She gives Travis a proper goodbye that probably belongs in the bedroom. Once she leaves, Travis and I stash our gear and head for the diner.
“Can you pinch me?” Travis asks when we leave the rink. “None of this feels real.”
I laugh. “I feel the same. Like, I know it’s been a dream, but I guess I never actually thought it would come true. The odds were against us.”
“Seriously. I thought maybe we’d end up in exhibition or something. Not in the actual fucking NHL!”
When Travis says it, it hits me that it’s true. I’m officially a New York Ranger. He’s a Canadian
“I had that moment on Wednesday,” Travis says, studying my face. “Like, this is happening. I’m going to be playing professionally.”
“It won’t be easy. It’ll probably suck for a while. But man, I think it’ll be worth it.”
“Hell yeah, it will be!”
We reach the diner and it’s almost totally empty. Most people are in class. We’re coming up on spring break, so a lot of classes have exams or big projects due. I’m glad we already did our big project for econ, so I don’t have to worry about missing today. This is my first time missing class, anyway. I doubt the professor will care. I can get the notes from Sophie.
After we get a table, I pull out my phone and stare at Sophie’s contact.
“Just do it, man. What’s the worst that’ll happen?”
“She says no.”
“And that would suck, but it’s not the end of the world.”
Travis is right. It might feel like a huge deal, but it’s not when it comes down to it. Of course, I want her to say yes. But I’ll get over it if she doesn’t. It’ll take some time. I might not be able to date anyone for a long time after this whole ordeal. But I’ll move on eventually.
I’m hoping I don’t have to. I want things to work out with Sophie. I don’t want to live out the rest of my life wondering what could have been.
“Hey, Sophie. I was wondering if you’d come to the hockey party tonight. I want to talk to you, and I have some big news to share. Will you come?”
I hit send before I can second guess myself. Her response comes immediately.
“Why aren’t you in class?”
“Celebrating with Travis. Will you come to the party?”
“Okay,” she responds.
That’s all I need. Travis and I order and talk a bit, but I’m distracted. My mind is on tonight and how I’ll win Sophie over. It won’t be easy, which is why I need a plan.
By the time we’re finished eating, I think I’ve got an idea of what to do.
It starts with the advice of the old man in the park. I’m going to apologize, and not just a quick “I’m sorry” before class starts.
She has to know I mean it. That’s the only way she’ll give me another chance.
23
Sophie
“Do you want a drink?”
I jump. I forgot Zack was next to me. It’s easy to do when this is the first thing he’s said to me since we got to the hockey party.
“Oh. Sure.”
“Cool. Be right back.”
Zack heads for the kitchen, leaving me alone in the living room. Well, not actually alone. There are tons of people here. I barely know any of them.
Where the hell is Carmen? Travis? Even Matt?
He’s the reason I’m here. He asked me to come, so I came. I invited Zack because we’d talked about going out this weekend and I figured the party would be a good setting. We had no trouble talking at that first party. I’m wondering if this is the kind of setting we need to vibe. It would be exhausting to keep it up, but I wanted to test the hypothesis anyway. So far, I’m wrong. We’re no better at communicating here than we are out in the world.
This sucks. Why couldn’t it be easy with Zack? I could’ve moved on from Matt and forgotten all this stuff happened. Instead, I’m waiting on a drink from a guy who is no more exciting than a cardboard cutout would be. And hey, at least a cardboard cutout would be an interesting conversation starter. I’d be better off with one of those than Zack.
I feel guilty thinking that. I’m the one stringing Zack along. He doesn’t seem to mind, but that doesn’t make it any better.
I should’ve stuck with my just friends’ assertion. I’m worried I’m giving the guy mixed signals. He hasn’t given any indication that he wants to be more than friends, though. We’ve only made out a couple times. If making out meant being in a relationship, I would have a lot more under my belt.
I just like making out, okay? It’s fun!
Zack moves through the crowd back towards me, carrying two cups of beer. It’s probably gross, just like all beer at these parties, but the alcohol will help with my nerves.
“How was your week?” I ask Zack. I have to repeat myself twice to be heard over the music. Why did I think this was a good idea? Coming to the party was a horrible mistake. Matt and I could’ve talked somewhere else another time. His big news can wait, obviously. If it was that important for me to know, he would’ve come to class.
Zack tells me about the exams he had this week, but I’m thinking about how lonely Econ was without Matt. I didn’t realize how much I relied on his steady presence to keep me company. Even when we don’t talk, I know he’s there. I could feel the emptiness of the desk beside me when he skipped. It’s dramatic, but it goes with that old saying. You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
I hope Matt never misses class again. If he does, I need advance warning so I can skip, too. Once you experience having a friend in class, it’s hard to go without.
Is that what Matt and I are? Friends? The word doesn’t feel strong enough to encompass everything we’ve been through. I don’t know what word to use, though. Admittedly, I’d love to hear him call me his girlfriend.
Where the hell did that thought come from? I can barely handle a date with Matt without something going wrong. How do I expect to make things official?
“You know?” Zack asks.
Oh, shit. I haven’t been paying attention.
“Yeah,” I say. It seems like a safe answer. Zack nods and continues with whatever he was saying, so I guess I answered correctly.
I look around the room hoping for a familiar face to distract me from everything racing through my mind. The face I land on is Matt.
He’s standing near the doorway, surrounded by a bunch of girls. My heart drops until I realize something: he’s not paying them much attention. He’s nodding politely as one talks to him, but he’s not leaning close unless it’s to hear. He’s not reciprocating the flirting sent his way. He’s behaving the way he would around a group of guys.
My mind flashes back to that first night. Isn’t this exactly what he was doing? Now that I think about it, I don’t remember him actually flirting with those girls. He was just talking to them.
Oh, God. I flipped out for nothing! I blame Peter. He made me so afraid to trust men that I might have ruined a really good thing. Why did I immediately think that Matt would treat me like Peter did? He gave me no reason to doubt him. In fact, he gave me every reason to trust in his faithfulness.
I owe him an apology. That seems on par for our relationship thus far. One of us messes up and apologizes, then the other does the same.
“You should talk to him,” Zack says, startling me. I look up and find him looking in Matt’s direction. “No offense, but it’s been obvious from the start that you’re into him. He’s the guy who upset you that first night, isn’t he?”
I nod. “I’m so sorry, Zack...”
He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal. I knew you were using me and I let it happen. I didn’t have anything else going on, and it was fun.”
I cringe. “I’ve been unfair to you.”
“It’s whatever, really. I think it’s time you stop pretending to like me and go after the guy you want to be with, though.”
I pull Zack in for a hug. “Thank you. We have had some fun.”
“It’
s been fine.”
I laugh because we both know it’s true. Our time together hasn’t been great or fun. It’s been just fine. Apparently, that’s what we both needed.
As soon as I pull away from Zack, I turn to find Matt. He’s no longer by the door, so I scour the house searching for him. I finally find him out on the back porch. Surprisingly, there are no couples going to third base out here. I suppose it’s still a bit early.
“Hi,” I say when I see him. It’s not very eloquent but it’ll have to do.
“Oh, sorry,” Matt responds, his voice dejected. “Are you looking for somewhere to be alone with Zack?”
My face scrunches in confusion. “No. Why would you think that?”
You’re here with him. I saw you hugging. I just assumed...”
“You know what happens when you assume?”
“What?”
“Misunderstandings. Ask me what you want to ask me.”
“Are you here with Zack.”
“Yes. Ask me the other question.”
“Do you want to be here with him?”
“No,” I say. “I’ve been awful to Zack. I thought he’d help me forget you, but it’s been the opposite. Every minute I spend with him, I wish I was with you.”
Matt sighs with relief. “I am so glad to hear that, Sophie. Seeing you with him... it sucks. I want you to be with me. But there are things we need to talk about first.”
“You’re right. I know the shelter date was all you. It was perfect, Matt. Why did you go back to Carmen after that?”
“You gave me the cold shoulder!”
I cringe. I did do that. I’m as much to blame here as Carmen and Matt. “I’m sorry. Now you know why I was so worried. Peter convinced me that it’s impossible for a guy to stay faithful. I was scared...”
“I swear, Sophie, I will never cheat on you. None of the girls I meet on trips can compare to you. But even before we met, I was never that guy. You can ask anyone on the team.”
“Carmen and Travis tried to tell me. I believe them now. I believe you. I’m so sorry...”
“I’m the one who needs to apologize now. I shouldn’t have gone to Carmen. At least, not to the extent that I did. I was so desperate to win you over that I crossed boundaries. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
“I do forgive you.”
“I forgive you, too.”
We’re standing incredibly close. I can feel the warmth of his breath against my nose. I stand on my toes and kiss him. He grins against my lips.
“Does this mean we’re okay?”
“We’re more than okay,” I say.
“Then I have a question for you.”
If he proposes, I’ll kick him in the nuts. This isn’t some romcom where the couple gets married after a month of not dating.
“Woah, relax. I’m just going to ask you to be my girlfriend.”
I blush. “Really?”
“Yes, really. It’s what I’ve wanted since that first night. So what do you say?”
I throw my arms around his neck. “Of course, I’ll be your girlfriend!”
Matt pulls back just enough to kiss me. “You know this means you have to wear my jersey on game days, right? Even if you don’t come to the game.”
“I can manage that.”
We kiss again, this time with even more passion.
I pull away and meet Matt’s eyes. “You mentioned that first night... I wonder if Damien’s room is open.”
Matt grins. “I’d much rather take you to my place.”
There’s a fire behind his eyes that’s matched in mine. He doesn’t wait for my answer. Matt takes my hand and pulls me off the back porch and around the house.
We kiss the entire trip to his apartment. My is closer, but Carmen is going to be there at some point. I’d rather have a place to ourselves.
“I need to find the keys,” Matt whispers against my lips when we get to his door. He fumbles through his pockets until he finally finds them. He pushes me against the door, kissing me hard as he unlocks it.
We tumble into the apartment. I nearly fall, but Matt catches me. As soon as the door is closed, he pushes me against it once again.
“I can’t get enough of you, Sophie.”
“I’m yours now,” I moan. He kisses my neck and I nearly collapse. Matt has such an affect on me. And now, he’s my boyfriend. I get to have him as often as I want.
“Let’s go to my room.”
I let Matt lead the way to his bedroom. Our frenzied kissing slows as we make our way through the apartment.
At the foot of Matt’s bed, he slowly slides my shirt up over my head. His hands trail over my skin as he undresses me.
Even last time we were in Matt’s room, we moved quickly. We tried to slow it down, but we had no idea if we’d get the chance to be in this position again. Now that we’re together, there’s no need to rush.
I remove Matt’s shirt as he expertly unclips my bra. I kiss his shoulder as he cups my breasts. His hands are cold, but the sensation makes it feel even better. I shiver beneath his touch.
“I need you, Matt,” I moan.
“Me, too,” he responds. He lowers me onto the bed, undoing the button on my jeans. Slowly, sensually, our pants are tossed to the side and we’re completely naked.
Matt reaches into his bedside table for a condom, but I stop him.
“I’m clean and safe,” I assure him. “Please, I want to feel you.”
“I’m clean, too,” he says. “If you’re sure…”
“I’m so fucking sure.”
Matt grins as he enters me slowly. I arch my back and widen my legs. He feels so damn good inside me, I could stay like this forever.
Matt has other plans. As slowly as he entered, he pulls out, only to reenter. We kiss as his thrusts increase in speed.
I never want this to end. Matt must feel the same, because even when we both go over that beautiful edge, he shows me he’s ready for more.
When we’re both exhausted, Matt and I cuddle together on his bed. I soak in his warmth, enjoying the scent of his body wash.
“This is where we’re meant to be,” Matt says. “Fate brought us here. I believe it.”
“I wish it hadn’t sent us on such a wild ride.”
He chuckles. “I don’t know. It was kind of fun. We’ll have a story to tell our grandchildren.”
From anyone else, a statement like that would’ve sent me running for the hills. With Matt, I want it to be true. I can see myself spending forever with him.
For now, I’m going to focus on what we have in the present.
The future can wait. We’ve got plenty of time.
Epilogue
One Year Later
Matt
It’s crazy what a difference a year makes.
I hoped this would be my life. I didn’t think it would be. Professional hockey is a crazy world, and dreams aren’t enough to make it work.
I managed to do it. Last year, after graduation, I officially joined the New York Rangers program. I’ve been training with them for months. It’s not an easy task. I have more bruises covering my body than I thought possible. My muscles have aches for almost a full year. I’ve actually cried in the locker room multiple times. I’ve wanted to quit, but I’ve stuck it out.
Tonight, all the shit I’ve been through will be worth it.
I clutch my official game jersey in my hands. I’ve been with the Rangers AHL team for months, watching from the side, hoping for my chance to play. That chance is finally coming.
I pull out my phone and text Travis a picture of my jersey. He’s playing for the Canadiens’ AHL team. They just happen to be our opponents tonight.
“We did it,” I type.
Travis responds with a picture of his own from the away locker room. I can’t believe my best friend is at my rink and we get to play against each other for the first time.
I’ve watched Travis play a couple times this season. He’s a forward, so he gets more playing time t
han me: I’m just a rookie goalie. They didn’t trust me out on the ice until the Rangers’ goalie got hurt and they pulled our first string up. It sucks that someone had to get hurt for me to get my chance, but I’m not about to complain.
I shoot a text to my parents next. They’re already here, excited to see me play. They’ve been to nearly every game this season, just in case. I have the best parents in the world. This last year has made that clearer. When I wanted to quit because it was hard, thankless work, they encouraged me to stick it out. I’m glad I did.
My mom calls me instead of texting back.
“Honey! I’m so proud of you. We’re sitting to the right of the home goal. We’re already staking our seats for when you switch sides each period!”
I laugh. This is typical of my parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dad bought tickets on both sides of the ice so they wouldn’t miss a glimpse of me in the goal.
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll see you after the game for dinner, right?”
“Of course, honey. We wouldn’t miss it!”
“Good.”
“Speaking of, guess who just showed up!”
I don’t have to guess. I hear my favorite giggle in the background.
“Hi, Matt!” Sophie yells. Mom must hold the phone out for her, because her voice becomes clearer. “I love you. You’re gonna kick ass tonight!”
I sure hope so. The game isn’t the only thing I need to kick ass at. I’m hoping to have the best night for more reason than one.
Sophie and I moved in together right after graduation. It may seem fast, but when it’s right, it’s right. It helps that she got a job in Connecticut, not far from where my team is located.
Carmen lives nearby. She thought about moving to Canada with Travis, but she got graduate school offer she couldn’t turn down. They see each other practically every weekend. Laval is only like a six-hour drive from where we all live.
Travis and Carmen are still going strong, despite the distance. I’m glad to see it. Today is my AHL debut, but it could eventually become a position on the Rangers’ roster. If that happens, Sophie and I might need to deal with distance more than we do already. As is, we’re separated whenever my team is on the road.
Cocky Puck: A College Sports Romance (Hockey Hearthrobs) Page 14