by Bella Breen
No, making this marriage work was going to all fall on her shoulders. At least it would give her something to focus on since she would have absolutely nothing to do. She was not the type to sit quietly and embroider, or play the pianoforte, or host teas and go to balls. There probably were not any balls in Derbyshire, anyway. She had no idea what she would do to occupy her time at Pemberley. And she absolutely hated being bored.
Well, her first order of business would be to get this marriage on the right road no matter how angry she currently was at him. And she was plenty angry. But she did actually want to have a happy marriage. It would be a very miserable, long life if the rest of their marriage was exactly like today. Or yesterday.
Elizabeth put the pillow over her head and groaned.
Mr. Darcy paced in his study. He could not believe how quickly and easily Elizabeth could make him angry. He had never had such trouble controlling his emotions and temper, not since he had mastered them as an adolescent. He could still hear Elizabeth taunting him that he could not have made his proposal in any manner in which she would have accepted even if he had he behaved in a more gentlemanly manner.
And just then in the dining room he had not been in control of his temper. She could drive him mad. She was driving him mad! He had not wanted to be so brusque with her and yet that had been the best he could do without yelling.
To have her leave within days of them getting married to travel by herself back to her family? People would think he had beat her! Did she not understand that? For any woman to do that right after they got married meant there was something dreadfully wrong about the husband. Something so heinous that they had to leave immediately. Even if she did travel next to Pemberley within a sennight which he doubted, the rumors would still flourish. No, there was absolutely no way she was going to leave him within a few days of them getting married.
Mr. Darcy grabbed the bottle of brandy and poured a glass. He had never gone through his brandy so fast as he had these last few days. He threw the glass back and swallowed half. Well, he was well on his way to being one of those day drinkers now. “Dashed and blazes!”
He had done everything he had vowed he would not. Lose his temper. Drink during the day. Go through a bottle of brandy in less than a sennight. So far he did not see the advantage in being married. No doubt his friend Charles would have an absolutely wonderful marriage with the patient and mild Jane Bennet.
“Well, here is to you, Charles, for fancying the mild-tempered sister.” Darcy toasted his absent friend and downed the rest of the brandy.
Chapter 18
Elizabeth climbed into the carriage. She had wanted her lady’s maid to be in the carriage with her and Mr. Darcy as she could not imagine a more uncomfortable traveling companion than him right now. However, the servants had to ride in their own carriage, so it would be just Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy together. They would be alone for hours of travel today and then hours of travel on the morrow.
Elizabeth sighed. She reminded herself of what she had vowed to do yesterday: she would be optimistic and cheerful. This was her marriage and no matter how it started, she was going to make it work.
Mr. Darcy climbed in the carriage, settled in his seat across from Elizabeth, and pounded on the ceiling. The carriage rolled slowly away from the townhouse towards Derbyshire.
Elizabeth looked down at her hands. She was sad that she could not go to Longbourn immediately. She could understand that Mr. Darcy might feel he was needed at the planting of the crops, but he should not have spoken to her so rudely yesterday. It was too late now to do anything about it though. She did not want to bring up any topic that would cause a disagreement. If they could survive the next day without any strident discussions, she would consider it a good sign for the future.
She glanced up at Mr. Darcy to find him staring at her. Elizabeth blushed and quickly looked out the carriage window. Mr. Darcy had been her husband for a few days, and yet she felt like he was more of a stranger to her now than he had been before their marriage. She sighed again.
“I apologize if the circumstances are not to your liking, Mrs. Darcy.”
Elizabeth looked sharply at Mr. Darcy. What did he mean? Was he trying to start a fight? That did not seem like him though. From what she had seen of him at Netherfield Hall and at Rosings Park, he generally tried not to cause harm. “I am sure I do not know what you mean? Do you mean the carriage? The trip to Pemberley?”
Mr. Darcy frowned. Then he turned his head and looked out the other carriage window. Elizabeth sighed again. They were two people who could not even hold a simple conversation, and they were married to each other. She did not know how they were going to survive a day, not to mention the rest of their lives like this.
The silence continued as they traveled north out of London. Elizabeth took out a book and read. It was a little difficult to keep her eyes on the small text with the lurching and jerking of the carriage. It was a relatively smooth road, as it was the main road north out of London. But as with traveling in a carriage, no matter how smooth the road there was still jostling. Elizabeth had to quit reading due to a headache, which probably formed due to her reading while moving.
She glanced at her husband across from her. He seemed to not have any trouble reading. She sighed and looked out the carriage window. She was not one for being morose and quiet but she honestly did not know what topic to discuss with Mr. Darcy that would not make him mad. Innocent statements and questions made him frown and not answer or made him quite angry and storm out of the room. He certainly did not have much experience with people that did not agree to everything he said, did he?
Elizabeth snorted as she thought of Miss Bingley being married to Mr. Darcy. It would probably have been a very amiable marriage with Miss Bingley fawning over everything Mr. Darcy said or did. What a sad way to be though. To not have a thought in your own head and to fawn over somebody like that. Thank goodness she was not like that.
“You have something to say, Mrs. Darcy?”
Elizabeth turned quickly to Mr. Darcy. “Why would you think that?”
Mr. Darcy closed his book and set it down on his lap. “From the noise you just made. Either you were trying to get my attention or whatever you were thinking caused you to make a sound without your realization.”
Elizabeth stared at Mr. Darcy. Did he really want to know what she was thinking? Or was he trying to make conversation to try to heal the breach between them? “I was actually thinking about if Miss Bingley had married you.”
At the shock on Darcy’s countenance, that was definitely not what he had expected to hear.
“I thought that if you had married Miss Bingley, you would have probably had a very pleasant marriage as she would agree with whatever you said or did. She probably would not disagree or present an alternative idea for the rest of her life.” There, now he knew what she had been thinking. What would he think of that?
Elizabeth realized she was in a very contrary mood, and that it was the opposite of the instructions she had given to herself at the start of this trip. Darcy had been very overbearing and boorish with his behavior towards her, but that was no reason to antagonize him. It rankled her to apologize when he had not done so for his behavior, but she could not live with herself unless she did so.
Mr. Darcy spoke first though. “Why would you even think something such as that? I am married to you. I can assure you of that, madam, no matter how much you might wish things had gone differently and that you were not married to me. But the truth of the fact is that we are married to one another and I sincerely hope you invest yourself in this marriage.”
Elizabeth’s thoughts of apologizing evaporated. She narrowed her eyes at Mr. Darcy. He thought she was not invested in this marriage? She was more invested in this marriage than he was! “Pardon me, Mr. Darcy. I had not realized that I had said anything of the sort.”
Mr. Darcy’s eyes narrowed, and she swore he breathed heavily out of his nose like a bull. “Did you not just say
that you were thinking about if Miss Bingley had married me instead?”
“That is correct. I had imagined someone that would be more pleasant for you to be around. Someone that would not disagree with you such as I have.” Mr. Darcy continued to stare at her. “By disagree I mean somebody that did not immediately agree and fawn over everything you said and would not be bothered by your overbearing manner at deciding absolutely everything.”
It was out now. So much for controlling her temper and doing whatever it took to work on this marriage. Of course Mr. Darcy did not think she had even tried.
“Overbearing manner? When have I been overbearing? I have purposely left you alone so that I would not bother you, as I knew you were quite upset at being forced into this marriage.”
Elizabeth blinked, astonished. Truly he did not think he was overbearing? “Yesterday’s conversation in the dining room regarding travel to Longbourn and Pemberley. I believe you were quite overbearing when you unanimously decided that I was not going to go to Longbourn by myself, we were not going to Longbourn together, and we would travel to Pemberley immediately.”
Mr. Darcy’s eyes narrowed even more and he clenched his hands on his book. Elizabeth was sure that he would have stormed away if they had not been stuck in a carriage. “I apologize, madam, if my logical and reasonable conclusion offended you. But I—”
“Logical? Reasonable? Are you saying that my traveling to Longbourn while you traveled to Pemberley was not a logical and reasonable compromise? How dare you!”
Mr. Darcy’s eyes widened.” You think traveling to Longbourn by yourself within days after our wedding was a reasonable and logical suggestion?”
Elizabeth stared at Mr. Darcy. “And why was that not a reasonable and logical compromise? You obviously think so. Why do you not enlighten me?”
“Do you not see how that would be perceived? For two people to get married, then the wife leaves the husband immediately to return to her family? Does it not bring up any ideas in your head of there being something horribly wrong with that man? A reason as to why she would flee and run to her family?”
“Well... but... it is nothing of the sort! It would be a quick trip to see my family and then join you at Pemberley. Surely no one would think that?”
Mr. Darcy rose an eyebrow. “I believe they would indeed think that. Situations do not matter in what they are but what they are perceived to be. In this case it would be perceived that you fled from your new husband.”
Oh dear. Elizabeth raised a hand to her face. She looked down at her lap and realized that Mr. Darcy was correct. Her mother, her Aunt Philips, indeed all of Meryton were horrible gossips and would delight in speculating if that very situation happened to another newly married woman. Elizabeth covered her eyes. She had only thought of what she wanted. She had not even spared a thought as to what her proposal would look like to others. And he was right, of course. It would look horrible.
Elizabeth dropped her hand and took a deep breath. Then she glanced back up at Mr. Darcy, who was still staring at her. “You are correct. I apologize. I did not stop to... realize what it would look like to others.”
Elizabeth looked down at her hands, then turned her head to look out the carriage window to her right. She felt her cheeks burn and knew that they were a bright red now. She pursed her lips. Well, they had finally had a conversation. And it turned out that she had been quite in the wrong. If only Mr. Darcy had managed to mention that yesterday in the dining room, she would not have been upset with him for so long.
Elizabeth tried to surreptitiously wipe away the tear that ran down her face. It was not Mr. Darcy’s fault. She could not set this blame at his feet. She was embarrassed to have been found lacking sense for something that was so obvious now that he had pointed it out.
“Mrs. Darcy, Elizabeth, I apologize. I did not mean to make you cry.”
The secretive wiping of her face must not have been so secretive as she had thought. Elizabeth was more surprised by his apology than the fact that he must have been watching her. She nodded to let him know that she heard him. She could not answer him though. Not until her tears had stopped falling.
Chapter 19
They arrived at the first stop to change horses. Mr. Darcy helped a subdued Elizabeth out of the carriage and walked her to the inn for refreshments.
He had gone over their conversations in his mind ever since their argument, but felt that he could not have done anything else. Mr. Darcy was gratified to know that she had not suggested leaving him on purpose. Elizabeth had truly not even thought of how it would look and that bothered him. Perhaps she was upset and not quite herself after the shocks of the week.
Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy sat in a private room in the inn for a late lunch. Mr. Darcy was not used to a quiet Elizabeth. She had always been so cheerful and teasing. He did not realize how much he enjoyed it until it was missing. Mr. Darcy did not know what to do to correct this chasm between them that was getting wider every time they spoke. After the quiet lunch they climbed back in the carriage and were quickly on their way once again to Derbyshire.
Mr. Darcy turned from staring at Elizabeth and looked out the carriage window to his right. The awkwardness between them had all started with his first proposal to her in the Hunsford Parsonage. His cousin had said that he had probably made her angry by pointing out the deficiencies in her family’s behavior. Col. Fitzwilliam had always gotten along better with women than Darcy ever had, so he was probably correct. The opposite of insulting her family would be to praise her family, and Darcy did not think he could even do that. Besides, he did not even know how to even begin to admire her family. What did they even do?
Mr. Darcy decided to leave that problem for later and move on to the next issue. Elizabeth’s refusal of his hand included her thoughts regarding his interference in her sister’s happiness, which he had since corrected. Elizabeth should no longer be angry at him for that.
But she had also mentioned George Wickham. Darcy ground his teeth. He thought he had gotten rid of him forever after that Ramsgate business and here he was making a mess in Mr. Darcy’s life again. If only that man would leave for the continent or even the colonies. Well, he had time now to tell his wife about Wickham’s past and clear up her misunderstanding from believing Wickham’s lies.
Mr. Darcy turned towards Elizabeth. “I believe I mentioned before that I would let you know of my involvement in George Wickham’s life. We have the time and I shall share the information with you now. Especially since the servants or no one else can hear us.”
Elizabeth turned to face Mr. Darcy.
“What I am about to tell you is known only by a few. Col. Fitzwilliam and I were made guardians of my younger sister Georgiana after my father died.”
Mr. Darcy proceeded to tell Elizabeth of the events that had transpired with George Wickham over his lifetime. How he behaved at University, his refusal of a parsonage but demanding the money anyway, and then the attempted secret elopement with Georgiana herself. He was gratified to see that Elizabeth paid rapt attention and was horrified. “As you can see I have no wish to hear that man’s name in my presence. His revenge would have been complete and brutal if the elopement had succeeded.”
Elizabeth lowered her hand from where it had been, over her mouth. “What a horrible situation for you. Your younger sister almost married to that cad! He had seemed so truthful, so honest when he spoke to me. What a horrible man.”
“I hope you understand now my concern. I do not want my younger sister to be upset by hearing that name.”
Elizabeth nodded. She was obviously in thought regarding what she had just heard. Mr. Darcy hoped that that would clear up any anger that she still held towards him. Hopefully now they would be able to get along and grow closer. Close enough that he would not feel awkward and uncomfortable at entering her bedchamber at night. Not that he had yet.
Elizabeth replayed in her mind what she had just learned about George Wickham. Mr. Darcy had said that she c
ould corroborate these facts with his cousin, Col. Fitzwilliam. She did not need to do that though, as she knew Mr. Darcy could not have made up so many stories regarding that man.
Elizabeth cringed as she remembered what she said to Mr. Darcy about George Wickham. How embarrassing now that she knew the facts. She could not believe everything George Wickham had told her was an absolute lie!
She thought back to her first meetings with him and realized that it was George Wickham who had brought up Mr. Darcy. He asked if she knew anything about him and then began spreading his tale of woe. Mr. Darcy had never said anything negative about George Wickham, not until Elizabeth brought it up. She sighed and shook her head. One has got all the goodness, and the other all the appearance of it.
Their carriage stopped at an inn soon after sunset. It was too dangerous to continue their travel due to highwaymen. Of course some did travel at night but they had enough outriders and did not mind the danger. But Mr. Darcy would not do that to his new wife, so he rented the largest room in the inn. Which had one bed.
Elizabeth was uncomfortable, yet there was nothing to be done for it. They could not very well request separate bedrooms. Plus they were married and should have been used to sleeping next to each other by now.
“If you are uncomfortable, I could sleep on the floor and let you have the bed.”
Elizabeth turned towards Mr. Darcy. “Sleep on the floor? There is no need for that. We are married and we can certainly share a bed.”
She hoped that sleeping was all they did. No matter how upset she was at Mr. Darcy’s avoidance of her bedchamber, she certainly did not want their wedding night to occur in a rented room.
“Thank you.” Mr. Darcy disrobed in the open while Elizabeth changed behind the screen. She hoped she would fall asleep quickly. It would be much too awkward to lie awake listening to his movements.