I’m looking at Cary quite stunned. ‘Are you serious, or are you joking with me?’
‘Do I look like I’m joking?’
‘Well, what a bright kid, for starters, but a child’s-eye view is simplistic, to say the very least. What you are trying to achieve is incredible, Cary, but if you fail—’
‘Then I’m out of a job and the gamble didn’t pay off. But if I succeed then I will have achieved something and made Granddad proud. Most of this goes over Grandma’s head, but as an architect he understands the implications. I guess I inherited my passionate nature not solely from her, but from him, too. Hers was channelled into writing romantic books. It helps to keep disillusioned people hopeful that true love does exist, I presume. Mine is in convincing people every single one of us has the power to make a difference when it comes to energy consumption.’
Just when I think I’m getting to understand this very complex man, he reveals something new that makes me think I don’t know him at all. I’m beginning to understand a little of what he keeps buried, unable – or unwilling – to let it come to the fore. His little story about Jackson has touched my heart and who would have guessed? And it’s so good to hear that Matthew’s opinion is still important to him.
‘I hope you succeed, Cary, I really do. I simply hadn’t considered the full impact of what you are trying to achieve.’
‘Well, we’ll find out whether my gamble worked, before too long. Winning the award will help because of the extra exposure and that could make all the difference.’
I sit back, my stomach full and a fluttering in my chest that might, or might not, be a touch of indigestion from eating too fast. Or is it because Cary’s honesty is so endearing?
‘Before I meet your sister, you are going to have to coach me on what I should, and shouldn’t say.’ Cary interrupts my chain of thought.
I was wondering if Cressida had any idea how vulnerable Cary is right now? Or is that precisely why she’s so worried, unsure of how he’ll handle it if his dream suddenly begins to fall apart. What else does he have in his life at the moment? I drag myself back into the moment with some reluctance, to answer him. What hits home is that I’m in much the same position. If I get it wrong I will lose everything and then how do you find the motivation to pick up the pieces and start over again?
‘Beth’s mind is much like the life of a butterfly; it seldom settles in any one place for long because it constantly flits around. Simply be your charming self and try to take the tedious wedding details seriously. You will be fine. I promise. When you turn on the charm you really are rather charismatic. But then, I suspect that you are well aware of that fact.’
Cary raises an eyebrow, looking distinctly amused as he stares back at me. His plate is empty, and he pushes it away, wiping his mouth on the napkin before screwing it up. Suddenly I’m seeing him in an entirely different light and this isn’t the first time he’s surprised me in this way.
‘Well, I wanted to make the effort to show my sincere appreciation, as under normal circumstances I know I’m the last person you expected to be sharing your Valentine’s Day dinner with,’ he chuckles. ‘I hope this wasn’t too much of a sacrifice on your part.’
He’s teasing me and I flash him an I’m not falling for it look. When he switches his thoughts away from work his mood lightens perceptibly and the fun side of him is never far from the surface. It’s just a pity he doesn’t unleash it more often. But it also sounds a little like he’s fishing and I wonder how he expects me to respond. Do I admit that I’m more than happy to be in his company tonight? If this was a real date would I be fighting off the attraction between us that is growing by the second? I decide, with more than a little reluctance, it’s best to play it safe.
‘Not at all, far from it. In fact, it helps keep our little story going as far as my family is concerned. One thing Beth is good at is matchmaking and she’s sharp when it comes to reading people. She’s a recruitment consultant and I swear she goes more by gut instinct than she does the details on the database.’
A little worm of doubt begins to work its way into my mind. I wonder if when she sees Cary and me together for the first time, she’ll be suspicious. Cary looks at me quizzically.
‘You don’t think Beth will sense what we’re doing?’
Great minds think alike.
‘I hope not. I mean, on paper we’d make a reasonable enough couple, wouldn’t we?’
Cary holds up his left hand and begins counting off fingers. ‘We’re both workaholics; I’m a little older but not too old at thirty-five, I hope.’
He pauses, and I nod. ‘I was thirty in October.’
‘We obviously look good together to fool family and my peers tonight.’ He moves on to his fourth finger. ‘We’re both family-oriented.’
I snort. ‘Umm… want to keep them happy so we can enjoy a quiet life, you mean. You’re stretching it a bit now.’
He moves on, tapping his little finger whilst wearing a blank expression.
‘We both have younger siblings to put up with. That must deserve some sort of recognition!’
I raise my eyebrows and shrug my shoulders. It’s pretty pathetic, to my ears.
‘There you go. Five reasons to convince Beth we’re made for each other. Easy.’
I make a move, conscious it’s getting late and as I stand, Cary does, too.
‘You made tonight bearable, Leesa, and I’m very grateful to you.’
When his tone changes the ground seems to shift beneath my feet. His look is intense and in sharp contrast to the joking around. Why is it when you find someone who ignites that spark, deep inside of you, nothing else fits? Well, aside from the traits that drive most other people mad, like being way too intense and being ambitious.
As soon as our eyes meet, I feel a moment’s hesitation run through me. A sense of not wanting to head back to my room to spend the night alone. Reluctantly I turn and as I walk towards the door, Cary follows one pace behind. If he shows any sign of hesitation now, would I stay?
‘Sleep well, Leesa. Sorry I won’t be around for breakfast tomorrow, but I have to get off sharpish. Let me know how it goes with Zack and I’ll keep you up to date if there are any developments with Cressida. Oh, and let me have a couple of dates for the big meet up with Beth and Will.’
I half-turn to give him a pleasant smile at the precise moment he begins to lean in, I suspect, to kiss my cheek. His lips briefly glance off the side of my face and at least it isn’t a disaster and we don’t collide. The moment has passed. Assuming it was a moment, of course.
‘We need to work on our hellos and goodbyes if we’re going to be convincing. May I?’
He looks me square in the eyes and I nod, surprised by his request. Cary raises his arms to fold them around my shoulders and pulls me gently up against him. It feels rather like time has slowed. I’m nervous as his face moves nearer, the tickle of his breath on my skin before his lips meet mine is enticing. As I sink into him the heat radiating out from his body comes as a surprise. I find myself wondering if he too is fighting an urgent sense of mounting desire?
‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ he whispers. But he doesn’t immediately pull away and his hesitation tells me everything I need to know.
‘I don’t have to go back to my room,’ I murmur softly.
He tilts his head to stare into my eyes.
‘I’m that obvious, am I? Or dare I venture to ask if we are both thinking the same thing?’ His smile is teasingly warm.
‘Well, our styles might be different but maybe there is a little Cary Grant in you, after all. You whisk me off to an impressive awards ceremony, then make a speech that has people standing up to applaud you. Then, you wine and dine me in style. What more could any woman ask for?’
He bursts out laughing.
‘Well, I can promise you that things will only get better from here on in. I aim to please.’
And he does. Twice over.
*
My phone skitter
s across the bedside table and I roll over rather reluctantly to reach out for it.
‘You left without saying goodbye.’
There’s an air of disappointment in Cary’s voice.
‘I knew you had an early start and I figured you needed at least a couple of hours’ undisturbed sleep.’
This is every bit as awkward as I feared it might be.
‘Thoughtful. But it doesn’t feel right, somehow. Are we cool about what happened, I mean, no regrets?’
I’m surprised he’s so concerned. I thought we had already agreed that whatever we both felt comfortable with was fine.
‘It was just sex, Cary. And pretty good sex, at that.’ I start giggling but he doesn’t join in.
‘I just wondered if it wasn’t such a good idea to get caught up in the moment. You know, given our arrangement.’ He’s worried but I thought we were both very clear about where we stood, last night. It was just a bit of fun – well, that was the intention.
‘Don’t worry. Everything is fine. Now, you might have been up for an hour but I’m just about to jump in the shower. Travel safe and thanks for an entertaining evening.’
Now I get a laugh.
‘Okay, I get the message. You don’t want to talk about it and that’s fine; I was simply checking, that’s all. And you are very welcome,’ he says. He’s still laughing as the line disconnects.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it, but rather that I’m scared about what I might unintentionally blurt out. That I had a great time. That I wished it meant something more, but neither of us planned for this to happen and it’s not Cary’s fault at all. It wasn’t love at first sight when we met, or anything even approaching that. This has only ever been about convenience. Hold on a moment there, Leesa. My inner voice brings my thoughts to an abrupt halt.
So your first reaction that day you first met Cary wasn’t to run your hand through your hair to check you were looking your best? And kid yourself all you want, but those hazel-green eyes of his did a double-take and you saw that. And when he thrust out his hand and you made contact, a warmth coursed through your veins. His warmth. Admittedly, he began interrogating you, which spoilt the moment and it did go downhill from there for a while, but suddenly it’s heading in a whole new direction.
You don’t jump into bed with just anyone, Leesa. So why do you think Cary isn’t equally as discerning? Fear. Fear of rejection. Or fear of commitment? Fear of losing control over your feelings and laying yourself bare to a man again.
Sometimes I really hate that inner voice of mine; who wants to listen to their conscience preaching away at them?
And now you’re trying to pretend it wasn’t the best night of your life. Or that you longed to stay but wrenched yourself away, because that darned man is such a closed book. Was he using you? No. You matched him every single step of the way and whatever happens next, you know you have no regrets at all.
Two people who can create that sort of passion aren’t faking anything. But passion alone doesn’t make for a solid relationship. Maybe neither of you are ready and who knows when, or if, that could ever change. So much baggage, so many disappointments that keep pulling you both back.
‘Enough,’ I say out loud, loath to face the facts. ‘Give me a break, please.’
23
Bold and Brave, or Foolhardy?
‘Hey, Leesa, how was your day?’
I watch as Tim adjusts the position of his laptop so he’s in line with the centre of his screen.
‘Productive, so good, thanks. Did you get the link to those files Zack sent across?’
‘Yep. Working on them right now, actually and—’
There’s a loud knock and suddenly the door behind Tim opens. To my surprise his granddad walks in. Realising Tim’s on Skype, he immediately apologises and turns to leave.
‘Hi, George. How are you?’
Tim spins around in his seat and George leans in towards the screen, smiling. ‘Very well, thank you, Leesa. I didn’t mean to interrupt.’
It’s the first time I’ve spoken to him since he put me in touch with Tim and I want to let him know how grateful I am. It’s working out much better than I could have expected.
‘Your grandson has quickly become my right-hand man and I have some news he might want to share with you in a bit.’
George’s smile grows. ‘I knew he wouldn’t let either of us down, that’s why I had no hesitation in recommending him, Leesa. I’m really glad it turned out to be mutually beneficial.’
Tim quickly turns back to face me, his interest piqued.
‘I hope it’s good news,’ he asks, tentatively.
‘Well, I don’t know if it’s going to present you with a dilemma with regard to working for your uncle, but I’m finally in a position to be able to offer you a full-time job if you want it.’
He does a double-take. ‘You’re serious?’
‘I’m just putting the formal offer together and will send it over shortly. Given your level of experience I think the package is fair. If you continue as you’re going, then I’m prepared to review your salary in six months’ time. By then, hopefully, some of these new contracts will have been seen through to completion, easing my cash flow situation.’
He looks stunned. ‘But you said Zack had settled in quickly and there’s so much he can handle that I can’t, right now.’
‘Are you trying to talk yourself out of this? Between the two of you everything I need to get the job done is covered. I understand it’s awkward when you work for a family business and rather than lose you, of course I’m prepared to accept whatever hours you feel you can offer me.’
He places his hands on the desk and leans into the screen, a smile wiping away any doubts I have that he won’t go for it.
‘I’m in. I don’t need to see the details. And I have a confession to make. I resigned from my job three weeks ago.’
I suck in a breath. ‘I did wonder how you were getting through so much work.’
‘I didn’t like to say in case it put you in an awkward position, but I’d had enough. I’ve rented out my flat on a six-month lease and moved in with Granddad. It’s helping us both out at the same time. I can keep an eye on him and do a bit of DIY, and meanwhile my mortgage gets paid and money isn’t a huge worry.’
Now I feel bad, although relieved to be in a position to make our arrangement permanent.
‘Sorry you had to do that, Tim, but I needed to ensure I could guarantee what I was offering. And remember, the starting salary will increase and the quicker we see a return for all our hard work, the quicker I’ll be sharing the rewards. I think we three make a good team and I’m very optimistic about the future.’
He settles back in his chair, that grin now extending from ear to ear.
‘Best news I’ve had since the first time I met you.’ As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he begins to look a little flustered. ‘I mean, that was a big deal for me.’
‘Well, this is huge deal for me and Dynamic Videography, so welcome aboard, Tim. Let me know if there are any problems with those files. And thanks, too, for the demo of your voiceover for the first training video. I’ll be presenting it to the client tomorrow, so fingers crossed! You did a great job, but then I think you already know that. Speak soon.’
I’m about to click end call when Tim adds, ‘Thanks, Leesa, this means a lot to me. Sleep well.’
Almost immediately, my phone kicks into life again and it’s Beth. Oh well, more wedding trivia, I suspect. I force my mouth into a smile as I greet her, hoping my tone doesn’t sound as jaded as I’m feeling with her at the moment.
‘Hey, Beth.’
‘Can I have Cary’s telephone number? I need to pass it on to Greg. He’s cracking on with plans for the stag do and it’s easier if he has Cary’s number, so he can talk to him direct. I don’t suppose he’s there with you now?’
I roll my eyes. I’m sure that’s the last thing Cary needs, what with work pressures and worrying abou
t Cressida.
‘No, he isn’t; I’m working, actually. I’ll text it to you in a bit. I’m sure he’ll make it if he can, but he always has a busy schedule and it often conflicts with my own.’
She giggles. ‘What a pair you are! I don’t suppose you’ve changed your mind about suggesting Cressida is invited, too?’
‘No. I haven’t.’ I thought I’d already made that crystal clear.
‘Spoilsport. What a coup that would be. Imagine it! Sometimes I get the feeling your heart isn’t in this, which is a bit mean-spirited. You aren’t upset because you’re only the second maid of honour, are you? I mean, I assumed you wouldn’t have time to organise the hen party and get hands on with some of the arrangements.’
When I heard the ‘heart isn’t in this’ bit my own turned over uneasily in my chest. I thought for one awful moment she had suspicions about my relationship with Cary. But her words still send a wave of guilt washing over me.
‘No, of course not! I appreciate that you understand why my focus has to be firmly on work at the moment. I don’t mean to be a grouch, honestly. It will be truly wonderful on the day but all the stuff that leads up to it just isn’t my thing, you know that. You’ve been friends with Olivia since pre-school and she’ll make a much better job of supporting you, anyway.’
‘Okay. As long as you aren’t feeling pushed out, or anything.’
Pushed out? If I had my way we wouldn’t talk about it at all. I’d just turn up on the day in my floaty dress, counting the hours until it’s over. But I am delighted that my little sister has found her Prince Charming and with her innate attention to detail I’m sure everything will be perfect. And Will is such a darling man: a real keeper.
‘Besides,’ she continues before I can respond, ‘it might inspire Cary to take your relationship to the next level.’
I can’t help smiling as I imagine the look on his face. ‘Unlikely. Anyway, I’m not in a rush to tie myself to anyone in the foreseeable future.’
Beth makes a noise with her throat that sounds like a reprimand.
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