As I had been extremely distressed upon the queen’s birthday, in January, where to go or how to act, and could obtain no information from my coadjutrix, I now resolved to ask for directions from the queen herself; and she readily gave them, in a manner to make this day far more comfortable to me than the last. She bade me dress as fast as I could, and go to St. James’, by eleven o’clock; but first come into the room to her. Then followed my grand toilette. The hair-dresser was waiting for me, and he went to work first, and I second, with all our might and main. When my adorning tasks were accomplished, I went to the blue closet. No one was there, I then hesitated whether to go back or seek the queen. I have a dislike insuperable to entering a royal presence, except by an immediate Summons: however, the directions I had had prevailed, and I- went into the adjoining apartment. There stood Madame de la Fite! she was talking in a low voice with M. de Luc. They told me the queen was in the next room, and on I went.
She was seated at a glass, and the hair-dresser was putting on her jewels, while a clergyman in his canonicals was standing near and talking to her. I imagined him some bishop unknown to me, and stopped; the queen looked round, and called out “it’s Miss Burney! — come in, Miss Burney.” in I came, curtseying respectfully to a bow from the canonicals, but I found not out till he answered something said by the queen, that it was no other than Mr. Turbulent.
Madame de la Fite then presented herself at the door (which was open for air) of the ante-room. The queen bowed to her, and said she would see her presently: she retired, and her majesty, in a significant low voice, said to me, “Do go to her, and keep her there a little!” I obeyed, and being now in no fright nor hurry, entered into conversation with her sociably and comfortably.
I then went to St. James’s. The queen was most brilliant in attire; and when she was arrayed, Mr. West(233) was allowed to enter the dressing-room, in order to give his opinion of the disposition -of her jewels, which indeed were arranged with great taste and effect.
The three princesses, Princess Royal, Augusta, and Elizabeth, were all very splendidly decorated, and looked beautiful. They are indeed uncommonly handsome, each in their different Way-the princess royal for figure, the Princess Augusta for countenance, and the Princess Elizabeth for face.
THE EQUERRIES: COLONEL MANNERS.
Friday, June 8-This day we came to Windsor for the Summer, during which we only go to town for a Drawing-room once a fortnight, and to Kew in the way. Mrs. Schwellenberg remained in town, not well enough to move.
The house now was quite full, the king having ordered a party to it for the Whitsun holidays. This party was Colonel page 36
Manners, the equerry in waiting; Colonel Ramsden, a good-humoured and well-bred old officer of the king’s household; Colonels Wellbred and Goldsworthy, and General Budé.
Colonel Ramsden is gentle and pleasing, but very silent; General Budé is always cheerful, but rises not above a second; Colonel Hotham has a shyness that looks haughty, and therefore distances; Colonel Goldsworthy reserves his sport and humour for particular days and particular favourites; and Colonel Wellbred draws back into himself unless the conversation promises either instruction or quiet pleasure; nor would any one of these, during the whole time, speak at all, but to a next neighbour, nor even then, except when that neighbour suited his fancy.
You must not, however, imagine we had no public speakers; M. del Campo harangued aloud to whoever was willing to listen, and Colonel Manners did the same, without even waiting for that proviso. Colonel Manners, however, I must introduce to you by a few specimens: he is so often, in common with all the equerries, to appear on the scene, that I wish you to make a particular acquaintance with him.
One evening, when we were all, as usual, assembled, he began a discourse upon the conclusion of his waiting, which finishes with the end of June:— “Now I don’t think,” cried he, “that it’s well managed: here we’re all in waiting for three months at a time, and then for nine months there’s nothing!”
“Cry your mercy!” cried Colonel Goldsworthy, “if three months- -three whole months — are not enough for you, pray take a few more from mine to make up your market!”
“No, no, I don’t mean that; — but why can’t we have our waitings month by month? — would not that be better?”
“I think not! — we should then have no time unbroken.”
“Well, but would not that be better than what it is now? Why, we’re here so long, that when one goes away nobody knows one! — one has quite to make a new acquaintance! Why, when I first come out of waiting, I never know where to find anybody!”
The Ascot races were held at this time; the royal family were to be at them one or two of the days. Colonel Manners earnestly pressed Miss Port to be there. Colonel Goldsworthy said it was quite immaterial to him who was there, for when he was attending royalty he never presumed to think of any private comfort.
“Well, I don’t see that!” cried Colonel Manners,— “for if
I was you, and not in my turn for waiting, I should go about just as I liked; — but now, as for me, as it happens to be my own turn, Why I think it right to be civil to the king.”
We all looked round; — but Colonel Goldsworthy broke forth aloud— “Civil, quotha?” cried he; “Ha! ha! civil, forsooth! — You’re mighty condescending! — the first equerry I ever heard talk of his civility to the king!— ‘Duty,’ and ‘respect,’ and ‘humble reverence,’ — those are words we are used to, — but here come you with Your civility! —— Commend me to such affability!” you see he is not spared; but Colonel Goldsworthy is the wag professed of their community, and privileged to say what he pleases. The other, with the most perfect good-humour, accepted the joke, without dreaming of taking offence at the sarcasm.
Another evening the king sent for Colonel Ramsden to play at backgammon.
“Happy, happy man!” exclaimed Colonel Goldsworthy, exultingly; but scarce had he uttered the words ere he was summoned to follow himself. “What! already!” cried he,— “without even my tea! Why this is worse and worse! — no peace in Israel! — only one half hour allowed for comfort, and now that’s swallowed! Well, I must go; — make my complaints aside, and my bows and smiles in full face!”
Off he went, but presently, in a great rage, came back, and, while he drank a hot dish of tea which I instantly presented him, kept railing at his stars for ever bringing him under a royal roof. “If it had not been for a puppy,” cried he, “I had never got off even to scald my throat in this manner But they’ve just got a dear little new ugly dog: so one puppy gave Way to t’other, and I just left them to kiss and hug it, while I stole off to drink this tea! But this is too much! — no peace for a moment! — no peace in Israel!”
When this was passed, Colonel Wellbred renewed some of the conversation of the preceding day with me; and, just as he named Dr. Herschel Colonel Manners broke forth with his dissenting opinions. “I don’t give up to Dr. Herschel at all,” cried he; “he is all system; and so they are all: and if they can but make out their systems, they don’t care a pin for anything else. As to Herschel, I liked him well enough till he came to his volcanoes in the moon, and then I gave him up, I saw he was just like the rest. How should he know anything Of the matter? There’s no such thing as pretending to measure, at such a distance as that? Colonel Wellbred, to whom I looked for an answer, instead of making any, waited in quiet silence till he had exhausted all he had to say upon the subject, and then, turning to me, made some inquiry about the Terrace, and went on to other general matters. But, some time after, when all were engaged, and this topic seemed quite passed, he calmly began, in general terms, to lament that the wisest and best of people were always so little honoured or understood in their own time, and added that he had no doubt but Sir Isaac Newton had been as much scoffed and laughed at formerly as Herschel was now; but concluded, in return, Herschel, hereafter, would be as highly reverenced as Sir Isaac was at present. . . .
We had then some discourse upon dress
and fashions. Virtuosos being next named, Colonel Manners inveighed against them quite violently, protesting they all wanted common honour and honesty; and to complete the happy subject, he instanced, in particular, Sir William Hamilton, who, he declared, had absolutely robbed both the king and state of Naples!
After this, somebody related that, upon the heat in the air being mentioned to Dr. Heberden, he had answered that he supposed it proceeded from the last eruption in the volcano in the moon: “Ay,” cried Colonel Manners, “I suppose he knows as much of the matter as the rest of them: if you put a candle at the end of a telescope, and let him look at it, he’ll say, what an eruption there is in the moon! I mean if Dr, Herschel would do it to him; I don’t say he would think so from such a person as me.”
“But Mr. Bryant himself has seen this volcano from the telescope.”
“Why, I don’t mind Mr. Bryant any more than Dr. Heberden: he’s just as credulous as t’other.”
I wanted to ask by what criterion he settled these points in so superior a manner: — but I thought it best to imitate the silence of Colonel Wellbred, who constantly called a new subject, upon every pause, to avoid all argument and discussion while the good-humoured Colonel Manners was just as ready to start forward in the new subject, as he had been in that which had been set aside.
One other evening I invited Madame de la Fite: but it did not prove the same thing; they have all a really most undue dislike of her, and shirk her conversation and fly to one another, to discourse on hunting and horses THE DUCHESS DE POLIGNAC AT WINDSOR.
The following Sunday, June 17, I was tempted to go on the Terrace, in order to se the celebrated Madame de Polignac,(234) and her daughter, Madame de Guiche. They were to be presented, with the Duke de Polignac, to their majesties, upon the Terrace. Their rank entitled them to this distinction; and the Duchess of Ancaster, to whom they had been extremely courteous abroad, came to Windsor to introduce them. They were accompanied to the Terrace by Mrs. Harcourt and the general ‘with whom they were also well acquainted.
They went to the place of rendezvous at six o’clock; the royal party followed about seven, and was very brilliant upon the occasion. The king and queen led the way, and the Prince of Wales, who came purposely to honour the interview, appeared at it also, in the king’s Windsor uniform. Lady Weymouth was in waiting upon the queen. The Duchess of Ancaster, Lady Charlotte Bertie, and Lady Elizabeth Waldegrave, with some other ladies, I think, attended: but the two eldest princesses, to the very great detriment of the scenery, were ill, and remained at home. Princess Elizabeth and Mary were alone in the queen’s suite.
I went with Miss Port and Mrs. and Miss Heberden. The crowd was so great, it was difficult to move. Their majesties and their train occupied a large space, and their attendants had no easy task in keeping them from being incommoded by the pressing of the people. They stopped to converse with these noble travellers for more than an hour. Madame la Duchesse de Polignac is a very well-looking woman, and Madame de Guiche is very pretty. There were other ladies and gentlemen in their party. But I was much amused by their dress, which they meant should be entirely `a l’Angloise — for which purpose they had put on plain undress gowns, with close ordinary black silk bonnets! I am sure they must have been quite confused when they saw the queen and princesses, with their ladies, who were all dressed with uncommon care, and very splendidly.
But I was glad, at least, they should all witness, and report, the reconciliation of the king and the Prince of Wales, who frequently spoke together, and were both in good spirits.
COLONEL MANNERS’ MUSICAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
Miss Port and myself had, afterwards, an extremely risible evening with Colonels Goldsworthy, Wellbred, and Manners the rest were summoned away to the king, or retired to their own apartments. Colonel Wellbred began the sport, undesignedly, by telling me something new relative to Dr. Herschel’s volcanoes. This was enough for Colonel Manners, who declared aloud his utter contempt for such pretended discoveries. He was deaf to all that could be said in answer, and protested he wondered how any man of common sense could ever listen to such a pack of stuff.
Mr. de Luc’s opinion upon the subject being then mentioned — he exclaimed, very disdainfully, “O, as to Mr. de Luc, he’s another man for a system himself, and I’d no more trust him than anybody: if you was only to make a little bonfire, and put it upon a hill a little way off, you might make him take it for a volcano directly! — And Herschel’s not a bit better. Those sort of philosophers are the easiest taken in in the world.” Our next topic was still more ludicrous. Colonel Manners asked me if I had not heard something, very harmonious at church in the morning? I answered I was too far off, if he meant from himself.
“Yes,” said he; “I was singing with Colonel Wellbred; and he said he was my second. — How did I do that song?”
“Song? — Mercy!” exclaimed Colonel Goldsworthy, “a song at church! — why it was the 104th Psalm! “But how did I do it, Wellbred; for I never tried at it before?”
“why — pretty well,” answered Colonel Wellbred, very composedly; “Only now and then you run me a little into ‘God save the king.’”
This dryness discomposed every muscle but of Colonel Manners, who replied, with great simplicity, “Why, that’s because that’s the tune I know best!”
“At least,” cried I, “’twas a happy mistake to make so near their majesties.”
“But: pray, now, Colonel Wellbred, tell me sincerely) — could you really make out what I was singing?”
“O yes,” answered Colonel Wellbred; “with the words.”
“Well, but pray, now, what do you call my voice?”
“Why — a — a — a counter-tenor.”
“Well, and is that a good voice?”
There was no resisting,-even the quiet Colonel Wellbred could not resist laughing out here. But Colonel Manners, quite at his ease, continued his self-discussion.
“I do think, now, if I was to have a person to play over a thing to me again and again, and then let me sing it, and stop me every time I was wrong, I do think I should be able to sing ‘God save the king’ as well as some ladies do, that have always people to show them.”
“You have a good chance then here,” cried I, “of singing some pieces of Handel, for I am sure you hear them again and again!”
“Yes, but that is not the thing for though I hear them do it’ so often over, they don’t stop for me to sing it after them, and then to set me right. Now I’ll try if you’ll know what this is.”
He then began humming aloud, “My soul praise,” etc., so very horribly, that I really found all decorum at an end, and laughed, with Miss Port, `a qui mieux mieux. Too much engaged to mind this, he very innocently, when he had done, applied to us all round for our opinions.
Miss Port begged him to sing another, and asked for that he had spouted the other day, “Care, thou bane of love and joy.”
He instantly complied; and went on, in such shocking, discordant and unmeaning sounds, that nothing in a farce could be more risible: in defiance however of all interruptions, he Continued till he had finished one stanza; when Colonel Goldsworthy loudly called out,— “There, — there’s enough! — have mercy! “Well, then, now I’ll try something else.”
“O, no!” cried Colonel Goldsworthy, hastily, “thank you, thank you for this,-but I won’t trouble you for more — I’ll not bear another word.”
Colonel Wellbred then, with an affected seriousness, begged to know, since he took to singing, what he should do for a shake, which was absolutely indispensable.
“A shake?” he repeated, “what do you mean?”
“Why — a shake with the voice, such as singers make.”
“Why, how must I do it?”
“O, really, I cannot tell you.”
“Why, then, I’ll try myself — is it so?”
And he began such a harsh hoarse noise, that Colonel Goldsworthy exclaimed, between every other sound,— “No, no, — no more!” Whil
e Colonel Wellbred professed teaching him, and gave such ridiculous lessons and directions,-now to stop short, now to swell,-now to sink the voice, etc., etc., that, between the master and the scholar, we were almost demolished.
MRS. SCHWELLENBERG’S “LUMP OF LEATHER.”
Tuesday, June 19.-We were scarcely all arranged at tea when Colonel Manners eagerly said, “Pray, Mrs. Schwellenberg, have you lost anything?”
“Me? — no, not I
“No? — what, nothing?”
“Not I!”
“Well, then, that’s very odd! for I found something that had your name writ upon it.”
“My name? and where did you find that?”
“Why — it was something I found in my bed.”
“In your bed? — O, very well! that is reelly comeecal?”
“And pray what was it?” cried Miss Port.
“Why — a great large, clumsy lump of leather.”
“Of leadder, sir? — of leadder? What was that for me?”
“Why, ma’am, it was so big and so heavy, it was as much as I could do to lift it!”
“Well, that was nothing from me! when it was so heavy, you might let it alone!”
“But, ma’am, Colonel Wellbred said it was somewhat of yours. “Of mine? — O, ver well! Colonel Wellbred might not say such thing! I know nothing, Sir, from your leadder, nor from your bed, sir, — not I!”
“Well, ma’am, then your maid does. Colonel Wellbred says he supposes it was she.”
“Upon my vord! Colonel Wellbred might not say such things from my maid! I won’t not have it so!”
“O yes, ma’am; Colonel Wellbred says she often does SO. He says she’s a very gay lady.”
She was quite too much amazed to speak: one of her maids, Mrs. Arline, is a poor humble thing, that would not venture to jest, I believe, with the kitchen maid, and the other has never before been at Windsor.
Complete Works of Frances Burney Page 568