by Ivy Smoak
“What the hell?” James yelled as he shifted me out of the way. But he was too late. The front of my blazer was soaked. I was too shocked to say a word. But I heard Matt’s silence loud and clear. And I felt James’ arms around me when it should have been Matt’s. Matt was the one that was supposed to defend me. He was supposed to be on my side. I was supposed to be able to rely on him.
I stood up, letting James’ arms fall from my waist. I looked down at my borrowed blazer. The one her father said it was okay to wear. Tears stung the corners of my eyes, but I refused to cry in front of her.
“Oops.” Isabella smiled at me. “Accidents happen. And that’s exactly what I’ll tell Daddy if you’re stupid enough to bring it up. And he’ll believe me, because he actually wanted me. Unlike you. And just so I’m perfectly clear. You’re unwanted here too.” She tapped the seat I’d just jumped out of. “So don’t ever sit with me again. And stop being so utterly naïve, it’s embarrassing. Clearly I was just messing with you by asking you to eat with me. We’ll never. Ever. Be sisters. Because you’re a garbage person just like your uncle. And I’m a Pruitt. Later.” She blew me a kiss and turned back to her friends who were all laughing.
I didn’t look at any of the Untouchables. I just turned and ran as fast as I could out of the cafeteria.
“Brooklyn!” I heard Kennedy yell from behind me.
But I kept running.
Chapter 6
Friday
The tears streamed down my face as soon as I pushed out of the cafeteria doors. I ran down the hall and into the restroom. I threw my soaked blazer onto the bathroom floor before the milk could get on my collared shirt. And I broke. I leaned against the cold sink and let all the tears I’d been holding in all day come out. I cried and cried so hard that I was gasping for air.
I wasn’t at all surprised when I heard the bathroom door open. Kennedy had already been running after me.
“I’m so stupid,” I said, moving my hands to cover my face. “I didn’t see that coming at all. I’m just as naïve as she said. I can’t stay at her house. I can’t live with the Pruitts.” I wasn’t even sure she could hear me through my sobs. “My uncle didn’t want me to. He wanted me to stay with your mom. She said she signed all the forms. I don’t understand why he’s doing this to me.”
I jumped when someone’s hand that was absolutely not Kennedy’s touched my back.
I looked up at Felix. I was surprised at how relieved I was. Because if it had been Matt, I was pretty sure I’d punch him in his perfect face. He was the real reason I felt stupid. He’d just…sat there. He sat there and did nothing. And I wasn’t even sure I was surprised. It wasn’t like it was the first time Matt had let me down.
“You’re not stupid. You’re perfect, newb.”
Perfect? I was a freaking mess. But I loved that he saw me that way. Because I’d lost everyone in my life that thought I was perfect. I threw myself into his arms before I had a chance to second guess anything.
He held me tight, like he was the only thing holding me together. And maybe he was.
Being in his arms felt so safe. So warm. So loving. I closed my eyes tight and tried to hold on to this moment. Because I knew I’d need it. If I had to go to the Pruitts’ tonight, I needed any happiness I could hold on to.
He ran his hand up and down my back. “And I know you probably thought I was Kennedy, but you know you can stay at my house any time you want. My mom wouldn’t care. My parents are never around.”
“I may have to take you up on that offer,” I mumbled into his chest.
He continued to rub his hand up and down my back. “Stay with me tonight then.”
I pulled back from him so I could see his face. Before my life turned upside down, I’d told him I wanted to be friends. He’d agreed, but he said he’d wait for me. For whenever I was ready to be more than friends again. He didn’t know about Matt. And I couldn’t correct him because Matt said our relationship needed to be a secret. Hell, I’d even said yes to going to homecoming with Felix. But I’d also said I’d go with Matt. And I hadn’t sorted any of it out because I could barely breathe, let alone think about any of that.
I thought my heart couldn’t hurt anymore. But I was wrong. My life was a mess. Everything was a mess. And I was too worn out to fix anything right now. “I’ll call you if I can,” I said. I wasn’t sure where the Pruitts’ home was. I wasn’t sure if I’d have access to a phone. But if I was able to leave, I’d go to Felix. I didn’t care whether we were dating or not. I just cared that he cared. And I needed him right now. I needed him so badly.
He wasn’t my best friend. Or my boyfriend. He was somewhere stuck in between, and maybe that was why it was so easy to share my darkest fears with him. “I lost my mom. And my uncle. I don’t have anyone anymore. I’m alone. I’m all alone.”
He pulled me back into his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head. “You have me.”
I felt my body start to shake with my tears. Felix’s words just made me miss my uncle more. You have me. It’s exactly what my uncle had told me when I’d needed him.
“Is that really so bad?” he asked.
I laughed through my tears.
“And you have Kennedy. If there’s one thing I know about Kennedy, it’s how fiercely she loves. You have her.”
“I wasn’t crying because you’re one of the only people I can rely on. I’m crying because you offering to be that person is really overwhelmingly sweet. And I don’t deserve it. All I do is cry recently.”
“Well maybe if you didn’t skip gym class I could get you to smile again. Me making you laugh is kinda our thing.”
“I’m sorry. I was hiding out in the nurse’s office. I wasn’t ready to come back here. Everything reminds me of him.”
He held me as my tears started to subside. “I know.” He ran his hand up and down my back again until I was finally breathing normally.
“Thank you,” I mumbled into his chest. “For coming after me.”
“I had to race Kennedy, but because of you I’m pretty fast now.”
I laughed and looked up at him. “I guess you’re welcome?”
He smiled down at me. “It also helped that you ran into the boy’s restroom.”
“I what?” I pulled out of his arms and spotted the urinals for the first time. “Oh my God, what is wrong with me?”
“Not a single thing.”
The way he said it made my cheeks flush.
The bell rang and Felix shrugged out of his blazer. “Here.” He held it out to me. “I know you don’t want to be any later for class.”
“I can’t take your blazer. And you’re late too,” I said with a laugh. I wiped away the rest of my tears.
“I’m always late for class.” He shrugged. “Take it.”
“You’ll get in trouble.”
“And I’m always in trouble.” He pushed his blazer into my hands. “Call me tonight and I’ll come get you from wherever you are, okay?”
“Okay.” Matt had promised me I wouldn’t have to spend the night at the Pruitts’. But I knew Matt’s promises weren’t guaranteed. He promised me all sorts of things in the darkness of night. But in the light of day? I wasn’t sure he meant a word of it.
I pulled on Felix’s blazer. It was way too big, but at least it didn’t smell like spoiled milk.
“That looks better on you than it does on me.”
I smiled at him.
“I’ll see you tonight.” He winked at me and disappeared out the restroom door.
If only I was as confident that I’d see him. There was a pretty slim chance I’d be allowed to leave or call him. But I hoped I’d be able to.
I grabbed Isabella’s blazer off the bathroom floor. All I wanted to do was throw it in the trash. But I knew how expensive these things were. There was a reason I only had one. Despite the fact that I was already late for class, I scrubbed the milk stain out of the front, hung it up in my locker to dry, and then just stood there in the empty ha
llway. If I closed my eyes really tight, I could almost picture my uncle standing there too.
***
I was glad it was finally time for my last class of the day. But I was also terrified about what would happen after school. I pictured the Pruitts living in a big haunting mansion like Matt’s. Matt. I wasn’t thrilled to see him either.
He’d been so sweet this morning. But he was able to turn off his affection for me so easily. Like it was just a switch. It wasn’t an easy switch to me. And he wasn’t just ignoring me in front of Isabella. Matt sitting there and letting her pour milk all over me and call me a garbage person? That was just cruel. And I’d never thought Matt was cruel.
“Hey,” Matt whispered.
I didn’t look up from the blank page in my notebook. “Hey.” How was it possible that I already felt like crying again? I should have been out of tears after this week.
“I’m really sorry about what happened at lunch.”
That was a lame apology. “Yeah?” Because it certainly didn’t seem like it at the time. I wanted to tell him that, but it was easier to stare at my notebook. I wanted to ask him if he was really hanging out with Isabella every night before sneaking into my bedroom. I wanted to ask him if he realized he was being cruel. I wanted…more from him.
“What are you wearing?”
I was surprised that his tone was suddenly harsh. Couldn’t he see that I was barely holding it together? I lifted my gaze to him. Yeah, he looked pissed. But he wasn’t allowed to be angry with me for borrowing a blazer. I was the one that was pissed with him. “I’m wearing a different blazer. Because Isabella poured milk down the front of mine. While you sat there and did nothing.”
“Whose blazer is it?”
Of course he ignored the last thing I said. “Felix’s.” There was no point in lying. Felix had been the one to come comfort me. Felix was the one that kept showing up. Felix never made me feel alone.
“Take it off.”
What? “I can’t. I’ll get in trouble.”
“Take it off, Brooklyn.”
“And put on what? Your varsity jacket? Oh right…I can’t. Because no one’s allowed to know about us.” For some reason it was really easy to turn my sadness into anger. And it felt good to feel something besides despair.
“Look, I know this whole relationship is supposed to be a secret,” Rob said. “But…”
“Would you lower your voice?” Matt said.
Charlotte wasn’t even in the room yet. I thought about how Matt just let Rob assume that our relationship was a secret because I was poor. This didn’t feel like a secret tryst. This felt like he was embarrassed of me. Honestly, I was embarrassed of myself. What would my mother think of the fact that I agreed to be Matt’s dirty little secret? What would my uncle think?
How had I let myself become this person? This wasn’t me. My mom had raised me better than this. I was a Sanders. And Sanders women were good at walking away from assholes.
“It’s okay, Rob,” I said. “No need to worry about keeping it a secret.” I shoved my notebook into my backpack. “Because Matt and I are done.”
“Brooklyn!” Matt hissed as I stood up.
I didn’t turn around as I rushed out of the classroom. No one else said a word. Not a funny comment from Rob. Or an insult from Charlotte when I almost ran into her in the doorway. Mr. Hill didn’t even scold me for leaving. I was invisible again at Empire High. I mean, who wanted to talk to the girl that lost her whole family? The girl who was hated by the queen bee, Isabella Pruitt? The girl who cried more than smiled? I didn’t even want to talk to that girl. And it sucked that I was her.
It wasn’t until I got onto the busy city sidewalk that I realized I had nowhere to go.
Chapter 7
Friday
The black sedan pulled up next to me on the sidewalk. I quickened my pace, but Miller was out of the car and blocking my path in a matter of seconds.
“You have an appointment with the stylist in twenty minutes,” he said.
I had no idea how he’d found me. Did Mr. Pruitt put a tracking device on me like I was a dog or something? I wouldn’t put it past him. I’d been roaming around the city aimlessly for the last hour and his minion had still found me.
The whole time I’d been taking turns crying and seething. Mostly crying. Because I kept reminding myself that a broken heart from a stupid boy wasn’t at all comparable to losing the two people I loved most in the world. And the fact that I was even thinking about Matt made my stomach turn with guilt. He wasn’t important. He didn’t matter. I kept saying those two sentences over and over again like I could convince myself they were true if I heard them enough times. But it was hard to convince my heart that it was fine when it felt like Matt had driven over it with James’ Benz.
I tried to sidestep Miller but he blocked my path again.
“What happened to the blazer you were wearing this morning?” he asked.
I stopped moving and just stood in the middle of the sidewalk. “It doesn’t matter.” Nothing matters anymore.
“It does matter. The stylist has a whole list of things you’re going to need. And if you lost it, we need to add a new one to the list.”
I clenched my jaw. Lost it? I didn’t just lose items of clothing randomly during the day. I could barely afford this stupid uniform. I’d never lose it. And just the thought made me actually lose my mind. “I don’t need any more blazers! Or clothes! Just let me go back to Kennedy’s!” Yeah, I’d lost it, screaming at a practical stranger.
“You know I can’t do that, kid.”
Today the nickname wasn’t reassuring at all. Only my uncle was allowed to call me kiddo and make everything better. Not this random security guard. “Don’t call me that.” I tried to sidestep him again, but he put his hand on my shoulder.
“What happened today?” he asked. “Why didn’t you meet me outside the school like you were supposed to?”
“I didn’t meet you outside because I have no intention of going anywhere with you!”
“What happened?” he asked again in such a calm voice that my bottom lip started to tremble.
I wiped my angry tears away, hopefully before he could see them. It wasn’t like I could tell him about the lunch incident. Isabella’s threat had been heard loud and clear. She’d have some alternate story about what happened today. And no one would believe me over her. “Nothing. It’s not important,” I said.
He pressed his lips together. “I think it is important.”
“You’re really not going to let me go back to Kennedy’s place, are you?” I asked, ignoring what he’d said.
“I grabbed your belongings this morning. It’s all in your new room. It’ll be just like you’re there.”
Was he kidding? The Alcaraz’s apartment was warm and homey. There wasn’t a chance in hell that Isabella lived in a place like that. But there was no point in arguing more with Miller. He was just following orders from the devil himself. I might as well get this over with. One weird stylist meeting. And one awkward dinner. There was no way Isabella would let me stay at her house longer than that. I’d be back at the Alcaraz’s in no time. Or at Felix’s. I’d go anywhere as long as it was far away from the Pruitts.
I sighed. “Okay. Let’s get this over with.”
“That’s the spirit,” he said with a small smile.
We were both quiet as we got in the car. But as the minutes ticked by, I was getting more and more anxious. I leaned forward in the back seat. “What’s Mrs. Pruitt like?” I asked.
“Um. Like Isabella.”
“And what do you mean by that exactly?” I asked, even though I had a good guess.
He cleared his throat. “You know. A lot like Mr. Pruitt.”
Great. I leaned back in my seat. He didn’t need to elaborate. I did know. The whole family was toxic, just like Matt had said. I refused to let myself think of Matt as the tall buildings flew past in the window. He didn’t deserve to occupy any space in my head. But when
I glimpsed one of the entrances to Central Park I wanted to cry all over again. This morning he’d been so sweet. This morning when no one was watching.
I was surprised when the car suddenly came to a stop. I’d just assumed we’d leave the city and drive into mansion territory. “This is it?” I asked as I stared out the window.
“Home sweet home,” Miller said.
It was an older building, so much different than the modern monstrosity Mr. Pruitt had locked me up in last night. It reminded me more of the outside of Felix’s place. I opened up the door before Miller had a chance to. I squinted at the building. Wait…was this Felix’s apartment complex? It certainly looked the same. But I didn’t remember his address. Kennedy was the one that knew it.
“Aren’t you coming?” Miller asked.
I realized I’d been awkwardly standing on the sidewalk staring at the front doors. “Mhm.” I wasn’t sure why he’d asked. He’d made it pretty clear that I didn’t have a choice in the matter.
The doorman greeted us as I walked into the lobby. The whole building screamed old money. And even though it was definitely restored at some point, it still possessed its old charm. It was the same thing I’d thought when I walked into Felix’s apartment building. And I was positive it was the same one. I thought about the way he winked after saying he’d see me tonight. He must have known. I mean of course he knew. You couldn’t live that close to evil and not know it.
Why didn’t he tell me? Knowing he was close by made me feel so much better. I breathed a sigh of relief while I listened to the elevator music. Yup, it was definitely the same building. Now if I could just remember what number his apartment was. I knew it felt like it took forever to reach his floor. So he had to be pretty high up.
I was barely paying attention when the elevator came to a stop. I followed Miller down the hall, one with the same plush carpet that had been in Felix’s apartment’s hallway. And when we reached a door that had an uncanny resemblance to the ornate front doors of Empire High, I was 100 percent certain I was in Felix’s building. It made me significantly less scared to enter the Pruitts’ evil lair.