by Reana Malori
Staring at each, neither of them seemed to be ready to give in. Breathing harshly, she watched Jackson begin to pace the room like a caged lion.
Taking a deep breath, she continued with what she needed to say to him.
“When I saw Daniel tonight, I told him that I was committed to you. That I couldn’t go out to dinner with him because of you. That I was taken. He understood that,” she whispered. “We’re friends, Jackson, nothing more.” Her voice came out stronger.
“What was I supposed to think? He comes back into town and all of a sudden you’re questioning our relationship.”
“Is that what you’d call this? A relationship? Because I’ve been wondering about that lately.” Finally voicing the lingering concern that had plagued her for a few months, she waited to see if he’d pick up on her words.
At that, his head whipped around to her. A look of shock covered his face. “Baby. Come on. You know better than that. You know how I feel.”
“Do I? Tell me, Jackson. Do you think you have the monopoly on feeling scared? That you’re the only who’s ever been hurt in a relationship? How do you think I felt, Jackson?” The question seemed torn from her throat, the sound was so raw. “Knowing that you were only giving me a piece of you? That you were holding back from me.”
Taking a ragged breath, Jackson took a step closer to her, “Baby, I gave you all that I had to give. Every piece of me that could be yours, I gave it to you.”
“Well, it’s not enough. I want the piece of you that you’ve held back this entire time. I want all of you, Jackson. Either you can give me that, or you leave right now.” She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to say something.
Staring at her, his jaw moved as if he wanted to speak, but no words came out.
Lisa’s shoulder’s slumped as she watched him. Lifting her head, she knew there was no other choice.
“Jackson, make your choice. Either give me what I need or walk away from me right now—tonight—and let me move on. Let me find a man who isn’t afraid to be with me the way that I need. Who isn’t afraid to yell it to the world that I’m his.”
Tears were flowing down her face. This was the moment of truth.
These past two weeks had been rough for them. All the fights and hurt feelings were building up to today. If they couldn’t make it past tonight, then there was no future for them.
CHAPTER TEN
Jackson couldn’t move. He couldn’t think.
Lisa’s words reminded him of what Austin said to him a few weeks ago. If he couldn’t give Lisa what she was asking for, he needed to leave and let her move on. Opening his mouth to again justify his own misgivings, he realized he had nothing to say. What could he say? She was right. He’d been placing her in the same bucket as Sarah and he’d never let her escape. Never allowing her to build her own role in his life had hurt not only him, but her as well. It had damaged the type of relationship they could have with each other.
Everything he’d done with Lisa had been through the lens of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Expecting her to show him that she was no better than any other woman he’d been with over the years. Looking at her as she stood before him, he almost had to close his eyes against the tears streaming down her face.
His skin became too tight for his body. Watching her fight for what she wanted with him, what she thought they had, almost broke him.
Hell, it did break him.
He needed some fresh air.
Without thinking about how it would look to Lisa, he abruptly turned away from her. Picking up his jacket, he strode to the front door and walked out without another word. He needed to think about what the hell he was going to do now.
Strolling down the sidewalk, he took some deep breaths. Was he ready to let go of the past and build something new and fresh? Could he give Lisa what she was asking for?
He was still in the Navy for at least another year and in that time, he would still be called on to go on missions and she would still be at home, waiting for him to return. Would that be any different than what she’d been doing for the past two years? She’d been faithful and committed to him this entire time. Why was he doubting her now?
Because he loved her.
That thought stopped him in his tracks. Getting his bearings, he realized he’d walked about a half-mile up the road and there was a coffee shop on the corner.
Needing to get out of the cold so that he could warm up, he crossed the street and went inside. Ordering a cup of hot coffee, he sat down at a table near the back of the room. Eyeing the sparse crowd of people in the room, his gaze caught on an older couple sitting at a table in a far corner.
Not wanting to be caught staring, he sipped his coffee as he watched them. The man, who appeared to be the husband, had a grumpy look on his face as he read the paper in front of him. The sweet-looking woman was laughing at the book she was reading. Every once in a while, the man would frown even more and shake his head from side to side. At one point, the woman put down her book and tapped his hand.
Putting down his newspaper, the older man gave her an exasperated look. She mouthed some words to him. What, he couldn’t tell due to the angle. Whatever it was, it made the old man smile. Lifting his hand to the woman’s face, he smiled back at her for a few seconds before going back to reading his paper.
That’s what I want with Lisa. When we’re old and gray, I want her to change my mood, to make me laugh, with just a touch of her hand.
A loud sound to the side of him at the cashier’s counter jarred him from his musings about the older couple.
Looking around, he questioned why he was here. He inhaled deeply, took a final swig of his coffee and left the little corner shop.
Once outside, he began running. He had to get back to Lisa’s place. He’d left without so much as a word to her while she’d been pleading with him to give her more. Telling him that she needed more from him. And he’d just left her. No wonder she questioned what was going on between them.
Any other woman would have kicked his ass to the curb already. But not his Lisa. She had more faith in them than anyone else in this world. Even him.
With all his blustering and claims of her belonging to him, he’d never actually treated her that way. He’d never told her that she was what kept him going when he was away from home. No. What he did was blame her for being beautiful. For having friends. For making him weak. Things that she could not control. He felt like a complete ass.
Arriving back at her door, in record time, he burst inside. He was barely out of breath, but his heart was racing in fear.
Looking around the room, he found Lisa sitting on the couch. A tissue was in her hand and the room was dark. No sounds came out of her mouth, but he noticed her slumped shoulders and defeated posture.
“I’m sorry, Lisa.”
At her silence, he tried again.
“That wasn’t fair to you. I heard you. Baby, it was difficult for me to process the words. You have every right to kick me out right now, but I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain,” he pleaded.
She turned her head and her red-rimmed eyes met his. All he wanted to do was get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness. He’d done this to her. To his Lisa.
“Say what you have to say and then I need you to get out and never come back.” Her tortured voice reached his ears.
Removing his jacket, he placed it over the back of the loveseat as he walked over to her. Sitting down next to her, he took a deep breath. Then another. Hell, he’d never been so nervous in his damn life. He was a man who jumped into the fray on a daily basis. How was he afraid of this little slip of a woman? If it wasn’t so damn sad, he would laugh.
“I love you, Lisa,” he whispered.
Her head whipped around at his words and she stared at him with wide eyes.
“Yes, baby. I love you. I was afraid. Afraid that you wouldn’t love me back. That’s right, I pulled away and held myself back from you because I didn’t want t
o be hurt again. I didn’t want to lose myself in you, give my heart over to you, just to have it broken again. If that happened, I don’t think I would survive it,” he finished.
Lisa sat in front of him in silence. She stared at him as he spoke, but didn’t move a muscle. As he went to speak again, she held up a finger to his lips.
“No, don’t. Jackson, we’ve been living this half-life. Sometimes in each other’s world, other times not. I don’t know what’s real with you,” she countered.
“What you’re seeing in front of you is real. These past couple of weeks, I lost my head over seeing that guy Daniel in your office, the questions you had about us, and then these damn fights we’ve been having. It made me crazy,” he admitted as he gave a low, gritty laugh.
“Yeah, it sure did. How do I know it won’t happen again?” she asked.
“I can’t promise you that. I won’t ever be okay with another man being around you. I’ll never stop worrying about if I make you happy or not. Because I want to, Lisa. I want to make you happy. Even when I fuck up and don’t say the right things.”
He’d also noticed that Lisa hadn’t yet repeated the words back to him that he longed to hear. Determined not to push her, he was committed to stay right here and wait. Patience was going to be his best friend today.
“Baby, are you hearing me?” he asked, grabbing one of her hands within his.
Jackson knelt on his knees in front of her and just held on. The touch of her skin against his was a boon to his soul. After everything she’d said to him, he needed this moment of quiet.
“I can’t lose you, Lisa. You have no idea how much I need you in my life,” he implored.
The only sounds in the room were of their conjoined breaths. He’d never been so afraid of anything in his life, except this moment.
“You took advantage of me. Of how I felt about you. You assumed that I would always be here.” Her voice broke through the deafening silence. “That’s what hurts the most.”
“Never. That was not what I meant to do. We…” He broke off and sighed deeply. “We had something unique and different. It was unlike anything I’d ever had before.”
“I didn’t ask for much from you. Maybe that was my mistake. I allowed you to dictate our relationship.”
“That’s not fair, Lisa, and you know it. We both decided how we thought things should play out. Neither of us expected things to change.”
She turned her eyes on him and the wetness pooled in the corners. Lifting his hands, he captured her tears with his thumbs. Removing the excess wetness from her beautiful skin. Tears should never be in her eyes because of something he did. Shame filled him as he thought about what had been happening with them these past weeks.
Laughing derisively, she looked up at him. “I’ll admit, what we had was fun.”
“It still is. Did you hear what I told you earlier? I love you, baby.”
She inhaled deeply, her eyes closing for the briefest moment, “I heard you.”
“And?”
“Maybe you should go home for the night. I’m not feeling up for company.” Lisa began to pull her hands away from him, but he held on.
“I’m not leaving tonight. I made a mistake trying to walk away. I needed some fresh air. You make me feel things…things I never thought I’d feel again.”
“Jackson, I’m not doing this with you tonight. It feels too painful. Everything is sitting on the surface and I can’t escape what I’m feeling right now. I don’t want to say something that I’ll regret. We need to sleep this off.”
“I’m not leaving tonight. I’m not leaving you. If that means, I need to sleep on the couch so we can pick up this conversation in the morning, so be it.”
“Fine. Then sleep on the couch. Now. Let me up so I can go to bed,” she demanded.
Moving back, he got up from his kneeling position and took a step to the side. Placing his hand under her elbow, he helped her stand. When she snatched her arm away from him and shot him a dirty look, he just smiled.
Fire. He liked that. Anger meant she still felt something. That, he would gladly accept. If she went numb or emotionless on him, that’s when he would start to worry.
Watching her walk away from him to head toward the stairs, he called out, “Lisa.”
She stopped and turned to look at him just as her hand hit the bannister, but didn’t say anything.
“You never asked me why I came back.” Hands in his pockets, he stood in the shadow-filled room as he took in the view of the woman he loved.
The look on her face tore at him. “Does it matter?”
Giving her a wicked smile, he answered, “It does. You asked me a question. No, it’s more like you dared me. Either put up or shut up.”
“No, Jackson, I just asked you to decide what you wanted. The past with a woman who hurt you, or a future with me.”
“Don’t you want to hear my answer?”
Her voice was weary, tired. “I think you’re willing to tell me what I want to hear right now. So, no, I don't think I do.”
“Then I’ll tell you anyway,” he said as he removed his hands from his pockets. Walking over to where she stood, he palmed her face in his hands. As she reared back from him, he shook his head. “Don’t pull away from me, baby. That’s not what we do, you and me. The two of us, we got something special. I’m not giving it up. I’m not giving you up. I’ve made my decision.”
Dipping his head, he captured her lips in a soft kiss. Adjusting his body so that he was pressed against her, Jackson held on to her tighter, drawing her in as he deepened the kiss.
Her soft whimper made something release inside of him.
His. She belonged to him. And no motherfucker was gonna take her away from him. He would fight the world for her, and he would give up everything he had to keep her in his arms.
Even the Navy.
* * * * *
Lisa could no longer hold on to her anger and hurt. She was complicit in how things were between her and Jackson. But her heart had been bruised and battered earlier. Things between them had come to a tipping point. Something had to give. If that meant putting her money where her mouth was, then she was willing to walk away. For her own sanity, if nothing else.
When he walked out, she was sure that was it. She’d played her hand and came up short. After the door had closed, she’d dropped down on the couch and just let the tears flow. This entire time, she’d been fooling herself. She’d tried to hold on to the notion that what they had was casual and fun, but Jackson had become so much more to her.
The long nights they stayed up watching television after a lengthy bout of making love. The breath she would exhale every time he called her when he returned from a mission safely. The hollowness she’d feel in the pit of her stomach when he had to leave.
She loved this man and now she’d pushed him away.
Her mind went over all the things she’d said to him during their fights these past weeks. Had she told him she wanted him? Staked her claim and made it clear that she needed him in her life? Or had she only made demands about what was important to her, and not what was important to them?
Just as she was ready to get up, put on her shoes and go searching for him, he’d stormed through the front door. His declaration of love had shocked her to the core, but it had also given her hope.
Afraid to believe her own ears, she wanted to escape the room. Get as far away from him as she could. It was better to let him sleep on it. See what happened in the morning when they awoke. With everything in her, she needed this to be real. She could not deal with him walking away from her. Her brave front would shatter into pieces and she would have no way to pull herself back together.
“…I’m not giving it up. I’m not giving you up. I’ve made my decision,” he’d whispered, standing in front of her as he blocked her escape.
The tender touch of his lips against hers was heaven. A low whimper escaped as she grabbed hold of his arms. Heart beating out of her chest, she admitte
d to herself that this man was all she needed. All she ever wanted.
Yes, she’d been willing to give him up. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to fight for him. For what they had.
Opening her mouth to his, she heard his moan as he deepened their kiss. Their breathing was harsh in the quiet of the room as they poured their hurt and desire into this one kiss. Jackson shifted his arms, grabbing her under her ass, pulling her lower body closer to his rock-hard cock. Wetness began pooling in her panties.
No one else had ever caused her body to respond so immediately. The intensity of the feelings he invoked within her was enough to make her question her own sanity.
“I’m not letting you go. I can’t, Lisa. I won’t.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
First thing Jackson had done when they made it upstairs was to peel Lisa’s clothing from her body. As each piece of skin was revealed, his lips were there. Placing soft kisses on her skin, he left no part of her untouched.
Once she stood before him naked, her skin highlighted by the moonlight streaming through the window, she smiled. Jackson was taking his slow sweet time looking at her as she stood with her hands by her sides.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered in her ear, his husky voice deep with lust. “Do you know what I enjoy most about being with you?”
“No,” she exhaled.
“Lying between your legs,” he whispered. “Feeling your thick thighs cradle my body as I stroke inside of you.”
The only thing she could do was breathe heavily. As he continued speaking, the motion picture of their lovemaking played in her mind.
Rough hands traced patterns on her breasts, the pads of his fingers teased her nipples. “Your soft skin against mine feels like silk.”