My deepest desire to find love, to start a family, to have someone I could depend on to travel through life at my side had obviously clouded my judgment.
Feelings not altogether unlike the ones I had felt with the men at the strip club who had paid me for my services crept in. The voice that told me I was dirty and that I wasn’t worthy of anything more than to be used whispered over and over, casting more doubt on what I felt for Stellan.
I quickly slipped out from under him and back into my clothes. I asked if I could have a few minutes to myself. He nodded as he pulled on his pants, but left his shirt on the floor. His body was beautiful and on display without a care in the world. I envied that. I wanted to stay naked with him, to have him look at me like he had just before we’d joined, but I couldn’t.
“Is everything okay?” he asked, pulling me into his arms and looking down into my eyes..
“I just need a minute,” I said, gently pushing him away as I shifted my gaze elsewhere.
Tears stung my eyes, but I kept them from falling. The last thing I wanted to do was show him more weakness. He deserved someone strong and fierce like he was, someone who didn’t want to cut herself off from the world and wallow in darkness, someone he didn’t have to constantly protect.
He should be relieved to turn me over for someone else to deal with.
“I’d like to take a shower,” I said.
He pointed me toward the bathroom and left me alone. As I turned on the water and undressed, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between Velum Mortis and my own world. I don’t think I would have ever guessed that vampires had homes with luxuries like hot water and electricity in a place that seemed like it should be primitive. When I’d heard of the underworld in mythology, I never would have thought it was a place that could keep up with modern technology. I hadn’t noticed any vehicles and the streets weren’t nearly as crowded, but aside from that, the little bit of the city I had seen wasn’t unlike most of the bigger cities I’d ever been to.
The water heated up quickly, and I stepped into the large shower. There was no tub, but the shower itself was big enough for several normal-sized people to fit comfortably. It had three different shower heads and a bench along the back. It was almost too big. Even with multiple shower heads, the chill in the air was biting to the parts of my body that weren’t being pelted with hot water.
I stood there motionless as the steam began to build, killing the chill as it did. The tears I had fought to hold back flowed freely now. Every emotion I’d been feeling let loose like a tsunami of pain. I hadn’t cried as much as I had in the last few days in nearly three years. Frankly, I was tired of it, but I couldn’t stop myself from giving in.
A moment later, the door to the bathroom cracked open.
“Are you okay, Syd?” he asked, but I didn’t answer.
Couldn’t answer really. The words wouldn’t form because assuring him I was okay would be a lie.
The door opened wider and I turned my back to him just as I caught a glimpse of his face.
“I heard you crying,” he said. A second later, the glass door to the shower slid open. “Did I hurt you?”
His beautiful face, marred by concern and confusion, seemed to break through the darkness I’d found myself drowning in, like a near-blinding light trying to lead me out.
“No,” I said, barely above a whisper. “You didn’t hurt me.”
“I think I understand why you’re upset.”
“I don’t think you do.”
“You’re upset because of everything that’s happened these last couple of days and the uncertainty of what’s to come, but I promise you, I won’t do anything that will ever hurt you,” he said and reached out to take my hand. “I won’t.”
My chin trembled as I tried to find the words to respond to him.
“It’s not that.”
“Tell me,” he urged.
Reaching out, I took his face in my hands and pulled him to me, fusing my mouth to his. He responded with animalistic hunger and a low rumble in his chest. His hands slid over my wet body and gripped at my sides as he stepped into the shower and pressed his body to mine, pinning me against the wall.
Planting hard kisses along my jawline and down over my neck, he nipped at my flesh as a low growl emanated from his throat.
Lifting my leg, he grabbed onto it with one hand while the other hand struggled to unbutton the pants he still had on. Once he had them undone and pushed down just enough to free his cock, he propped my other leg up and slid himself into me.
Clinging to his body, I relished every second of the hard pounding he gave me, filling me up completely and almost wiping away the tragedies of my past. Screaming out in ecstasy, he matched my cries with desperate grunts of his own.
He sought my mouth with his, his tongue pressing past the seam of my lips as I grabbed fistfuls of his hair. His soft beard tickled the flesh around my mouth, sending sensuous tingles dancing over my face.
Pulling his mouth away, he pressed his forehead to mine, peering deep into my eyes. His lips parted as my tongue darted out to taste him while he continued to pump his hips hard and fast.
Pressing my cheek to his, I breathed, “Help me forget,” into his ear. “Help me,” I pleaded.
Thrusting harder and deeper, the smacking of our flesh seemed to urge him forward.
Pressure built deep within my core as I pressed my lips to his, feverishly working my tongue over his. I screamed out a moment later, the pressure that had been building exploded out in waves of passion, sending me over the edge as I struggled to hang on to him. His body jerked as he let out a desperate groan, capturing my lips with his once more.
I lowered my legs, but kept my arms around him until he stepped back a few minutes later. He washed my body and planted kisses along my shoulders and neck while the hot water poured over us.
“Thank you,” I whispered after he had me rinsed off.
Reaching out to turn off the water, he kissed me long and deep before taking me by the hand and leading me out of the shower.
His naked body glistened, my body responding with tight, hardened nipples.
“I’m going to sleep on the couch, if that’s okay,” I said, resisting the way his body tried to pull me back in.
“Of course,” he murmured and slipped into a black robe that had been hanging on the back of the door.
“If I go in that bedroom with you, we’re going to go at it again.”
“Likely,” he said, the corner of his mouth turning up into a sexy grin.
“I need rest, and I don’t think my body can physically take it again so soon.”
“I understand,” he said. “I’ll leave you to it, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me. And that doesn’t mean we have to do that again. We can just be close if that’s what you want.”
“Thank you,” I said, questioning the decision.
I’d never been held after sex, and I imagined how nice it might be to have him do that for me, but I needed time to myself to process everything.
Had he meant it when he said he wanted me to let him love me?
And was I wrong to want him to after convincing myself love was something I’d never find?
16
Stellan
The suppression has to be the reason, I thought to myself again as I fetched the antidote and plunged it into my vein. The moment I was inside her and the intensity of what that felt like, how much I wanted to protect her, how badly I wanted to scream out that I loved her and that I didn’t want to exist without her, there was no doubt left. Only a mate could have me feeling that way so quickly, and she was my mate in every sense of the word. I wanted to erase the horrors of her past. I wanted to help her build a future worth living for. I wanted to give her everything she ever wanted and tell her I love her every single day for the rest of eternity.
The suppression had to be why I couldn’t feel her presence before. It’s purpose was to dull my vampiric abilities. It on
ly made sense that it would dull the ability to find my mate as well. And she had suffered because I was too stubborn to give it up when I’d been told I could. If I had stopped it then and trusted that I could refrain from killing when I fed, I would’ve felt her around that time. I could have saved her from a lot of the treachery she’d endured, but I didn’t, and I could never take that back.
That was a mistake I would have to live with forever, and the only thing I could do was spend the rest of eternity trying to make it up to her.
Liam would have to understand that she was my mate and there was no way I’d ever hand her over to someone else, not even him.
Thirst strengthened while my abilities resurfaced. I wondered what her blood might taste like. Wondered if it would be as sweet as ambrosia or if it would be something different because of what she was. I’d never had wolf’s blood before. Had never really thought about consuming it either before then. I’d heard it was bitter, but a mate’s blood was rumored to be the sweetest a vampire would ever taste. My fangs sharpened into fine points at the thought.
Minutes ticked by and the usual euphoria I felt when my abilities returned was present, but not nearly as strong. Every time I’d taken the antidote I didn’t feel quite as strong as I had the last time. Rubbing my thumb and index finger, I waited for a spark of electricity that never came. Clenching my jaw, I swallowed hard and hoped it would return in time.
Light breaths from Sydney echoed through the quietness of the room as she slept. She’d insisted on sleeping on the couch, despite the connection we had made. I wanted to pull her into my arms and never let go, but something changed in her after our first lust-filled encounter. A wall had gone up around her and she retreated behind it, leaving me on the other side to wonder if I had done something wrong or if I should do everything in my power to bust through that wall and rescue her.
Maybe she hadn’t truly enjoyed being with me as much as I had enjoyed being with her. Maybe I had hurt her. Maybe despite her assurances that she wanted me, she really didn’t.
Those doubts went away after the second time. Though I suspected the wall was still partially in tact, the union we’d had in the shower had at least brought part of it down.
She stretched her arms up over her head, and I couldn’t help but remember just how beautiful she looked with her arms above her head like that as we’d begun our first dance the night before. The way my eyes had lingered on her soft flesh, how my gums had ached to let loose my fangs, how I’d nearly taken the antidote then just to be able to pierce her flesh and taste her.
My cock hardened at the thought and it was all I could do to keep myself from begging her to let me inside again. I could’ve spent eternity there with her without so much as a thought given to the outside world.
Her eyelids fluttered, and a moment later, amber-colored eyes stared at me for the briefest of seconds before turning away. She sat up slowly and glanced over to where Cyrus lay sleeping. At some point during the night, he’d returned inside and plopped himself down on the floor at the edge of the couch instead of on his blanket.
“He stayed by your side most of the night. I think he likes you.”
A faint smile passed over her lips, and she said, “He’s a little scary at times, but I think I might like him, too. He’s not quite as big as I remember him being last night when he came to our rescue.”
“He isn’t so huge all the time. This is his preferred state when he’s resting,” I said as she digested what I’d had to say about Cyrus.
“I had noticed his size changing, but I guess I kind of forgot about it with everything else going on.”
“I have to go out, but I won’t be long.”
“I can’t go with you?” she asked, arching her back as she stretched again.
“No, I’m afraid not. I need to see the king.”
“And he’ll expect you to hand me over if I go… Will I be safe here by myself?”
“You will, but I want you to stay in here while I’m gone,” I said and motioned for her to follow me.
Leading her to my bedroom, I walked over to the wall and gripped the edge of a large bookcase and pulled on it, exposing a hidden room where I liked to store my collection of weapons. Reaching just inside, I clicked on a light. The room wasn’t overly large, but she would be comfortable enough while I was gone.
“What is this, like a secret torture room or something?” she asked with a chuckle and moved forward.
“No. It’s a secret sex room,” I said and swatted her ass as she passed by me. “Really though, it’s just a quiet room that I can escape to when I don’t want to be bothered and it’s a safe place to stash my weapons. Cyrus will stay here with you. He’ll be just outside the door,” I said and moved to the back wall. Taking a silver dagger and scabbard off the wall, I turned and handed it to her. “I want you to keep this close by. Strap it to yourself if you need to. If anything should get past Cyrus, this will hurt them.”
If anything got past Cyrus, she likely wouldn’t need the dagger because who or whatever it was would be on her before she could stop them, but she didn’t need to know that. It would only worry her, and I was confident that kind of situation wouldn’t present itself anyway.
“Okay,” she said and studied the weapon. As I turned to leave, she spoke again. “Can you bring me some of the snacks we brought? I’m getting hungry.”
“Sure,” I said and went to retrieve them before returning to find her lounging in the only chair in the room when I got back.
“Thank you,” she said and stood as I handed the bag to her. I’d have to get her more food soon. What I’d gotten her wasn’t anything substantial by any means, but it was starting to dwindle.
“You’re welcome, Syd.”
“I like when you call me that,” she said. “It always seemed so fake when people would call me that before, like they were trying to create something intimate that wasn’t there between us, but it doesn’t feel that way with you.”
I smiled at her and closed the gap between us. She reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her as she softly kissed my lips.
“I’m sorry for getting so upset last night,” she whispered. “After the first time… I just…”
I shook my head and looked into her eyes, the sound of her blood whooshing through her veins echoing through my ears. “Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry for.” Pulling away, I turned my back to her. The urge to tear into her raged through my body. My mouth watered as I ran my tongue over the sharpening points of my fangs.
“This is all happening so fast. It’s hard to wrap my mind around why I feel the way I do about you. We barely know each other.”
“You’re my mate,” I blurted out. I had meant to broach the subject cautiously, but the kiss had stirred something deep within and the words were out before I could stop myself.
“Your mate?”
“Yes,” I said, facing her now. “Male vampires are destined to find that one person in all the worlds that is made for him, the one person who will bear his children and accompany him on his journey throughout eternity. He often waits for her for hundreds, sometimes thousands of years until he feels her presence.”
“You could feel me before we met?”
“No, unfortunately I couldn’t, and for that, I am truly sorry. Maybe if I had, I could’ve saved you so much heartache…”
“But if you couldn’t feel me, then doesn’t that mean we’re not mates?”
“It’s not that simple. At first I thought that, too. I also thought that since you’re at least partially wolf, you couldn’t possibly be the one either, but I believe the suppression I’ve been under for the better part of twenty-five years dulled not just my strengths, but also my ability to find you. After last night, there’s no doubt left in my mind. You’re the one who was made for me.”
“If what you’re saying is true, then I guess that’s why I have such strong feelings for you so soon. We’re what? Fated to love each other?
”
“Not necessarily love. I have known of mated couples who didn’t feel anything other than a need to procreate, though they have been a rarity for sure.”
“What I feel for you is not the urge to get knocked up, Stellan,” she said. “Though I do wonder how that even works. I mean, aren’t you basically dead?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Hasn’t Lucien told you anything about our kind?”
“No,” she said, her face contorting slightly as if she were puzzled about something. “Is there a chance I’ll get pregnant now? I meant, we went at it twice with no protection.”
“You haven’t turned. Pregnancy only happens once you’ve turned.”
I took her hand and sat down in the chair, pulling her onto my lap. “Vampires were created here in the underworld by Hades himself many millennia ago. We’re somewhere between death and life. He used his own blood and blood he’d stolen from the Gods in different combinations, mixing them with human essence and creating the first vampires. That’s why we take on some human characteristics and why we all have different abilities that are unique to the vampires we originated from. Though I can’t do it at the moment, I have the ability to harness the power of the storm and the chaos of the wind. I can bend lightning to my will and make it rain. You may have seen a brief glimpse of that when I battled the demon on that rooftop, but it hasn’t fully returned. It seems it only comes when I’m enraged now, but I used to be able to summon it at will.”
“What can the king do?” she asked.
“The king is nearly indestructible and you’d be hard-pressed to find another warrior as strong or as fierce as he is. He was only taken out of the game for a while due to curses that had been placed upon him, but he’s back now and stronger than ever.”
“And other vampires? Are there infinite possibilities of what they can do or is it limited to just a few things?”
Into the Storm (Vampires of Velum Mortis Book 2) Page 10