by Zig Ziglar
Take Time to Play
Most of the gung ho businessmen and women I know set goals on acquiring new cars, getting promotions, having a certain amount of money in the bank, living at a certain residence, acquiring some educational degree, achieving that plateau of accomplishment, excelling in this area. They set goals in every area of their lives, but often they do not set their objectives properly when it comes to taking time to play. I am absolutely convinced that unless we schedule recreational activities for ourselves and for our families, our own mental, physical, social, and family relationships are going to suffer. When that happens, it’s just a question of time before our careers will suffer.
When you check on the top-level executives—those who occupy positions of responsibility—you discover that one of the major problems is executive burnout. This problem can be at least partially alleviated with a willingness to take the time to play. It could be racquetball or tennis or a regularly scheduled round of golf. It could be joining the company slow-pitch softball team or playing pickup basketball. My friend Dr. James Dobson, the Christian psychologist who has such an effective ministry through his radio program and through his publications, is one of the busiest men I’ve ever encountered. Yet he invests an hour each day in physical exercise. He and his family go skiing. He takes care of his physical and family well-being by making time for these forms of exercise.
I believe the capacity to relax and enjoy yourself is an absolute must for those who would climb the ladder and then maintain their position once they have achieved it. You bring a fresh perspective, a fresh excitement, a fresh enthusiasm to what you’re doing when you are enjoying life itself. I don’t mean just enjoying your job but also enjoying the fact that you are alive and well and that you are getting more out of life than a paycheck. A move up the corporate ladder and recognition as a community leader can be, even should be, your objectives.
Financial success and corporate ladder climbing are worthy objectives, but within themselves they do not make you happy if you’re not having fun along the way. There is nothing wrong with scheduling your playtime just as enthusiastically as you schedule your work time. I’m assuming you understand that I’m not talking about playing as much as you work, but a regular game of handball or racquetball, a round of golf, or an evening with the family at the movies, theater, church, or community activity on a regular basis can make a difference in your quality of life as well as your accomplishments in life.
Take Time to Be Quiet
When I handle this subject in my speeches, I always prepare the audiences by saying, “My next statement is probably going to surprise you, because generally speaking I am quite outgoing.” I’m so “loud” from the platform that you might not realize or think in terms of my being quiet, but actually I am by nature a quiet person. Regardless of our natures, all of us need to take time to be quiet.
As I indicated when I talked about “Take Time to Get Started,” we do live in a busy and noisy world, and there are those occasions when your batteries are simply going to run down. When that happens, no amount of superficial charging is going to restore those energy cells to their proper level unless you do take that time to be quiet. I dearly love to walk, and my favorite time to walk, particularly in the summer months, is in the evening under a bright, moonlit sky. It seems that when those conditions prevail and I’m walking in the neighborhood I love so much, I have a renewal of energy that is absolutely incredible. My most productive ideas frequently come during that walking time.
Another of my favorite quiet times is early in the morning when I get up and go into my office. During that period of time some of my most creative ideas are born.
I strongly encourage you to take time to be quiet. There are occasions when you will want to share that quiet time with someone you love—a slow walk (this is not for exercise purposes) with a son or daughter or your mate, when you are in no hurry to do anything except be with that person. It’s amazing how close you can draw to that individual as you walk, but it also is amazing how you will develop ideas when you explore with someone you love in a casual, unhurried, completely relaxed manner, a concept or idea you’ve been wrestling with. When talking in detail to your mate about your business, even though your mate might not have the expertise or specific knowledge you possess, you’ll be astonished at how much he or she can contribute with fresh insights. Spouses are generally free of your job-related prejudices, and they’re not encumbered with a lot of preconceived ideas, so they can look at the overall picture and come up with ideas that are meaningful and helpful. The questions they ask can provoke creative thinking on your part and perhaps force you to take a look from a different perspective.
I can’t overemphasize that you must take time to be quiet. It might be a few minutes puttering around in your garden, pulling weeds, or looking at great length at some of the miracles of nature that are all around us for the enjoying, if we will but take time to take a peek. Need I remind you that it was during those still, quiet moments at Valley Forge that George Washington found the strength to deal with the problems of winning our freedom and looking after freezing, starving troops? Need I remind you that it was during those still, dark moments during that great Civil War that threatened to split our nation asunder, that Abraham Lincoln found the strength and the resolve to pull our nation together and see to it that we were reunited as one? It was during those still, quiet moments at Gethsemane that Jesus Christ found the strength to face the awful ordeal that was in front of him. During still, quiet moments, you will find resources that you might never have known existed. Take time to be quiet—and to listen.
Take Time for Those You Love
One tragic myth that permeates our society is the belief that you can’t be a hard-charging, successful businessman and a loving, caring husband and father. That myth was exploded several years ago and reinforced more recently in a U.S. News & World Report article on the one million “ordinary” millionaires. This article points out that 80 percent of millionaires came from middle- or working-class families and that a stable home life with few outside distractions provides the ordinary millionaire with the stamina to persevere in business. Most of them have lasting marriages, often to their high school or college sweethearts, and are likely to “spoil” (be especially kind to) their spouses and children. They have often suffered adversity. Twice as many salesmen as doctors will be millionaires by age sixty, and less than 1 percent of the millionaires are artists, entertainers, writers, and athletes. To me, what this really says is that successful people—including successful managers—have a balanced approach to life. The next example emphasizes this point.
Several years ago I stopped by to congratulate the president of a major corporation on his recent promotion. He greeted me with considerable enthusiasm and insisted I sit down so he could share with me the role he said I had played in his promotion. This was entirely unexpected, since my sole purpose was to invest sixty seconds to express my congratulations, but the new president would have none of it.
“You know, Zig,” he said, “I honestly believe your talk on courtship after marriage, which we use in our video training department, played a substantial role in this promotion.” Then he went ahead to tell me the story.
“Our marriage was one of those that was truly out of the book. We both came from the ‘right side of the tracks,’ both went to marvelous schools, both came from successful family backgrounds. Upon graduation from college, we got married and I proceeded to join the ‘right’ clubs, while my wife started serving in the ‘right’ charities. We were active in our church and had the ‘right number’ of children.” (Meaning they had two. I’m glad my parents didn’t feel that was the right number, since I was the tenth of twelve!)
He continued his story: “I want to emphasize, Zig, that our marriage was a good one, but over the years we had gotten a little platonic in our relationship. But as I listened to you talk about your Redhead, I realized that although I had nearly twenty fewer birthdays
than you, there seemed to be more excitement in your marriage, so I determined to see if the same thing could happen in mine. I was particularly intrigued with the fact you pointed out that, according to a West German insurance company, when a man kissed his wife good-bye—really kissed her good-bye [not like his little sister, but as we’d say down home, really ‘stropped one on ’er!’], those men lived 5.6 years longer than the men who neglected this pleasant little interlude in their lives on a daily basis. [Fellows, your life is at stake!] Not only that but these men earn from 20 to 30 percent more money than do the men who leave home under their own power.
“With that in mind,” he said, “I decided to start really courting my wife. I started picking up the phone and giving her a call for a moment or two during coffee breaks each day. I frequently dropped a little note in the mail or bought her a neat little card, or I would take a single flower home. On occasion we had those ‘heavy dates’ when we really went out for a marvelous time. I went back to opening all doors for her, standing up when she got up to leave the table, holding her chair when she returned—all the little things our ladies so deeply appreciate. Now, Zig, I’ll have to confess that the changes were not instantaneous, but in a matter of just a few weeks, excitement definitely returned to our marriage. The intriguing thing is, that excitement carried over into the marketplace and made me a happier, more productive executive. I’m absolutely convinced my efforts at the company were recognized and I was promoted to the presidency primarily because of the increase in my effectiveness, which was brought about by the excitement that returned to my marriage. So I just want to say thank you.”
I left his office and headed upstairs to congratulate the chairman of the board, whose promotion had created the presidential vacancy. The president called to tell him I was on my way. The chairman was equally enthusiastic and insisted I sit down, because he, too, had a story to tell. He pointed to the telephone on the back of his credenza and said, “You know, Zig, for a long time when that phone rang I was tempted to snatch it off the hook and demand to know, ‘What have the little monsters done now?’ Yes, I’m embarrassed to say my teenage son and teenage daughter were little monsters who were driving me up the wall. It seemed that everything my son ate turned to hair, his room was an absolute disgrace, and his stereo could be heard three blocks away. He was totally void of motivation and, even though (or was it because?) I rode him constantly, nothing was getting done. His fourteen-year-old sister had to be one of the most disrespectful, sassy children anywhere. Frankly, I was at my wits’ end and I didn’t realize it until later, but I was actually avoiding any kind of contact with them at this point in our lives.
“However,” he said, “something you said in one of your talks really got my attention. You pointed out that, from time to time, all of us need to just close our eyes and visualize that everyone and everything we love would suddenly be taken completely out of the picture. [I learned that from my friend and fellow speaker Herb True.] When that really hit me, it dawned on me that, should something happen to either of my kids, I really would be a brokenhearted man because, despite all of our communication difficulties, I deeply loved them.
“On impulse one afternoon, I picked up the phone, called my son, and asked him if he would like to go watch the Detroit Tigers play the Texas Rangers. When my son recovered from the shock, he said, ‘Sure, Dad.’ The next day I took off an hour early, picked up my son, and we arrived at the ballpark a solid hour before game time. We were able to get excellent seats behind first base and though we are not ‘baseball fans’ in the real sense, we really got into the act that evening. We quickly learned that we were to boo the other team and cheer the home team, that we would be wise to question the eyesight and integrity of the umpire, and that our guys were always right and the other guys were always wrong. We took the seventh-inning stretch, ate lots of peanuts, drank lots of pop, and ate hot dogs. When it was all over, we went out for a snack, and it was well past one o’clock when we returned home.”
He said, “I actually spent more time with my boy that night than I had spent with him in the previous six months. I’m not going to tell you that everything was instantly better, but the walls did start crumbling—the communication barrier was broken. We started talking and building a relationship.” With tears in his eyes he said, “You know, Zig, I relearned that not only is my son an unusually bright boy, but he is also of high moral character, and I’m convinced he’s going to do something with his life. Strangely enough, I never said another word about his hair and yet today it is respectable in length. I never mentioned cleaning up his room and, to be honest, if the health inspector were to inspect, it would not qualify for a Grade A restaurant permit, but it is acceptable in our home. And as far as the stereo is concerned, we all now enjoy the fact that his music can be heard clearly and distinctly in his own room but not at the next-door-neighbor’s house.
“Not only that, Zig, but a few days later I called my fourteen-year-old daughter and asked her if she’d like to go out to dinner with me that evening. She was delighted, and so I told her to put on her fanciest party dress because we were going to one of those really nice restaurants where I take my important corporate clients. That evening I picked up a little corsage, and she looked so pretty in her dress with that flower! We spent over three hours at dinner that evening. We ordered hors d’oeuvres, the fancy entrée, and topped it off with a flaming dessert. What a delightful time we had!
“It’s almost the same story as with my son. The barriers came tumbling down. I learned that not only is she a very, very bright girl, but she has definite objectives in her life. I believe someday she’s going to be a marvelous wife and a good mother if she decides to go the family route, or she’s going to have an outstanding career in her chosen field if she decides to concentrate on a business career. More important, Zig, I can tell you that when I leave home every day, I know all I have to concentrate on is my job. I’m convinced I am currently the chairman of the board because of the fact that my family situation has straightened up so much. I can commit all my creative energy to my job when I’m on the job, because I know everything is fine on the home front.”
Isn’t it ironic that these two enormously successful corporate executives, who were spending countless hours on their jobs and, as they often told everybody else, “I’m doing this for my family,” discovered that when they neglected their families, they were not nearly as effective in the corporate world? Once they got their family lives in balance, their corporate lives also improved. I’m convinced that regardless of whether you are an athlete or an entertainer, whether you’re in business for yourself or work for a major corporation, if you pay attention to the fires on the home front and keep them burning properly, you will move up faster, more effectively, and far more happily in the corporate world.
Yeah—but Where Do I Get the Energy?
I have an idea that virtually every reader will agree, at least in principle, with the idea that a good relationship with your family is helpful to your business career. However, you just might be thinking, Yeah, but where do I get the energy to be a good family person and a super manager? This next illustration should provide you with at least a partial answer.
All of us are motivated by somebody or something in our lives. That’s important to understand because motivation literally creates energy. As a matter of fact, in most cases when we claim to be “tired,” we are actually mentally or emotionally drained and not physically exhausted. In short, our motivational bucket is running low. Example: Have you ever had one of “those” days? You started with a flat tire that caused you to miss an important engagement. Your office manager called in sick and you had to handle an incredible number of administrative details, which you intensely dislike. The air-conditioning unit malfunctioned and made an already boring meeting an impossible one. On top of that, your most productive supervisor resigned. I mean nothing went right, and on top of that there was some evidence that you were developing a summer cold. Fina
lly, however, the day mercifully ended and at 5:00 P.M. sharp you wearily headed for home for some much-needed collapsing time.
Your smiling, enthusiastic wife cheerfully welcomed you home and expressed her delight that you did not have to work late because “today is the day.” With some dismay you inquired, “The day for what?” Your wife responded, “Why, honey, you remember. Today is the day we’ve planned for three weeks. Today we’re going to clean the garage.” Your reaction lay somewhere between exhaustion and anger as you protested that after the trials and tribulations of the day, you couldn’t even pick one foot up—much less the four thousand boxes you needed to move to clean the garage! Undaunted, your helpmate assured you that she was going to help and it would take only three or four hours.
At that moment the phone rings and, with a tremendous burst of energy, you manage to lift the receiver all the way to your ear and say hello with all the enthusiasm of a kamikaze pilot on his thirty-third mission. The voice on the other end is that of your best golfing buddy with the good news that he has a tee time at the country club in just twenty-three minutes if you feel like getting in a fast nine holes before dark. Guess what? That utterly exhausted, can’t-take-another-step body of yours suddenly explodes with energy! The formerly lifeless legs propel you out to the garage—not to clean it but to get those golf clubs and hurry out to the country club. You are motivated!
Now, I’m not about to suggest that your golfing buddy is a better motivator than your wife, but the energy-building motivational appeal (hitting golf balls) was substantially more to your liking than was your wife’s inducement (“killing” yourself cleaning that garage!). He was being an effective manager by channeling the energies you had in a direction you wanted to go. Effective people managers channel their own energy, as well as the energies their people possess, at a target they want and need to reach. You’ve learned how in Top Performance. Now do it.