by Ivy Smoak
“I…I don’t know. Because he asked. I…” I shook my head. I felt like an idiot.
She laughed. “It’ll be fine. Isabella can’t try to pull anything on you tonight because I’m sleeping over. So you’re at least safe for one more day. And we can tell your dad about it when we get back to your place. He’ll make sure she doesn’t do anything.”
“Mhm.”
“Come on,” she said and hiccupped. “Let’s dance.”
How much had she had to drink while I was making terrible choices? “Kennedy,” I said and looked down at the empty cup in her hand as she started shimmying her hips. “Haven’t you had enough?”
She laughed and threw her hands up in the air. “Nunca!” She threw the glass in the air along with her hands and it shattered on the floor. But the noise was drowned out by the music blaring all around us.
She looked so happy and carefree that all I could do was laugh along with her. I couldn’t be mad at her. And she wouldn’t let me be mad at myself, because she grabbed my hands and we started spinning in a dizzying circle. At least, I couldn’t be mad until she let go of my hands.
I stumbled backward and right into someone’s strong arms. No, not just someone. I looked up and saw a very familiar looking clean-shaven chin. “Hi Felix.”
“I was just about to tap you on the shoulder, but you literally fell into my arms,” he said.
I turned around, easing out of his grip. “Thanks for catching me.”
He gave me a small smile.
I knew he was right in front of me. But this didn’t feel like the perfect time to go forth with Operation Felix. This felt like the perfect time to dance with my best friend and not think about the fact that I’d kissed James or that the Hunters and Caldwells had gotten into a fist fight. Or that Miller was somewhere here watching all of this. And I’d told him I’d just be dancing with Kennedy all night. Screw me.
“May I have this dance?” Felix asked and gave me an adorable bow like we were in some old-time movie.
“Felix…”
“It’s fine,” Kennedy said with a huge smile on her face. “You two dance. I’m going to go get another drink. I saw Rob spike it too so it’s extra strong now.”
“No. Kennedy.” I reached out for her but she literally bolted in the other direction and disappeared into the other dancers. Shit.
“I heard there was a fight,” Felix said. “I wish I could have seen Matt get the shit beat out of him, but I got here kind of late.”
He hadn’t been here for the fight? He hadn’t seen any of it? “There was a fight. But do you mind if we catch up in just a second? I really need to go check on Kennedy.”
“Sorry that was not the way I planned to start this conversation.” He roughly put his fingers through his hair. “The last thing I wanted to do was bring up Matt. Let me just rewind for a sec.” He put his hand out for me. “May I have this dance?”
“I…actually, Kennedy…” my voice trailed off. “I need to go make sure Kennedy’s okay.”
“I’m trying to apologize here, newb. Just give me a minute.”
How many more cups of punch could Kennedy consume in a minute? Probably not that many. I’d been waiting for Felix to talk to me again all week. And here he was wanting to talk. Not that he needed to say anything to me. I was the one that needed to apologize. And instead of manning up to it, I was trying to run in the opposite direction. What was wrong with me?
I took a deep breath. Instead of taking his hand, I just started talking. “Felix, I’m so so sorry. I never meant to lead you on, I swear. It’s just that Matt made me promise I wouldn’t tell anyone we were seeing each other. And we weren’t exclusive. Him and I. Or you and I.” This was all coming out in a jumbled mess. And Felix was just staring at me. I wasn’t even sure he could hear me, so I started talking louder over the music. “Felix, you’re one of my best friends. I hate fighting with you. I hate you being mad at me. Please don’t shut me out. I know I was a jerk, but I didn’t mean to be. In the moment I just really really needed a shoulder to cry on. Literally. And you were there. And you’re so handsome.” My gaze had locked on to his ocean blue eyes. What am I even saying right now? I was supposed to be setting him up with Kennedy, not telling him he was dreamy.
Finally a smile spread over his face. “Newb, I came over to apologize to you. Not the other way around.” He stopped asking for a dance and just grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest.
The way he was staring at me made my heart race. I needed to focus. And not on the way his body felt pressed against mine. “I like being friends with you,” I said.
“You’re not looking at me like a friend,” he said.
“Yes I am.”
“No…you’re not.” He tilted his head a little lower to mine.
I closed my eyes to drown out the image of him in front of me. “Felix Green, it’s true, I am attracted to you. And I love talking to you. You have no idea how much I missed our conversations this week. But none of that matters because I’m so confused that my head literally hurts. I’m a freaking mess.”
“You’re not a mess. You’re beautiful.”
My stupid stomach betrayed me by feeling butterflies. “You weren’t here a few minutes ago, but I freaking kissed James Hunter because he made me feel like I owed him. And that Matt deserved it. Or something. I don’t even know why I did it. That’s how big of a mess I am. That’s what caused the huge fight. Me. All of it’s my fault.”
“Don’t you see what’s happening? Those boys are messing with your head, newb. They don’t care about anyone but themselves. They don’t care about you. But I do. I’m not one of them. You and I aren’t like them.”
I opened my eyes again. “I’m a Pruitt.” The name felt gross on my tongue.
“No.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re a Sanders. Always and forever.”
Always and forever. “I also sleep in my bodyguard’s bed most nights because I’m terrified of the Pruitts’ apartment and he’s kind and lets me cry in his arms.”
“That Miller guy?” Felix laughed. “Isn’t he a little old for you?”
That Miller guy. Oh God, I didn’t even know Miller’s first name. And I didn’t know how old he was either. I pressed my lips together.
“So you ran into another man’s bed because I wasn’t talking to you all week,” Felix said. “That’s kind of on me.”
Or did I do it because I’d iced out Matt all week? My head was spinning. What was Operation Felix again? “Do you know who’s not a mess? Kennedy. She’s not a mess at all.”
“You sure about that? I mean…aren’t all three of us a mess? We’re all going to a school we don’t really belong at.”
“Kennedy belongs at Empire High. She’s so smart. And you belong here too. It doesn’t matter that you’re not old money. You belong here, Felix. With Kennedy.”
“With Kennedy? Are you dropping out or something?”
Why wasn’t he getting this? “No. I mean you should be with Kennedy.”
He looked at me like I was crazy. “Kennedy hates me.”
“No she doesn’t.”
“Are we talking about the same Kennedy? Kennedy Alcaraz? She’s literally told me she hates me on several occasions. Sometimes she yells at me in Spanish and I don’t know what she’s saying, but I can tell from her tone that it’s not very nice.”
“Well you should read between the lines.”
“There’s probably knives between the lines.”
“She doesn’t hate you.” But it was true, usually the things Kennedy said in Spanish were not the kindest. I was still wondering what a puta mierda was. But I figured it wasn’t good because of the tone she’d used.
“Well, we can agree to disagree on that one,” Felix said. “Besides, it doesn’t matter. Because I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to you. I tried to stay away, yet here I am. Do you think I’d ever be caught dead at a freaking homecoming dance if it wasn’t for you? This isn’t exactly my s
cene, newb.”
Like participating in gym class wasn’t his scene. I’d known that when I fell into his arms. He wouldn’t have ever come to this dance if it wasn’t for me. It was sweet and…damn it! I wasn’t supposed to be confused about this.
“And if you’re still up for kissing people to make Matt jealous, he’s watching right now.”
Oh no. I looked over my shoulder to follow Felix’s gaze. Matt was staring at us like he was about to internally combust. I was surprised I didn’t see steam coming out of his ears. He downed a cup of punch in one gulp. Did he not know that it was double spiked?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said and turned back to Felix.
“Yeah, you’re probably right. I only just got rid of my last black eye.”
“I’m so so sorry about…”
“You already apologized. And I already told you, I’m the one that needed to apologize. Which, I still need to do. And no, I’m not going to sing about it and get chased by Coach Carter.”
I laughed.
“But I am sorry. You told me you were confused. You told me you needed time. And I took it personally that you were spending some of that time with Matt. When I never made it clear that I still want us to be official.” He cleared his throat. “So, newb. That’s what I want. When you’re ready. I want you to be my girlfriend.”
“But I just told you about Miller. And James. And you know about freaking Matt.”
“Well, I’d want you to stop sleeping in Miller’s bed every night. And definitely stop kissing James Hunter. Nothing good could ever come from that. And as for Matt? Do you really want to be with someone who kept you a secret so that he wouldn’t have to confess to sleeping with his best friend’s girl?”
No. No, I didn’t.
“I’m asking you to choose me. Like I chose you over my company. Brooklyn, I gave up everything for you.”
My stomach twisted into knots. But not just because of the fact that his words were true. He had given up his drug business for me. He’d stopped selling, just like I’d begged him to do. But it had just made everything worse. “Well I didn’t know that giving up your business would leave room for Cupcake to start one of his own.”
“Well…I mean…we’re partners. Fifty-fifty. But I’m not selling anymore, so you don’t have to worry about anything. Cupcake handles the distribution now.”
“By putting it into cupcakes.”
“Right. Pretty clever, huh?”
I took a step back from him. “No, not clever. Felix, he gave those cupcakes to all of us without even telling us what was in them.”
“He was testing the recipe…”
“He’d already tested it on Kennedy!”
“What?”
“You know that rumor going around? Kennedy’s not a slut.”
“I didn’t say that she was…”
“Cupcake drugged her. And took advantage of her. And you let it happen.”
“Whoa.” Felix put up his hands. “Yes, I told him to put the pot in cupcakes. But we were supposed to work on the recipe together. I had no idea he’d already done it. I found out about it the same time you did. And I definitely didn’t tell him to hide the fact that there was pot in the cupcakes. The whole point is that people do know. That’s how we make money.”
I didn’t care about how he made money. I cared about my friend. “He raped her, Felix.”
His Adam’s apple rose and fell.
“I wanted you to stop selling altogether,” I said. “Not pass the business off to a monster.”
“And you asked me to give up my business when you won’t even commit to being my girlfriend. You don’t know how much you keep asking for. And I’m trying my best to give you everything you want. I’m sorry about Cupcake. I’ll talk to him. I’ll fix it.”
“You can’t fix it. You can’t undo what he did to her.”
He pushed his hair off his forehead. “I’m sorry. I know you hate those words, but what else can I say right now? I’m really fucking sorry that happened. I’ll talk to Cupcake. And I’ll talk to Kennedy. I’ll try to stop the rumors.”
“Don’t talk to Kennedy.” I put my face in my hands for a second. She didn’t want me to tell anyone about this. God, I was supposed to be pushing them together, not telling Felix not to speak to her. I pulled my face out of my hands. “I promised not to tell anyone.”
“Okay. I won’t talk to her.”
Operation Felix was a complete bust. All I’d accomplished was remembering how easy it was to get lost in his eyes. And forbidding him to speak to Kennedy. This was a total mess. And suddenly everything just felt so heavy. I was used to carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. When I’d been worried about my mom every day. And now I’d messed up this fresh start in New York. Everything just felt even heavier. It was like I was stuck in quicksand and I couldn’t get out.
“Hey, come here.” He pulled me into his arms. “I won’t let him do anything like that ever again. I promise.”
Since Kennedy wouldn’t tell anyone else about it, his words did make me feel better. He’d make sure it didn’t happen to someone else. That was the best that could be done. “Thank you.” I rested the side of my head on his chest.
The music had changed to an upbeat song, but neither one of us seemed to care.
“You can’t deny that this feels right,” he said.
No, I really couldn’t. I held on to him a little tighter. Him cutting me out of his life had felt terrible. I never wanted that to happen again. I breathed a sigh of relief. I forgot how much the weight on my shoulders seemed to transfer off when I was in his arms.
“I know Cupcake is here somewhere,” Felix said. “I better go find him.”
I leaned back so I could look up at him. “Thank you. For believing me.” I knew that was part of the reason Kennedy wasn’t saying anything. She was worried no one would believe her. Especially with the rumors going around.
“Save me another dance?”
I nodded as his hands fell from my waist. “Thanks, Felix. For being understanding. And patient. And…you’re just…thank you.”
He smiled. “I’d wait a lifetime for you, newb.”
Chapter 33
Saturday
My heart was more confused than ever as I turned in a circle looking for Kennedy. Tonight was officially a disaster. I knew that I’d just promised another dance to Felix. And I still owed one to Matt. But I needed to get the hell out of here before I did anything else crazy.
I didn’t see Kennedy anywhere. It seemed darker in here than before. The music was louder. The students rowdier. If the dancing was an indicator, it wasn’t just Matt and Kennedy drinking the spiked punch. I looked over at the bar.
Matt was downing another glass of punch. He slammed it down on the bar as we made eye contact. I was surprised the glass didn’t shatter.
And then he started to make his way over here.
Shit. I couldn’t talk to him right now. Not after what I’d done with James. Not after that conversation with Felix. I needed a second to breathe. The kiss with James meant nothing. But Felix didn’t mean nothing to me. I’d always really liked him.
Matt was taller than a lot of the other students, and I could see him clearly beelining right for me. He was only a few seconds away. And I had no idea what to say to him. I had no idea if I could trust him. James had seemed pretty adamant that Matt was a liar. And I’d had my fair share of Matt’s lies to add to the list.
Rob stepped in front of me. “Wanna dance?” His lip was cut from the fight. And he’d lost his bowtie somewhere. It was probably trampled on the floor.
“Um…” It was tempting, just to give me a few minutes before I had to talk to Matt. But the last thing I wanted to do was give anyone else the wrong idea. I’d kissed James. Fallen for Matt. Mr. Pruitt apparently wanted me to be with Mason. The last thing I needed was another Untouchable on my radar.
It was like Rob could see my hesitancy. So he made the decision for me
. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his chest without waiting for a response. “Trust me, Sanders,” he said. “You don’t want to talk to Matt right now. He’s kind of an angry drunk.”
So he’d seen Matt coming over here too. Rob’s words slowly registered in my brain. Matt was an angry drunk? I tried to see him over Rob’s shoulder, but Matt had disappeared somewhere. I’d seen Matt angry. But I’d never seen it directed at me. “So you’re rescuing me from an awkward conversation?”
“No. I’m trying to get on his nerves because he’s an asshole.”
“Rob…”
“He is. I know it. And you know it too. What are you doing wasting your time with him?”
I shook my head. “How could you say that? Even with everything that’s happened, he’s one of your best friends. I don’t get why you basically just turned homecoming into a fighting ring.”
“We were best friends. Past tense.”
“So punching him in the face was your solution?”
“No.” Rob looked at me like I just wasn’t getting it. “He punched James in the face. Twice. I was defending my brother.”
James asked for it. He was itching for a fight. But I kept my mouth shut. “You don’t know the whole story.”
“I know enough.”
“Are you really not going to hear Matt out?” I asked. Not that I could really judge. I’d pushed that conversation with Matt off all week.
Rob lifted his chin a little. “Brothers before bros.”
“Is that really a thing?”
He pulled me a little closer. “I didn’t realize it had to be a thing. But yeah, it is. Matt crossed a line.”
“Friends are supposed to forgive friends.”
Rob smiled. “That’s why I’ve forgiven you for dating a Caldwell.”
I laughed. “Rob, you and I aren’t really friends.”
He put one of his hands on his chest. “Sanders, I don’t just go around giving nicknames to anyone.”
“That’s hardly a nickname. It’s my last name.”
“Rumor has it that it’s actually not your last name anymore.”