s.
And that picture…
She stood in front of it and saw it in a new light. It wasn’t some weekend retreat picture with his coworkers and their kids. It was taken in their home, in some wilderness somewhere where they’d felt safe. These weren’t people at all, but bear shifters Hadley had thought only belonged in legends and stories.
The door creaked open, and Colin entered with his pair of tattered jeans clutched in front of his lap. The rest of him was bare, and he looked down at the carpet, as if he were ashamed. It ripped her
guts out. She’d made him feel like this.
Without a word, he disappeared into his bedroom, then reemerged five minutes later, dressed in a pair of loose sweatpants and an old T-shirt.
“Who were they?” she asked in a small, tremulous voice.
“That is Blood Den, my clan. I was their alpha, and they were my people.”
“They’re all dead?”
He still hadn’t lifted his gaze. “All but five. They live with another clan now.”
Tears stung her eyes. “Why? Why aren’t they here with you?”
“Because I don’t deserve them. I couldn’t protect them. Not any of them. Four of them barely escaped in the chaos with their lives. And Joanna was taken as a spoil of war.”
“Who did this?”
He rested his hips against the wall and leaned his head back, swallowing until his Adam’s apple dipped into the tensed muscles of his neck. “There aren’t many of us left now, but that wasn’t always how it was. We had separated into clans. Blood Den, Raiders, Kodiaks, Rocky Hunters, Long Claws, Ridgeback, and Bear Valley. The Long Claws made an alliance with us, with everyone, but they broke them when they became power hungry and wanted more territory. They didn’t care about the survival of bear shifters. They only cared about the survival of the Long Claws. They attacked during a time of peace, but I should’ve seen it coming. My second, Marshall, warned me time and time again that we were at risk, but I didn’t believe him. I was a young alpha, twenty-one and new to the rank, and I put my trust in those stupid alliances.” His voice dipped low, shaking with emotion. “I tried to save them, but we weren’t trained for war and Blood Den fell in a day. I fell too, but the Long Claws left me for dead. I didn’t quite get there.”
Hadley’s face crumpled as the weight of his words settled over her shoulders like a suffocating blanket. She slid down against the wall until she was sitting with her arms draped over her knees. Hot tears made streams of pain down her face as she imagined the things he’d seen and been through. How could a soul bear so much? “What happened to the Long Claws?”
“They came for Bear Valley a few years ago, and I lined up for battle there to finally avenge my people. But as the fighting started, the Long Claw’s new alpha called an end to the war. Eventually, the Long Claws who had ordered my clan and the Kodiaks to be annihilated were overthrown and killed. They’re a reformed clan now with new, ironclad alliances with Bear Valley. I try to tell myself that, but my bear only understands vengeance. There was no justice for my people. Now, I’m broken. You’re the only thing that has soothed me in the seven years since I lost them.”