by Fiona Leitch
Pre-heat the oven to 200ºc. That’s hot, but not as hot as a certain local DCI (my oven doesn’t go up that high).
Dice carrots, sweet potato, potatoes and anything else you’ve got lying about into chunks. Remember, the larger the chunk, the longer it’ll take. This is true of so many things in life, not just in cooking. Pumpkin and squash work well in this recipe too. Chop cauliflower into florets. Cut a red onion into quarters and crush at least two cloves of garlic (never trust a recipe that calls for one clove. One clove isn’t enough for anything, not even a recipe called One Clove of Garlic). Leave out the garlic if you’re planning on playing Fu— Snog, Marry, Avoid with someone, otherwise you’ll end up being the one they avoid. A red pepper goes nicely in this too; chop it into large chunks.
Toss everything in olive oil, season with salt and pepper, then put in an ovenproof dish and bake in the oven. It’ll probably take about 30-40 minutes, depending on how big your chunks are. My chunks have definitely got bigger since I left the force. I should probably get an exercise bike. Or some control pants.
Take some chicken breasts (one per person). Sprinkle ground cumin, coriander and chilli flakes (if you like a bit of heat) onto a chopping board, then roll the chicken breasts in the spice mix, making sure to cover both sides thoroughly. If you’re at catering college, you’ve got no money, and you’re trying to eke out a small amount of chicken, chop it into chunks and thread them onto skewers, alternating with pieces of mushroom, red pepper, and onion. I once tried replacing the chicken with frankfurter sausages from my local German discount supermarket – they were only 10p a tin – but it wasn’t quite the same… Bung the chicken into the oven. Chicken breasts will be done dreckly (around 20 minutes, depending on the thickness) while kebabs will cook a bit quicker. Frankfurters will be the quickest of all to cook but they’ll taste disgusting and end up in the dog.
Measure one cup of Israeli couscous into a pan and cover it with hot water. Crumble in a stock cube and bring to the boil for around seven minutes, until it’s soft. Note to reader: check the instructions on the packet when trying things for the first time. The first time I tried to cook Israeli couscous, I treated it like ordinary couscous and waited for it to absorb all the water, by which time it was like frogspawn – huge, gloopy, and probably better for hanging wallpaper with than eating. It was even worse than the frankfurter kebabs that I served with it. You can use ordinary couscous but this type really works well with the spicy flavours and is proper middle-class, innit.
Drain the couscous and tip it into the dish of roasted veg. Add a tablespoon of harissa paste (or more if you like it Detective Chief Inspector hot) and mix everything together. Serve the chicken on a bed of couscous and roasted veg. If you’ve got them, pita or flat breads go really well and you can mop up the spicy harissa and chicken juices. Alternatively, you can put the plate on the floor when you’ve finished and let the dog lick them up. Note to reader: don’t do this. Cleaning up after a dog with explosive diarrhoea is less fun than you probably imagine. Your teenage daughter will be no help as she’s too much of a princess to handle pet poop, and your elderly mother will suddenly look at her watch and decide it’s time for her to go home.
Eat up, my lover, it’s bleddy ansum!
Acknowledgments
This book was written in extraordinary times. The global pandemic has missed Penstowan completely, because we’re all sick of hearing about it, but I can’t ignore it here.
I’ve spent the last 14 years or so living between New Zealand and the UK. I moved hemisphere for the final time (or at least, the final time until I can afford a Cornish farmhouse or a Venetian palazzo) in 2019. Any doubts I may have had about coming back to NZ evaporated pretty quickly around March 2020, when Covid-19 reached these shores. On Wednesday 25th March, Prime Minister Jacinda Arden and Dr Ashley Bloomfield, the Director-General of Health, put the whole country into a strict lockdown, which meant no leaving the house (except for exercise) for at least four weeks. It went on for rather longer, and it was harsh, but it worked, and I’m writing these acknowledgments now in October 2020 from a country where life has more or less returned to normal.
During lockdown I was unable to work — my day job relied very much on the shops being open — but the government quickly put wage subsidies in place. Thanks to these ‘Jacinda bucks’, as my son immediately dubbed them, I didn’t have to worry about my financial situation. And that meant that when, two weeks into lockdown, the lovely folk at One More Chapter offered me this book deal, I was able to concentrate on writing and not worry about paying bills. In effect, the New Zealand government paid me to write this book, so it would be churlish not to dedicate it to them! Thank you, Jacinda and Ashley, and thank you New Zealand (the ‘team of 5 million’), for playing by the rules, being kind, and crushing the coronavirus.
This book is also dedicated, and written for, my mum and dad. My mum, Margaret, lives with my sister Sue in a little town in Devon, right on the border with Cornwall, and it’s that town and others nearby which were the inspiration for fictional Penstowan. The OAPs coffee morning is real, and I’ve sat in that church hall drinking tea and eating Bourbon biscuits. I really did learn to cook by helping my mum, and I remember the dinner parties she and Dad used to throw. My mum is far less batty than Shirley, but she’s just as warm and funny.
Like Jodie, my dad was an Eddie too. He wasn’t a copper (he was a bricklayer, which may explain why, unlike Jodie, I wasn’t so keen to follow in his footsteps), but he was big and strong. He was also completely soppy, and cried when he met his baby grandchild for the first time. I didn’t get any detective skills from him, but watching him decorating and doing odd jobs around the house (occasionally turning the air blue in the process) has taught me when to DIY, and when to admit defeat and call an expert. He loved golf (and doughnuts), and his ashes are scattered on the 18th hole at Holsworthy Golf Club. I always give him a wave if I drive past the golf course when I’m visiting my mum, and I can’t eat a bar of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut (one of his favourites) without thinking of him.
Okay, the sentimental bit is over. On with the thanks! I have such an amazing support network behind me, I am completely spoilt. Being a writer can be a lonely calling, so it helps to have other writers in your corner. I am blessed to have my Choc and Awe (the name’s a long story) cheerleaders, Carmen Radtke and Jade Bokhari, who have my back whatever. Then there are my fellow Renegade Writers (yeah, that’s another long story), Sandy Barker, Andie Newton and Nina Kaye. Thank you ladies, you are all awesome writers and amazing friends, and I love you!
Massive thanks also go to the super team behind this book. My agent, Lina Langlee at the North Literary Agency, has been a constant source of encouragement and support, and without her I would have given up. Hannah Todd, my editor at One More Chapter, and the whole lovely gang there, have been so great to work with, and without them there would be no Jodie.
And as ever, the last word of thanks goes to my husband Dominic and my son Lucas, because they’re the reason I get out of bed in the morning.
Thank you for reading…
We hope you enjoyed Murder on the Menu!
* * *
Do leave a review if so on all your preferred platforms to help spread the word!
You can also add the paperback to your collection!
* * *
Get your copy here!
Don’t miss A Brush with Death, the second laugh-out-loud and irresistible instalment in the Nosey Parker Cozy Mysteries!
Get your copy here!
And be sure to treat yourself to book three: A Sprinkle of Sabotage!
Get your copy here!
Be sure to follow Fiona on Twitter @fkleitch and on Facebook @fionakleitch for all the updates on her latest work.
You will also love…
In the mood for even more effervescent fiction?
You will adore The Dog Sitter by Zara Stoneley, a hilarious and heartwarming romantic comedy about how one dog can lead two
human hearts to tie more than one kind of knot.
Get your copy here!
You will also fall instantly for Love at the Little Wedding Shop by the Sea by Jane Linfoot, an utterly delightful summer romance set in the cosiest of Cornish villages where friendships are made for life and it’s always cocktail hour somewhere!
Get your copy here!
And don’t miss Before the Crown by Flora Harding, which immortalises the story of the secret engagement between Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip in the tempestuous wake of the Second World War.
Get your copy here!
Happy reading!
Fiona Leitch is a writer with a chequered past. She's written for football and motoring magazines, DJ’ed at illegal raves and is a stalwart of the low budget TV commercial, even appearing as the Australasian face of a cleaning product called 'Sod Off'. After living in London and Cornwall, she’s finally settled in sunny New Zealand, where she enjoys scaring her cats by trying out dialogue on them. She spends her days dreaming of retiring to a crumbling Venetian palazzo, walking on the windswept beaches of West Auckland, and writing funny, flawed but awesome female characters.
* * *
Her debut novel, Dead in Venice, was published by Audible in 2018 as one of their Crime Grant finalists. Fiona also writes screenplays and was a finalist in the Athena Film Festival Writers Lab, co-run by Meryl Streep's IRIS company.
Also by Fiona Leitch
The Nosey Parker Cozy Mysteries
A Brush with Death
A Sprinkle of Sabotage
About the Publisher
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers Australia Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
www.harpercollins.com.au
* * *
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
Bay Adelaide Centre, East Tower
22 Adelaide Street West, 41st Floor
Toronto, Ontario M5H 4E3, Canada
www.harpercollins.ca
* * *
India
HarperCollins India
A 75, Sector 57
Noida, Uttar Pradesh 201 301, India
www.harpercollins.co.in
* * *
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers New Zealand
Unit D1, 63 Apollo Drive
Rosedale 0632
Auckland, New Zealand
www.harpercollins.co.nz
* * *
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF, UK
www.harpercollins.co.uk
* * *
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
www.harpercollins.com