“I don’t regret anything I did to save you,” Iltani whispered and she shifted away from him and eased out of bed. “But if you have to hate me a little for accepting the Sacred Marriage, I’ll understand.”
A quick search of the bed revealed two robes had been placed at its foot. Another quick scan of the room showed several Shadows stationed at various points throughout the room. Mostly by doors and windows.
None tried to talk to her.
Thank Ishtar.
Not paying them any more mind, she made for the bath chamber.
She didn’t want to so much as look anyone in the eye. Ishtar and Tammuz had been anything but quiet.
Once she’d attended to her needs, she eyed the bath, wondering if she had time to get a quick one before Ditanu awoke. She settled for a quick wash and then exited. After a look to confirm Ditanu still slept, she padded to the other room where Kuwari and Priestess Kammani were sleeping.
Iltani crouched down next to them both and gently shook the priestess awake. Kammani blinked her eyes open and glanced around with far more composure than Iltani thought possible.
All business, the older woman first looked over Kuwari and then Iltani. “Ishtar awoke me in the night, so I could check on you and the king to know you were both well.” The priestess stood, smoothing out her wrinkled robes. “You both pleased the gods.”
A wave of heat climbed Iltani’s cheeks. She wasn’t sure what was worse. That Ditanu’s aunt had checked on them in the night or that Ishtar had been sharing intimate secrets with her high priestess.
“Ditanu will be himself when he wakes?” There had been times near the end when she thought Ditanu recognized her, but he’d fallen asleep moments after Tammuz had retreated. Iltani hadn’t had a chance to ascertain how aware Ditanu was of his…surroundings.
“Yes,” Kammani gave her a pat on the shoulder, “You saved our king, the unborn cubs, and Kuwari. That should gain any mere mortal a few days’ rest, but not you. We have much still to do. Here,” she handed Kuwari into Iltani’s arms, “I need to see about getting this one some fresh milk. He wasn’t interested in drinking last night, but I imagine he’ll wake up hungry.”
Two Shadows burst in from the bedchamber at the same moment Iltani heard an anguished cry from that direction.
“The king has awakened,” they said in unison.
“Go, go.” Kammani shoved Iltani toward the sound. “Ditanu needs to see both you and his cub alive. There’s no telling how much he’ll remember from last night.”
Oh, great goddess. Panic flooded Iltani’s mind even as she broke into a run, Kuwari held tight in her arms. The motion jostled the cub awake, and he gave a plaintive grumble. Iltani ignored him as she burst into the bedchamber.
The gauzy drapes around his bed obscured Ditanu from her sight.
“Ditanu!” She brushed away one curtain, the gauzy fabric tearing in her haste. Her feet tangled in the bits hanging down and she miscalculated the height of the bed. Her jump fell short, her foot catching on the side of the bed, tripping her. With her arms full of cub, she couldn’t get her balance in time and had to roll in mid-air so as not to crush the cub. She landed with a grunt and had the wind knocked from her. Before she even had her breath back, she was on her knees, holding Kuwari out to Ditanu.
“Iltani? Kuwari?” His voice came out hoarse, strained, his great emotional pain evident, but so to was a hint of incredulous hope.
He sat up so quickly he sent pillows toppling sideways off the bed. Kuwari decided it was time to play and pounced on his father. Ditanu’s big hands scooped Kuwari against his bare chest, and then he buried his face in the cub’s fluffy down.
Tears came to her eyes as she watched Ditanu. His shoulders shook as he cried silently and curled forward around his cub.
Needing to do something to offer comfort, she reached out and stroked her hand along his shoulder and partway down his back.
After a time, her touch must have penetrated for he quieted and then glanced up at her. “Iltani? It’s really you?”
“My king,” she acknowledged and bowed to him. “You are not alone.”
“You’re not a spirit here to guide me to the afterlife?”
Iltani glanced up through her lashes, debating what to say. At last, she huffed, “A ghost would have made a much more elegant entrance, I imagine.”
“When I woke….I thought last night was…that you were dead and Tammuz took you to the underworld with him…and last night was your goodbye to me.” His words came out halting. “I couldn’t face a future without you in it.”
Iltani didn’t know what to say, so she hugged him fiercely. The arm not holding Kuwari circled her back, and he shook with silent tears.
“I know I wasn’t able to save everyone you love, and I did things that you might see as a betrayal, but Kuwari needed his father.” Her free hand went to her stomach and curved along the slight belly she now sported. “And your unborn cubs will need you in the coming days.”
Which was a truth Iltani was only coming to realize now. The blooding ceremony would need to be performed several more times over the coming months to allow her body to complete its change to gryphon. She would die without further exchanges of Ditanu’s blood, and the unborn cubs were only exasperating the stresses on her body, but now wasn’t a good time to bring that up. He needed to come to terms with the fact she was his litter’s new surrogate.
Again, shock marked his expression, but his eyes narrowed after a moment, turning thoughtful. He reached out, unceremoniously parting her robe and then pressed his hand against her belly. His gryphon magic raced over her skin, studying her. His glance sought out hers again.
She answered his unasked question. “Ishtar took them from Consort Ahassunu after she’d been injured.”
Ditanu still watched her, silent and unmoving, his unreadable king’s mask back in place. Nothing in his expression gave his thoughts away.
Swallowing hard, she debated telling him the rest, but he deserved to at least know what she’d seen. “I was protecting Kuwari, and after Ishtar had placed the unborn cubs with me, I saw Burrukan and Consort Ahassunu and the few remaining Shadows make a desperate last stand. Ishtar had already put Kuwari and me in a boat and then called fog in from the ocean to hide us. I’m sorry. I didn’t see what happened to them in the end.” Iltani looked down at her hands, not able to meet Ditanu’s eyes. “My body was still accepting the unborn litter, and Ishtar put me to sleep.”
Still, he said nothing, and she didn’t look up. The rustle of blankets told her he moved and then he was placing Kuwari back in her arms. While she was still securing the cub, Ditanu reached out, his one arm going around her shoulder and the other under her knees.
Yelping in surprise, she found herself lifted up and deposited back down in Ditanu’s lap. Once he had her settled, his arms wrapped around her shoulders and dragged her against his chest.
“Iltani, thank you for saving Kuwari and my unborn cubs. Thank you for not leaving me.” A sob shook his frame a moment before his lips brushed her hair. After a second silent sob shook his body, he rested a cheek against the top of her head.
Her earlier insecurities melted away. This was Ditanu. They had spent most of their lives together. As desperately as she wanted to know just how much he remembered from last night, in another way, it didn’t matter at all. She was both his Shadow and his Blade and would forever serve him in whatever capacity he needed.
He rubbed his cheek against her hair again. “I know there is much I must do to assure my kingdom and its people are safeguarded, but the part of me who is simply a man wants to grieve. I will need your strength in the coming days.”
“I will be whatever you need.” If that was a friend’s shoulder to shed his grief upon, she would be that shoulder, even if her own body’s cravings threatened to steal her sanity.
“I know.” Ditanu’s one hand slid down her arm and then ventured back up, he repeated his gentle caress twice more before he stopped. Iltani
would be surprised if he were even aware of the action. “And you have always been whatever I needed, haven’t you?”
Iltani could pretend ignorance, but she knew what he spoke of. How could she not, it was the only thing she could think of. “Yes, Ishtar and Tammuz healed you by having us perform the Sacred Marriage.”
“Ah,” He grunted softly.
“Ah?” she asked, needing to hear something more.
He pulled back enough he could look down at her. A long finger hooked under her chin and tilted her head back. She met his gaze. “Were you willing? Or did Ishtar overwhelm you with her desires?”
His question caught her off guard.
Was it asked out of curiosity?
Or fear and guilt that she was a victim?
Iltani was already feeling vulnerable with all that had gone on, but she wouldn’t allow Ditanu to feel even the slightest guilt, even if by answering truthfully she was revealing more about her own desires than she might want.
“I was willing. You know Ishtar’s Blade would do anything for her gryphon king.” It sounded far too intimate even saying it that way, but it was true. Ditanu needed to hear many truths if their kingdom was to survive.
Kuwari had been silent and mostly still, but he kept raising his head and looking up at her expectantly. Finally, with a disgusted sound of annoyance, he squealed.
“He’s hungry,” Ditanu said, and not bothering to get up, he called for a servant to bring him milk for the cub.
Kammani soon returned with the milk and a converted waterskin. Iltani had wanted to move, to give Ditanu a few moments with his cub, but he wouldn’t let her out of his lap.
“You are Kuwari’s mother now,” Ditanu said simply, a peaceful expression in his eyes as he watched his cub nuzzle at Iltani’s breasts. “He’ll expect you to be the one to feed him, even if it is just from the milk skin.”
Ditanu reached around from behind and cupped her breasts, protecting them from Kuwari’s more vigorous attempts to nurse as he explained the way of it to his cub. “Kuwari, I know you are hungry, but you will have to settle for the milk skin.”
The strong fingers at her breast had her thoughts scattering in all directions. Ditanu might not even be aware of what he was doing to her body. It wasn’t until he shifted his hands to Kuwari and stuck the water skin’s ‘teat’ into the cub’s mouth that she was able to master speech.
“That isn’t… I wasn’t…. I have no intention of trying to replace your mate. I know gryphons form strong, unbreakable mating bonds. As for Kuwari and the unborn cubs, I am not as presumptuous as to usurp Consort Ahassunu’s role. I care only that the next generation of gryphon kings prospers. If you would prefer someone else nurture Kuwari, I understand.”
His grief, she could do nothing for, but Iltani hoped her words would give Ditanu some peace and free him from any guilt he might feel about what had occurred.
Again a finger hooked under her jaw and tilted her head until she was looking into Ditanu’s eyes. His hand shifted to cup the side of her face. “Why would they need another mother when they have Ishtar’s Blade to protect and provide for them? I am happier than I can say to know you survived and are here with me in this dark time.”
Iltani didn’t know what to make of the look in his eyes, but it breathed new life into an impossible hope, one which was probably better left buried.
He tucked her against his chest, her face buried against his neck. After another moment, he rested his head on her hair. “I am thankful Ishtar chose you for the Sacred Marriage and not one of her other priestesses. I couldn’t have abided anyone else. You are a part of me. My Shadow.”
His statement didn’t require an answer, for which she was grateful. In her present state, she’d spill her heart to her king in one embarrassing long speech. She closed her eyes and relaxed against him, content to stay exactly where she was.
Besides, Kuwari was still nursing from his milk skin. Iltani arranged it so the ‘teat’ was suspended in the valley between her breasts at a somewhat natural angle for the cub to nurse from.
“You do that well.” Ditanu reached out to stroke his cub’s head.
Iltani grunted in acknowledgment. It was good Ditanu was already a father and knew something about the care and feeding of cubs. Iltani didn’t know the first thing about being a mother, but it probably required a strong inner strength, something she had in abundance.
She vowed to make Ditanu proud, and maybe one day, she could give him comfort outside of the Sacred Marriage. The traitorous thought refused to go away no matter how many times she tried to shove it back into the part of her mind that housed her deepest, most foolish desires.
His mate was barely cold for Ishtar’s sake, and Ditanu had no idea his consort was unfaithful.
Slowly her whirling thoughts calmed, soothed by the sounds of Kuwari nursing and of Ditanu’s heart under her ear. She drifted to sleep feeling the rhythmic stroking of his hand down her hair. Firm lips pressed against her cheek and grazed the side of her mouth, but that might have been nothing more than the beginnings of a dream.
Chapter 22
Iltani awoke slowly to the sounds of conversation. Shifting out from underneath a heavy cover, she sat up and scanned what she could see of the room from behind the partly closed drapes. Someone was pacing.
First Ditanu’s and then his aunt’s voice drifted to her. She tossed back the covers and realized her robe was gone. She was naked again—it was becoming an alarming habit. She found a clean robe laid across the end of the bed for her.
She shoved her arms into it and was still tying the belt when she emerged from the shadowy sanctuary of the bed.
Ditanu was standing next to the hearth, Kuwari snuggled in his arms while he had a heated debate with Kammani. It looked to have been going on for some time.
“I need to go before the council now. My kingdom is in shambles!”
Priestess Kammani planted a fist on her hip. “Send Iltani. You are not ready to face the council yet. Wait another day. Grieve. Bury your cubs.”
Ditanu’s jaw flexed and his skin paled. “I will grieve later, once I know everyone else who depends on me is safe.”
“I repeat, send Iltani in your place. Let her ferret out the traitors before you give them another chance to end the line of the gryphon kings. If you die, Iltani dies, your unborn cubs with her—she still needs your blood until her metamorphosis is complete and she can take on gryphon form. And if you and Iltani both die, how long do you think little Kuwari will last? Send Iltani! Let her do her job.”
Iltani joined them in front of the fire. “I’ve only heard the tail end of this conversation, but Kammani speaks wisdom. The council might not fear lowly Iltani, but once they learn I am Ishtar’s Blade, they will. Fear breeds desperation and desperation breeds stupidity. I can use that to expose the traitors. Only after they are outed, will we be safe.”
Ditanu frowned, but his expression was thoughtful. Before her stood Ditanu the king. There was no sign of the man. Good. Because Kammani was wrong. Ditanu the man would be a grieving mess. They needed the iron-willed king if they were to survive.
Ditanu and Kammani needed to learn what Ishtar had shown Iltani in the night. “You’re both correct. The ten city-states need to see their king strong and recovering, but they need us to find the traitors even more.”
Iltani explained the dream Ishtar had shown her and told them about Ereshkigal’s plan.
“Ereshkigal?” Ditanu said at last, thoughtful, and quiet—many plans flicking behind his eyes.
“Send me to the council. I will bluff—tell them half a truth, that Kuwari survived, but I will let them think you died. They will know I won’t long outlive you, a week at most without your blood. It will make them bold, and they will think Kuwari an easy target or a pawn they can use.” Iltani stepped up until she was nearly nose to nose with Ditanu. “Let me separate our enemies from our allies. I don’t even need a week. Just give me this day to find our true allies among those who
will simply grab for power. And then tomorrow,” her voice softened, “when it is time to bury your little ones, we will show all the gatherers that the king of the gryphons and Ishtar’s Blade are very willing to hunt down all who mean New Sumer harm.”
“Iltani is correct,” Kammani crossed the room and paced a circle around him. “Her plan is sound. This way neither you nor Kuwari will have to expose yourselves to the council for another day. And Iltani is stronger. The council respects strength.”
“I don’t want to send Iltani into danger when I don’t have her back.”
“Allow Iltani to fulfill her role as Ishtar’s Avenging Blade. Let her deal with them for Ishtar will have her back. Which gives me another idea. Order Iltani to tell the council of Kuwari’s survival and to also say she is now the cub’s regent, by Ishtar’s decree and your last command.”
His expression darkening, he paced away from Kammani and then turned and paced back. “Your words are wise, and I will agree to this since it is best for all ten city-states if we find the traitors quickly, but I still don’t like sending Iltani to face those sharks on her own.” He turned to Iltani. “You may do this, but you will have an escort of twenty Shadows. I will not have the mother of my unborn cubs put at risk.” There was a simmering anger underlying his words.
“As you wish. I will take the Shadows and learn all I can and then return with what I’ve learned.”
“Good. It’s settled then,” Kammani said. “I’ll help Iltani bathe and prepare. Time is of the essence. We don’t want the council naming a new regent or something else equally silly.”
Iltani bobbed her head. “Kammani’s correct. We need to hurry.” She looked down at herself and winced. She was still covered in dried sweat and patches of flaking blood that she’d missed during her swift scrub in the bathing chamber.
Ditanu’s free hand landed on her shoulder and he squeezed gently. “You may do this for the good of our kingdom, but afterward, you will return to me and I will decide what is to be done with anyone you deem a traitor. You will not go after them yourself. It is too dangerous. If you’re not concerned for yourself, think of my cubs.”
Queen of the Gryphons: Ishtar's Legacy: Books 1 & 2 Page 19