“A cyst?” June asks.
“Let me just sterilize this, and I’ll be ready shortly.”
I take much longer than I need to wash the scalpel in the sink. What if I cut too deep into Ben’s ear and accidentally puncture his brain? Is that even possible? I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I killed him, Tee’s last chance at happiness. But I also can’t let anyone see my fear, or else they wouldn’t trust my judgment.
I’m cutting through a piece of paper, I remind myself, clinging to the only good advice I ever learned at the clinic. A very thin, sensitive piece of paper.
Tee makes sure Ben is asleep, holding him in her arms so he can be comfortable. Now that he’s upright, I can easily see the cyst, and the spot where I need to cut. I take a pen and mark the line where I’m going to run the scalpel.
“Can someone get me a cloth?” I ask. June runs into the kitchen and brings back a dark-colored towel. I nod to thank her, take a deep breath, and lower the scalpel toward Ben’s ear. Nelle holds Tee’s hand and has her attention, so she won’t see me cutting into her fragile boy. June stands by me to get whatever I need for the surgery.
I place the small blade on the beginning of the mark and remember to breathe. Come on, Lin. You can do this. With the smallest touch, like holding the stylus for my tablet, I trace the mark and wait for the blood to flow out of his ear.
It doesn’t. I didn’t cut deep enough. Another deep breath. You can do this. God, help me.
June nods, silently encouraging me. I take the scalpel and start from the top. This time, I puncture a little more of his skin and trace the mark. And this time, blood follows the line I cut.
I’m going to be sick.
Come on, Lin. You can do this.
I can’t breathe.
Before my vision blurs and I start seeing black spots, June puts the cloth on his ear to clean up the blood.
“We’re not done yet,” I whisper. “We have to get it out.”
I pull some tweezers out of my duffel bag and ask June to wash them in the sink while I hold the cloth over the cut.
“How are you, Mama?” I ask Tee.
“I’ll be okay once you tell me it’s over,” she says, her voice trembling.
“Almost. He’s going to be all right.”
June brings me my tweezers and I take one more deep breath. All I need to do is remove the cloth and pull out the cyst. In one motion, I shove the tweezers in the incision and feel around for the cyst. As I carefully take it out of his ear, I fight back the urge to gag.
“Got it.”
Tee breathes a sigh of relief, and Ben starts to stir awake. As June places the cloth over him again, the thought occurs to me. I have to sew the incision.
“Does anyone have a needle and thread?” I ask.
“In my bag,” Nelle says, motioning to her back.
“I can get it.” June runs to the other side of the room and rummages through Nelle’s bag.
I’m able to breathe again when she pulls out the needle and the thread. “Nelle, since you have experience sewing, do you feel comfortable making the stitch?”
“Sure. I can do it. Just hold him steady.”
Nelle comes near me as Ben starts to get fussy. “Shh. It’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”
Tee positions herself to where Ben can see her. She makes happy faces at him and coos at him until his wailing turns into a soft giggle. As Tee distracts him, Nelle sews the incision, and I hold him steady. The surgery is a success.
“Your son’s going to be okay,” I say, placing Ben back in Tee’s arms. She bounces him up and down, weeping for joy. June brings me a cloth with warm water to wipe the site. I put the recording device in the sink and run hot water on it as I wash my own hands.
The door opens and Ace walks in. “Whoa, I didn’t expect to see you all here.”
I look over and notice his black eye and blood on his shirt. “Ace! What happened to you?”
“Spark.” I offer him a towel as he sits down on the couch.
“Okay, can someone please explain what’s going on?” Nelle asks, throwing her hands in the air. “What did you pull out of Ben’s ear? Why is Ace covered in blood? Where’s Susan?”
Hearing her name brings tears to my eyes all over again. “It’s been a long day.” I put a kettle filled with water on the stove as my friends gather in the living room. “I’m sorry I haven’t been completely honest with all of you.”
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Nelle, Tee, and June exchange glances and look back at me.
“Susan told me not to tell you anything because she didn’t want you getting worried. Spark performed surgery on Ben the day he was born. I walked in on him putting a scalpel near Ben’s ear. He told me that he’d kill Susan if I ever told anyone.”
Tee frowns and hugs Ben close to her chest.
I take a deep breath and continue. “Nelle, that day you told me you were suspicious of Spark, so was I. Susan actually got me the job at the clinic because she knew something was up with Spark and she wanted me to keep an eye on him.”
Nelle leans back and folds her arms over her chest.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. You’ve all been so honest with me, and I felt bad keeping this from all of you. But there’s one more thing you all need to know.” As tears form in my eyes, I grab a tissue and pat my eyelids. “Recently, Spark gave me convincing evidence that Susan’s an android. He told me she couldn’t be trusted. He wanted me to…” I can’t bring myself to finish. “I’m sorry. Susan’s no longer with us.”
I hide my face and imagine my friends gasping and making accusations against me. But when no one says a word, I look up. “It’s all my fault.”
June sits forward, leaning her hands over her lap. “What did you do?”
“It’s not what Lin did,” Ace says. “It’s what he did. Lin didn’t want to kill Susan, but he pointed a gun at her. Susan told her to do it so Lin wouldn’t have to die. Susan sacrificed her life for us, and Spark’s trying to convince the whole Community that Lin is a murderer.”
“Ace, I am a murderer. I killed Susan.”
“You did nothing wrong!” He stands up and growls. I’ve never seen him this angry. “He pointed a gun at you and threatened you. If you didn’t listen to him, you’d be dead.”
His statement hangs in the air as the tea kettle whistles behind him. June grabs the hot water and pours the tea in our respective mugs.
“Well, what do we do now?” Nelle asks with a hint of irritation in her voice. “Spark has a gun. Our leader’s dead.”
“We can escape,” I say. “Ace, can I tell them about…?” When he nods, I continue. “Ace and I have been working on an underground garden. There’s a secret tunnel that leads us out of here. We could—”
Nelle interrupts me with the raise of her hand. “No. We can’t leave. It’s a rule of the Community. Besides, God wants us here.”
“How are you so sure of that?” Ace asks.
“Because my hacker sent me here to bring people hope. I’m not going to turn my back on everyone now.”
I slam my fist against the wall. “Nelle, my hacker told me that you were the one who was going to have all the answers. Hope in God. What if we could bring everyone back home? What if this place was temporary?”
She rises to her feet and stands toe to toe with me. “What he told me is none of your business, Lin.”
“Actually, Nelle, she has a point,” June says. “Maybe we should be trying to find a way out of here. What good is our faith if we have no chance to show it? We’re comfortable here. What if God doesn’t want us to be comfortable?”
Nelle’s lip trembles as she folds her arms over her chest. “No. You all don’t get to tell me what God wants or doesn’t want.”
“And what gives you that authority?” Ace asks.
She huffs and rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I’m sorry. I came to the Community believing I had to be an expert, to save everyone. I don’t k
now what my hacker meant, whether he wanted me to bring you outside of the Community, or he wants me to bring you to Heaven. Either way, we’re going to be tested. Soon. And we need prayer.”
She takes my hand, and I take June’s. We form a circle and Nelle leads us in prayer for God to increase our faith. At the end of it, I’m empowered to run across that tunnel and find out what’s on the other side.
“Who’s coming with me?” I ask.
Nelle crinkles her eyebrows. “Where are you going?”
I point toward the floor. “Didn’t you remember me talking about the underground tunnel? I’m leaving.”
“After that prayer, you’re still going to leave?” Nelle takes a step toward me and grabs my shoulders. “I asked for God to protect us, to help us be a light of hope to the Community.”
“Yeah, and I appreciate that prayer, because I’m going to need it when I go across the tunnel.” I release myself from her grip.
“Lin, going past the orange gate is against the rules,” Tee says. “If you go past there, we’d all have to—”
“I know. Susan explained the consequences. But if I stay here, Spark could kill me anyway. I have nothing to lose.” My words create a tension between all of us. I’m wrong. I have everything to lose. My new friends. My new boyfriend. True human connection.
But staying here would cause too much chaos.
“I think you’re making the right decision,” June says with a smile. “Please be safe out there.”
“We’ll all be praying for you,” Tee says, rubbing Ben’s head. “I pray that we’ll see you again someday.”
“Ladies, we can’t just let her leave,” Nelle says.
“What, Nelle? You want to bring her in to Spark now? Or wait for him to find her?” Ace grits his teeth as he looks around. “The Community is divided now since we don’t have a leader. Spark’s probably trying to convince everyone that Lin deserves to die. We need to stand up and fight against him, and maybe even against them.”
“Okay, fine.” Nelle drops her hands to her sides. “Just be careful, okay?”
I lift the bed and scurry toward the door. The sunlight encourages me forward. After I shut the door and lock it, I hear the bed slam on the floor.
God, I hope that prayer of protection wasn’t just for me.
After I descend the stairs, I look for the sunglasses that Ace let me use. Sliding the frames over my face brings me right back to the moment when I was first here, when Ace grabbed my hand and showed me the wonder of his creation. I shake my head, along with the emotions welling up in my chest, and I run through the trees, fruit, and soil, knowing that the tunnel isn’t too far behind.
Since I don’t know how long I’m going to travel before I find a place to eat, I grab as many fruits and vegetables as I can and shove them in my duffel bag. I even take some coffee and chocolate beans, hopeful that one day soon I’ll have my favorite drink again.
Finally, I find the tunnel, just past the orange tree. Right past where Ace kissed me for the first time. Come on, Lin. Focus. This dream of mine is bigger than me now. I’m not only out to save myself. I may find answers that can help my friends at the Community.
Chapter Sixty
I remove my sunglasses as the tunnel grows dark but provides just enough light for me to go through. For the most part, the road is straight, until I hit a fork. Do I turn right, or left? I shrug, choosing to go right.
The cool, damp walls provide comfort as I walk, propelling my body farther. One foot in front of the other, with one goal in sight: the end.
I don’t know why I never tried leaving before, when I was upset with myself and my friends. What was the worst that they would’ve done to me? They’d only kill me if I came back.
But I’d miss them.
I stop walking as a wave of panic washes over me. The thought occurs to me that I may never see my friends again. I left them all behind to save myself.
My mind is spinning. No, I’m spinning. I trip on a rock and tumble further underground, down a set of steps, before I can stop myself. My back hits the bottom with a loud thud.
I look around, taking in my surroundings. A burnt-out candle is mounted on the side wall, and there’s a wooden cross in the center of the room. What looks like worn-out benches outline the perimeter of the cross, and underneath it is a tapestry with faded red, purple, and white yarn.
Nelle had told me all about the cross, what it symbolizes in faith. That Jesus wiped our slate clean, just like Don had deleted my archive. I sit at the bench and examine the relic that’s about waist-height to me, trying to imagine what it would’ve been like for a man to be hung on a cross like that. What it did to his body, his lungs, his heart…
After all Spark taught me about the human anatomy, I can imagine pain on a molecular level. Why did Jesus go through all of that, just for us to end up here, without the Internet, looking for hope in an undisclosed location? Why didn’t the world end thousands of years ago? Why are we still here?
I peel an orange and bite into it, letting the juice satisfy my thirst. Is it possible that there’s running water underground? I stand and examine the stone walls, running my fingers along the smooth edges.
My hand brushes against an uneven part of the rock. I notice that there’s a small portion that looks like it was cut out and put back in place. Using one hand to grab the stone and the other to brush the debris out of the way, I discover a roll of old papers inside the hole. The words on the first page look like English, but they were written by hand. It’s been so long since I’ve read words without the help of Tobi. I review them in my mind before I speak them out loud:
Hope doesn’t disappoint us.
Tears form in my eyes as I run my fingers over the words. I’ve been disappointed by hope lately. After learning all about it, after watching my father die while believing in hope, after getting all the answers that I supposedly needed, I felt disappointed. Now, I’m here, reading these words written by someone a few centuries ago, someone who doesn’t know me, but who is deeply connected to me.
I fold the piece of paper and slide it into my pocket. When I have other days like today, I might want to read these words again.
The other page from the hole included a longer message, one that took me quite some time to decipher before I could read it aloud:
Our mission at the underground church is to strengthen and encourage one another without fear of the future. We may be arrested for our faith, but we’ll do everything in our power to worship God freely, trusting that He will take care of the rest. Our children and spouses have been taken from us, but we know we will see them again in Heaven. Until then, we will work in our communities and pray for ways to share our faith with our co-workers, neighbors, and fellow believers. The Lord is faithful, and He will provide a way to victory for us. We plant seeds, knowing that the next generation will eat of its fruit.
I take a deep breath and read through the paragraph again, my heart racing as if I was sitting among them, worried for my life. Afraid that the patrol officers would come and arrest me for my social media activity. But these people weren’t afraid. No, they were ready for anything, because they had one another for encouragement and support.
I slide against the cool wall and close my eyes. My father’s game comes back to me, and I smile. I’m thankful for Nelle, Sage, and June, who supported and encouraged me when I needed help the most. I’m thankful for Ace, who comforted me when I needed someone familiar. I’m thankful for Don, who wiped my slate clean and helped me to get a brand-new start. I’m thankful for Sage, who protected me from the patrol officers. I’m even thankful to Spark for teaching me about the human anatomy and androids, so I can somehow use that knowledge to stop the Liberty party in the future.
The believers of the underground church probably built the garden, even the entire city. Now, we’re carrying on their legacy. We’re picking up the garden tools and reaping the seeds that they had sown.
I hope I get the chance to tell the
others someday.
Chapter Sixty-One
When I open my eyes, I’m on the ground. Did I fall asleep? What time is it? I don’t know what’s going on around me, but I know I need to keep moving.
I yawn, and my tongue feels dry. There must be water around here somewhere. I amble toward the light and hope to find a lake, a fountain, anything.
After crawling up a set of large rocks, I open what looks like a small door and find myself exactly where Don had dropped me off. A dusty dirt road lay before me, looking thirstier than I feel.
It’s been so long since I’ve been on this road. I look around, trying to remember where Don rode his mo-pod away from me. But there are no landmarks for miles to indicate where I am. Nothing but grass and dirt.
In the distance, I hear a dog barking. I shake my head. Hallucinations are possible when tired and thirsty.
A big, fluffy dog emerges from down the tunnel. It can’t be real. It’s coming toward me. I blink to try to erase the image, but it’s still there.
“Lola?”
At the sound of her name, she quickens her pace toward me, her tongue flapping in the other direction. I reach out my arms and fall to the ground as she tackles me.
“Lola! It’s so good to see you.” The warmth of my dog’s fur puts all my questions in the back seat. She’s not whimpering anymore. Her belly is plump, like someone has been feeding her. I hold her until she starts to wiggle out of my grip.
My hand catches on her collar, which has a water bottle attached to it. After grabbing the bottle and chugging its contents, I notice the metallic tag flashing a red light. Another recording device.
“Who sent you, Lola?”
I flip the tag over and read the etchings in the metal. Await further instructions.
Lola barks as I stand up. When I gain my footing, she starts to take me back from where she came. “Where are you going, girl?”
We walk in step down the dirt road as the sun begins to set. What a long day it’s been. I remember it coming up in conversation with Spark that dogs can see better than humans can at night. Maybe that’s why they sent her. Rubbing my hands through her soft fur gives me solace that we’re going in the right direction. As we walk, I tell her about my experience in the Community, and how I feel a new purpose arising in the future.
In Real Life Page 24