by Ana Leigh
Lowering his head, he began to tease her turgid nipples with his tongue, the warmth of his thigh between her own an ecstatic sensation against the junction of her legs.
“Do you want me to stop, Caroline?” he panted.
“What do you think?” she murmured breathlessly. She slid her arms around his neck and drew his head down to hers, parting his lips with her kiss.
The kiss was hot with passion. Then he lifted her arms to trail a string of kisses up one and down the other, then shifted to the hollow of her throat, then down to her breasts.
Rapturous sensation filled her as his mouth and hands found every pleasure spot on her body. He slowly trailed his hand down the sensitive plane of her stomach and cupped the spot where, only seconds before, his thigh had reigned with a friction that had threatened to drive her to madness.
She couldn’t bear another moment of it and cried out as her body began to implode with tremors of climax. He swiftly, entered her, thrusting deep to fill her with his own release. Afterward, when her breathing returned to normal, she rolled onto her side and snuggled her head in the hollow between his chest and shoulder.
“Why can’t I resist you? The moment you touch me, I give in to the thrill of it,” she said softly, lightly running her fingers along the corded brawn of his shoulder.
She placed a kiss in the dark hair on his chest, feeling euphoric, as if she was floating on air.
Then the arousing touch of his lips on her breast brought her back down to earth, and she clutched his head to press it even closer, as he began to take her soaring once again.
CHAPTER
26
Caroline was waiting the next morning when Jed came downstairs wearing his uniform and carrying his seabag. “Guess I’m all set,” he said.
“Father and Garrett are waiting on the wagon.” She handed him a round covered tin. “I made some sugar cookies and Scottish shortbread. I thought you’d enjoy them with your coffee in the evening.”
“Thank you. That was real thoughtful of you, Caroline.” He put the tin in his seabag and retied it.
When Buffer trotted over to him, Jed squatted down and scratched him behind his ears. “You’re in charge again, pal. We both love them, so I’m depending on you to take care of them while I’m gone.”
Heartache filled Caroline’s breast. As much as she wanted to admit her love to him, foolish pride kept her from telling him. He was too much a gentleman to laugh at her and would only be embarrassed if she suddenly blurted out her real feelings for him.
Besides, why divulge them when he was leaving? A lot could change in both their lives in the next eleven months.
He stood up and came over to her. “I’m glad we have these few moments to be alone, Caroline. There’s a lot I have to say to you.”
Her heartbeat quickened. Was it too much to hope he would tell her what she yearned to hear? What she was too afraid to admit to him? Then she could shout her feelings to the world.
“Caroline, while I’m gone if you need anything—help, money, or whatever—get word to Fraser Keep. My brothers will come at once. Will you promise to do that?”
“Yes, I promise,” she said, disappointed. It was not what she was hoping to hear.
“Cassie told me that as soon as Sam’s a couple of months older, she’ll come and spend a few weeks with you.”
Caroline smiled. “Colt might not agree to that arrangement. Don’t worry about us, Jed; we’ll be fine. The problem with Calhoun’s been resolved. Besides, it’s not as if Garrett and I will be alone; my father’s with us.”
“Garrett’s getting older, Caroline. He’s more curious about things, and it can get him into serious problems if he gets careless. Look what’s happened to him just this past month.”
“We’ll be fine. I have Father and Buffer to help keep an eye on him. And we don’t have any raging rivers nearby. The other accidents were all caused by Vincent Calhoun.”
He held her shoulders and smiled down at her. “Then take care of yourself, Miss Caroline,” he said tenderly. “You’ve been a good sport putting up with me the past month. I’ve invaded your home and disrupted your life.”
“Didn’t you once say that we all have some choices in our own fate? We just can’t change the mistakes we make when we do.”
“Such as?” he asked.
“Your marrying me for the sake of your family honor, instead of for love.”
“I’m not complaining; nor do I regret it. Do you?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe Clay was right. Without love, Jed, you’ll never experience the total happiness that your brothers know.”
“Are you that unhappy already, Caroline?”
“I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I’d like to have married for love.”
“Hey, you two,” Nathan yelled from outside, “if we’re going to catch that train, we better get moving.”
Jed didn’t budge. “That’s a hell of a topic to bring up,” he said. “Why the issue of love now?”
Caroline concealed her feelings under a wooden smile. “You’re right. It’s water over the dam now, isn’t it?”
She walked out the door, and Jed picked up his seabag and followed.
The train ride to San Francisco was considerably quieter than their previous one. Nathan did his best to try and cheer up Garrett, but it was useless.
Caroline sat in silence, staring out the window. Jed doubted if she was even aware of what she was looking at. Her actions were perplexing. She had gone into this marriage with her eyes wide open, and he had given her several opportunities to call off the wedding.
Her unexpected comment about wishing she had married for love almost knocked the legs out from under him. Caroline was not an easy woman to figure out, but she sure as hell was a fascinating one.
He stole another glance at her. She was so beautiful—exquisite would be closer. And yet, so sad. He wanted to kiss her until he brought the smile back to her face, the laughter to her eyes.
And Lord knows he didn’t want to leave her. More and more lately, he had been thinking about what it would be like to look up and not see her. Not to hear the sound of her light laughter, catch her lavender scent, not be able to simply reach out and touch her or kiss the smooth softness of her cheek.
He tried not to think about what it would be like not to be able to make love to her. Last night had gone far beyond ordinary satisfaction. It had been an emotional release as much as a physical one. He had made love to her! If he recognized it, surely she must have, too.
He knew if he told her, though, she would withdraw completely from him. She wanted no such relationship with a man who wasn’t the “home and hearth” type.
Why was the love for a woman so great that it could drive a man to forsake his lifetime goals and dreams? Take his brothers, for instance. Clay, the visionary, with his creative and imaginative mind, had always thought far beyond the moment at hand; Colt, who had always aspired to become a lawman, had abandoned the opportunity for the life of a rancher; and Garth, the romantic roamer with dreams of finding gold at the end of the rainbow, was now content fashioning wine barrels.
Well, not him. The sea had always been his love. And once he was back at sea, with the deck of the Belle beneath his feet, any such thought would be banished.
Caroline deserved the happiness she sought, so he wouldn’t pursue her. He’d give her the peace and quiet she enjoyed and not complicate her life anymore. She needed time, and his leaving would give her that time.
Going to sea was the biggest favor he could do for her.
But, he vowed, somehow, some way, he would make her love him—because he would not release her from their marriage. When he returned, he’d convince her to forsake that damn agreement of a marriage in name only. They were husband and wife—and it was time she damn well knew it.
Saying good-bye would be difficult, but as Caroline had pointed out, reuniting again made the moments together that much more precious. If he’d learned anything in his
twenty-seven years, it was that you had to swallow the bitter with the sweet.
Perhaps this separation was the very thing needed to convince her of that.
When they reached San Francisco, they went directly to the pier, where preparations were in progress for their departure. Captain Beningham was shouting orders from the bridge, and an occasional late arrival raced up the gangplank.
“Sir, if you need anything, contact my brothers. They’ll be happy to help in any way they can.”
“I know, Jed. Clay told me the same thing before he left.”
“Take care of our family, sir.”
“I will, son,” Nathan said as the two men shook hands. “And God’s speed and good health. Come back to us, Jed. Come back to us.”
“I will, sir.”
Nathan stepped aside, and Jed hunkered down on his haunches. Sobbing, Garrett rushed into his arms.
“Why do you have to go away, Dad? Stay with us. Please stay with us.”
“I can’t do that, Garrett. I made a commitment to Captain Beningham before I even met you.”
“But Captain Beningham is a nice man. I bet he’d let you stay if you ask him.”
“It’s too late to do that, Garrett.”
“Do you love to go to sea more than you love Mama and me?”
“I love the two of you more than anything on this earth, Garrett.”
“Then stay. Please don’t go away. I promise not to ask you any more dumb questions if you stay.”
“I would never want you to do that. Tell you what. While I’m gone, make a list of questions you have, and I’ll answer all of them when I get back.” Jed pulled him closer in a tight hug. “I love you, son.”
Jed kissed him, then stood up. Garrett ran sobbing into Nathan’s arms, who had moved back to give them some privacy.
“I guess this is good-bye,” Jed said to Caroline.
“I’ve never been very good with good-byes, Jed, so I’ll just wish you a safe journey.”
“I read in the paper that the Suez Canal is completed, and they expect to have traffic on it by November. If that’s true, it would cut a lot of miles off the voyage. I could be home sooner than we planned,” he said, trying to be heard above the loud blast of the ship’s horn.
Then he pulled her closer. “Take care of yourself and Garrett. I’ll post a letter to you from the first port we dock at.”
He slipped the beaded bracelet off his wrist and slid it on hers. “This will remind you of me.” A longer and louder horn blast sounded as he lowered his head and kissed her. “I love you, Caroline.” Then he turned away.
“I couldn’t hear you—what did you say?” she called. But he was already halfway up the gangplank.
She remained on the dock and watched his tall figure walk up the gangplank. They would be strangers again when he returned. Her heart skipped a beat when he hesitated at the top. Then he stepped onto the ship, looked back, and waved. A couple of crewmen immediately raised the plank and secured it firmly to the side of the ship.
Tears streaked Garrett’s cheeks as he continued to wave.
She knew what he was feeling; she’d felt the same heartache at his age when her father went off to sea. Now she could relate to how her mother must have felt, and she wondered if the ache would ever go away. How many times would she have to stand on a pier and say good-bye before the pain lessened?
At least her father’s trips had been shorter ones to England or France. Jed’s were to distant ports in the Orient. Almost a whole year out of their lives each time he sailed away.
To think she had prayed for this moment when Jed had entered their lives, had even planned a marriage on the advantages of such a relationship. Now she wondered how she would bear it without him.
How was it possible for one person to make such an impact in such a short time? Why hadn’t she made the most of every moment they had together? Were there enough good memories now for her to draw on in the lonely months ahead?
Or what if this was the journey where he would finally meet that one woman who would rival his love for the sea? Would he even come back to them again?
She squeezed Garrett’s hand. “Time to go, sweetheart.”
“Can’t we wait ’til the boat sails?”
His leaving was agony enough without watching the ship he was on sail away.
“No, honey, we have a train to catch.”
Caroline took a final long, lingering look at the sleek black ship. The crew had begun to unfurl its bright-red sails as they prepared to hoist anchor and catch the tide.
“Good-bye, my love,” she murmured. “God be with you, and may you have a safe journey. Come back to us. We’ll be waiting.”
Garrett was quiet on the return trip from San Francisco. He had stopped crying, but his face was puckered in a pout. He finally found his voice to ask, “Granddad, how come men want to sail the ocean ’stead of staying home with the people who love them?”
“Often, son, they don’t have anybody who really loves them.”
“But Grandma and Mama really loved you, and you sailed away.”
“That’s how I made my living, Garrett. The money to build a house for them, feed them. Like Jed, I wasn’t married when I went to sea. By the time I met your grandma, I had been a seaman for over ten years.
“She was the prettiest gal on either side of the Mason-Dixon line. But the sea was in my blood by that time, and your grandmother understood that. Some people just aren’t cut out to be farmers or ranchers. Going to sea is a good life if you like the water.”
“I sure didn’t like that river water. Does sea water taste better?”
Despite her melancholy, his question brought a slight smile to Caroline. “I’m afraid not, Garrett. Sea water is salty. You can’t drink it.”
“You can’t drink river water, either, ’less you want to puke.” Garrett sighed deeply and gazed out the window.
By the time they returned to Napa, the sun had set. Nathan knew the route so well that moonlight was enough to light the road ahead.
There was no sign of Buffer when they reached the barn, which was unusual. Neither Nathan nor Caroline were that concerned, though, because he never strayed too far from home.
But his absence troubled Garrett, especially when Buffer hadn’t returned the following morning.
Dejected, Garrett went outside and sat down with his elbows propped on his knees and his chin in his hands. “Sure don’t seem fair to have to have your dad and your dog leave you on the same day,” he grumbled.
The morning passed slowly for the two depressed individuals. After lunch Nathan persuaded Garrett to accompany him to the mill, but Caroline chose to stay home. She wanted to go upstairs and have a good cry alone.
Upon entering her room, she paused at the sight of the open door connecting it to the room Jed had been using. She walked to it and stood in the doorway, her gaze sweeping the room. His presence had made it seem so alive, but now the room had never looked so empty.
She moved to the bed and ran her hand along the curved metal footboard, then opened the closet door and saw that he had left some of his clothing behind. Impulsively, she buried her face against the shirt he had worn when they were wed. The faint aroma of cigar carried to her nostrils, and her tears began to fall.
Sobbing, she ran back into her room and threw herself down on her bed. She slid her hand to her stomach and rubbed it gently. It was too soon to know for certain, but if her suspicions were correct, their baby would be born before Jed returned.
CHAPTER
27
Later, she listlessly went back downstairs. She sat down at the piano, but no matter what she played, the music failed to soothe her. She slumped down and laid her head on her arms.
Soon, through her gloom, she sensed she wasn’t alone. Startled, she bolted up and turned her head. Jed stood in the doorway.
Was she imagining him. “Jed! What are you doing here? Didn’t your ship sail last night?”
“It did, but witho
ut me. And I missed the train you came back on, so I had to wait for the next one. I have something to say to you that I should have said sooner. So I resigned and left the ship.”
“You resigned your commission on the Redheaded Belle! But you love that ship, Jed.” Her heart began pounding in her breast. “Does this mean you don’t intend to go back to sea?”
“There are other ships.”
Another false hope. But she’d been given a second chance to confess her love to him, and she wasn’t going to let him leave again without doing so.
“What’s so important to cause you to come back?”
“Caroline, Lord knows I’ve given you enough cause to dislike me. But I don’t want…I mean…I can’t go on with our current arrangement.”
Her heart stopped. “So…you want out of the marriage?”
“Let me finish,” he grumbled. “I’ve rehearsed this damn speech all the way from San Francisco!
“When I agreed to your marriage demands, I intended to honor them. But I find it impossible.”
“You find what impossible?”
“To make this damn speech, if you keep interrupting! Dammit it, Caroline, I want us to have a real marriage—not a polite arrangement for Garrett’s sake. I want to be a real husband to you, and I want you to be a real wife to me—not just a cook and housekeeper.”
Her whole body was quivering. She wanted to fling herself into his arms. This was a Jed she had never seen before. His sweet talk and smooth control had shattered to the point where he was having trouble putting words together in a sentence. But he still hadn’t said the words she yearned to hear from him.
“No woman has ever touched the deep part of me that you did, Caroline. It scared the hell out of me, because I knew I would have to choose between you and my love for the sea.