IT WAS ALWAYS YOU

by Erika Kelly

  “You were at the party. You saw exactly what was happening.”

  “How come other quarterbacks don’t get the kind of press you do? Huh? It’s because you’re a fucking joke. Your flashy cars, the trips you take us on.”

  “Rewarding my guys for a great season is a joke? And you seem to enjoy the trips.” Everything in him hardened. “I might’ve fucked around, but I didn’t have a wife or a girlfriend.”

  Zach’s eyes flared, part embarrassment, part anger. He liked to come off as this good, moral guy, but everyone knew he fucked around on the road. “I don’t embarrass the team.”

  “Oh, okay, so it’s not the character of the man, it’s his public perception? I’ve just learned something important about you. You want to take my spot? Well, the single most important quality in a leader is trust. And how’s the team going to trust you when you’re cheating on your wife? Believe me, a man who can cheat and cover it as well as you do, is operating at a scary level of deceit. At least I’m honest about my life, and I’m not hurting anyone. And if you dislike the trips so much, don’t come on them. You won’t be missed.” He was done talking to the man. Now that he knew what Zach thought of him, he wouldn’t include him in his camp again.

  He headed for Walker. “Come here.”

  The boy trotted alongside him. “I’m not cleaning up the field. That’s bullshit. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Far enough away from the other kids, Cassian stopped and placed his hands on Walker’s shoulders. “Yes, you did. First, you drew the other athletes away from their one and only opportunity to learn from one of the best football players in the league. Secondly, you disrespected your coach. If you don’t understand the purpose of his drills, you talk to him privately. You don’t walk away and do your own thing.” Holding Walker’s gaze, he asked, “What’s your goal?”

  “To be rich like you so I can bang chicks.”

  He knew Walker was just messing with him, but he remained impassive. Because it stung. It confirmed Zach’s assessment that Cassian was an embarrassment to the team, and it reminded him why Gigi didn’t trust him all the way.

  She loves me. It bloomed inside him, spreading heat and happiness throughout his body.

  But, if he didn’t gain control over his reputation, he could lose her.

  He’d also lose his team. He’d worked his ass off to gain their respect and trust, and he dreaded starting over somewhere else.

  And winning them over.

  But I’m working on it. That’s the best I can do.

  After a moment, the mischief left Walker’s eyes. “To play in the NFL.”

  Cassian didn’t need to say anything. The kid was smart. He’d get there.

  Walker let out a huff of exasperation. “To make my high school team.”

  “Anyone else in your school going to football camp this summer?”

  “No.”

  “So, you have an advantage. That means you pay attention to your coaches. Trust that Zach knows the right drills—that’s how he became the backup quarterback for the Mavericks. Think you can do that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” Cassian started off. “And stop being so damn difficult.” He got about ten feet away when he heard, “Coach?”

  He turned.

  “Watch your language,” Walker said. “I’m an impressionable kid.”

  Cassian grinned, but mostly he felt like he’d done something really important.

  He’d helped a kid get on the right path. Paying it forward.

  And, once Gigi came back to town, he’d bring up moving in with him again. Living across the country from each other wouldn’t work.

  He’d build a studio in his penthouse.

  Anything to make it work.

  Chapter Seventeen

  After dinner, Gigi curled up on the couch with a glass of wine. “How’d it go with the guys?” She’d wedged the phone between her shoulder and a throw pillow.

  “Not well,” Cassian said. “I told them I needed to make some changes—for my career, sure, but also so I could start managing the story the press tells about me. Told told them about the plans Amie’d made with a local outfitter, but they just laughed. Thought it was a big joke. Why would they want to stand in a river for half the day when they could party in Monaco?”

  “I’m sorry. That had to suck.” She knew he didn’t like disappointing them, when they’d done so much for him. “It’s not too late. You can charter a new yacht.”

  “Hell, no. It might not be what I promised, but Amie will make it fun for the guys. She knows what they like.”

  “Are you sure about this? I mean, the press is still going to do what they do—they’re going to look for moments to exploit.”

  “I don’t want to go on the trip. I want to stay home with you and relax before the season starts.”

  She dragged the throw off the back of the couch and spread it over her, snuggling in. “The pressure’s on. I better come up with some witty conversation, maybe buy some sexy lingerie.”

  He chuckled. “You don’t need to do a damn thing to make hanging out with you more fun than hanging out with a bunch of my teammates. It might’ve been fun once, the parties, the constant travel, but it gets old. If I never hit up another club as long as I live, I won’t miss it.”

  She played with the fringe on a pillow. “Is Zach coming?”

  “I hope not. I don’t want him around.”

  “I mean, I obviously don’t know him as well as you, but would he really go to these extremes? Planning, plotting…hiring a photographer?”

  “Zach fucks around as much as the other guys, and yet in the press he’s known as the family man. Anyone who can pull that off? You bet. You know how they say you can always tell someone’s cheating? That there are signs? Well, his wife has no clue. She’s always got that smug look, like she’s the lucky one. She scored the one player who’s so in love with his wife that he’d never cheat. She doesn’t know, because he’s that discreet. So, yeah, I think it could be him.”

  “Or it could be just a random guy who happened to get the money shot in Aspen, and then wound up following you here.”

  “He’s from LA.”

  “Wait, you got him?”

  “We got a name. Heard from the private investigator on the way home tonight.”

  “Well, talk to me.”

  “It’s Dustin Cade. He’s got a photography studio in Studio City. Now, we have to find out if he’s associated with Zach in any way.”

  “And Amie. You can’t rule her out.”

  “I’m not ruling anyone out, but the truth is, catching this one guy isn’t the answer. The only thing that’s going to stop it from happening again is changing my behavior. And I’m doing that, so the guy’s not going to be able to catch me in any more compromising positions. You can count on that.”

  Every night, after the campers hit the sack, the coaches gathered in the faculty room. It had Barcaloungers and a big screen TV, gaming consoles, a kitchen, and poker tables. The dorms had security, so someone was always watching the kids’ activities.

  Since it was the last night, Cassian had made dinner for the guys. His teammates had jumped on the food like a pack of coyotes. With the music blasting and everyone having a great time, he felt a little better about cancelling the big end-of-season trip.

  The guys were being cool about it, but that didn’t mean they’d show up next year when he put out the call for volunteers. He’d have to come up with another gift. Couldn’t be something they’d buy for themselves, though.

  In any event, he had a year to think about it.

  “Can we talk to you a sec?”

  In the middle of a poker game, Cassian looked over to see Dwayne, Andre, and Caleb. Glancing at his hand, he said, “Fold.” He followed the guys out of the room. “What’s up?” If they were pissed about the cancellation, he wouldn’t back down. They could just not come next year.

  “Surprised to see you still around,” Caleb said. “You’r
e usually home by now.”

  “Talking to your girl,” Dwayne said.

  Cassian shot him a look of surprise. How’d they know? He thought he’d been so slick.

  “Amie?” Caleb asked.

  “No, the Lollipop.” Dwayne elbowed him.

  Caleb looked confused. “I thought he was with Amie.”

  “Hey. I’m not with Amie. Never have been.” He saw from their expressions that he’d taken them off guard with his serious tone. “Sorry, but it’s given me a lot of grief, and it pisses me off because I’ve never touched her.”

  “Besides, he’s with the Lollipop.” Andre gave him a chin nod. “We approve.”

  He grinned. “Thanks. I’ll sleep better tonight.” He wouldn’t lie to them, but he did need their discretion. “But, listen, keep it to yourselves. It’s not good for her career to be associated with the Bad Boy Quarterback.”

  “Ah, you’re not so bad,” Caleb said.

  “So, how come you aren’t with her right now?” Dwayne asked.

  “She’s still in LA for a few more days, and tonight she’s putting the finishing touches on her demo.” Tomorrow, Dale would hear it.

  “Yeah, so anyhow, we wanted to let you know that we talked to Coach,” Andre said.

  Dread snaked through him. “About what?”

  “We heard talk about him looking to trade you, and we’re not down with that.” Andre had his hands on his hips, looking stern. “He’s got it all wrong, and we needed to set him straight.”

  “We’ve been there both times those pictures were taken,” Dwayne said. “And you haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “You’re a good guy,” Caleb said. “The best, and it’s bullshit that he’d trade you over something you’ve got no control over.”

  Cassian was floored. “How’d you guys find out about the trade?”

  “I heard you and Dean talking in the Jacuzzi first session,” Caleb said.

  “Listen, seriously, this can’t go beyond us.” He looked each guy in the eye.

  “Course not,” Andre said. “We talked to Dean last night, though. Told him what we were gonna do. He thought it was a good idea, so, this morning we called Coach. Told him we’ve been by your side for everything. We’ve done way more shit than you have, so why are you getting traded?”

  Not one to hide from the truth, Cassian came right out and asked. “What’d he say?”

  Caleb looked away.

  Fuck. “Never mind. I already know. I talked to him a few days ago. He told me there’s a balance between my value to the team and the damage I cause to its reputation. His star player caught in compromising positions with women is costing the business too much.”

  “He’s trying to scare you,” Andre said. “Because he didn’t say anything like that to us. He said you’re the anchor of this team, but you’re setting a bad example. He wants you to be a better leader.”

  “You’re a great leader,” Caleb said. “And if Zach thinks his mean ass is going to be better, he can go fuck himself.”

  “I’ve been on this team my entire career,” Andre said. “And I can tell you this offense works better together than any one Coach has ever had. Which is clear because we win.”

  “We told him you’re in the news because you’re a good looking, rich, pro baller of a winning team,” Dwayne said. “That if he really looks at it, you haven’t done anything wrong. You just party a lot and look good while doing it.”

  “Yeah, okay. It’s cool.” But it wasn’t cool. Cassian knew Coach did mean it. There were plenty of talented kids coming up behind him, ready to be the franchise quarterback for the Mavericks. “I appreciate you having my back.” He gave them a chin nod, before heading down the hallway. He just wanted to go home.

  Sometimes…it just got exhausting fighting for his place in the world.

  Gold and platinum records lined Dale’s Topanga Canyon home office. The scent of camelia trees wafted through the open windows of the sprawling, one-story house.

  As Dale listened to the songs, nodding her head and closing her eyes, Gigi felt like she’d finally landed in her own skin. Forget the production quality, the songs were awesome. Really, surprisingly, strong.

  She and Cassian were in a good place—and really, she wasn’t sure she could stand more happiness than that—and she was finally making her own music. She was on the right track.

  In her pale yellow sundress, Dale leaned forward and hit the Off button. “This is…Gigi, you’re a gem. An absolute gem.” She sat back, steepling her fingers. “You know, I’ll never forget seeing you in that karaoke bar. I was completely focused on my daughter’s birthday party, when this voice broke through. It was so…powerful, gutsy. It forced everyone, even the staff, to stop what they were doing and watch you. And your stage presence.” With a slow shake of her head, she broke into a smile. “By that point, we must’ve gone through a thousand auditions and we were at the point of giving up. We just couldn’t find someone who ticked all the boxes. And that night…I knew I’d found the focal point for our band.”

  All her joy flattened like a bad souffle. I’m a focal point.

  That so didn’t sit right with Gigi. Here sat this prim woman, who looked like she should be in the front pew at church or organizing a philanthropic event with the Junior League, but for some reason, Dale didn’t see her band members as human beings. She saw resources.

  I’m a singer.

  A songwriter.

  An artist.

  “I love this.” Dale’s smile faded. “But I can’t sign you to my label if you’re associated with that football player. Now, your manager swears you knew him growing up and reconnected on the tour, and that there’s nothing going on between you two. And, if that’s the case, then I’m very interested in moving forward with you. If you can tell me you’re not seeing him, I’ll present this demo to the team.”

  Oh, great. Draw a line, why don’t you?

  Give up Cassian, and I get a contract. I preserve my reputation in the music industry, record an album of my own work, and use Clean Beatz as a launching pad to the next level or…

  Give up Clean Beatz, start over from the very beginning—only this time with a tarnished reputation—but I get to keep Cassian, the love of my life.

  The love of my life. Joy glittered through her.

  She’d held back for so long, so afraid of getting burned again. But, now that she’d told him how she felt, their bond had grown even deeper, stronger. Neither was holding back, and it was…well, it was something she wouldn’t give up for anything.

  “Dale, I’ve loved Cassian Ellis since I was fourteen years old. We found our way back to each other on this tour, and it’s special. It’s that once-in-a-lifetime kind of love. Asking me to give him up is like telling my heart to stop beating.” Getting her thoughts together, she glanced away. “He’s a good man and he loves me…” No, that’s not what I want to say. “He said that when he lost me, nothing mattered anymore. And, now that he has me back, he’s never going to let me go. He won’t do anything to jeopardize our relationship.” She smoothed her hands down her jeans-clad thighs. When she glanced up, she expected one of Dale’s disapproving looks.

  But her expression wasn’t hard at all. Dale came around her desk, perching on the edge. “I like your demo. I’m not going forward with the third record in the Lollipop contract, so I like the idea of coming out with a solo project from the lead singer, but I need to be clear. If Clean Beatz produces your album, you’ll be expected to adhere to our morality code.”

  “I understand. I haven’t violated it, and I don’t plan to.” She held her ground on that point, because there was nothing immoral in Cassian carrying her.

  And, really, all she wanted was for this album to give her legitimacy in the music industry. It was the only way she’d ever have the chance to approach a man like Irwin Ledger.

  “Okay. Let me talk it over with the team.” When Dale stood up, that big grin was back in place. “I can’t guarantee they’re going t
o buy the Bad Boy Quarterback suddenly settling down. Maybe, if no more photos of him show up in the press, it’ll prove your point.”

  “With the changes he’s making in his life, there won’t be.” She stood up, too. “I’m really excited about this.”

  “Me, too. We can’t use the duet with Grant, though. With his three divorces and rehab stint, that’s a no-go. In fact, while you’re under contract with us, you won’t be able to release it. But you’ve got plenty of material here, and there’s no question about your ability to write hits.”

  What the hell? “Grant’s a really good guy. He spent the better part of ten years on the road. That’s hard for anyone. But he’s cleaned up his life. He’s in a really good place. He’s a success story, because he’s healed.”

  “There’s no discussion on this point, hon. If you’re going to fight for that duet, then there’s no deal here. Give it some thought and let me know. I won’t pitch the demo until I know you’re okay leaving off the duet.”

  She wanted to say, Fuck you, and fuck your contract. Grant was a good man, and she wouldn’t let anyone condemn him because of his mistakes.

  But, then, she reminded herself what he’d said. That their duet was timeless. After this contract ended, she’d put together a new demo for Irwin, and she’d include it. “No, it’s fine. I don’t even have his permission to put it on a solo album.”

  “Great. Then, we’re on the same page. I’ll get back to you soon, but I have a really good feeling about this.”

  Gigi wished she did, too.

  * * *

  As she pulled in front of her cottage, Gigi knew she couldn’t spend one more night apart from him. Talking to Dale had crystallized everything.

  She loved Cassian, and if they had a chance in hell of working, they needed to be in the same town together.

  He was sincerely making changes to clean up his life for her.

  Parking in her driveway, she hurried across the lawn and up her porch steps. Before unlocking the door, she pulled out her phone to text him.