by Vicki Grant
BOB SOMEONE: I have nothing better to do
HILDY: I want to get this right.
BOB SOMEONE: Wake me when ur ready
HILDY: Perspective. I want my friends to share my perspective so that we find the same things funny and want to do the same things—BUT… I also want them to have a different perspective so they can analyze what I’m doing and help me make better decisions.
BOB SOMEONE: Not asking much. U interview people for friend positions? Be part of Team Hildy today!!! Email ur resume to the address below
HILDY: I don’t but I probably should. I currently rely on trial and error.
BOB SOMEONE: That what happened to Iris?
HILDY: You have a very good memory.
BOB SOMEONE: No u should upgrade ur Facebook privacy settings
HILDY: You’re starting to creep me out again. Are you stalking me?
BOB SOMEONE: A real stalker wouldn’t tell
HILDY: Except the truly evil ones who throw you off the scent by pretending to help you.
BOB SOMEONE: I’m smart but not that smart & ps ur name & student # were on that paper u gave me to draw on. U really should be more careful
HILDY: What do you want from a friend?
BOB SOMEONE: Loyalty
HILDY: That all?
BOB SOMEONE: Pretty much altho I never turn down a free drink
HILDY: That always been the case?
BOB SOMEONE: When I was little I preferred candy
HILDY: You’re doing that thing again. I mean, did you always value loyalty?
BOB SOMEONE: No. I had someone I was really close to back then so I didn’t know I needed loyalty
HILDY: Mysterious.
BOB SOMEONE: but truthful. just following the rules
HILDY: Good boy
BOB SOMEONE: Can I change my answer?
HILDY: You’ll lose a point but ok.
BOB SOMEONE: Courage
HILDY: More than loyalty?
BOB SOMEONE: Loyaltys no good if u aren’t brave enuf to use it. Gun with no bullets
HILDY: I sense hidden depths. Or did you see that on a bumper sticker somewhere?
BOB SOMEONE: Don’t know why u keep saying there hidden. Once again I find u kind of rude
BOB SOMEONE: Hello?
HILDY: Ok. I admit the nose thing was rude and stupid too.
BOB SOMEONE: Stupid how come
HILDY: Because I actually find the bump kind of attractive.
BOB SOMEONE: Kind of?!?
HILDY: I was rude about the nose but you can’t blame me for the hidden depths thing. You’re the one who keeps doing the caveman routine.
BOB SOMEONE: not even going to ask what that is
HILDY: You’re the one acting like you don’t understand words and concepts when you clearly do.
BOB SOMEONE: Says who? Just cuz u came 5th in that national essay comp doesn’t mean u know everything
HILDY: Lurking is rude.
BOB SOMEONE: Why did u post it if u don’t want people to read it?
HILDY: My friends posted it.
BOB SOMEONE: Ever heard of delete?
HILDY: If I had a fish, I’d throw it at you.
BOB SOMEONE: Don’t worry Kong. I won’t let the bad lady get u. I think we answered this question.
QUESTION 17
BOB SOMEONE: “What is ur most treasured memory?”
HILDY: I don’t like this kind of question.
BOB SOMEONE: Me neither
HILDY: How come?
BOB SOMEONE: Doesn’t matter
HILDY: C’mon.
BOB SOMEONE: No
HILDY: Please?
BOB SOMEONE: One more smiley face & I’m out of here. answer the question
HILDY: Then you’ll answer it?
BOB SOMEONE: Yes
HILDY: This is hard. A lot of my most treasured memories have been spoiled.
BOB SOMEONE: yeah memories spoil easy. worse than peaches
HILDY: More hidden depths.
BOB SOMEONE: just cut off the bad stuff and keep the rest
HILDY: Deeper and deeper.
BOB SOMEONE: Better than throwing it all out
HILDY: Easier with peaches. You can at least see where the rotten parts are.
BOB SOMEONE: now who’s being all deep
HILDY: You were the one who started the peach metaphor. I’m just saying where it’s wrong. I think it’s more like a drop of poison in the Kool-Aid.
BOB SOMEONE: u have a dark side im not sure I like
HILDY: I just mean it’s not as if there’s a bruise you can cut out. Say you’ve been friends with someone for years then you find out they’ve been spreading nasty rumors about you. You don’t think, “Oh, that was just one little blip in our relationship. It won’t change all the wonderful times we’ve had together.” That type of betrayal ruins everything.
BOB SOMEONE: u talking about Iris again?
HILDY: No. I just made that particular scenario up to avoid the pain of discussing the real ones.
BOB SOMEONE: ur learning
HILDY: You’re an excellent teacher.
BOB SOMEONE: thank u. now answer the question. heres a tip. think peach not poison koolaid
HILDY: I feel as if the right answer would be something like seeing a child born or meeting the Dalai Lama but I don’t know. Maybe I’ve missed out, but the thing that pops into my head—minus the obvious bruises, that is—is just this really normal nothing kind of thing.
BOB SOMEONE: I aint real good with fancy concepts being as I’m only a caveman n all but I don’t think ur most treasured memory can be nothing. if its nothing it ain’t no memory
HILDY: You know what I mean. My most treasured memory is something normal. Not climbing Everest or winning the Nobel Prize or anything like that.
BOB SOMEONE: Those are just ur hobbies
HILDY:
BOB SOMEONE: So what is it then?
HILDY: It’s really boring.
BOB SOMEONE: Thats ok I’m actually playing minecraft while we talk
HILDY: No need for me to be self-conscious then.
BOB SOMEONE: exactly so shoot
HILDY: Ok. This was maybe 8 or 9 years ago. We were at the beach. The sun was going down. Mom and Dad had built a fire. They were in those little short-legged lawn chairs, the ones that kind of look like corgis. They were laughing, probably having daiquiris from a thermos because they did that sometimes and we—the kids I mean—were still in our bathing suits but with hoodies over them now because it was cooling off. We were sandy and sort of burnt after being out all day. We were playing some stupid game with a deflated beach ball and I remember thinking: I’m happy. This is happy. I mean, I’d been happy before but this was the first time I’d ever recognized it. It was sort of like the first time I took a sip of beer and actually kind of understood why people liked it.
BOB SOMEONE: U don’t look like the type of girl whod like beer
HILDY: What type of girl do I look like?
BOB SOMEONE: type whod like a green tea smoothie
HILDY: It’s very flattering the way you seem to remember every word I said.
BOB SOMEONE: U think thats what Mandela dreamed about all those years in jail? Just 4237 days until my next green tea smoothie
HILDY: You’re making fun of me again. And I, being the bigger person, am ignoring you again. What’s your most treasured memory?
HILDY: Hello?!?
HILDY: Yoo-hoo!
BOB SOMEONE: Oh so u get time to think but I don’t
HILDY: Sorry. I thought you’d run away.
BOB SOMEONE: considering it
BOB SOMEONE: My mother telling me I was hers
HILDY: Her most treasured memory?
BOB SOMEONE: No I mean like really *hers. Nothing could happen to me. I was hers
HILDY: That’s sweet. How old were you?
BOB SOMEONE: Old enough to know it wasn’t true
HILDY: I thought you said it was your most treasured memory.
BOB SOMEONE: It is. Doesn’t matter she was wrong. She meant it. Unlike u I wasn’t surprised she was human. I also know how to cut out the bruises
HILDY: We clearly both have mother issues.
BOB SOMEONE: Doesn’t everyone? Do u know the poem by that Larkin guy that goes They fuck u up ur Mom & dad
HILDY: I thought you don’t read.
BOB SOMEONE: I don’t. My mother taught it to me
BOB SOMEONE: Or at least the first line
HILDY: Wow. Your mother and my mother have NOTHING in common.
BOB SOMEONE: Not true. Is ur mother Amy Dwyer-Sangster?
HILDY: Why are you asking? This is like Rumpelstiltskin. You clearly know the answer.
BOB SOMEONE: Trust me. They’ve got something in common
HILDY: What?
BOB SOMEONE: Kids with mother issues
HILDY: Agreed. What’s your mother’s name?
BOB SOMEONE: That’s not one of the questions
HILDY: Not fair. How come you get to know everything about me and I don’t know anything about you?
BOB SOMEONE: u should be more careful about what u post on social media
HILDY: I’m not joking.
BOB SOMEONE: Neither am I
QUESTION 18
BOB SOMEONE: “What is your most terrible memory?”
HILDY: Seriously?!
BOB SOMEONE: That’s what it says
HILDY: Can we skip it?
BOB SOMEONE: ur the one agreed to answer all the questions honestly
HILDY: Okay, let’s not skip it. Let’s just answer it later.
BOB SOMEONE: Fine by me
QUESTION 19
BOB SOMEONE: “If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?”
HILDY: These are terrible questions!!!!!! Are they all like that from here on out?
BOB SOMEONE: No
HILDY: Phew.
BOB SOMEONE: There worse. They get mushy after this
HILDY: Can we skip this one too?
BOB SOMEONE: No you only get one do-over
HILDY: How come?
BOB SOMEONE: The umpires decision is final
HILDY: In other words: your decision.
BOB SOMEONE: Someone needs to keep this thing from turning into a free for all
HILDY: Why you?
BOB SOMEONE: cuz u weren’t doing it. ATQ
HILDY: Do I have to call you “sir” or “ump” or something?
BOB SOMEONE: No but u can if u like. Just ATQ
HILDY: Ok. I’d stop thinking so much and just do stuff.
BOB SOMEONE: Thats easy
HILDY: For you maybe.
BOB SOMEONE: For anyone. Ever heard of drugs & alcohol? Excellent if u ever want to stop thinking
HILDY: I should have said “overthinking.” I still want to have a functioning brain.
BOB SOMEONE: This got something to do with Evan Keefe?
HILDY: Too late for that.
BOB SOMEONE: 2nd pt of question. why?
HILDY: Trust me. Evan and I are done.
BOB SOMEONE: Hey don’t try that shit on me. that’s my shit. why would u want to stop thinking?
HILDY: Overthinking. There’s a difference. Because it keeps me from doing the things I want to do.
BOB SOMEONE: Such as
HILDY: Telling people stuff.
BOB SOMEONE: like who? u sure didn’t hold back with me
HILDY: That’s where you’re wrong.
BOB SOMEONE: scary thought. Who else u want to tell off?
HILDY: I didn’t say tell off. I said tell people stuff.
BOB SOMEONE: Like?
HILDY: I’d tell Xiu to stop wearing dirndl skirts which I know isn’t a big thing but they really aren’t flattering on her and so many other styles would be. I’d tell Max to use some filters, at least in public, and to turn down the volume a bit. I’d tell Iris she hurt my feelings. Or maybe I wouldn’t. As soon as I wrote that I imagined her saying, “Oh yeah? Well, you hurt my feelings too,” and I really don’t want to wade into that whole argument again especially since I’m probably kind of happier since we got some distance between us. I’d tell my grandmother I hate my name and want to change it.
BOB SOMEONE: To Betty?
HILDY: There’s a thought.
BOB SOMEONE: I think ur lying
HILDY: I beg your pardon.
BOB SOMEONE: That’s what you’d change if u had 1 year to live? tell your friend to wear a different skirt? & u call me shallow
HILDY: Ok. You’re right.
BOB SOMEONE: Say that again
HILDY: You’re right. I confess. I wasn’t being honest.
BOB SOMEONE: So be honest
HILDY: I’d tell Dad to grow up. I’d tell Mom how much she disappointed me.
BOB SOMEONE: Wow u want to die with everyone u love mad at u
HILDY: Good point. Maybe that’s not what I want either.
BOB SOMEONE: what DO u want betty? tell dr bob
HILDY: I’m getting dangerously close to overthinking this too.
BOB SOMEONE: Just put ur hands on the keyboard & type
HILDY: I’d stop obsessing about all the bad things that could happen if I do something and think about the good things that could happen instead. I want to be the type of person who leaps into things unafraid.
BOB SOMEONE: u go girl! Won’t be long before ur having Evans baby
HILDY: I thought you said he was gay.
BOB SOMEONE: so doesn’t mean u can’t have his baby. I noticed u never won any prizes in bio. Ever think of getting a tutor?
HILDY: I’m just going to leave that alone. Your turn. What would you do?
BOB SOMEONE: I’d ask u what your doing Friday night
BOB SOMEONE: You still there?
HILDY: Why?
BOB SOMEONE: We could go out
HILDY: I don’t think that’s funny.
BOB SOMEONE: Not trying to be
HILDY: How BAD do you want the $40?
BOB SOMEONE: u think thats why I asked
HILDY: Then why?
BOB SOMEONE: Why?!?
HILDY: I seem to remember this is a two-part question so yes, why?
BOB SOMEONE: cuz I have ur fish & want u to take him off my hands. dam things eating me out of house & home
HILDY: Lame answer.
BOB SOMEONE: I called FedEx they don’t ship live animals. I have to give him to u myself
HILDY: Even lamer. Real answer please.
BOB SOMEONE: The library is closing
HILDY: So?
BOB SOMEONE: I got to shut down
HILDY: *I’ve got to shut down. That’s your worst answer yet.
BOB SOMEONE: Do u want to go out or not?
HILDY: I don’t know
BOB SOMEONE: When will u?
HILDY: I’ll tell you tomorrow.
BOB SOMEONE: Message at 7:30?
HILDY: It’s a date.
BOB SOMEONE: hold on I didn’t say that
HILDY: You drive me crazy.
CHAPTER
8
Hildy barely slept that night, either. Bob really was driving her crazy. She didn’t know which part of her brain to listen to anymore.
She went down to the kitchen at four in the morning to warm herself up some milk. Her mother was sitting at the table, still in her scrubs.
“Oh, sorry, sweetheart. Did I wake you?” Amy closed her laptop. She had a drink beside her. It was the color of apple juice. Hildy was reasonably certain it wasn’t juice.
“No. Couldn’t sleep.”
“Not like you.” She folded her hands on the table and gave Hildy a concerned smile. “Anything you want to talk about?”
Hildy considered mentioning the Bob thing—but then noticed the look hovering behind her mother’s eyes.
Fear.
Her mother was afraid Hildy was going to ask what was up with Dad and Gabe and the plate and the sudden end
to anything resembling a family. Afraid she was going to have to explain.
It kind of freaked Hildy out, that look. She rattled around in the cupboard for the mug with the pigeon on it.
“It’s in the dishwasher,” her mother said. “So? Problem?”
“Nothing.” The fact that her mother knew she was looking for her favorite mug without having to ask made her feel weirdly guilty. “Just on my period.” Untrue and a subtle reference to Bob which, despite everything, gave her a happy little tickle in her stomach. Which made her feel even guiltier.
“Hormones.” Amy took the elastic out of her ponytail and scratched her hair loose. She highlighted it to be exactly the same color as Hildy’s. “They’ll probably get better once you start having babies. Until then, a hot bath might help.”
Hildy poured some milk and put it in the microwave. “You’re working a lot lately.”
“The ER’s short-staffed. Kiley Nickerson’s on maternity leave. Esther Cohen’s mother is dying. That just leaves Steve Henderson, Rich Samuels, and me trying to cover all the shifts.”
Hildy turned away. She didn’t want to let on she suspected anything but still. Hearing her mother mention his name kind of shocked her.
Amy reached for her glass and knocked it over. She jumped up with her laptop in her arms. Hildy grabbed a paper towel and blotted at the mess. It definitely wasn’t juice.
“Oh, well, shouldn’t have been having a drink at this hour, anyway.” Amy pulled a tea towel off the oven handle and started mopping up, too.
“Not like you,” Hildy said.
“A lot of things not like me lately.” She smiled apologetically, and Hildy almost said, “Anything you want to talk about?” but Amy cut her off at the pass.
“More stress being department head than I’d expected. The paperwork. And politics. Terrible.”
They nodded. They both preferred the lie. They had a standing monthly lunch date at the art gallery café next Tuesday. Hildy decided she’d broach the subject then. If necessary. At this hour of the morning and with her own heart so full of Bob, she could almost believe this little thing with her parents would blow over.
She got her milk out of the microwave. She kissed her mother on the forehead and went upstairs for a bath. From the landing, she saw Amy open her laptop and pour herself another drink from a bottle under the table.