I’m glad. I need a breather from it all.
Tears gather in my eyes. God, how I wish it could be easy to forget what happened to me, to dream big. To let Logan consume me and me him. I just don’t know if I can ever trust the man.
I want to. God, do I ever.
My eyes drop to the black card in my hand. Gold letters form Logan’s name. Above it reads Mitchell Brothers Holdings, below is an office as well as a cell number.
“How many brothers does Logan have?” Eric told us Logan had brothers, how many I never asked.
“Two. Logan is the oldest. Lane is the middle, and then Seth. Their parents passed away. I’m not sure how. All I know is their father started the club. They grew the business from there.”
I bet they did by selling their bodies.
Sadness blisters my heart. I know all too well how Logan and his brothers feel if they were close to their parents. It’s a loss never to be filled again — a hole the size of Colorado right in the middle of your chest.
Jealousy suddenly sits hot in my stomach, its smoke thickening and climbing until it twines around my throat in hostile waves. I force the visions of Logan having women at his beck and call all over the place out of my head.
I take a moment to catch my breath.
Logan Mitchell will never give me what I desire in a man.
Faithful and true to only me.
Chapter 4
Logan
“This is bullshit, Morgan, and you know it. Take care of it, or the consequences will be costly.”
My blood turns scalding in my veins where I sit at my desk in our office above the club. Unlike the office connected to my bedroom, this one is the last place I want to be. “Don’t make me have to come down there. I swear to God the repercussions will cost more than the money my family pays you. As in your wife will be a widow.” The warning violence I want to unleash on my lawyer is in my words when I’d like to use my fists and bash in his face.
I better be his top priority, or hell will rain down on his ass. In the form of a bullet for every day he’s stupidly fucked me in my ass.
“Just hurry up and figure it the hell out, Morgan and do it like yesterday.” I toss my cell on my desk and rub my hands down my face — unresolved anger developing in my chest.
Swear to Christ if he doesn’t do his job right this time, I’ll blow his brains out along with the people who are dumb enough to cross me.
I sit back, demanding my mind to stay focused, to keep the aggression from taking control of my soon-to-be ex-lawyer’s haunting words.
Fury boils my blood; I’m so pissed off I could kill someone.
I clench my jaw, grinding my teeth and gripping hold of the edge of my desk. Angry at my lawyer and sitting around like some pathetic fucker who hoped for a little luck that the woman I want might call me.
The longer the day drags with Ellie ignoring the message to call me on the card attached to the flowers I had delivered to her, the more irritated I become.
The woman has to be going out of her mind with worry. Stupid ass that I am should have never let her leave without telling her Shadow was in prison. She knows I’m dangerous too, and having anything to do with me would put her right back where she doesn’t want to be, in the line of Shadow.
Goddamn it.
It’s all kinds of messed up too when I could head downstairs in a few hours and have my pick of any woman I wanted. I could teach them, train them and take a few into a room and fuck them, and the woman I want likely doesn’t want a thing to do with me. Her smart ass remark about who I am; the things I’ve done is all the more reason to prove to her how much I’ve changed.
Can’t say I blame her though. My reputation speaks for itself.
Smart woman.
What she doesn’t know is she’s safer with me because he’ll come for her no matter where she is, or who she’s with. Man, woman, child, he won’t give a second thought of snatching her.
As if my brother Seth could read my mind, he glances my way.
“Having second thoughts about fucking Ellie? Maybe you should go downstairs when we open and fuck someone new. Strange pussy ought to get her out of your system.”
Fucking someone else is the last thing I want to do. Not when I’m fuming mad over a long-legged woman with a rebelling mouth on her. One I’d love nothing more than to stuff it full of my cock.
I’ve been bored with meaningless sex for a long time. It wouldn’t be with Ellie. It would mean something and as unreasonable and unexplainable as it sounds, the one night with her did.
“Far from second thoughts. It’s guilt from not telling her who I was in every aspect — remorse and sickness for not coming clean about Shadow. I walked away because she looked like she was about to pass out.” I’m not the type of man to feel guilty; when it comes to Ellie, I suffocate from it.
I won’t approach his other comment because he knows damn well how tempting and easy it would be to wander the bottom floor in search of one or more women. Especially on a Friday night where curious newbies pay top dollar to see if joining our club is something they want. I’ve been doing this long enough to know which ones are willing, the ones who want to give it a try but are still too scared and the ones who won’t ever come back. Those who want it are eager to please the minute they realize propositioning someone for sex not only takes place, it’s the name of the game. They’ll drop panties quicker than it takes a man to get hard.
Behind Closed Doors has three floors. The bottom is our sex club where swingers and singles meet. The middle is where our female and male escorts play and teach, and the top is where just about anything goes.
“You’re preaching to the choir when it comes to guilt, Logan.” He scoffs, it’s far too knowing. The guy lives daily drenched in it when we both know he shouldn’t.
I took care of him because he’s my blood, and what happened that caused him to slip farther into the hole wasn’t his fault either. Still, it’s like beating a dead horse when it comes to reasoning with his stubborn ass.
Since my talk with Lane, I’ve fought through the many amounts of emotions I feel toward Ellie. Everything about her has repeatedly assaulted the cavity inside my chest, fraying my every nerve worse than all the years she’s unknowingly clawed her way under my skin.
I haven’t been able to concentrate. Haven’t been able to figure out a way to tell her a secret about me that would surely crumble her world, and it doesn’t have a thing to do with this place or anything about it.
Once she finds out, she’ll never look at me the way she did that night. So full of want and need and passion it burned through my blood. That’s if I can get her to talk to me at all. Get her past the fact I betrayed her about who I am.
“I don’t know Ellie, from what I do know, I tend to believe she’ll forgive you soon enough for deceiving her, it’s what she doesn’t know, Logan. That’s a big secret you hold. We told you to come clean with her, and go after her a long time ago.”
True, they did, and the minute I saw her, I deceived her in more ways than one.
As selfish and fucked up as it is, I’m going to do whatever it takes to wedge myself deep into her. To make her feel like she can’t live without me. To make her want to need me.
Being inside of her, feeling her arms around me, having her touch me was the only time sex meant a damn thing to me, and I fucked it all to hell by not being honest.
Control.
I need to rein that shit in and remember who I am. A man who goes after what he wants. And in one night, Ellie Wynn has managed to make me feel like I was losing and gaining it at the same damn time.
I have a lot of hurdles to jump over. None of them will be easy. Being a determined man is the only thing I have going until I figure everything out.
“I won’t tell you to back off like Lane. You want her; then you need to figure out a way to fight for her once you tell her, Logan. Not many people would have done what you did for Lane and me. If Ellie’s who you want, you nee
d to prove yourself to her. Stay the hell out of here when we’re open. Focus on you for once and what you want instead of what you and others expect. Go after fate and a woman who, given time, might be the one for you. And, fuck worrying about what Shadow thinks, he’s a dead man walking in a prison cell right now. You have my support one-hundred percent.”
I shake my head — a smirk cresting my mouth. My baby brother is sitting over there all smug and shit trying to crawl up in my head.
Fuck, I love him.
“Is this some sudden turnaround, a big intervention on your part? I never thought I’d see the day when my little brother would be telling me to give up something he loves as much as me.” Seth isn’t one to give a shit about much of anything except family, pussy, and alcohol. Family, he can’t live without, the pussy, Seth can have all he wants as long as he’s safe, the liquor needs to be tamed before he winds up killing himself.
I guess that’s part of life, the three of us were handed down a genetic predisposition — our parents’ addictive personalities. None of us stood a chance. But Seth, he took the brunt of it with his guilt, and he doesn’t give a fuck he’s falling apart right before his blinded eyes. Lane and I have tried getting him help. He refuses.
“You have a chance for something good, man. Something better than random fucks, women wanting you for what you can give them and not for who you are. For you giving rather than taking. You didn’t screw up; just went about it wrong.”
I lift a brow and clench my teeth.
“Shit, you bump your head or something?” I chuckle, it’s the first time in days it isn’t full of irritation.
“No, just helping you out is all. We all deserve something good, and Ellie could be your good.” He sighs, grips hold of his hair like he does when he’s fighting off the beast living inside. At twenty-six, Seth has been through some rough times.
“Now there’s something you should be preaching to yourself. You deserve some good, Seth. I appreciate what you’re doing; we both know there is no helping the destruction that’s sure to come.” A burn snakes beneath my skin, leaving me one less wire from detonating.
“Yeah, well, we aren’t talking about me at the moment. When the storm hits, you won’t be alone to clean it up. Time, Logan. Don’t waste it. You have to grip hold of it and fight that bitch.”
He would know, his downfall started when he lost his good. The thing was, that wasn’t Seth’s fault either.
I wonder though what life would be like having her to myself, coming home every night to a home with her in it — living normal, getting something beneficial and feeling all that good in my hands — righting all my wrongs. I’m just unsure how it’s possible when some of the things I’ve done revolve around Ellie.
Brutal. It clenches a fist so goddamn tight, making it harder to breathe.
“I need to take off for a day or two. I need your help.” I don’t ask for much and Seth would go in my place if I asked. The thing is, I need to fly to Atlanta. That city is the root of some of Seth’s guilt. Besides that, this is my deal, and I need to deal with something that’s been sitting on the back burner since I got word Shadow would soon be released. I won’t ask Lane, in doing so it pulls him away from Lexi. “I need you to keep tabs on Ellie just in case some bitch gets a wild hair up her ass. That means no drinking, Seth.” Keeping an eye on her gives me peace of mind.
Seth leans back in his chair, an irritated huff slipping from his mouth. “I might get shit-faced but not once have I done something stupid. I’ll keep an eye on Ellie, brother. You have my word.”
My baby brother might be a drunk, but he’s right, not once has he gotten behind the wheel after drinking. No, it’s usually me who picks his ass up. He’s not once let me down when it comes to having my back. Same as Lane. Same as I’d do for both of them.
“I’m trusting you. Are you sure?”
Sweat gathers at my nape. What I need to do is go to Ellie and drop to my knees like I should have done and tell her the truth. But as I sit here with a fire burning within me, opening my mouth and spilling my secrets to her when I’m unleveled would hurt any chance of me proving to her that I want more with her. I want to dip and explore. Seek out her mind. Give her more of that pleasure only I can give her. Watch her unravel from my mouth, my cock, my hands, my tongue.
I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.
The fact I even want to, goes to show how one night can change a man.
It’s insane.
“I know how important she is to you, Logan. Just make sure you tell Maggie. That bitch will be over my shit if you don’t.”
Right. Maggie. The woman who enjoys the perks of working for us a little too much. Should have gotten rid of her a long time ago. The problem is, she’s damn good at keeping things running smoothly around here.
Besides that, she’s one of the few people who knows all my secrets.
“She might be our secretary; she doesn’t need to be aware of my every move. I’m out of here. Call if you need me.”
I push out of my leather chair, and head for the door, not bothering to look back.
I need to go to Ellie and make her listen to me, spill my sins at the feet of a goddess, and that’s what Ellie is. The kind of woman whose natural beauty draws you in regardless of a past that pulled her under. One look and you never want to turn away.
“Son of a bitch,” I mumble. I make my way out of the building, climb on my bike, secure my helmet, kick up the stand, and let her rip and rumble as I ride down the street toward God knows where.
My thoughts consumed with Ellie.
So many times over the years, I wanted to introduce myself to her. To get to know her thoughts and rely on hope to make her understand that the things I’ve done, I would have never done if she was mine.
My mind clicks through our night together, the way she reacted to me—her tongue intertwining with mine, her sweet moans, the way she pulled my hair — all the signs I expected from the woman who needed to be set free — a tempting angel who needs to be teased, worshipped and pleased.
Foreplay at it’s best, and fuck do I want to play.
Chapter 5
Ellie
The dark clouds are ragged with edges, and the wind begins to pick up. A good ol’ unpredictable summer Louisiana storm is coming. The weather here can be brutally humid and rainy in the morning, a storm in the afternoon and turn around and rain again in the evening. It’s also a great time of year to people watch as this city is always moving.
Growing up in Texas, I was used to the dry heat, so I took advantage of being outside as much as I could. Like now at seven in the evening where it’s stifling hot as I sit in the same spot I’ve occupied hundreds of times.
The little coffee shop a few buildings down from our store is one of my favorite places to sit and watch people. They have the best sweet tea, most courteous employees and coffee in a variety of flavors and concoctions; I still don’t have a favorite.
The street is alive with people coming out for one of the many festivals this city holds. I love living here. After Shadow’s charges were dropped, Renita, Norah, and I wanted a new beginning. We settled in the city with many nicknames. Most widely used is ‘The Big Easy’ which originated from anyone's guess.
It also holds a lot of illicit danger, and by that, I mean the vultures who bring their illegal activity to the streets. I’d be wise to remember that with all that’s running through my head.
This time of year is the beginning of hurricane season too, such as the one that’s hovering over me sending chills up and down my spine.
Tonight, instead of enjoying watching families sightsee, I’m googling the man who swore he’d someday come back for me, and I’m coming up empty-handed. I can’t find a thing on Shadow. Strange or not, I wouldn’t know where to look as searching to dig up my past isn’t something I ever thought I’d do.
Emotions. I can’t turn them down, can’t temper them the way I used to no matter how much I wish I could. S
o many of them are unraveling those double lines of stitching I can no longer hold together.
Horror and pain.
I’m stewing with concern.
It’s enough to drive me completely insane.
I’m on edge, slipping and slipping and slipping.
I’m being ripped apart — seam by seam.
I am frightened for my life, and I might not be if I would have let Logan tell me. If I wouldn’t be so stubborn and call him.
I’m a damn mess.
Shadow could be amongst any of the people walking by, anytime, anywhere, and I wouldn’t see him until it was too late, but I’ll never forget what he looks like if I did. Never forget the way his hands felt like knives cutting and slashing me deeply.
A twinge of grief crashes into my mind, this bitter uproar that suddenly limits the flow of air to my lungs. I will never get back what Shadow stole from me. The memories of it are too much. He took the only piece of me besides my heart that was mine to give.
Pain, it rocks right through me, my anger that I didn’t let Logan explain not far behind.
I blink out of my daze, steady my hands on the wooden table and look up at the darkening sky.
I won’t let Shadow rule me. Not anymore. I’ve come too far, fought too hard to allow my worries to destroy me.
“Thanks for helping me find what I needed to know about my worst nightmare,” I say sarcastically to my laptop, close it, shift to place it in my bag and secure it around my shoulder in case the storm hits and I need to make a run for home. I slouch in my chair, stretch my legs on the wooden one across from me and contemplate whether I should call Logan or not.
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