by P T Winger
“Not according to him,” she said, keeping her voice barely above a whisper. The kids were upstairs in their rooms, but they might still hear.
“What did he tell you?”
“You mean you guys didn’t talk about it after I left?” Erin gave a sardonic laugh. “You’re no better at communicating with him than you are with me.”
“You told him you wanted me to be happy, and then you shared some candy with him.” David looked at her closely as if to examine her intentions, something he hadn’t done since she lit a candle and tried drip hot wax on his chest as a sex game last spring. “But what did he tell you?”
Mouth turned down, Erin turned back to the cutting board, grabbed a cucumber and chopped the ends off. “He loves you. He said you tell him you love him, too. All the time.” She pointed the knife toward him. “That doesn’t sound like a temporary thing to me. It sounds like a relationship.”
“No, I swear it’s—”
“Tell me the truth, damn it!”
He glanced at the knife and then at her.
“Well?”
His shoulders drooped. “Yeah.” He went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer, opened it, and took a deep drink. He wiped his lips. “I do love him.”
Hurt thickened her throat. “And you want to be with him?”
“Yes.” Relief filled his face. “I should have been honest with you, Erin. I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how you’d take it.”
“You didn’t know how I’d—” Loss, rage, and sorrow welled up within her. She glared at him, then turned away so he wouldn’t see her cry. “Go to hell, David. You want to leave me for another man. Isn’t that the ultimate fucking insult.”
“I didn’t say I want to leave. I told Jeffrey today that it wasn’t the right time. We can stay married as long as you want,” he said. “Maybe until the kids are adults. They – they might not understand now, but after they turn eighteen, they’ll be able to handle it better.”
She gripped the knife and slammed it down onto the cucumber in haphazard cuts that barely resembled slices. “You mean after they turn eighteen and you won’t have to pay child support.”
“Well, it is expensive, I’ve heard. But no, that’s not what I meant.”
“It’s exactly what you meant.” Erin threw the cucumber slices into the salad bowl. Clearly, he’d already thought this through. “I’ll see you at dinner.”
Taking the hint, he left the kitchen and headed toward the den with his beer.
Erin leaned against the edge of the counter and took deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself. The truth was out, finally.
David was still hers in marriage. She wanted him to be hers in every other way, like he used to be. She wanted to fall in love with him again and he with her. The only way to do that was to get Jeffrey out of his life. When that happened, David might return to her emotionally and physically. It was a far stretch, but she grasped at the hope.
In any case, today she’d started on the path to set things right.
David didn’t speak much at dinner. Alyssa toyed with her food, and Andrew had a pained look on his face. When Erin asked him what was wrong, he said, “Coach Dumcas told Coach Howell the reason he kicked me off the football team.”
“Okay,” Erin said. “Did Coach Howell speak to you?”
Andrew bent his fingers into quotes. “He said if I want to be on his wrestling team, I’d better not be pulling those kinds of antics.”
“And you assured him you wouldn’t?” Erin asked.
“Yes, Mom, I assured him I wouldn’t.” Andrew looked up at the ceiling and rolled his eyes. “It wasn’t a big deal anyway, what I did, but Dumcas has got it in for me.”
“I heard tryouts are coming up,” Alyssa said, her expression glum. “Hope you have better luck making a team than I did. I found out Dumcas’s wife was one of the judges for the cheerleading tryouts.”
“Yeah, good luck,” Ryan said. “You can practice on me if you want.”
Andrew gave his little brother a playful punch on the arm. “I don’t know. You’d pin me in a second.”
Erin sipped her iced tea and thought hard. Dumcas’s wife. That would be the former Shelby Olstead. She’d been a cheerleader with Erin in high school. They hadn’t been friends, but the connection was there. It seemed Shelby Dumcas and her husband clearly had it in for her children. Why?
Perhaps she should speak with both the coach and his wife.
She rose to get the dessert, a plate of brownies. As the plate was passed around, she studied her husband. Gone was the hopeful expression he’d had when he got home, replaced by the impassive face he wore more and more often. He didn’t look at her.
He said nothing further to her until that night. He entered the bedroom and sat on the side of the bed, facing the wall in silence for a few minutes. Then he asked, “Do you really want me to be happy?”
Erin looked up from reading Making the Most of your Day. “The real question is, do I want to give you up for someone else?”
Head down, he gave a brief nod.
“It’s either me or him,” she said. The words were difficult to say, but she wouldn’t beg. “Make your choice.”
He waited a moment as if thinking about it, and then picked up his pillow. He tucked it under one arm and stood. “I already have.”
He walked out the bedroom door.
Erin stared at the pages of her book but didn’t see the words. Her chest tightened and her lips trembled. She’d started this. If she hadn’t confronted David’s lover, maybe she and David could have continued their charade of marriage until the kids were grown and gone. Now, he was going to leave the house, probably in the next day or two, and everything would change. They’d have a broken family. The children would suffer.
Maybe she’d made a mistake. But she’d tried.
She slammed the book shut and tossed it onto the bedside table, then turned off the light and curled up into a ball.
She could do nothing now but wait for the effects of the candy on Jeffrey.
At least she’d put her intention in motion.
With that thought, a sense of power rose within her, power that she could change things, could cause events to unfold that would benefit her family. She had indeed made the most of her day.
◆◆◆
The next afternoon, David arrived home as Erin was making hamburger patties for dinner. She glanced at him and her hands stilled. His face was pinched with worry.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
He stopped, dropped his briefcase, and rubbed his face. “Nothing. Just something at work.”
“Tell me.” Erin set the hamburger patty into a plastic container and scooped more ground beef from the package. She hoped it had something to do with—
“Jeffrey. He didn’t come to work today.”
Erin shrugged and kept her gaze on her hands pressing the meat together. “So? Maybe he’s sick. Did he call in?”
“No, and he doesn’t answer his phone. It’s not like him.”
A lightning thrill zapped through her. “Did you go by his house?”
“Yes, during lunch. He lives with his mother. She hasn’t seen him since he left for work yesterday.”
So the man in his forties having an affair with her husband lived with his mother. Interesting, yet pathetic.
“Well, I’m sure he’ll turn up,” Erin said, and slapped the meat patty into the plastic container.
She sensed David near her. He spoke close to her shoulder. “You didn’t say anything yesterday that might upset him, did you?”
“Of course not.” She grabbed another handful of ground beef. “You said he told you what we discussed.”
“Just that you asked him about our relationship.”
“I didn’t ask him about your relationship. I knew about it after you both walked out of the closet.”
David put a hand on her shoulder and swung her to face him. “What did you say, damn it?”
She raise
d her chin. “You already know I told him I’d never seen you so content.”
Clearly, he didn’t believe her. “What else?”
“That’s it, really. Look, David,” she said as she shook off his hand and turned back to the counter, “I know you don’t love me anymore. You love Jeffrey. You want to be with him. And I do want you to be happy, whatever you decide to do.”
Deep inside, that was true. A part of her loved him so very much. They’d had a decent marriage until the last year, before they moved into this house. Tears filled her eyes. “Why don’t you just pack your things and go be with him?”
David’s voice became quiet. “I never said I didn’t love you anymore.”
“You made your choice, no matter how you feel.”
“I did, but I still have feelings.”
“Yes,” she said, her tone turning bitter. “Feeling like you’re hungry and waiting for me to call you for dinner. Feeling like you’re thirsty and wanting me to bring you a beer when you get home from work. Those are the only feelings you have.”
He said nothing for a moment, then walked out of the kitchen. After a moment he came back in, opened the refrigerator door, and got out a bottle of beer.
“You can’t have both lives, you know,” she said. “You can stay here until Jeffrey shows up again at the office, and then you and he need to make plans.”
David nodded and went to the den. A moment later she heard the TV come on.
She didn’t want him to leave, of course. The recipe needed to work. If it did, David and Jeffrey wouldn’t be planning anything at all. Erin and David could work out their differences, perhaps get marital counseling, and stay together.
Over the weekend, they took the children to the local fall festival. Alyssa and Andrew met up with their friends and ran off to enjoy the rides and play games at the booths. Ryan saw a friend from school and went with him to ride the Ferris wheel.
David may as well have been somewhere else for all the attention he paid to his surroundings. He seemed lost in worry and checked his phone for messages every few minutes. Jeffrey’s mother had called the police and reported her son missing.
Erin wondered, briefly, if the candy simply made him vanish. But people didn’t just disappear. Jeffrey had either left town or something had happened to him.
She tried to feel sympathy, or remorse. Instead she wanted to rejoice.
It was too early to tell if his absence had to do with the recipe. But Erin didn’t want to wait before moving on to the next enemy.
CHAPTER NINE
Tiffany lived a few miles from Erin in a newer neighborhood. The drive took less than ten minutes, and Erin spent the time focusing on her intention for Tiffany to make her daughter quit the cheerleading squad. Whatever reason the woman came up with was not Erin’s problem; perhaps the family would move to a new town and Stacie would attend another school, or maybe Tiffany would encourage her daughter to pursue another school activity.`
Erin pulled onto the driveway and shut off the engine.
She rang the doorbell, then stood smiling and waiting, hands clasped in front of her. After a moment the door opened and Tiffany stood there with her own pasted-on smile.
“Erin, how nice to see you again so soon. How are you?”
“Just wonderful,” Erin said. “I didn’t get to talk to you much at the store last week. I just wanted to apologize for my words and say I’m so pleased that Stacie made the cheerleading squad again this year. I was feeling emotional over Alyssa not getting on.” She took a breath and added, “You know, it always seems to be harder the second year even though the girls already proved themselves the year before.”
“Yes, I know what you mean,” Tiffany said. She took a step back and opened the door wider. “Won’t you come in?”
Erin shook her head. “I can’t stay, but I did bring you a little gift.”
“Me? You brought me a gift?” Surprise crossed Tiffany’s face.
“I’m taking them around to all the mothers of the cheerleaders. Alyssa insisted I make my chocolate balls for every mom who worked so hard to help her daughter make the squad. And I know you worked very hard.” Hoping her words sounded sincere, Erin reached into her purse and pulled out the bag.
“Alyssa is a wonderful girl. I know she really wanted to be a cheerleader, and I’m very sorry she didn’t make it.”
Tiffany’s smile was wide, and the laugh lines around her eyes betrayed her kind words. Erin guessed Tiffany didn’t feel at all sorry, especially since Stacie’s name had been last on the list, with Alyssa’s below the cut-off line.
“I appreciate that,” Erin said, opening the bag. She held it toward Tiffany. “You must try one and let me know how you like it.”
“Oh, I really shouldn’t,” Tiffany said, and reached for one anyway. “I need to keep my weight down so I look good in a bikini next summer, but I suppose one won’t hurt.”
Erin glanced at Tiffany’s flat stomach and shapely legs. It was clear the woman worked out on a regular basis. “You look great, Tiffany. Really, you do.”
Tiffany put a chocolate ball in her mouth and bit down on it. Her eyebrows came together, then rose. “It’s good. There’s a kind of aged, smoky taste that goes well with the chocolate. What’s in it?”
The smoky taste had to be the result of the burnt squirrel, but Erin said, “The recipe called for mustard seed and dried salvia, and some other ingredients.”
Tiffany made a surprised sound and nodded. “Interesting. It’s a good blend, though.”
“I’m entering them in a dessert competition this month,” Erin said. “Will you try another?”
Tiffany waved away the bag. “No, no. I’d better not. Take them with you so Stacie doesn’t get into them and add to her weight problem. She managed to lose ten pounds to be a cheerleader, but I see it coming back. Too many French fries and burgers.” Tiffany shook her head in disgust.
Erin put the bag back into her purse and thought of Alyssa’s own issues with keeping down her weight to try out for cheerleading. “She’ll work it off. She’s young and energetic.”
“I don’t want a fat daughter. I mean, I’d still love her if she got heavy, of course, but she needs to manage her weight. Are you sure you won’t come in for a drink? We’re having the indoor pool retiled today, so it will be pretty quiet when the kids get home. Usually there are teenagers everywhere, splashing around. Stacie is always surrounded by friends after school.”
Alyssa rarely invited her friends home. Perhaps Erin should speak with David about putting in a pool. In the next second, she discounted the thought. David was likely going to leave her. “No, I have errands to run,” she said. “But we should get together for lunch.”
“Yes, we should!” Tiffany nodded although Erin was sure both of them knew a lunch date would never happen. Not because of what might happen to Tiffany due to the candy, but because Erin wasn’t one of Tiffany’s fashionable and polished thirty-something friends with time and money on their hands. Compared to Tiffany, Erin was frumpy and overweight and dull.
Erin said goodbye and left.
Dinner that evening was strained. David’s eyes looked red, his expression worried. Jeffrey still hadn’t shown for work, and no one knew where he was.
Andrew complained about failing a science test. Erin figured he must be mulling too much over his dismissal from the football team. Alyssa was moody and barely picked at her food. And that bully, Jake, had been at it again, pushing Ryan to the ground during recess time at school.
It was time to pay Jake’s parent a visit.
CHAPTER TEN
Just before noon the next Monday, Erin took a chance that Jake’s mother or father would be home. Candy tucked in her purse, she got into the car and drove over to his house.
This was the one that gave her doubts. Jake was bothering Ryan, but Erin would never try to do anything to hurt a child. Instead, she’d need to give the chocolate balls to one of his parents and hope that worked. But his parents
were innocent.
Since she had doubts, Erin expected Great-Grandma Clower to appear in the back seat, and glanced with trepidation at the rear view mirror for a figure with white hair and black eyes. She sniffed for that powdery smell. Neither Rosalyn nor her scent appeared, but Erin remained on her guard.
She turned on the radio to distract her from her thoughts. A song finished up and the local noon news started.
The newscaster reported on the latest world and national issues, and then said, “The body of a man was found at the base of a ravine in Shenandoah National Park this morning. The body has been identified, but the name is being withheld until his next of kin has been notified.”
The body of a man. The national park was about fifteen miles from her house. Usually the most newsworthy items happened nationally, and little occurred in her area. If something happened in the park, it was usually a fire, or a hiker getting lost and disoriented and ending up hurt.
It couldn’t be Jeffrey. With his pale skin and plump body, he hadn’t appeared at all like someone who liked to hike.
Erin turned onto Jake’s street and then pulled into the driveway of the brick colonial. The street was quiet; she could see no movement of cars or people. As she walked along the cracked concrete walk leading to the front door, the door opened, and a large brown dog came bounding out. The dog set to barking, then ran straight toward her.
Erin stiffened and felt her bladder almost give. She was deathly afraid of dogs and had never had an inclination to have one as a family pet. She clutched her purse in front of her like a shield.
A rotund woman appeared in the doorway. “Sasha! Go pee.”
Immediately the dog bounded off into the grass. Erin swallowed and took a breath, and introduced herself.