Camilla was sensibly touched; and though strangely at a loss what to judge, felt her affections deeply interested.
‘I dreaded,’ she continued, ‘to tell you my name, for I dreaded to sink myself into your contempt, by your knowledge of an alliance you must deem so mercenary. ’Twas folly to hope you would not hear it; yet I wished first to obtain, at least, your good will. The dear lost name of Melmond is all I love to pronounce! That name, I believe, is known to you; so may be, also, perhaps, my brother’s unhappy story?’
Melmond, she then said, believing Miss Lynmere betrothed to Mr. Mandlebert, had quitted Hampshire in misery, to finish his vacation in Wales, with their mutual friends. There he heard that the rumour was false; and would instantly have returned and thrown himself at the feet of the young lady, by whose cousin, Mr. Lionel Tyrold, he had been told she was to inherit a large fortune; when this second report, also, was contradicted, and he learnt that Miss Lynmere had almost nothing; ‘My brother,’ added she, ‘with the true spirit of true sentiment, was but the more urgent to pursue her; but our relations interfered — and he, like me, is doomed to endless anguish!’
The accident, she said, of the preceding morning, was owing to her being engaged in reading Rowe’s letters from the dead to the living; which had so infinitely enchanted her, that, desiring to peruse them without interruption, yet fearing to again wander in search of a rural retreat, she had driven to Knowle; where, hearing the noble family was absent, she had asked leave to view the park, and there had taken out her delicious book, which she was enjoying in the highest luxury of solitude and sweet air, when Lord Newford broke in upon her.
Camilla enquired if she feared any bad consequences, by telling Mr. Berlinton of his impertinence.
‘Heaven forbid,’ she answered, ‘that I should be condemned to speak to Mr. Berlinton of anything that concerns or befalls me! I see him as little as I am able, and speak to him as seldom.’
Camilla heard this with grief, but durst not further press a subject so delicate. They continued together till noon, and then reluctantly parted, upon a message from Mrs. Arlbery that the carriages were waiting. Mrs. Berlinton declined being introduced to that lady, which would only, she said, occasion interruptions to their future tête-à-têtes.
Neither the thoughtlessness of the disposition, nor the gaiety of the imagination of Camilla, could disguise from her understanding the glaring eccentricity of this conduct and character: but she saw them with more of interest than blame; the various attractions with which they were mixed, blending in her opinion something between pity and admiration, more captivating, though more dangerous, to the fond fancy of youth, than the most solid respect, and best founded esteem.
CHAPTER VI
The accomplished Monkies
When Camilla descended, she found Sir Sedley Clarendel and General Kinsale in attendance; and saw, from the parlour window, Miss Dennel sauntering before the house, with the newly made acquaintance of the preceding evening.
The Baronet, who was to drive Mrs. Arlbery, enquired if Camilla would not prefer, also, an open carriage. Mrs. Arlbery seconded the motion. Miss Dennel, then, running to her father, exclaimed, ‘Pray, papa, let’s take this lady I’ve been talking with in the coach with us. She’s the good-naturedest creature I ever knew.’
‘Who is she? what’s her name?’
‘O, I don’t know that, papa; but I’ll go and ask her.’
Flying then back, ‘Pray, ma’am,’ she cried, ‘what’s your name? because papa wants to know.’
‘Why, my dear, my name’s Mittin. So you may think of me when you put on your gloves.’
‘Papa, her name’s Mittin,’ cried Miss Dennel, scampering again to her father.
‘Well, and who is she?’
‘O, la, I’m sure I can’t tell, only she’s a gentlewoman.’
‘And how do you know that?’
‘She told me so herself.’
‘And where does she live?’
‘Just by, papa, at that house you see there.’
‘O, well, if she’s a neighbour, that’s enough. I’ve no more to say.’
‘O, then, I’ll ask her!’ cried Miss Dennel, jumping, ‘dear! I’m so glad! ’twould have been so dull, only papa and I. I’m resolved, when I’ve a house of my own, I’ll never go alone any where with papa.’
This being muttered, the invitation was made and accepted, and the parties set forward.
The ride was perfectly pleasing to Camilla, now revived and cheerful; Sir Sedley was free from airs; Mrs. Arlbery drew them into conversation with one another, and none of them were glad when Mr. Dennel, called ‘stop! or you’ll drive too far.’
Camilla, who, supposing she was going, as usual, to the Pantiles, had got into the phaeton without inquiry; and who, finding afterwards her mistake, concluded they were merely taking an airing, now observed she was advancing towards a crowd, and presently perceived a booth, and an immense sign hung out from it, exhibiting a man monkey, or ourang outang.
Though excessively fluttered, she courageously, and at once, told Mrs. Arlbery she begged to be excused proceeding.
Mrs. Arlbery, who had heard, at the play, the general objections of Mandlebert, though she had not attended to her answer, conjectured her reason for retreating, and laughed, but said she would not oppose her.
Camilla then begged to wait in Mr. Dennel’s carriage, that she might keep no one else from the show. Sir Sedley, saying it would be an excruciatingly vulgar sight, proposed they should all return; but she pleaded strongly against breaking up the party, though, while she was handed out, to go back to the coach, the Dennels and Mrs. Mittin had alighted, and it had driven off.
The chagrin of Camilla was so palpable, that Mrs. Arlbery herself agreed to resign the scheme; and Sir Sedley, who drew up to them, said he should rejoice in being delivered from it: but Miss Dennel, who was waiting without the booth for her aunt, was ready to cry at the thought of losing the sight, which Mrs. Mittin had assured her was extremely pretty; and, after some discussion, Camilla was reduced to beg she might do no mischief, and consent to make one.
A more immediate distress now occurred to her; she heard Mr. Dennel call out to the man stationed at the entrance of the booth, ‘What’s to pay?’ and recollected she had no money left.
‘What your Honor pleases,’ was the answer, ‘but gentlefolks gives half-a-crown.’
‘I’m sure it’s well worth it,’ said Mrs. Mittin, ‘for it’s one of the most curious things you ever saw. You can’t give less, sir.’ And she passed nimbly by, without paying at all: but added, ‘I had a ticket the first day, and now I come every day for nothing, if it don’t rain, for one only need to pay at first.’
Mr. Dennel and his daughter followed, and Camilla was beginning a hesitating speech to Mrs. Arlbery, as that lady, not attending to her, said to Mr. Dennel: ‘Well, frank me also; but take care what you pay; I’m not at all sure I shall ever return it. All I save goes to my ponies.’ And, handed by the General, she crossed the barrier; not hearing the voice of her young friend, which was timidly beseeching her to stop.
Camilla was now in extreme confusion. She put her hand into her pocket, took it out, felt again, and again brought forth the hand empty.
The Major, who was before her, and who watched her, begged leave to settle with the booth-keeper; but Camilla, to whom he grew daily more irksome, again preferred a short obligation to the Baronet, and blushingly asked if he would once more be her banker?
Sir Sedley, by no means suspecting the necessity that urged this condescension, was surprised and delighted, and almost without knowing it himself, became all that was attentive, obliging, and pleasing.
Before they were seated, the young Ensign, Mr. Macdersey, issuing from a group of gentlemen, addressed himself to Camilla, though with an air that spoke him much discomposed and out of spirits. ‘I hope you are well, Miss Camilla Tyrold,’ he cried; ‘and have left all your family well? particularly the loveliest of your sex, that ange
l of beauty, the divine Miss Lynmere?’
‘Except the company present!’ said Mrs. Arlbery; ‘always except the company present, when you talk of beauty to women.’
‘I would not except even the company absent!’ replied he, with warmth; but was interrupted from proceeding, by what the master of the booth called his Consort of Musics: in which not less than twenty monkies contributed their part; one dreadfully scraping a bow across the strings of a vile kit, another beating a drum, another with a fife, a fourth with a bagpipe, and the sixteen remainder striking together tongs, shovels, and pokers, by way of marrowbones and cleavers. Every body stopt their ears, though no one could forbear laughing at their various contortions, and horrible grimaces, till the master of the booth, to keep them, he said, in tune, dealt about such fierce blows with a stick, that they set up a general howling, which he called the Wocal part of his Consort, not more stunning to the ear, than offensive to all humanity. The audience applauded by loud shouts, but Mrs. Arlbery, disgusted, rose to quit the booth. Camilla eagerly started up to second the motion, but her eyes still more expeditiously turned from the door, upon encountering those of Edgar; who, having met the empty coach of Mr. Dennel, had not been able to refrain from inquiring where its company had been deposited; nor, upon hearing it was at the accomplished Monkies, from hastening to the spot, to satisfy himself if or not Camilla had been steady to her declaration. But he witnessed at once the propriety of his advice, and its failure.
The master of the booth could not endure to see the departure of the most brilliant part of his spectators, and made an harangue, promising the company, at large, if they would submit to postponing the Consort, in order to oblige his friends the Quality, they should have it, with the newest squalls in taste, afterwards.
The people laughed and clapped, and Mrs. Arlbery sat down.
In a few minutes, the performers were ready for a new exhibition. They were dressed up as soldiers, who, headed by a corporal, came forward to do their exercises.
Mrs. Arlbery, laughing, told the General, as he was upon duty, he should himself take the command: the General, a pleasant, yet cool and sensible man, did not laugh less; but the Ensign, more warm tempered, and wrong headed, seeing a feather in a monkey’s cap, of the same colour, by chance, as in his own, fired with hasty indignation, and rising, called out to the master of the booth: ‘What do you mean by this, sir? do you mean to put an affront upon our corps?’
The man, startled, was going most humbly to protest his innocence of any such design; but the laugh raised against the Ensign amongst the audience gave him more courage, and he only simpered without speaking.
‘What do you mean by grinning at me, sir?’ said Macdersey; ‘do you want me to cane you?’
‘Cane me!’ cried the man enraged, ‘by what rights?’
Macdersey, easily put off all guard, was stepping over the benches, with his cane uplifted, when his next neighbour, tightly holding him, said, in a half whisper, ‘If you’ll take my advice, you’d a deal better provoke him to strike the first blow.’
Macdersey, far more irritated by this counsel than by the original offence, fiercely looked back, calling out ‘The first blow! What do you mean by that, sir?’
‘No offence, sir,’ answered the person, who was no other than the slow and solemn Mr. Dubster; ‘but only to give you a hint for your own good; for if you strike first, being in his own house, as one may say, he may take the law of you.’
‘The law!’ repeated the fiery Ensign; ‘the law was made for poltroons: a man of honour does not know what it means.’
‘If you talk at that rate, sir,’ said Dubster, in a low voice, ‘it may bring you into trouble.’
‘And who are you, sir, that take upon you the presumption to give me your opinion?’
‘Who am I, sir? I am a gentleman, if you must needs know.’
‘A gentleman! who made you so?’
‘Who made me so? why leaving off business! what would you have make me so? you may tell me if you are any better, if you come to that.’
Macdersey, of an ancient and respectable family, incensed past measure, was turning back upon Mr. Dubster; when the General, taking him gently by the hand, begged he would recollect himself.
‘That’s very true, sir, very true, General!’ cried he, profoundly bowing; ‘what you say is very true. I have no right to put myself into a passion before my superior officer, unless he puts me into it himself; in which case ’tis his own fault. So I beg your pardon, General, with all my heart. And I’ll go out of the booth without another half syllable. But if ever I detect any of those monkies mocking us, and wearing our feathers, when you a’n’t by, I sha’n’t put up with it so mildly. I hope you’ll excuse me, General.’
He then bowed to him again, and begged pardon of all the ladies; but, in quitting the booth, contemptuously said to Mr. Dubster: ‘As to you, you little dirty fellow, you a’n’t worth my notice.’
‘Little dirty fellow!’ repeated Mr. Dubster, when he was gone; ‘How come you to think of that? why I’m as clean as hands can make me!’
‘Come, sir, come,’ said Mrs. Mittin, reaching over to him, and stroking his arm, ‘don’t be angry; these things will happen, sometimes, in public companies; but gentlemen should be above minding them. He meant no harm, I dare say.’
‘O, as to that, ma’am,’ answered Mr. Dubster proudly, ‘I don’t much care if he did or not: it’s no odds to me. Only I don’t know much what right he has to defame me. I wonder who he thinks he is that he may break the peace for nothing. I can’t say I’m much a friend to such behaviour. Treating people with so little ceremony.’
‘I protest,’ cried Sir Sedley to Camilla, ‘’tis your favourite swain from the Northwick assembly! wafted on some zephyr of Hope, he has pursued you to Tunbridge. I flatter myself he has brought his last bran new cloaths to claim your fair hand at the master of the ceremonies’ ball.’
‘Hush! hush!’ cried Camilla, in a low voice; ‘he will take you literally should he hear you!’
Mr. Dubster, now perceiving her, bowed low from the place where he stood, and called out, ‘How do you do, ma’am? I ask pardon for not speaking to you before; but I can’t say as I see you.’
Camilla was forced to bow, though she made no answer. But he continued with his usual steadiness; ‘Why, that was but a unked morning we was together so long, ma’am, in my new summer-house. We was in fine jeopardy, that’s the truth of it. Pray, how does the young gentleman do as took away our ladder?’
‘What a delectable acquaintance!’ cried Sir Sedley; ‘would you have the cruelty to keep such a treasure to yourself? present me, I supplicate!’
‘O, I know you well enough, sir,’ said Mr. Dubster, who overheard him; ‘I see you at the hop at the White Hart; and I believe you know me pretty well too, sir, if I may take account by your staring. Not that I mind it in the least.’
‘Come, come, don’t be touchy,’ said Mrs. Mittin; ‘can’t you be good-natured, and hold your tongue? what signifies taking things amiss? It only breeds ill words.’
‘That’s very sensibly observed upon!’ said Mr. Dennel; ‘I don’t know when I’ve heard any thing more sensibly said.’
‘O, as to that, I don’t take it amiss in the least,’ cried Mr. Dubster; ‘if the gentleman’s a mind to stare, let him stare. Only I should like to know what it’s for. It’s no better than child’s play, as one may say, making one look foolish for nothing.’
The ourang outang was now announced, and Mrs. Arlbery immediately left the booth, accompanied by her party, and speedily followed by Edgar.
Neither of the carriages were in waiting, but they would not return to the booth. Sir Sedley, to whom standing was still rather inconvenient, begged a cast in the carriage of a friend, who was accidentally passing by.
Macdersey, who joined them, said he had been considering what that fellow had proposed to him, of taking the first blow, and found he could not put up with it: and upon the appearance of Mr. Dubster,
who in quitting the booth was preparing, with his usual leisurely solemnity, to approach Camilla, darted forward and seizing him by the collar, exclaimed, ‘Retract, sir! Retract!’
Mr. Dubster stared, at first, without speech or opposition; but being released by the Major, whom the General begged to interfere, he angrily said: ‘Pray, sir, what business have you to take hold of a body in such a manner as that? It’s an assault, sir, and so I can prove. And I’m glad of it; for now I can serve you as I did another gentleman once before, that I smarted out of a good ten pound out of his pocket, for a knock he gave me, for a mere nothing, just like this here pulling one by the collar, nobody knows why.’
The Major, endeavouring to quiet Macdersey, advised him to despise so low a person.
‘So I will, my dear friend,’ he returned, ‘as soon as ever I have given him the proper chastisement for his ignorance. But I must do that first. You won’t take it ill, Major.’
‘I believe,’ cried Mr. Dubster, holding up both his hands, ‘the like of this was never heard of! Here’s a gentleman, as he calls himself, ready to take away my life, with his own good will, for nothing but giving him a little bit of advice! However, it’s all one to me. The law is open to all. And if any one plays their tricks upon me, they shall pay for their fun. I’m none of your tame ones to put up with such a thing for nothing. I’m above that, I promise you.’
‘Don’t talk, sir, don’t talk!’ cried Macdersey; ‘it’s a thing I can’t bear from a mean person, to be talked to. I had a hundred thousand times rather stand to be shot at.’
‘Not talk, sir? I should be glad to know what right you has to hinder me, provided I say nothing against the law? And as to being a mean person, it’s more than you can prove, for I’m sure you don’t know who I am, nor nothing about me. I may be a lord, for any thing you know, though I don’t pretend to say I am. But as to what people take me for, that behave so out of character, it’s what I sha’n’t trouble my head about. They may take me for a chimney-sweeper, or they may take me for a duke; which they like. I sha’n’t tell them whether I’m one or t’other, or whether I’m neither. And as to not talking, I shall hold my tongue when I think proper.’
Complete Works of Frances Burney Page 200