by Kim Koby
The drive didn’t take long, especially with the lack of traffic on the road. Nobody wanted to be awake at that hour. She pulled into the Redwood Cove Police Department’s parking lot and went inside.
The officer behind the desk looked bored.
“Quiet night?” Abby asked.
“It’s hit or miss. How can I help you?”
“I’m here to pick somebody up.”
“Name?” the young officer asked.
“Ben Foster,” she said.
“Oh, right. Okay, one second. He’s the one they left in the breakroom. I’ll go get him.”
Nothing made sense. What exactly was going on? She was less than amused at being disturbed at this time of night, but curiosity was getting the best of her.
Ben came through a door that led to the back. “Thanks for coming to pick me up.”
“Yeah.” She wasn’t sure what else to say. She wanted details, but not right there. She’d at least wait until they got to her car.
She opened the back of the SUV, so Shadow could jump inside. Once they were seated and buckled in, she turned toward Ben. “Why are you at the police station? And what does this have to do with my father?”
“I’m not even sure where to start.”
Abby glared at him. “How about the beginning?”
“Right. I decided that I’d do a little extra investigating. Something didn’t strike me right after what we’d been through. I knew I wouldn’t have Mr. Anderson’s permission, but if I could put some trail cameras up on his property after hours—”
“You’ve got to be kidding me…” Abby groaned. “You can’t just—”
“Wait, it gets better.”
“Or worse, depending on how you look at it?”
“Fair enough,” he said. “Okay, so I picked up a couple of cellular trail cameras. I wanted to keep track of comings and goings. I was scoping out the barn and trees around it to find the best vantage point. Before I could get that far…this is going to sound like something out of a James Bond movie. Seriously, it’s a little wild. I took a dart to my neck.”
“Wait. You took a dart to your neck? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Yeah, okay. I’m getting geared up talking about it. I need to slow down, so I don’t mess up the details. An agent hit me in the neck with a tranquilizer dart. I didn’t know at the time. I felt this sharp sting, but before I could figure things out, I was knocked out.”
“You’re trying to tell me you were shot with a blowdart? I’m supposed to believe that? Why are you doing this? The cops don’t blow-dart people, Ben.” She started her car, annoyed with his exaggeration.
“No. Abby, seriously. This is the truth. And it wasn’t the cops…it was the DEA.” He paused, letting the information sink in. “And I don’t know if it was a blowdart, or if it was shot from a special pistol for those things.”
“The DEA? As in…”
“Yep.”
She scrunched up her nose and furrowed her brow. “What was the DEA doing there? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Okay, so here’s what I know so far. They could only give me bits and pieces obviously. I wasn’t in on what they were doing. In fact, I almost messed up their operation. I had no idea they’d be there. The guy they had babysitting me was less than thrilled. He wanted to be out in the field. Anyway, turns out they’d been working on a drug sting for almost two years.”
“Two years?”
“Exactly. Your father contacted them with enough information that they could open a case. That was before he disappeared.”
“My dad?” Her jaw dropped.
“Apparently, but I couldn’t learn much more. They weren’t talking, and the only reason I learned that was because I mentioned being out at the property because of my friend and her father and the arson. One thing led to another.”
“I wanted to talk to my mom, but I got sidetracked. I think she knows more than she was saying. I’m just not sure how the pieces fit together. Mr. Anderson made a point to mention my mom being a part of this. I’m not sure how or why. I was about to confront her when…” She stopped.
“Me.”
“Yeah. You.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I need time, Ben. It came as a shock. I’m not saying I’ll never forgive you, I’m simply saying that I need time.”
His shoulders drooped. “I understand.”
“I appreciate that you did this tonight, thinking you’d help find answers, but I think your part in all of this has come to an end.”
He begrudgingly nodded.
“Where’s your truck?”
“Can you drop me at home? I can’t get my truck until the morning. I’ll have a friend bring me over. I won’t bother you again.”
The drove the rest of the way in silence.
When Abby pulled up to Ben’s place, he turned to face her. “I’m not sure I know how to let go.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re always on my mind. The more I’m around you, the more I want to be. Everything that came out…anyway, if you ever find a way to let me back into your life…”
Abby closed her eyes and held fast to the steering wheel. “I’m not sure how to go forward. I want to be better than this, but I can’t help but feel a grudge.”
He nodded. “I get it. I do. I was ashamed of my response. I thought I was more of a man.”
“Stop right there,” she started. “What happened doesn’t make you less of a man. Anybody would have fled with a gun pointed in their face. Your natural instinct was to survive. I don’t blame you in that aspect. Things could have turned out worse. We both could have wound up dead. But the fact that you were there messed with my head. I was desperate for somebody to save me because I couldn’t save myself.”
He reached out for her hand.
She shook her head. “Don’t.”
Ben turned and looked out the window. “I want so much more for us.”
“I did, too,” she admitted. “Unfortunately, life has other plans.”
“It doesn’t have to be this way…”
She grumbled at his response. “Maybe not for you. For me, I can’t forget that moment. It’s ingrained in my memory and lives there. The pain is too deep for me to wipe it away like it never happened. You’re a reminder of the day that forever changed me.”
Ben reached for the door handle. “Great. The girl I’m falling in love with wants nothing to do with me. Just another failure in my life. Take care.”
Abby growled. “Don’t say it like that.”
“What would you have me say?”
She looked away without an answer. “You should go.”
Ben swallowed hard. “You have my number.”
Abby didn’t respond as he got out of her car. When the door clicked shut, hot tears slid down her cheeks. She had to move forward, not back, and Ben would forever be tied to the past.
Chapter Seventeen
Abby drove home and climbed back into bed. She pulled the covers up over her head. Shadow found a comfortable spot, circled a few times, then dropped to the floor. She’d bought him a nice bed with memory foam, but it sat untouched. He much preferred his favorite spot beside her.
Abby tossed and turned. Why did he say that? He was falling in love with her? Why did it have to be complicated?
She thought of the dozens of questions she wanted to ask her mother to take her mind off Ben. Only it seemed to steer back to him of its own accord. Torn between anger and desire, confusion settled in. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to blame her bitter existence on him. Yet, he was a victim in his own right. He didn’t assault her. And who was to say if he’d done something differently it wouldn’t have turned out worse? Maybe the attacker would have been triggered and used the gun.
And yet, she couldn’t very well forgive his actions either. He saw someone in trouble and walked away. A single word, yelling, calling for help might have helped with a different outcome. She’d lost a piece of herself t
hat day. A piece she’d never regain. But he owed her nothing. How could she blame him for trying to save his own life? The blame game bounced around her thoughts like a ping-pong ball. There were no right answers. She knew that, but now that she had a face to place on the stranger it felt oddly personal.
He was the kind of man to run into burning buildings. He was a hero. But in her instance, he was anything but.
Still, there he was sitting at the police station for her. Okay, not directly, but indirectly. He didn’t have to install cameras to get more information. It wasn’t his responsibility, and yet he wanted to help. He risked himself to find her answers.
Why did he have to be likeable? Sweet? And on the forefront of her mind? She huffed and grumbled, then rolled over again. Sleep eventually came, but it took longer than she would have liked.
On waking, his words played in her head. The girl I’m falling in love with…
Abby rolled out of bed and led Shadow to the back door. She put him outside and went to take a shower. Morning came too quickly after her late night. Once dried off and dressed, she opened the door for Shadow and scooped his meal from the large dog food bag.
Shadow’s tail wagged as she filled his bowl. She topped off his water bowl, then went to make her own breakfast. A bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and a cup of tea would do nicely. Abby sat at the table and flipped through her phone, glancing at the latest photos on her Reel Life stream while waiting on the water to boil. She snapped a quick picture of Shadow to add to her own files. If she didn’t add enough pictures, Carol mentioned it to her. She loved how involved Carol was in keeping up with all the goldens she’d bred. Truthfully, Abby liked seeing all the updated pictures, too.
After breakfast, she’d head over and talk to her mother. Something had to give. There was information to be had. Now with the news of drugs coming out of the Anderson farm, she was even more curious. Had her mom known that Abby’s father was the reason the investigation was triggered? Did she know what he was getting involved in when he headed over there that day? And why did Mr. Anderson make the comment about her mother in the first place?
Abby pulled up to her childhood home. A row of rosebushes used to line the front of the house, but her mother had since had them all pulled out. She was no longer able to keep up with the task of pruning and such. She used to adore gardening, but her depression had killed off any desire to keep up with plant life. The once lush landscape was now barren.
Together, she and Shadow headed up the walkway toward the front door. She opened the door with her key, then let herself in. “Mom?”
Abby walked down the hallway toward the family room where her mom usually sat watching TV all day. It was sad how much her mother’s life had changed. She used to be vibrant and active, but now she was simply a lump on the sofa staring off into the distance or at the television watching some game show.
“Abby! I didn’t know you were coming over,” her mother greeted her.
“I hope it’s okay. There’s been some stuff going on, and I needed to talk to you.”
“About?”
Abby closed her eyes. “You’re not going to be happy, but it’s time to answer some questions about Dad.”
Her mother turned away and looked out the window. “You know I don’t like to discuss these things.”
“Mom, it’s time. Some stuff has happened, and I need answers.” Abby sat down at the edge of the sectional sofa. “Dad. Drugs. The Andersons. Mr. Anderson was arrested last night, and before that, he suggested if I wanted answers, I needed to start by talking to you.”
Her mother sighed heavily with her usual dramatic flair.
Abby continued. “He said that Dad was there because of you.”
She looked through Abby and blinked a few times, then nodded slowly. “Yes, he was.”
“Why, Mom? What was it all about?”
“When you love somebody, you’ll do anything to help,” she said.
Abby cocked her head. “What does that mean, exactly?”
“Sacrifice,” she said with a long, slow breath. “When you love somebody…sometimes you do things that don’t make sense to others.”
“Mom, please,” Abby begged. “Tell me what happened and why. Don’t I deserve to know the truth?”
Her mother reached up and wiped a tear away. “I can only do this once. One time. Do you understand? It’s too painful. One time. After this, we don’t bring the topic up again.”
Abby nodded, holding on to her mother’s every word.
“Yes, your father was there because of me. It started before that, though.”
She wanted to nudge her mother to keep going, faster, quickly filling her in, but she’d have to do it her mom’s way…even if it meant a drawn-out process.
Abby’s mother closed her eyes. “Your brother had gotten into trouble. He was always getting into trouble, but this time it was bigger. He’d fallen into the wrong situation and didn’t know how to get out of it. The drugs were only part of it, there was a lot of money involved as well. He finally came to me and revealed what was happening. He was scared.”
She knew her brother used to be involved in stuff, but after her father’s passing, he’d changed. She didn’t know the details of her brother’s past, because her parents always protected her from learning too much about it.
“I didn’t want to worry your father, so I told Ian I’d handle things. It was bad, and I wasn’t sure what to do, but decided I would figure it out.” She stopped for a moment and clasped her hands together. She glanced back over at Abby. “I went to speak with Mr. Anderson, because I was told that’s where the source of the problem was located. They were moving drugs through his barn and livestock.”
Abby’s eyes went wide.
“Your brother stole from him when he found out about it, quite by accident. He’d overheard something he shouldn’t have. Anyway, they threatened his life. I went to offer my own in place of Ian’s. I told them to let me work off the amount that was owed, and I’d help them move their product. That’s the short version of it. I’m not getting into how it was all dealt with, but let’s just say it took a lot of doing, and a few threats of my own.”
“Wow,” was all she could say. Abby couldn’t look away and hung onto every word.
“When I got in too deep, because…well, I got in too deep. I turned to your father for help.”
“Dad.”
“Yeah.” She let her gaze fall to the floor. “Your father was a good man. He did for me, what I was trying to do for your brother. He took the weight of the issue on his shoulders. He went to the authorities first in case something happened to him. He intended on confronting Mr. Anderson about the entire thing and putting an end to our involvement. I’m not sure how, but he said he’d handle it. I was scared, and I let him. I didn’t know he’d sacrifice himself by giving his life. I couldn’t know.”
Abby’s jaw dropped.
Her mother broke down sobbing. “I dropped him off. He wanted to talk to Mr. Anderson, man to man. To find an alternative way to fix things. That was the night of the fire. I’m assuming your father told him what he knew and maybe threatened him. I’ll never know exactly what was said. He died because of me.”
“And the guilt…that’s why Ian turned his life around?”
Her mother nodded.
“And your depression. It’s guilt, not based solely from the loss. Remorse?”
Her mother wrapped her arms tightly around herself.
Abby couldn’t find it within her to hug her mother and comfort her. Not yet. She was still reeling from everything she’d learned. Her father sacrificed himself for her mother, who’d sacrificed herself for Ian. While humbled, she was also angry. If her brother had gotten his life together, none of this would have happened. If her mother hadn’t driven her father to the Anderson’s that night…if… Abby shuddered.
Shadow drew up closer to her, recognizing the change in her demeanor. She quietly reached for him and pushed her hand through her dog�
�s soft coat. She closed her eyes and practiced breathing deeply, to stop the desire to curl up in a ball and turn off the world.
“I’m sorry, Abby,” her mother finally said.
Abby caught her breathing before it raced out of control. She stood, walked over to her mother, then leaned down and hugged her. “That’s a lot of stuff to carry around inside of you.”
“Do you hate me?”
Abby shook her head. “No. I understand it all better. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was trying to shield you from the pain.”
“Knowing is easier than not knowing,” she said quietly. “Not knowing has been torture.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t talk about it sooner. It’s so hard to discuss. The guilt rushes at me like a tsunami each and every time. I’m not sure how to compartmentalize it.”
“Maybe it’s time to get help. Go talk to somebody.”
“I can’t. It’s too personal. I don’t need to be judged for choices we all made. When you love somebody, you do what you can to help them. Sometimes it doesn’t seem to make sense to people on the outside looking in.”
Chapter Eighteen
“How are you doing?” her mother asked.
Abby shrugged. “A lot has happened lately. I’m not sure how to resolve it.”
“Have you checked in with your friends lately? It seems to me that you’re isolating again. You know that’s not good for you.”
Abby nodded. “Yeah, I know. It’s hard for me to get out sometimes.”
“I ran into Jeanette at the convenience store the other day. She said she’s worried about you. You’ve made excuses and canceled plans more than once with her. I assured her it had nothing to do with her. It doesn’t, does it?”
Abby looked away. “No. It’s me. I go through cycles. I was doing better for a while, and even perked up a bit with Ben around…err, well, yeah. So much for that. I’ve managed to chase him off too.”