by Chloe Dupree
“Where you thinkin’ about goin’ for college?” he asked as they sat on her porch one afternoon.
“I don’t know. I mean what’s the point? People get degrees and can’t even find a job to use ‘em at. And who gon’ keep Nya while I’m off to college?” she asked.
“College don’t work out for everybody, but if it’s somethin’ you interested in you should go for it.”
“I ain’t really interested in nothin’ in particular.”
She shrugged, realizing that she didn’t sound very ambitious.
“So, when you lay in bed at night and think about your future, what do you see?” he asked.
Breeze stared across the street as she thought about whether she should tell him the truth or not. C was cool as hell and she didn’t feel that he judged her, but she still wasn’t completely comfortable with telling him her hopes and dreams. Sometimes they sounded silly to her.
“Well.” She sighed. “I guess I don’t really want a job. The way my mama is never around makes me want to maybe own a daycare and be there for kids when their parents can’t be. And then if I have kids I can contribute to my household and spend time with my own kids at the same time.”
That wasn’t really Breeze’s dream, but she knew that it was the kind of bullshit that C wanted to hear. If she never saw another child again that would be fine by her.
“That’s cool. You could go to school for that,” he told her.
“Yeah. I don’t know though. Where am I gon’ get the money to open my own business?”
“I don’t know, but people get business loans all the time. I say go to school and figure it out as you go. Things usually work themselves out.”
“Not around here,” she said as she shook her head.
She knew that owning a high end boutique was her dream, but she also knew that it was more likely that she would end up a hustler’s wifey, and that would be fine by her.
“I think you should believe in yourself and do what makes you happy.”
“Yeah. I guess I’ll look into Chicago State. I could go there and still live at home to help out with Nya.”
She was ready to talk about something else now.
“Do that. I might move up here and go wit’ you.”
“Shut up.”
“What? I was thinkin’ about movin’ up here wit’ my aunt,” he said seriously.
“Why? You could probably go anywhere, if you as smart as Brian. Why not go to a real university?” she asked.
“I been comin’ out here every year since I was twelve and I love this city.”
Breeze just nodded as she thought about C moving to Chicago. Against all odds she really did like him and she liked spending time with him. With a guy like C in her life she felt that she could accomplish anything. He made her feel like there was more to life than cars, clothes and sex. Maybe she did want a man to love and support her.
She’d always told Dior her hopes and dreams, but having C actually listen to her made her feel different. She’d never felt that anyone, besides Dior, really cared about her. She knew that her mother loved her, even though she had a funny way of showing it, but she wasn’t sure that Lauren really cared about her. Plus, with working two jobs to financially support her daughters, Lauren was never really there for them emotionally.
Having someone that asked her a question and actually seemed interested in hearing the answer made Breeze feel special. It made her feel like she was a somebody in a world full of nobodies.
Chapter 9
Dior was startled out of her sleep as she heard the front door open then close.
“Oh shit,” she said as she shook Brian’s shoulder. “Get up,” she whispered.
She knew that her mother was taking off her shoes and would be coming up the stairs soon.
“What?” Brian asked groggily.
“My mama here,” she said anxiously.
Brian smiled at the look of panic on Dior’s face.
“Get up,” she told him again as she heard her mother walking up the stairs.
Brian ran into the closet and Dior kicked his shoes underneath her bed. She lay down and pretended to be asleep, knowing that if her mother knew that she was awake she’d want to sit and talk to her for a long time.
As expected, Donna crept into Dior’s bedroom and kissed her on the forehead before she went to take a shower.
“Can I come out now?” Brian asked as he opened the closet door.
“Until she gets out of the shower,” Dior said nervously.
Brian sat on the bed and checked his phone while Dior listened to the running water in the bathroom. She rushed Brian back into the closet and got back underneath the covers as she heard her mother turn off the shower.
Donna crept into Dior’s bedroom yet again, hoping that she’d be awake, and kissed her forehead again when she found her still fast asleep.
She really needed to spend some time with her daughter before she graduated from high school and went off to college. It had been just the two of them for so long and Donna couldn’t recall when they had become so distant. She sighed as she closed Dior’s bedroom door and headed into her own bedroom.
“That’s sweet,” Brian said as he came back out of the closet.
Dior just smiled. She loved her mother and she knew that she was Donna’s world.
Brian and Dior lay in her bed for an hour or so, until she was sure that her mother was asleep.
“What you doin’ today?” he asked as they stood on the front porch.
“I don’t know. What you and C doin’?” she asked.
“Nothin’. He leavin’ next week, so we havin’ a barbecue this weekend.”
“It’s almost back to school time already?” she asked with a groan.
“Almost. He go back a few weeks early to spend a lil’ time wit’ his mama and get ready for school.”
“Oh okay. Well, I’ll call you in a lil’ bit,” Dior said.
“Aiight.”
They kissed then Brian trotted over to his car.
Chapter 10
“You gon’ miss him?” Dior asked as she and Breeze sat on Breeze’s porch waiting for Brian and C to pick them up.
“A lil’ bit,” Breeze admitted.
She would miss C, but talking about it wouldn’t make her miss him any less. She’d just have to do her best to forget about him once he went back home. She knew that he’d forget about her.
“What about you and Brian? Ya’ll official yet?”
“Yeah.” Dior nodded, avoiding her friend’s eyes.
“No! You did not do what I think you did. When?” Breeze asked, reading Dior’s guilty expression.
“What?” Dior asked, trying to play dumb.
“Did ya’ll do it?” Breeze asked.
“We’ll have to talk later,” Dior said as Brian parked in front of Breeze’s house.
“You hoe,” Breeze teased before she called out to Nya.
***
The barbecue was packed. The music was loud and everyone seemed to be having a good time.
“Hey Dior,” Brian’s mother Belinda greeted her. “I haven’t seen you in so long,” she said as she hugged Dior.
“Hey Miss Williams,” Dior said politely. “How have you been?” she asked.
“Good. Glad to see Cornelius and Brian almost finished with high school. Are you going be a senior this year too?”
“No, next year.”
“Oh, okay. Well go and get you somethin’ to eat,” Belinda said with a smile.
Dior avoided Breeze all day, not wanting her to ask about her losing her virginity. As it got later, the party started to thin out. Before they knew it Breeze, Dior and Nya were the only ones left.
Breeze and C were sitting on the back porch talking while Nya slept on the couch and Dior and Brian were swinging in the hammock.
“You think they gon’ stay in touch when he go home?” Dior asked as she looked over
at C and Breeze.
“I don’t know.” Brian shrugged. “He like her, but Colorado is a long way from here,” he added.
Dior just sighed. Even though Breeze tried to act nonchalant about the situation, she knew that she really did like C and Dior knew that he was good for Breeze. She hoped they could somehow make things work.
“What about us?” she asked.
“What about us?”
“What’s gon’ happen when you leave?”
“Nothin’. We’ll still be together.”
Dior smiled as she snuggled up closer to him.
“You ready to go home?” he asked.
“You tryin’ to put me out?”
“Naw, but it’s gettin’ cold out here. I already gave you my jacket, I can’t give you my shirt,” he said as he laughed.
“I guess I should go.”
“I’ll do that Ma,” Brian said as Belinda came out of the house with a garbage bag in one hand.
“You go on and take the girls home. I got this,” Belinda insisted as she started to clean up.
“Let C take Breeze and Nya home and I’ll help ya’ll clean up,” Dior told Brian.
Chapter 11
C waited on the porch while Breeze took Nya into the house and put her into bed.
“So you leave tomorrow?” she asked as she sat down next to him.
“Yeah.”
“You flyin’?” she asked just to make conversation.
“Yeah. I’m glad I met you this summer,” he told her as he placed his hand on her thigh.
“Me too,” she said as she looked away.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as he turned her face back toward him.
“Nothin’,” she lied as she fought back tears.
“I’m gon’ miss you too,” he said before he kissed her.
She closed her eyes and leaned backwards as their tongues explored one another. She wanted to take him inside the house, but she knew her mother would be home soon. They sat on the porch and talked for a long time. Lauren had come home, but surprisingly she didn’t have a problem with Breeze sitting on the porch with a guy. She must have been in a good mood tonight.
Chapter 12
Donna always took the last two weeks of summer break off of work so that she could spend time with Dior and take her back to school shopping. Dior was always excited about spending this special time with her mother and this summer was no exception. She got up early and made breakfast for her mother since it was the first week of her vacation.
“Thank you sunshine,” Donna said with a smile as Dior brought the food to her in bed.
It was something that Dior had done a lot when she was younger and was proud of herself for being able to cook on the stove.
“You’re welcome, Ma,” Dior said as she sat down.
They talked about nothing in particular as Donna ate.
“Did you eat?” she asked Dior.
“Yep.”
***
Dior had already let Brian know that she’d be spending the day with her mother so she knew she wouldn’t be hearing from him. She left her cell phone in the car as they headed into the mall. She loved shopping and she had learned from the best. Donna and Dior were in the mall so long that they were almost late for their appointment at the spa.
After facials, massages, manicures, pedicures and body wraps they ended the day with a nice dinner.
“So, what’s new?” Donna asked once they’d ordered their food.
“Nothing.”
Dior cut into her grilled salmon. Donna might not have been home a lot, but she knew a few things about a few things.
“How are things with Brian?” she asked.
“Okay,” Dior said, unable to hide her smile.
“I wondered how long it would be before you two got together,” Donna said after a sip of her Coca Cola.
“What?” Dior asked, as if she was surprised.
“That boy used to pull yo’ hair and mess with you every chance he got.” Donna laughed. “And when ya’ll got to middle school and he grew into his looks a lil’ bit and you was messin’ with him, I knew you liked him,” she went on.
“I did not,” Dior lied.
“I know you,” Donna reminded her. “I like Brian, though. He’s a good kid just like his brother Brandon.” She nodded. “How is Brandon anyway?”
“He’s good. Brian said he’ll be graduating soon.”
“Belinda raised her boys right.”
Donna sighed, glad that Dior was interested in Brian and not some drug dealer. She’d overheard Breeze talking about Primo a couple of times. He wasn’t the kind of man that she wanted her daughter to become involved with.
The mother and daughter continued to talk as they enjoyed their meals. They hadn’t spent quality time together in so long and Donna was grateful that although she couldn’t spend much time with Dior she was still doing well in school and wasn’t pregnant or anything like that. She felt like she’d done a pretty good job of raising her daughter.
Chapter 13
“Happy birthday, Breeze!”
“Thank you.”
Breeze yawned as Nya climbed onto her bed.
“Are you gonna have a party?” Nya asked.
“Nope.”
“Mommy might buy you a piñata. ‘Member I had a Dora piñata?”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“And a Dora cake.”
“Yep.”
“What kinda cake you want?”
“I don’t want a cake.”
Breeze knew that Lauren wasn’t going to buy her anything. She hadn’t bought her a birthday gift since she’d turned twelve and that was five years ago. She probably wouldn’t even wish her a happy birthday.
“Can I pick it out then?”
“Sure.”
“Yes! I’m gonna tell Mommy you want a princess castle cake with pink frosting.”
“Okay.”
Nya jumped off the bed and ran out of the room. Breeze pulled the covers back over her head and closed her eyes. Her birthday was nothing special. She was another year older and hopefully a day closer to getting the hell away from Lauren.
“Happy birthday.”
Breeze sat up in bed and smiled.
“Why you here so early?” she asked.
“It’s damn near three o’clock in the afternoon. School start tomorrow, so you might as well get ready to start gettin’ up early again,” Dior informed her.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
“I brought you some cupcakes.”
“Thank you. I hope you ain’t make ‘em.”
“I bought ‘em.”
“Good.”
They both burst into laughter as they remembered the last time Dior had called herself baking something. She had forgotten all about the cookies and the kitchen was full of smoke by the time the smoke detector had started to go off.
Dior knew that Lauren wouldn’t do anything special for Breeze, and although she pretended like it didn’t bother her she knew that it hurt Breeze’s feelings. She didn’t understand why Lauren was so cold to Breeze, but Dior would always do what she could to ensure that her girl knew that she was loved.
Smiling Face, Heart of Hate by Jai Ellis
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