by Hannah Gray
Bending down, I sob into his chest. Something I haven’t allowed myself to do in months. Still, I can’t stop the tears from falling. “Don’t you get it, Cole?” I snap. “You can’t fix me this time.”
“Why not?!” He’s quiet for a moment. “Did something happen while I was away at football camp? Is that why you left?”
“No,” I lie, fiercely shaking my head.
Something did happen. Something pretty crappy. But it’s my secret to keep.
Cupping my cheeks with his hands, he forces my eyes to his. “You don’t have to lie, Ally. Not to me, not ever. I’ve got you. Always.”
“Do you now?” I say, pushing him away from me and ducking underneath his arm. “Because it hasn’t seemed like it. And to think, I’ve waited for you all this time. Not so much as sparing a glance at another guy.”
His hands grab my waist, turning me to face him again. “But you said—”
I know what he’s going to say—how I mentioned I’d seen way bigger dicks than his.
“I lied,” I admit, cutting him off. “I can be a bitch. We both know this.”
He eyes me cautiously. “You really haven’t been with anyone else?”
I look down for a second before back up at him. “No. Just you.” I laugh bitterly. “Wish you could say the same, playboy.”
Relief covers his face. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he shakes his head. “I haven’t been with anyone else either, Al.”
“Wait, what? What about the girl at the—”
He grimaces. “I wanted to hurt you. So, I took her in the restroom. I even told her why I was doing it.”
I’m confused and a little irritated that he lied. But mostly, I’m just relieved. We were each other’s first. I thought we would be each other’s only. When I thought he had been with that girl, well, it felt like everything was ruined.
“So, you did nothing with her? Nothing at all?” I question him.
He shakes his head once. “Nothing.”
“No blow job? She didn’t touch your dick? You didn’t finger her or—”
“Ally, Jesus, no. Nothing means nothing. She knew I was using her to piss you off. She tried to talk me into fucking her when we got into the restroom. I said no. That was that.”
“Okay then …” I say awkwardly.
His lips form a grin. “I know one thing though.”
“What’s that?” I ask.
“You just admitted you can be a bitch. At least we can agree on that.” He tries to keep a straight face.
I roll my eyes and flick him off. “Oh, fuck right off. You can be a dick too.” I pause. “No, you are always a dick.”
“Yeah, right. I might be a dick sometimes, but we both know I made you happy.” He rolls his tongue over his bottom lip. “Really fucking happy.”
My insides tingle at his words. We certainly did know how to make each other happy and how to take the pain away momentarily. They can say sex isn’t a good coping mechanism, but I beg to differ. Cole showed his love in so many ways while we were intimate. It was never just about the sex. It was about experiencing something with somebody you loved. Somebody you trusted.
His voice breaks me from my thoughts. “All joking aside, I know I can be a dick. But you and I both know we needed to have that toughness inside of us. Without it, we never would have survived this life.”
I smile sadly, my shoulders slouching. “I’m barely surviving now,” I admit.
“Everyone is barely surviving,” he says quietly. “All everyone is trying to do is just survive. That’s life.”
Finally looking him right in the eyes, I gaze into his stormy-blue color. “Cole?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m tired of just surviving.”
Pulling me to his chest, he kisses the top of my head. “I know you are. Just hang in there a little longer, angel. I’ll be in the NFL, and you’ll be one of the country’s most famous singer-slash-songwriters.”
“I hope so.” I just don’t know if you’ll be next to me.
It isn’t about the fame for me. Not in the way it is for Cole anyway.
He’d never say it out loud, but he wants his name known because he wants his mother and all the others who left him to realize how much they missed out on. I know that’s a huge part of his need to be the best.
For me, I just want to help other people who feel the same way I do. Or who hurt the way I’ve hurt. Music has saved my life time and time again. The lyrics quiet my mind, reminding me that I’m not alone in the struggles I’ve had and that I’m not the only one whose been dealt a shitty hand. I want to write a song expressing all of the pain that lives inside of my soul. Buried so deep that I’m not sure I’ll ever fully cleanse myself of it. And truthfully, if one person listens to those words and they realize they aren’t alone, well, then I will have done what I set out to do.
“I’ll be here whenever you’re ready to talk to me.” His deep voice vibrates against my ear.
“Okay,” I croak out. Knowing his words to be true.
No matter what, I know this boy—no, this man will always be here for me.
“You should get going. It’s late,” I say softly.
I’m tired, and as much love as I have for this man, I’m not ready to be with someone I have to share with the entire campus. It feels so different.
“Yeah, I guess I probably should,” he says, but his eyes move to my lips, and he shows no sign of leaving.
I can tell he wants to kiss me. And I don’t think I’d even try to stop him if he did.
Reaching out, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear before gliding his thumb down my cheek. Stopping at my mouth, he rubs the pad of it against my lips. His touch causes a shiver to run down my body.
“Cole,” I moan, succumbing to him like an ice cube being melted by the sun.
“Ally,” his voice rasps.
Dipping his head down, he slowly runs his lips up my neck, breathing me in. Before finally pressing them to my own.
It’s been too long since I’ve felt the softness of his lips against mine. How they fit perfectly with mine. Almost like they were made just for me to kiss. Somehow, it feels that way.
Greedily, my mouth opens, welcoming him inside.
His tongue slips into my mouth, and shit, I feel dizzy. I’ve missed him so much. So fucking much.
I know I haven’t given him jack shit when it comes to information about me or where I’ve been all this time. And yeah, I suppose I have been a bit hard on him as well. I’d say something like, I can’t help it; it’s just the way I am, or shit like that, but those would just be excuses.
So, maybe I don’t deserve this from him right now. But I’m going to take it anyway. Because I need him. And I think he needs me too. He’s the only one who can make me feel something, anything, even if only for just a short time.
I might not be ready to give him what he needs from me. But I am sure about one thing: I need him inside of me.
Right now.
Cole
I pull back and look down at her. My girl. My angel. My addiction.
If she were a drug, I’d shoot her straight into my veins. If she were a shot, I’d toss her back with ease and let her burn the whole way down. And if she were a smoke, I’d inhale her slowly, letting her reach every single part of my body before exhaling.
I. Can’t. Get. Enough.
The way she’s looking at me, I know exactly what she wants. But the problem is, I don’t want to just fuck Ally. I want her to talk to me. I want to know what she’s hiding. Shit, what I want is for us to go back to the way it used to be—when I was her everything.
She won’t give me an inch, yet right now, she wants me to give her a mile.
Fearlessly pulling her shirt over her head, she throws it on the floor. Exposing her full, creamy tits. I haven’t seen those beautiful works of art in too damn long. My dick strains against my zipper, just at the sight.
How the fuck is a man going to say no to that?
She’s so bold and fearless with me. Letting me see her this way, just like old times.
She knows what she’s doing, tempting me like this. She knows I could never tell her no. I’m a strong man but not that strong. Even the great Achilles had a weakness.
I take in her body. Her perfect, goddess-looking body. Her ass and thighs are still slightly curvy. Her stomach still toned and flat and her tits still more than enough for me. I’ve jerked off more times than I’d ever care to admit to this image right here. And now, she’s mine for the taking.
Reaching down, I cup her in the spot she needs me the most. “Why should I give you what you want, Ally?” I question her, narrowing my eyes.
“Because you want it too—that’s why,” she answers matter-of-factly.
Of course I want it. I’d be a blind fool not to. The question is, is it the right thing to do? Especially when I want more. So much more.
Strumming my fingers on my chin, I think about it. I do want it. I want it with everything I am. It’s not enough for me though. But it’s a good fucking start.
Pressing her against the wall, I start by cupping her cheek and then move to her sexy neck, soon gliding my hand down to her breast. Her breathing intensifies the further down I get. Right to that perfect fucking place between her legs.
“You piss me off,” I murmur into her ear. “I don’t like being kept at arm’s length.”
“You piss me off more,” she hisses back. “But I need you. Right now.” Her voice is filled with pure desperation.
“You need me to fuck you? Is that it, Ally?” I want her to want it. But I also want her to want the rest of me too. “You need me inside of you?”
Biting down on her bottom lip, she nods. “So badly.” She licks her lips. “But I won’t beg. You know I won’t.”
I chuckle. No, she certainly isn’t the type to beg. Never has been.
Still gazing up at me, she tilts her head. “But something tells me I won’t have to.”
Of course she won’t have to beg. How could I deny such a beautiful mess? Especially knowing I’m the only one who can give her what she needs. Besides, she’s finally looking me in the eyes right now. She’s finally looking at me like she used to. Something she hasn’t done since I first saw her here, at Brooks.
“One truth, Ally. One truth, and I’ll give you what you need.”
“Cole …” She hesitates, but when I pull my hands away from her body, she sighs. “Fine. Fine. One. Fucking. Truth.”
I nod. “Just tell me one, and I promise, I’ll fuck you exactly how you like.”
Glancing down at the floor, she softly shakes her head. “I didn’t leave because I wanted to. And I didn’t have a new family.”
She might not realize it, but she actually gave me two truths. Anything that she shares with me is crucial. I want to know everything that’s happened since she left.
“You’ve been on your own?”
She nods.
“Where?”
“One truth,” she answers me.
Fair enough. I guess a deal is a deal. And she told me what I asked of her.
Pushing her thong to the side, I dip my fingers into her. Leaning my head down, I take her left nipple into my mouth. Swirling my tongue around it, causing her body to jolt.
“Yes,” she pants in an incredibly sexy tone, making my dick grow harder, if that’s even possible.
Tugging on my shirt, she lifts it over my head. Her eyes instantly find her signed name on the inside of my arm.
Reaching up, she runs her hand over it. “When did you get this?”
“Not long ago.”
“Why?” she says softly.
Taking my hands, I push her to her knees. “If you want this, tonight isn’t your turn to ask questions.”
She gazes up at me, her dark hair flowing down her back, her eyes wild from being so turned on. Ready to take anything I give her. Greedy as ever.
She licks her lips before unbuttoning my pants and pulling them down. Followed by my briefs.
“Tell me what you want,” she whispers, wanting me to tell her exactly what I expect her to do.
“Your lips wrapped around my cock. Now,” I demand. No sweet tone in my voice, no romance.
She might be a queen who has the ability to hold my balls in a jar. But when it comes to this, I can tell she loves being dominated.
“Make up for being a traitor and leaving. And maybe then, I’ll fuck you.”
Her eyes burn with even more need. Moving her head forward, she runs her tongue up my length. Stopping at my head, she swirls her tongue around before pulling back and looking up at me. “Mmm … I’ve missed the way you taste.” A small moan escapes her throat.
Gripping her hair tighter, I tilt my chin up. “And I’ve missed the way you suck my dick.” Fuck, her mouth feels good.
Those blue eyes with swirls of yellow gaze up at me before she dives back in. She sucks and licks and hums. It’s all too fucking much. My dick hasn’t felt her mouth or her pussy in too damn long.
Jerking my hips back and forth, I fuck her mouth. And she takes as much as she can.
Pulling out of her mouth, I bring her up to stand and flip her around so that her ass is against me and her face is against the wall.
When I crash into her with no warning, she moans. Loudly.
No condom between us. Likely irresponsible. But I can’t fucking help myself. I’m greedy with her, and I always will be.
Snaking my hand up around the back of her neck, I pound into her harder. “So tight. And all mine. Right, Ally?”
She doesn’t answer, just moans again.
“Say it, angel,” I hiss, tightening my grip on her. “Now.”
“No,” she answers sharply.
“No?” I growl. “What the fuck do you mean, no?” I still inside of her. “I guess you don’t need this that badly then, do you?” I toy with her. Knowing how desperately she needs this.
Her head points down as she shakes it slowly. “I can’t be yours anymore. Not when you’re not mine.” Her voice sounds defeated.
Pulling out, I flip her around. When I pick her up, she wraps her legs around my waist and puts her head against my shoulder. She’s not a girl who likes to show emotion, but I absorb hers instantly.
Tipping her chin up with my thumb, I look into her big, sad eyes. “I’ve always been yours. I will always be yours. You should know that by now.”
She tilts her head to the side. “Do you mean that?”
“Ally, there’s no place either of us could ever go that would keep us apart.” Moving my mouth to her neck, I murmur against her skin, “My soul belongs to you. Even if sometimes, I wish like hell it didn’t.”
I don’t know whether I mean that or not. Sometimes, it probably would be easier to be free from her. With us, there is so much emotional baggage. But it’s like I am a genie stuck in a bottle. My soul is a slave to hers, unable to leave. All she has to do is swipe her hand across that lamp and bam, I’ll do anything she asks of me.
But on the other hand, I don’t want anyone other than her. She is it for me, hands down. Even if she is a pain in my fucking ass, at the end of the day, she is the one and only thing the universe has ever gifted me.
I lay her down on the bed. Wrapping her arms around me, she drags me toward her. Silently telling me that she wants to finish what we started.
“I want nothing between us. I want to feel you and only you,” I tell her, hoping she doesn’t demand I use a condom.
Gazing up, she nods. “Me too. I’m protected. I have an IUD. Please, just give me you. All of you.”
Not needing to be told twice, I part her legs and dive inside. Not slowly either—fuck no. I give her all of me, all at once.
Her nails feel so fucking good, digging into my back. But even she knows not to reach down to the bottom right side of my back. She was trained that way.
Her legs tighten around me, bringing us as close as we can possibly get. Yet I think we both feel like i
t isn’t close enough.
It will never be close enough.
Buried deep inside of her is the only place I want to be in this moment. Fuck the past.
She watches me as she moans and bites her lips. She doesn’t have to talk for me to know she’s close. I don’t have to either. We can just look into each other’s eyes and know that we are both there. After waiting for all this time, neither of us can last long. But that’s okay because in no time, I’ll be ready to go again.
She’s the only one I have ever been with. She’s the only one I will ever be with. I can’t even stand the thought of being with another woman who isn’t Ally.
Anyone else wouldn’t read my mind without hearing me speak. She and I, we get each other. We both came from the grit. Something not everybody can comprehend.
Make no mistake, just because she came from the grit doesn’t make her anything less than gold.
When we finish together, it’s complete and pure ecstasy. Until we both come back down and I look at her messy, dark hair and beautiful-as-sin body. And then I realize, she owns me. Again.
But who the fuck am I kidding? She never stopped.
fifteen
Cole
Feeling Ally’s warm body, hearing her breathing as she lies peacefully in my arms, I feel better than I have in a long time.
I’m thankful that once her roommate knew I had stayed, she texted Ally that she was going to stay with some friends and gave us some time alone. We needed it.
My eyes grow heavy as I feel almost as light as a cloud. Sleep isn’t something that typically comes easy for me. Normally, I have to run myself ragged until I am so exhausted that I can sleep. Then again, not only did I have a game tonight, but I also made love to Ally for as long as we both could stand it. It’s no wonder I’m feeling so tired.
Glancing down at her, I smile and kiss the top of her head. My angel.
“I told you, stay in your fucking room! You little fucking shit!” my dad stumbles over the words. He’s too high to form a sentence without his eyes closing as his body sways back and forth.
“Sorry, Daddy,” I plead. “I just … I just really need some water.”