He nodded. “I was in a juvenile detention center for about six months before my mom discovered this place. Once she’d had a chance to check out the facilities and get a play-by-play from Loraine on how everything would go down, I got shipped out here for a last chance at getting myself on the straight and narrow. I think I went from pissed off, to even more pissed off, to I’m going to get myself kicked out, to thinking Loraine was the biggest asshat I’d ever met; but eventually I quit fighting everyone. I didn’t have a choice but to get used to being here, so I got to know the people, started to realize I was making it worse for myself, and changed.”
“Unlike the girl who was willing to go down swinging,” I said, shaking my head.
“I dealt with it my way. You dealt with it yours. That doesn’t mean anyone’s way was better,” he said.
I sighed quietly, letting the pressure off my chest. “It was easier for me to ignore everything and pretend I was normal,” I said, blinking at the concrete in the dark. “Sometimes I think I even convinced myself I was. I would go see Dr. Heichman and listen to him try and talk to me about my feelings, but the whole time I was waiting to wake up and realize this was just a dream. Nikki was fine. She’d be at school on Monday, and we would finish out high school, planning out college and all the amazing things we would do.”
I looked at him, guilt weighing me down. “I’ve never even gone to visit her,” I said. “I must have driven by her memorial a million times, but I can’t get myself out of the car. It’s like standing there would make everything a reality. Like I can pretend it’s just another cross on the side of the road, when it’s more than that to both of us. It was the end of her life. It felt like the end of mine. Does that make me a terrible person, Grant? Am I a horrible friend?”
“You’re neither of those things,” he said, kissing my head. “You were doing the best you could to make it through. That’s all you could do.”
“I could’ve done more.”
“You couldn’t,” Grant said.
He lifted his head, his dark brow furrowed and his hazel eyes filled with concern. “But I could’ve,” he said. “I could’ve made you feel more comfortable. Done something to make you feel like you didn’t have to keep your feelings a secret.”
“I couldn’t talk to anyone about it,” I said, “and you couldn’t have done anything other than what you did, which is be there. You’re the reason I made it this far. Hard as that is to admit, you deserve some credit for putting up with me when I couldn’t even put up with myself.”
“I’ll have to admit, it got pretty hairy sometimes. I wanted a counselor switch so many times I—”
I nudged him and he pulled me closer. The softness in his face contrasted the sharpness in his jaw and nose.
“Fine,” he said. “I kind of liked being around you. Hard as it is to admit, I think you actually managed to knock me down a peg.”
“You kind of liked being around me?” I said, facing him.
“I really liked being around you,” he said. “And I plan on doing that as long as I can. As long as you’ll let me.”
I brushed my lips against his, the touch of his skin and the comfort in his kiss warming me again.
“We have the rest of the summer,” I said.
“No. We have longer than that.”
20
Promise
“All right, someone explain the rules of the lake to me,” Brie said, standing on cabin two’s porch, decked out in red, white, and blue and looking like Captain America’s love child.
“I still don’t have a good idea of what the rules are, and I’m not going to be the one to screw up and get myself sent home for breaking a rule I wasn’t even aware of.”
“No idea,” I said, holding up my hands.
She shrugged and put her hands on her hips, shifting her sparkly eyelids toward Grant. “What about you? No answer from you either?” she said. “I thought you had the answers for everything. Your guys hyped you up like you were the camp GOAT.”
“Bahh,” I said, grinning.
Grant shot me a narrowed glare, but grinned just the same. “That’s what a sheep sounds like, genius,” he said. “And to answer Fourth of July Barbie over there, the rule is to stay with your cabin. If you go out of sight, it’s a write-up and extra chores. Alex will be the one to pick and choose what they are.”
“Oh, then I’m golden,” Brie said, smiling.
She passed me, taking the steps two at a time. Jess and the other girls joined her at the bottom, the group on the porch rapidly depleting, much like the sunlight outside.
I turned, eyeing Grant up and down as he stood in the exact same spot where he stood every time we were here.
He wore a navy-blue polo and a pair of khaki shorts, his tan contrasting the hue of the fabric. Gone was his baseball hat. His messy brown hair was on full display, giving me a clear shot at his brilliant hazel eyes and sharp facial features.
I closed the distance once the stragglers were gone, raking a hand against the stubble on his chin. “Do we really have to go with them?” I said, looking at him. “It would be so much more fun to stay here and watch the fireworks from the porch.”
“It’s in the rule book,” he said. “But no one said anything about sitting with them during the fireworks. Our job is to get them to the lake. We’re in the clear after that.”
He kissed me softly and I groaned, spotting Loraine as she walked by our cabin with a flashlight in hand.
“There goes the PDA police,” he said.
“Meh. I don’t know. I think she’s so excited I finally opened up to someone about my feelings, she doesn’t even care if there’s PDA involved.”
“You really believe that?”
“Not for a second,” I said, grinning.
I grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the steps, mixing with campers from the other cabins as they walked the path toward the main entrance.
After camp was over and Loraine wasn’t monitoring me, I could kiss him whenever I wanted. For now, it was probably better not to push my luck. Holding his hand was wholesome enough to appease her, but still got me the affection I needed to feel safe.
“So, how do all of these activities play out?” I said, holding his hand tighter. “I know we’re supposed to go down to the lake and watch fireworks, but then what? Are we included in the post-party social, or is that limited to cabin one?”
“We get to participate,” he said. “It’s cabins one and two, and if we’re lucky I’ll be able to con Linc into covering for me so I can get out of there with zero camper responsibilities for the rest of the night.”
“Do you ever do your job?”
“Nope. Most of the time I talk other people into doing it for me,” he said. “It’s a talent, really, and an amazing way to get myself an hour or two alone with you.”
“Except I have patrols tonight.”
“Exactly. We can get lost in the woods and no one will think twice about where we are or what we’re doing.”
I considered it. There was no one I’d rather do that patrol with. In the event of a snake, I could sacrifice him and run the other way screaming.
“I see you over there considering,” he said.
“Yeah. Considering how I can sacrifice you to a snake.”
We passed the counselor cabin, the light from the moon barely lighting a path through the thick canopy of trees. Fortunately, Grant knew where he was going. He bypassed tree after tree until we spotted the campers sitting among a series of flat-topped rocks facing the lake.
I caught him before we reached the tree clearing, my arms wrapping around his waist and dragging him out of sight.
“Hi there,” he said, grinning at me. “I’m Grant. You are?”
“You know who I am and hush before you get us caught.”
I peered around him, scanning the group for Loraine. Linc had her distracted farther down the shore. He might have been Grant’s ally, but he was quickly turning into one of mine too.
“You lie, Alex Reynolds.”
“I don’t lie,” I said, poking him in the stomach. “Check that app of yours and tell me you don’t see a pair of coordinates for somewhere near this lake.”
He grinned, his eyes on me as he dug in his back pocket and took out his phone. “If I can get service,” he said.
The light from the screen lit the plains of his face, making them sharper, more defined. He was so devastatingly handsome it hurt to look at him, but he was mine. All mine.
“There’s never been a geo—” he started, the corners of his eyes crinkling with excitement while the words died away.
“What was that?” I said, smiling.
“Alex, is this your way of telling me you found the Magic 8 Ball?”
“Linc did,” I said. “Now it’s your job to find it.”
Grant laughed and shook his head, pivoting in the dark. It was a cheesy attempt at a date, but a girl had to take her opportunities when they came. If Linc was on board to help out, who was I to turn him down?
Grant wandered through the brush ahead of me, holding back limbs as we walked farther and farther into the dark. The closer we got to the lake, the heavier the marine smell grew. The waves crashed against the rocks, lapping onto their eroded surfaces while moonlight reflected on the shore.
“What did he do, throw it into the lake?” Grant said.
“Is that something he would do?”
“Probably. He can be a jackass from time to time.” He turned left after a moment, getting closer and closer to the shore. “Or maybe he isn’t,” Grant said after a minute. “Maybe he’s just a better hider than I gave him credit for.”
He squatted, peering beneath a dead tree curled up on the bank. He used the flashlight on his phone to light the area, then slowly pulled what looked like a soap box out from beneath it.
I closed the distance between us, watching over his shoulder as he popped open the lid. Inside, nestled atop a folded piece of paper, the key chain I’d taken from the Hobby Lobby geocache stared at him in the dark.
“Who would’ve thought you’d be a romantic?” he said, letting it dangle from his finger.
“Who would’ve thought a lot of things,” I said, hugging him from behind.
He turned and wrapped me in his arms in a hug so tight I didn’t want to let go. I could’ve stood beneath that moon, watching the waves lap against the rocks, forever, lost in a million possibilities and the one man who’d actually helped me see the way. But the summer would be over soon enough. We would go back to the real world, with no set of coordinates to lead the way.
“Where do we go after this?” I said after a minute, watching waves beat against the rocks. “When the summer is over and we’re miles apart, is this something you’ll still want?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said. “I’ll be in Lubbock, working on that sports-management degree, and you’ll be in Louisiana, kicking ass and taking names, but we’ll figure this out. I’ll fly there and you’ll fly here, and we’ll be back in this place next summer staring at this exact same lake, feeling exactly the same way we do now.”
A firework boomed above, crackling against the darkened night sky. I kept my eyes on Grant as an unbridled silence burned between us.
“You promise?”
“I promise,” he said. “You’re stuck with me, Alex. Personality flaws and all.”
He brushed a kiss to my lips, the smell of vanilla and sandalwood invading my senses. Whatever this year would hold, whatever emotions lay ahead, at least I could face them knowing I wasn’t alone.
I had this camp. I had Grant. In the end, that’s all I’d really need.
Epilogue
“And that was basically my summer,” I said, sitting forward in the oversized chair. “What do you think? Have I made progress?”
Dr. Heichman stared at me behind his glasses, his pen frozen against his notebook. He’d asked, “What did you do this summer, Alex?” and I’d given him the most accurate answer I could think of. If he wanted the shortened version, he should’ve given me a time limit.
He cleared his throat and set his pen down. “Well, it sounds like you did tremendous soul-searching,” he said. “I’ll agree there are still things for us to work on, but you’re getting there. This has been a definite step in the right direction.”
“It’s been a leap,” I said, flicking my attention toward the old-fashioned clock on the edge of his desk. I hadn’t used up the full hour my parents paid for, but it was close enough. Much better than my pre-camp time.
He followed my attention to the clock, his brow arching. “Would I be pushing my luck if I asked you to continue discussing your summer?”
“That’s pretty much it,” I said, standing. “Went there. Came back. Currently trying to show everyone how much I’ve changed.”
“That will take time.”
“I’ve got plenty of it,” I said.
I grabbed the complimentary bottle of water and walked across the room, pausing in front of the new portrait on the opposite wall. Gone was the horrible Rembrandt knockoff. In its place, a more colorful seascape.
“Who did this one?” I said, pointing to the painting.
“A local artist named Sczcotchy.”
I glanced at the canvas again. The mixture of blues and greens captured the complexity of an ocean, while oranges and golds shimmered behind it, reflecting sunlight through the depths.
“I like it,” I said. “It’s good. Much better than the Rembrandt.”
“I took your suggestion,” he said, a small smile threatening his otherwise-neutral expression.
I grinned to myself and clutched the doorknob, opening the door to a mostly empty lobby. Inside, reading the newest Good Housekeeping magazine, was my mom, sitting in the same chair as always. She looked up from the pages, her eyes meeting mine.
“We’re done,” I said. “And I’m happy to report I made it almost the entire hour.”
“Did you really?” she said, glancing at her watch. “Who are you and what did you do with my daughter?”
“Same me, just tweaked a little from all those Yoga for the Soul sessions I had to do while I was away.”
“You did yoga?”
“Nope,” I said. “I tried it once and was miserable. You should know me better than that.”
She chuckled and tossed the magazine on the coffee table in front of her. Her heels click-clacked as we made our way to the exit.
Outside, late August’s heat left everything sticky. My mom’s car, parked along the sidewalk, glistened beneath the afternoon sun. The lights flashed to life as I reached the passenger side. She slid into her seat, buckling the seat belt as I reached for mine.
“Early dinner?” she said, pulling the car onto the same downtown street we’d driven a million times before.
“Long as it’s Ellie’s Café,” I said. I shifted, taking my phone from my back pocket. A text from Grant had appeared on the screen. My heart fluttered. We were a couple of weeks from being out of camp, and my feelings hadn’t changed. Maybe there was hope for us.
Grant: Plane landed. I’ll be on campus in less than fifteen. FaceTime date tonight?
“He make it safe?” my mom said, earning my attention.
“Currently on his way to campus,” I said, typing out a response.
Me: Only if we can coordinate with Ben & Jerry’s
Grant: And I’m taking a detour to United right now;)
I stowed my phone out of sight. My mom’s gaze was steady and unmoving. The idea of me having a boyfriend was still an adjustment for her, but Loraine had helped ease her and my dad into it. Who could make a better case than someone who’d known Grant since he was fourteen?
No one. Loraine was my best bet.
“So remind me: He’s a freshman at Tech?”
“Sophomore,”
I said. “Sports-management major. I think he’d minor in business if he could, but rumor has it he’s trying to get on as a manager for the basketball team this year. I don’t think he’ll have time.”
“Sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders.”
“Most of the time,” I said, nodding.
I glanced out the window again, my heart cinching slightly. I wouldn’t be able to schedule a visit until Thanksgiving break, but if we were lucky he’d come here in October. Until then, FaceTime dates and nightly phone calls would have to work.
Maybe it was better that way. I had to face my past here, and the people I’d neglected entirely too long. One person in particular.
“Would it be okay with you if I went out for a little while tonight?” I said, looking at my mom. “It will be max an hour. I just … I have something I need to do.”
“What time you planning on leaving?” she said.
“Probably as soon as we’re back. I’d rather get there before it gets too dark. I won’t be gone long. Promise.”
Her hands were tight on the steering wheel. She was still nervous when I went out after dark, but if she wanted me to change she had to give me the freedom to do it. I knew that. So did she.
“You can go,” she said, nodding. “But be careful.”
“I will.”
* * *
Hours later, as the sun set behind a canopy of trees, I steered my car down the old country road leading to Baker’s Swamp. The sky, streaked with vivid oranges and golds, contrasted the bitter memories of this place.
One held beauty. One held pain. Neither outweighed the other.
Silently, I pulled my car to a stop and took in a breath. My emotions balled at the base of my throat, the sinking feeling of loss heavy in my stomach. Too much time had passed, but I could do this. I had to do this. It was part of moving on.
Outside, a breeze ruffled the cypress leaves around me and brushed its way across my skin, sending goose bumps up my bare arms. Rocks crunched beneath my shoes, and then the path leading to Nikki’s memorial shifted from pavement to newly trimmed grass.
Last Chance Summer Page 20