36 Questions That Changed My Mind About You
Page 12
BOB SOMEONE: ur growing up little girl
HILDY: You mean, that’s what it’s like from here on out?!?
BOB SOMEONE: yup. nobody knows what there doing. expect surprises. sometimes its $40 to answer some dum questions. more often its a fish in the head
HILDY: I’m never going to live that down.
BOB SOMEONE: no u aren’t
QUESTION 25
BOB SOMEONE: question 25. not sure what this means. “make three true *we statements each. for instance, We are both in this room feeling…”
HILDY: *perplexed.
BOB SOMEONE: true
HILDY: We are both in this room feeling…
BOB SOMEONE: wrong we’re NOT both in this room
HILDY: Ok. We’re both occupying a spot in cyberspace feeling…
BOB SOMEONE: exposed
HILDY: Really? Not like you.
BOB SOMEONE: says who?
HILDY: For starters, not a Bob word but also, “exposed”? You sure haven’t told me enough to feel exposed.
BOB SOMEONE: more than I’ve told anyone else
HILDY: Really?
BOB SOMEONE: yup
HILDY: How come?
BOB SOMEONE: i don’t trust many people
HILDY: How come?
BOB SOMEONE: ur like a broken record
HILDY: ATQ
BOB SOMEONE: life i guess
HILDY: Can you be more specific?
BOB SOMEONE: people haven’t come thru for me in the past. i try to avoid the disappointment these days
HILDY: How?
BOB SOMEONE: the obvious way
HILDY: Which is?
BOB SOMEONE: believe nothing & nobody. i’m going to put that on a tshirt too
HILDY: I’m sure they’ll be flying off the shelves.
HILDY: Do you trust me?
BOB SOMEONE: ask me later
HILDY: Thank you.
BOB SOMEONE: no need to be sarcastic
HILDY: I’m not. It’s scary to tell someone things. I’m touched you chose me to reveal as much as you have.
BOB SOMEONE: i didn’t choose u jeff did
HILDY: You’re doing that bait-and-switch thing again. Saying something nice then hitting me with a zinger.
BOB SOMEONE: hate to say this but ur right. Sorry. I find this weirdly embarrassing
HILDY: You? Embarrassed?
HILDY: Are you blushing?
BOB SOMEONE: i don’t blush
HILDY: Bet you do.
BOB SOMEONE: this is supposed to be a *we statement. r *u feeling exposed?
HILDY: Yes. But I always am.
BOB SOMEONE: always?
HILDY: Almost.
BOB SOMEONE: so is this more or less than usual?
HILDY: More. And it’s getting worse.
BOB SOMEONE: r u blushing?
HILDY: Yes. But duh.
BOB SOMEONE: ur turn. another *we statement
HILDY: We are both feeling exposed
BOB SOMEONE: said that already
HILDY: I didn’t finish. “We are both feeling exposed… but we like it.”
BOB SOMEONE: correct
HILDY: Are you blushing now?
BOB SOMEONE: no
HILDY: Really?
BOB SOMEONE: wouldn’t tell u if I was
HILDY: There’s that masculine thing again.
BOB SOMEONE: thought u liked it
HILDY: Sometimes
BOB SOMEONE: more or less than usual?
HILDY: Less.
BOB SOMEONE: really?
HILDY: Yes. I like when you’re showing your feminine side. I like that you’re confiding in me when you wouldn’t do that with anyone else.
HILDY: Oops. Why aren’t you answering? Did I cross a line?
BOB SOMEONE: no
HILDY: So why didn’t you answer?
BOB SOMEONE: didn’t feel like it. can we stop?
HILDY: No. We each have one more statement. C’mon. I promise I won’t make any more comments impugning your masculinity.
BOB SOMEONE: Gee I’ve never been impugned before. u shur <3 those fancy words
HILDY: I do—but only when apposite.
BOB SOMEONE: its spelled with an o even I know that
HILDY: No, actually, *apposite means *appropriate. (I was just using it to bug you.)
BOB SOMEONE: congrats! it worked
HILDY: We’ve strayed from our question. We need another *we statement.
BOB SOMEONE: i went 1st last time
HILDY: No you didn’t. I did.
BOB SOMEONE: no i did
HILDY: Did not.
BOB SOMEONE: Ok fine we’re both in this spot in cyberspace feeling like the other person is wrong
HILDY: LOL. Very clever.
BOB SOMEONE: ur turn
HILDY: We’re both in this spot feeling surprisingly happy.
BOB SOMEONE: no kidding. *surprisingly
HILDY: That’s not a bad thing. I like surprises. You’re certainly not boring.
BOB SOMEONE: u haven’t known me very long. my big surprise might be how boring i am
HILDY: Which is why I think we should stop while we’re ahead.
BOB SOMEONE: meaning
HILDY: I think we should end this conversation.
BOB SOMEONE: u wouldn’t stop when I wanted to but u want to stop now?!?
HILDY: Yes. I don’t want to be boring either. Talk to you tomorrow at the same time.
BOB SOMEONE: betty?
BOB SOMEONE: betty?
BOB SOMEONE: aaaargh
CHAPTER
11
Hildy was late for drama. It was the one thing she was always on time for—her father had been known to cast chronic latecomers as trees and lampposts—but she’d been sucked into a daydream after biology and lost track of time. (Bob’s joke about her lousy bio mark. That had been the spark that had led her astray.)
She tiptoed into the room at 4:06. Chairs scraped as everyone turned to see who it was. A few people clapped. Duff Shankel looked up from the scarf he was pretentiously knitting and said, “Why, there you are, Hildy! We were just about to kick in the prop room door.”
That was a joke. Evan and Hildy, phone-less, had accidentally locked themselves in the prop room after the closing night of Grease the year before. They weren’t found for three hours. Despite the fact that Hildy was still wearing Sandy’s sex-positive, off-the-shoulder pop-top and despite her making it abundantly clear that he was the one that she wanted (right down to singing the “Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!” part), Evan declined to ravish her.
Bastard.
“Don’t worry. We’d knock first.” This from Sam Armstrong, who Hildy knew had a record as sad as her own.
“You guys are hilarious. Seriously. A real up-and-coming comedy duo.” She gave them each a high five and realized she couldn’t care less about Evan. Bob would crack up when he found out they’d passed the time playing Twenty Questions.
“Any chance your dad’s in the prop room with someone, too?”
It took her a second to understand what Duff meant.
She looked around the room. No warm-up music on the ancient boom box. No piles of color-coded scripts. No challenging quote neatly chalked on the board.
Her father wasn’t there.
“Even funnier, Duff.” She kept her voice snappy but her insides had melted. Mr. Sangster was never late for drama club. She realized it wouldn’t be long before people figured out what was going on. Everyone would be talking about it. Hildy couldn’t even feel indignant. She’d have talked about it, too, if this had been somebody else’s train wreck.
She headed to the back of the room where Max and Xiu were sprawled out on beanbag chairs.
“Where is he?” she said, pushing Max over enough that she could sit.
Max had his eyes closed and was trying to master the Braille Rubik’s Cube she’d given him for Christmas. “How would I know? I’m a mere spear holder in the thrilling drama of Gregorinko’s life.”
> “Xiu?”
Xiu didn’t look up from her phone.
“She’s mad at you,” Max said, still flipping away. “Not my fault. You should have warned me to keep my mouth shut.”
Hildy said, “Mad? About what?” But then the PA system sputtered on and everyone went quiet. Mrs. Walsh, the school secretary, read out the message in her high-pitched granny voice. “Senior drama club members are advised that, due to circumstances beyond his control, Mr. Sangster will not be directing the winter-term production. He apologizes for the late notice. He’s actively looking to recruit a new director. Until then, drama club will be on hold.”
Everyone turned to Hildy.
“Don’t look at me,” she said, although she had a pretty good idea what the circumstances were and why he claimed they were beyond his control. Kids started picking up their stuff and leaving.
Max opened his eyes. “What d’you think that’s about—or should I ask?”
She spread open her fingers, shook her head. She couldn’t say the words. Max hugged her.
Xiu said, “Like I have nothing better to do than hang out in some moldy classroom with the nerd herd all afternoon! You Sangsters are so inconsiderate.”
Hildy snapped, “You Sangsters? What did I do?”
Max said, “Going to let you guys fight this one out. Call me when you get to the hair-pulling part.” He took his Rubik’s Cube and went over to talk to Duff.
Xiu booted it out of the room. Hildy hesitated for a moment then followed.
“What’s going on? Tell me.”
“Nothing.” Xiu kept tip-tapping down the hall in her kitten-heeled boots.
“Liar.”
“I am not.”
“You are, too.”
“I am not lying. I meant ‘nothing,’ as in that’s what you told me. Big long chat with Max about Bob, but me? Totally out of the loop, as if I’m Iris or something. No wonder she dumped you.”
Xiu could be mean when she wanted. Hildy didn’t need this right now. She grabbed Xiu’s arm. Xiu stopped but kept staring straight ahead.
“Okay. Sorry. Look. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or leave you out. I’m a chicken. That’s all it was. I just didn’t want you to talk me out of seeing him. That’s the truth.”
Xiu was wearing a pale pink Jackie Kennedy pillbox hat. When she didn’t respond, Hildy gave it a little flick with her finger.
“So. You want to hear what happened or would you prefer to keep sulking?”
Hildy poked her gently in the ear until Xiu batted her hand away, fixed her hat, and said, “I want to walk down to Freak Lunchbox for a chocolate bar. You may accompany me if desired.”
Hildy made a face behind Xiu’s back, then found herself smiling. Only one part of the peach had gone bad. The rest of Hildy’s life could still be sort of normal.
They bundled up and headed outside.
Before Hildy could talk about Bob, she had to listen to Xiu talk about Sweet Baby James. SBJ was apparently kind of moody, but he smelled delicious and was an excellent kisser. Hildy let Xiu go on about him for several blocks, then she launched in on Bob.
“He likes to talk.”
“What?” Xiu stopped midcrosswalk. “Did he have a come-to-Jesus moment since he saw you last or something? I understood him to be sullen and uncommunicative.”
“I believe the word I used was surly.” Hildy laughed.
“Oh, yes… in the hotly sexual sense of the word. I think I remember that. But now, suddenly, he’s open and giving and oh so emotionally sharing.”
Hildy laughed again. “Well. No. Not quite, but he does talk. Or at least message. He actually said he missed talking to someone, that he didn’t have the chance to do it anymore.”
“Clearly saving himself for the love of a good woman.”
“I like to think so.”
“Well.” Xiu shrugged in that stagey way of hers. “He might not be as bad as I thought. When I first saw SBJ, I never imagined he—”
And she was off again. That was fine. Xiu’s boy-talk kept Hildy’s mind off her other problems. She used the downtime to figure some stuff out.
They were only on Question 25. Eleven more to go. And they were mushy. That’s what he’d said. Another un-Bob-like word. A joke word? A little verbal camouflage to cover his embarrassment? Shyness? Could Bob actually be shy? That made her laugh, too, but in a silent catch-your-breath kind of way.
She’d dreamed all night about mushy questions and him beside her asking them, with that mouth and those hands, and it would have been so easy to say yes to him now.
But no.
No, she wasn’t going to do that.
She wasn’t ready to see him again. Mr. Sangster—her former drama teacher, not the principal, not her dad, not the strange man inhabiting her house at the moment—used to talk about how, for many actors, it was much easier to perform in front of a large anonymous crowd than communicate one-on-one with another human being. They liked the distance.
She liked the distance.
They got to Freak Lunchbox, and Xiu decided she just wanted gum. She always stopped eating in the first throes of love. Hildy was the one who got the chocolate bar. They found a park bench at the Grand Parade and talked in parallel lines.
“James plays the mandolin, too.”
“Bob must have been close to his mother. He mentioned her a lot although he sure didn’t give much away. I don’t know what happened to her… if she took off or he took off or, I don’t know… Did she die? Is she in jail? I’m almost afraid to ask.”
“James did a year of college but felt his music was more important than reading about a bunch of dusty old white guys. He’s very much a looking-forward kind of person, despite being known for his reworkings of classic seventies alt rock anthems.”
“He practically gushed about her. He called her ‘beautiful.’ A boy who loves his mother. Don’t they say that’s a good sign.”
“He asked me if I sang. ‘Me?’ I said. And he was like, ‘Don’t sound so shocked. You have a beautiful voice. There’s a husky quality to it.’ I didn’t want to tell him it’s just my allergies acting up.”
“Bob said he felt ‘exposed.’ Exposed. You’d think he’d say there was nothing out there that could touch him.”
They went on like that until they started to get cold. It was time to go, anyway. Xiu had a date. Hildy had to get some work done on her English paper, because it, like everything else in her life, had fallen by the wayside.
They were walking up Spring Garden Road when Hildy’s phone beeped.
Another Facebook message from Bob.
BOB SOMEONE: ur going to need extra time to prepare for question 26 so here goes. “complete this sentence *i wish i had someone with whom i could share…” fill in the blank. Kong said it took him forever to come up with an answer.
BOB SOMEONE: ps what time we talking tonite?
HILDY: 7?
BOB SOMEONE: ur on
Just two more hours.
Hildy left Xiu at the bus stop and went straight home. She had her strategy to prepare. She thought she was ready when, precisely at seven, her laptop beeped.
QUESTION 26
BOB SOMEONE: So what’s ur answer? i wish i had someone with whom i could share…
HILDY: Hard to concentrate on an answer. My mind is blown from you using the word “whom” in a sentence.
BOB SOMEONE: i wish i had someone with whom i could share…
HILDY: An order of fries.
BOB SOMEONE: thats something i’d say
HILDY: Irritating, isn’t it?
BOB SOMEONE: only when u do it
HILDY: I feel like anything **real* I say you’ll just make fun of.
BOB SOMEONE: so ur getting there first?
HILDY: Yup. Classic defense mechanism.
BOB SOMEONE: Ok. promise i won’t make fun of u
HILDY: I know my answer to the question: I wish I had someone with whom I could share my real answers.
BO
B SOMEONE: u doing it again?
HILDY: No. It’s true. That’s what I’d like. Someone I can be honest with. So what’s your answer?
BOB SOMEONE: sort of the same
HILDY: Sort of the same as?
BOB SOMEONE: ur answer. i wish i had someone with whom i just was
HILDY: Just was what?
BOB SOMEONE: just was period
HILDY: Yes. That’s what I meant too.
BOB SOMEONE: where do u think i could find someone like that?
HILDY: Don’t know? Do you?
BOB SOMEONE: no
BOB SOMEONE:
HILDY: Since we’re both looking for the same thing, maybe we should look together.
BOB SOMEONE: isn’t that what we’re doing?
HILDY: Good point. Next question.
QUESTION 27
BOB SOMEONE: o come on
HILDY: What?
BOB SOMEONE: stupid question. “*if u were going to become a close friend with ur partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.” do we have to even answer this? u already know the important things about me
HILDY: Like what?
BOB SOMEONE: i live alone. don’t like talking about the past. like to keep my feelings to myself.
HILDY: I didn’t know any of those things!
BOB SOMEONE: well u haven’t been listening then
HILDY: Have so. I figured you didn’t live with your parents but I didn’t know you lived alone. And I got the impression you actually liked talking about your past. Well, maybe not *liked as in <3 <3 <3 but you mentioned how you missed talking about stuff like this. And I think you enjoyed talking about your mother. You said some lovely things about her.
BOB SOMEONE: i answered the question. doesn’t mean it was fun
HILDY: I didn’t say fun. But bittersweet? Something like that? Discussing intense emotional issues often has aspects of joy and pain.
BOB SOMEONE: wouldnt know. too *manly to notice that emo stuff