by Bob Dattolo
“Jenny? You talked to me right before you sat in that fucking chair. I was the one that told you what your name was when you were done and before they dragged you out of there. I’m Maddie Stricken. I never planned to hurt any of you. Kill any of you. I don’t know how to get you to believe me on that, but it’s true.”
Shock rolls from her, pushing back some of her terror. “Is…is it really you?”
“It is.”
“Let me touch your face.”
“Umm, okay? Why?”
“Just let me do it!”
An initial fear goes through me that she may try to tear out my eyes or something like that. Fuck. “Okay. What do you need to feel?”
She slides towards me, then reaches out slowly with her right hand, “I want to touch your cheek first. Can you…”
Taking her hand, I put it on my cheek, where she starts lightly touching me. Her lips are pursed as she feels my skin, moving in larger circles until she feels my lips. Then my nose. Then the scar around my left eye. Her heartrate jacks up to the moon at feeling the first one, which starts her lightly touching around my eye, feeling all of them. I wasn’t quite expecting her hand to fall away from my face. “It’s…it’s really you? I can feel your scars.”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Despair flows from her, “Why are you here? To gloat about making it through?”
Anger started to rise, “Not even close. I’d never gloat about someone going through what you went through. What you’re going through right now. You’ve had less than a year of having those fucking things in. I had more than nine years. They’re a fucking nightmare that people don’t even remotely understand. I wouldn’t come here to gloat about that. To laugh at you. Out of everyone in this fucking world that doesn’t have mortmagi in, I know exactly what you’re going through physically. Emotionally. Mentally.”
When she spoke, I very nearly didn’t hear it, “I wish…I wish I had gone in. I’d rather be dead than go through this.”
Dammit to hell! She didn’t move as I slid closer and hugged her, turning sideways to pull her into me.
She let me, putting her arms around me as sobs took her hard. To add insult to injury, all of that hurts your eyes even more, and she’s got a ton of sobs to work through.
She cried for nearly 20 minutes, long enough for me to pick her up and move to the huge, suspended swing on the massive front porch. When she calmed, she stayed leaning against me. “Did you really…did you really not plan on killing us?”
“No. I didn’t.” I ran my hand through her normal looking hair. With her magic gone, the stripes are gone. “I had no plans to do that. Anything like that. I wanted us all to make it through.”
“Really?”
“Really. Do you know about how dragons are? There are two parts of us?”
She nodded against my chest, “I didn’t originally, but we talk here a lot. It sounds…freaky.”
“It is. I’m not like a normal dragon, though, so I don’t have that happening any longer. I still have dragon traits, though. My dragon is a unifier. That’s what I want. I want us all to band together if we can. We’re stronger together than we are separated. Had all of the weak came with me, then maybe more of us could have made it. We went into that fucking thing with 88 of us. Eight of you chose mortmagi. 40 more died during the trial. None of them needed to die. Not even from the challenges. Had we worked through them together, we could have made it. Or, at least with most of us. Some of the challenges were hard enough and killed quickly enough that a simple fuckup could have killed people. But it would have been way less than 40 of us. If we went in together? I think we could have done it. We could have made it. I don’t know who spread the lies, but everyone believed them. It has to be the same person that kept attacking again and again, tearing everything that I own to shreds, but I’ve never even heard a hint of a name for them. I’m still running into some of the fallout from that this year, it’s just not as bad. Especially with the new kids.”
“What new kids?”
I’m guessing no one thought to tell anyone here. “We have new students from Britain, Australia, India, and the other North American academy. Issues forced them to send non-residents back to their original country, so we gained like 70 people. New allies. The whole nine yards. It’s a mess.”
No answer at first. “I wish I never did this. I didn’t want to die, but this isn’t living. The pain…it’s nonstop. It’s constant pain.”
“Yeah…it really is.”
She held me longer before finally pulling away, “How did you get your mortmagi out? Get your magic back?”
“Umm, honestly? It wasn’t anything I did on purpose. Somehow, I still had my dragon, which I’m told doesn’t normally happen. That might be because I’m a freak, we just don’t know for sure. When Alison rammed that one in during our challenge? I was able to build up magic, basically, raw magic, and force it out. It hurt, by the way. More than having the mortmagi in. But it was worth it. Obviously. Even if I hadn’t gained my sight back, it still would have been worth it.”
“I…I don’t have any magic. I’d had it for ten years, and it just disappeared.”
“I’m sorry about that.” I don’t know what to say to her, “Have you…have you spoken with your parents?”
She snorted, “My parents? Right. I don’t know their names. Their numbers. Where I lived. None of that.”
“Did they reach out to you?”
“Why would they? I’m stricken now. They knew that this was a possible path for me. I’ve never been incredibly strong. They’re not either, but they’re more…cunning, maybe. I was told that if I chose to become a stricken, then they no longer had a daughter. So…yeah. I don’t know what they would have done with my stuff. I had to have things. Clothes. Mementos. Stuff like that. All gone. Did I have a car? I think I did. I can remember driving around and I think it was my car, yet I can’t really tell for sure. None of my friends would think about trying to find me. In less than ten minutes, I went from me to…no one.”
“I’m so fucking sorry. That’s why I tried to talk you out of it. Those people there don’t really understand it.”
“No, they really, really don’t. I thought I did. I really thought I understood what it’d be like. Even though I treated stricken like trash, I thought…well, yeah, they’re stricken. Surely they deserve it? What I’m saying and doing doesn’t really matter to them, because they deserve what I’m doing and saying. Like watching everyone go after you. You deserved it. Now I’m on the other side. I’m still who I was, yet I’m not. We…they threw us out of the building, and that was that. I was still there when the others came out. We tried to stick together and find someone to ask where we had to go, but every time we found someone, they’d beat us. Rape us. We ended up getting split up, but some of us made it back to town. It just got worse there until people helped us. We were nearly starving to death at the time. We’ve been here ever since. Trying to learn how to be this new us, all the while knowing that we’re still the old us, just in a fucked-up shell.”
“Yeah, I’ve tried to tell people that so many times. They don’t get it. I’m not sure they ever will unless someone comes up with a spell to make them understand what this is like.”
“Right. As if someone would ever do that.”
Maybe I could? I have to think about that.
The silence lasted nearly 20 minutes. “Why are you here?”
“I met Alicia in town and asked about you all. I wasn’t sure where anyone ended up. She mentioned this place, and I wanted to come see where everyone was living. I came into a bunch of money…wait, you knew Samantha, right? Gold dragon?”
“Not closely, but I talked to her a few times.”
“Do you know who her parents are?”
“Victor and Maria Rodriguez? Yeah. They’re famous. I thought I heard that they’re having issues? Something about being hurt in a fight? I don’t know, something about their faces?”
“Yeah, they were
scarred?”
“Oh yeah! That’s right. I’m not sure I understood that part. It’s hard to really picture it. It’s not like anyone really explained the damage, you know?”
“True. Well, I got a ton of money from them. I’m the one that scarred them.” I walked her through a breakdown of what happened and included the latest fight.
“Oh my fucking God, you did that?”
“I did.”
“You’re something else. You were like me less than a year ago, now you’re killing super powerful dragons and extorting hundreds of millions of dollars from the rich and powerful.”
“True. It’s not like I set out to do that, though. I told everyone last year enough times that all I wanted to do was graduate and get out of that hellhole.”
“Yeah…yeah, you did.” More silence for a bit. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
“So am I. I don’t know that I could have gotten everyone through, but I think we would have had a decent chance. We’ll never know, though, so maybe it wouldn’t have happened.”
“I wish I would have tried. This is…this sucks.” More silence until she shocked me by catching my hand, somehow, and holding it. “Would you…would you try to remove my mortmagi? Is that something you can do?”
“I don’t know? I know I did it to myself, I’m just not certain I can do that to someone else.”
“Would you be willing to try?”
“I’m willing. It hurts, though. Like crazy, crazy amounts.”
“Maddie? You know what I’m going through. It already hurts crazy amounts.”
“Yeah, but it hurts more.”
“I literally don’t care if it kills me. Will you try?”
“I can try. I can’t guarantee anything. I have no idea how I heal the way I do. Removing them may cause you to get an infection and die. Or anything else under the sun.”
“I don’t care. If you had a gun, I’d ask you to put a bullet in my head right now. That’s how desperate I am.”
Fuck. “Hold on, let me send a text first.” Before she could respond, I texted Alicia, letting her know what I was being asked and that I was willing to try it.
Go ahead. I know she’s on the edge. If it hurts her or kills her, I won’t hold you responsible.
Dammit, I don’t want to hurt or kill her at all!
I let her know that I would try my best to not do either to her.
Instead of doing it on the porch, she brought me to her room. She’s actually in the main house and has a nice room. Small, but that’s expected given the number of people they have living here. There are others in the house, although none of them pick up that I’m there. I think some may have a clue, but they don’t say anything.
She closes and locks her door, then goes over to the small bed and sits. “Will this work?”
“Do you mean your room? Or a spell?”
“My room.”
“Oh, yeah. As for the spell? I don’t know if I can get it to work on someone else. I built it the first time without having a clue what I was doing. It hurt like a motherfucker as the pressure built. So fucking much. I’m willing to try, but you really have to understand that I’ve got no clue what I’m doing.”
She searched for and grabbed my hands, “You know more about this than anyone I’ve ever talked to. We’ve all heard how many people have ever had mortmagi removed and lived. So few of them, with most of them dying shortly afterwards. Barring having most of my face removed. I’d rather not do that if I can help it. I really would. You’re the only one to have them removed and be pretty much normal.”
“My memory is still fucked.”
“Just being blind and magicless and with a fucked-up memory will be a thousand percent improvement over all of that plus constant agony. If they can be removed, I might even be able to change my name.” She sniffled. “I can dream.”
“How many times have you guys told the others about me?”
Her laugh was short, “Like every week since getting here? Most didn’t believe us, but I think they do now. It’s not something most of them can understand without seeing it. So to speak. Lord knows we saw and didn’t understand until this was done to us, so I can’t say that I blame them.”
“Yeah, I get it.” Deep breath. “I’m really nervous about this.”
She squeezed my hands, “You’re a dragon. You can smell how nervous I am. This is…like my last hope. If it doesn’t work, I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be here. I can’t do this. Not everything plus the agony. That’s like taking the guy that just lost his job, his car, his dog, his house, his money, and then murdering his family on top of it. Any of the things would be devastating enough, but all of it together? I…I envy the ones that died quickly. I really do.”
I hate to hear that, yet I can understand it. “Okay, let me think about this a bit? I need to figure out how this would work on someone else.”
“Okay?”
“Do you mind if I touch you? I promise not to touch anything naughty.”
She snorted, “Please, I had my face in your boobs for like a half hour. I’m pretty sure that means we’re dating. If it takes you fisting me to get them out, I’d beg you to do it. I’m perfectly willing to pay off in sex if this works, too.”
“Umm, no need for that. I’m…that shop’s closed, so to speak.”
She froze, “Oh, you were…you said an earth dragon owned you?”
“Yeah. More than four years.”
“Then you know some of what I’ve gone through?”
“I do. I’ve been fisted and had to beg for it. I know what all of that is like. So, yeah, no sex for me. Not for the foreseeable future. Too much of me is broken inside to be able to do that willingly.”
“Then I’m sorry for mentioning it.”
She let me pull her into a hug against my stomach as I stood over her, “You don’t have to apologize for that. I don’t mind the idea of sex. I’ve seen people doing it since breaking free. I don’t have a problem touching myself. Just…being with someone else? Not yet. Not anytime soon.”
“I’m sorry either way.”
She let me hold her longer, then I stepped back, “Okay, I’m going to touch you as I think through this. I need to feel the spells on your mortmagi.”
“Okay. Do what you have to do.”
She held still as I stepped in again and touched the thick metal in her face. Touching them fills me with horror on so many levels. The idea that someone did this to her is so against everything inside of me that it makes me weep silent tears as I trail my fingers along them, then the puckered flesh they’re pressed into.
The spell feels the same. It tastes the same, for lack of a better word. My magic reaches through it along with my ability to sense magic, and I feel it from top to bottom. The same mess of spells, up to and including the constant pain thing.
Man, that’s fucked.
Does that mean that I can do this? I did it to myself, but that does not mean that I can do this in others. Not even close. Just like I can do a jumping jack, but I can’t do one in others. Not the same way, at least.
But can I do this?
As I think through it, more magic flows out and a silence spell goes over the room. I’m expecting her to scream, so I don’t want anyone else to think she’s being murdered. “Just so you know? I’m putting a silence spell on things, so people don’t freak. If something happens, you have to open your door and go into the hallway for them to be able to hear you.”
“Uhh, okay? Will it really be that bad?”
“You had them put in. It’s like that. Just in reverse.”
“Oookay.” There’s the fear smell I was expecting. She knows what it feels like for them to go in, so now she has more of a frame of reference for what might be happening here soon.
Another thought hits me, “You might want to go to the bathroom, too. If this works, I wouldn’t be surprised if you peed or pooped.”
She didn’t get up immediately. I’m not sure if she didn’t
believe me, yet something pushed her to get up finally. She has an attached bathroom to her room that opens on the other side, like what we have at the academy, and she went in. I was thrown a little when she didn’t close the door even though she was pooping, then realized that she’s blind and is now used to living with blind people. I guess that makes sense.
Not that I care as a dragon. I could be pooping right here on the floor in front of my entire class and not care. None of the dragons would.
She came out, breathing heavily, and sat on the bed again. “Do you think you can do this?”
“I honestly don’t know. The spell feels the same. It really does. It’s just that I was working instinctively originally. I don’t know how much of what I did was based on being able to feel it working versus…something else. I’ll try, though. I’m expecting this to hurt. A lot. I am going to try to hold onto your head in case I can get a better feel for things that way. Feel free to scream, just try not to pull away if you can. I don’t know if that’ll cause issues or not.”
“I’ll try. Should I lie down or something?”
“I don’t know. I was tied up and face down the first time. I don’t know that it matters other than if you try to pull away. If you’re lying down, that’ll minimize your ability to pull away, so maybe?”
She stretched out on her bed, “Okay. Anything else?”
“Do you have a dildo?”
“I’m sorry? What?” Confusion from her, although tinged with a bit of shame. Telling me she does.
“I need you to get undressed. It needs to be lodged in all the way. If you have a butt plug, that needs to be in as well.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
I broke into laughter, “I’m kidding. Now calm down.”
Her freak-out started to ease up, “You’re kidding? Are you serious?”
“I am. You were getting too worked up. Now you’ve sort of broken that a little. No dildo. No naked. You can get naked if you want. I’m naked now still. I don’t care either way. There might be some blood if this works, but that can be dealt with.”
She took a deep breath, “Okay. Thank you for that. For trying to calm me down.”