by Dan Meredith
I know this, because I used to be exactly the opposite of those people. I put everyone else first and myself last. But after a while, it got kinda tough.
What you need to realise is that, if you don’t sort yourself out first, then you can’t do justice to those people who rely on you or your support.
No fucker is going to do this for you. It’s on your shoulders to take ownership.
You see, for so long I worked myself stupid (100–120 hour weeks were fairly commonplace in my life), to the point that yes I had money coming in to provide where necessary, but I ended up burned out, ill and unable to work.
Ergo, a fucking waste of time. But, all I knew was hard work.
Don’t get me wrong – if you want to make it in the entrepreneurial world, business or life, you do have to fucking work, and hard at times! But the big mistake that I made was not looking after myself before sorting everyone else out.
Case in point: I had reached a six-figure income (I don’t know about you, but I fucking hate that phrase) in three different industries all for the ‘grand plan’ of providing a safe and secure future for my sister and an epic-as-balls retirement for Mum and Dad. Oh and, you know, the odd nice thing for me from time to time.
(And pizza. Lots and lots of pizza.)
But to get there I was working harder and longer than anyone else (as well as some Jedi shit I’ll tell you about later) until I ended up hating life and quitting – just to start all over again.
As I mentioned earlier, it took till I was thirty-three to basically give myself permission (more on that later) to create a business and a life that was just for me. As a result of removing the pressure to provide and the looming deadline of ‘the future’, I have been able to create multiple businesses, win back my freedom, and in the process begin to build an empire that will meet my goals.
The crazy thing is that being a little bit selfish actually makes your and everyone else’s life better!
If you’ve ever been on an aeroplane and actually listened to the cabin crew, you’ll recognise the following:
‘Fit your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others fit theirs.’
You can’t help others if you’re dying yourself, right?
You have to sort yourself out before you can in any way go about helping others. Once you have all your ‘ducks in a row’, then you can go about making a difference to the people whose lives you impact.
It’s all very well me stating that. Now I’m going to make it easier and break down some areas that I feel you need to really ‘dial into’.
Take care of your health. Look, if you have followed me on social media or know my backstory, I’m quite open that I have had some problems with both drinking and a ‘hypomanic’ personality (highs and lows – I have found it actually quite beneficial now I know how to manage it).
I would deal with stress and ‘the dark times’ by either hitting the vodka or smashing in an obscene amount of junk food in an effort to make myself feel better. Considering I came from a rugby playing/weight lifting/personal training background, to say I fucking hated myself at points was actually quite an understatement. I mean, I was a personal trainer! I should know better than to abuse my body like that.
Plus I never spoke to anybody about the shit I was going through, the thoughts in my head, how I was feeling. Nothing. To all intents and purposes, I was happy as a clam and living an epic life.
All b-b-b-b-b-bullshit!
I was so focused on growing the business that I completely neglected the things that got me there in the first place.
I’m not going to tell you what to do specifically, just don’t do what I did and go so far the other way that you completely forget to take care of both your body and your mind. As of writing, I’m pleased to say my health and nutrition are on point, I don’t bottle shit up anymore and I actually wake up without feeling like death.
Which is nice.
I’m going to keep my advice dirty simple.
Exercise – it’s not fun, especially to start with, but you need to do it. Me? I like to lift things and hit things. Do your research, find out what you like/what’s going to get you the most benefit, hire a personal trainer for a few sessions (at least to get you up and running), make it a part of your life. Have it in your diary as a non-negotiable block-it-out make-it routine. End of.
Nutrition – try to eat as much ‘real food’ as you can. Don’t believe what the media says is best for you – as a rule, if there’s a best-selling book espousing a certain type of diet, it’s probably a load of shite. (I am very lucky to count some of the world’s best in this area as friends). Don’t beat yourself up if you have a pizza or a Pinot – just don’t do it all the time. Simple.
Mental health – ahhh, the elephant in the room. I have found that those of us who identify as being entrepreneurs seem (from anecdotal evidence and my group) to have a higher incidence of issues in the ‘ole noggin’ than most. Just going to say this – get a support network. Have people you trust around you and, if you feel down/stressed, fucking talk to them.
Equally, there is nothing wrong if you speak to a professional. Get that shit sorted. It’s normal; people are just too afraid to talk about it.
Anyone doesn’t like you or judges you for it? Fuck ’em – which leads me on to the next point.
Remove toxic people and places from your life. Once you do this, you will feel like a 20kg backpack has been removed from your shoulders. I’m serious. I let toxic individuals stay in my life far too long. These folks – and I don’t think they are bad people per se – took up so much of my headspace that since I have removed them my work rate, happiness and bank balance have sky rocketed!
You don’t have to be an arse about it. I find that simply un-following someone on social media or slowly distancing yourself from certain individuals who sap the energy out of you generally removes their negative ways, which normally works a treat.
If they are still causing you grief, though, block them from your life on every communication channel. They may piss and moan for a bit, but they’ll soon burn out and find someone else to give shit to. When you don’t hear from them anymore, they’ll simply disappear from your life.
Your time is precious. Be selfish with it and don’t let people steal from you what can’t be brought back.
With regards to places – if you go to places where you end up doing things you regret, or simply shouldn’t do, don’t go there. Willpower can be a bitch, so if you don’t put yourself in situations that can make bad shit happen, it simply won’t.
The more you distance yourself from negativity, the more space it leaves for positive people to flow into your life.
You time! Ahhh, this is where we get to the bit that sounds odd, but once you have got used to it, it makes life so much better.
I’ll go into more detail in a later chapter how to program this into your life, but you need to make sure – especially if you have dependents – that you do this.
In the hustle of modern life, trying to grow a business, and make changes, it’s all too easy to let things slip. And once they are gone, it’s a right bugger to get them back.
Now this can be anything. As a rule I like a mix of family time (with kids, parents, etc.), date time (if you have a partner), dumb shit (stuff you like doing just for the sake of it), entertainment (films, books, museums, day trips, nights out, dinners, etc.) and nothing time.
All the above are important, and they are important every week. Again I’ll show you how to schedule them later; now I’m trying to hammer home that you still have to be you! You are not defined by your commitments. You owe it to yourself to be the person your friends and family love and enjoyed spending time with before you embarked on growing your business, making drastic life changes, or whatever goal you have set yourself.
I lost someone I cared very much for because I put work above everything else, and I know many people who have the same regrets. Don’t make the mistakes I did – learn fro
m them. Don’t stop being you, and you do that by making time to be you.
This may sound a little throwaway but it is really important shit, hence I kicked the book off with this chapter.
Equally, I want you to consider what ‘being awesome’ means to you. How much do you want to achieve the next level in your business and life? Do you wake up thinking about it every day? Is it something you will get round to someday, just not right now? Does it fill you with a burning rage that you haven’t achieved all that you desire yet?
You are going to have to get used to being selfish to the level you want to achieve your goals in life.
I’m going to say something that seems contradictory to what I’ve seen in quite a few motivational and self-help books: you can’t have it all.
Well, not right away, anyway.
This book is a little different as I’m selling things that are unsexy – hard work and sacrifice. I know there are people (you can find these absolute nuggets online. Shouldn’t be hard – they will be telling you how easy life is. Every. Fucking. Day) who say you can have it all without any sacrifice at first.
Bullshit.
They often forget to mention how hard they worked to get to the point where they have it all. They give you the zero to hero story but fucking miss out the ‘difficult-fucking-road-they-had-to-go-through-but-don’t-mention-’cause-it-aint-sexy-enough’.
Yeah. That.
Hard work and sacrifice don’t sell, so they are probably dumb ideas for a book. But, like I said earlier, I don’t give a shit if this sells ten or 10,000 copies – I’m writing it for me. And if people get value from it, sweet.
Unfortunately, I have been burned with false promises before and, dear reader, I don’t want you to think this is going to be a walk in the park.
You are going to have to be selfish.
You are going to have to make sacrifices.
There is no way around it.
If you are happy where you are in life right now, then keep doing what you’re doing. But if there is something gnawing away at you inside, and you always feel that there is more to life, then evaluate what you are going to hang on to, and what you are willing to sacrifice for a period of time.
Oh, and how long is that period of time? As a guestimate from my own experience – minimum of two years’ relentless work, assuming you have the required skills for what you are trying to do to make it to some degree or other.
Told you I can’t sell that shit.
Finally, another thing I want you to get over, if you have an issue with this, is rewarding yourself. If you are going to work your arse off, be selfish, make sacrifices – when you hit a milestone, smash a goal or simply achieve something that you thought impossible, reward yourself.
I don’t know if it’s a British thing or what, but we seem to struggle to recognise and reward success, and reluctant to treat ourselves. Well, if you have worked for it, earned it, made it happen, you deserve to treat yourself to something you want!
It could be a new home, a tropical holiday, a new car, some fancy shoes – totally up to you. But what is the point in all that hard work if you don’t treat yourself from time to time? It’s not always about others. You are the one doing the work, after all.
As I said in the introduction, I am actually pretty simple and don’t have crazy expensive tastes, but I have always loved a good watch. When I was thirteen or fourteen, I remember being with my dad and he showed me a Rolex Submariner. He said to me that when I was grown up, if I could walk into the shop and pay for it – cash – I could say (in his eyes) I had ‘made it’.
Fast forward twenty-three years and I did exactly that. I bought the blue and gold Rolex I had wanted ever since then. Is it a bit flash?
Of course it is!
But did I work for it? Well flying over 50,000 miles, sixty+ train trips, investing every penny I made back into training, masterminds and coaching, working sixteen–eighteen hour days as the norm (sometimes twenty-four hour+ bad boys) and hammering my health and sanity in the process…
Yeah, I worked for it.
So when you do hit a big goal or milestone, be selfish. Do something for you. Because without you, nothing else happens.
Be selfish to do/action steps
Take ownership and look after yourself first. Now look, no fucker is going to do this for you. It’s all on your shoulders. If you’re dying yourself, you can’t help anyone else. To be the success you want to be, you’re going to have to start fitting your own oxygen mask before attempting to help others. Your exercise, nutrition and mental health come first. Block times in your diary that are non-negotiable and make them routine.
Remove toxic people and places from your life. The more you distance yourself from negativity, the more space it leaves for positive people and experiences to flow naturally into your life. This doesn’t mean you have to do anything drastic – it could be something as simple as blocking negative people on Facebook.
Consider what ‘being awesome’ means to you. If you want to achieve the next level in business and life, you’re going to need to go balls deep on this. Ask the uncomfortable questions to bring out the truth. What is it you wake up every day thinking about?
Reward yourself. This doesn’t need much explanation or many action steps. You work your arse off in work, you make sacrifices, so when you smash a milestone and achieve something that you didn’t think was possible, reward yourself. You deserve to treat yourself to something you want, you know!
2
BE SHAMELESS
(YOU’RE A LONG TIME DEAD)
It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.
WALT DISNEY
Ahh, the art of being shameless. And it is an art, ’cause it’s bloody fun as fuck when you start doing it.
Why?
Well, when you truly become shameless, you reach a new height of freedom – the freedom of not giving two hoots what people think about you. And that’s liberating, to say the least.
You’ll learn in this chapter how ego and pride can fuck you up, so the sooner you get rid of them, the more awesome you’ll become.
You need to become shameless in all aspects of your life, whether that’s learning new skills, business or your health and relationships.
Remember the time you didn’t approach that good-looking bombshell (or insert ladies’ equivalent. They probably have abs or something) because you were scared you’d make a fool of yourself? And then later you realised that she was actually into geeky nerds and ended up marrying a bigger nerd than you!
Burnnnn!
What I mean is that the more you care about what people might say, do, or how they’ll treat you, the more miserable you become.
Before you read the rest of this chapter, for one minute just imagine how your life would have been if you’d done more of the things you wanted to do but were too scared. That job you wanted but felt you weren’t qualified enough. That event you wanted to go to but didn’t because your friends would have laughed at you. Or even the life you wanted to live, but haven’t done so because it’s totally radical compared to what others around you are doing with their lives.
Whatever it is, imagine if you’d just given it a go. Could your life have been totally different? Better maybe?
Well, read on and I’ll show you how you can reach epic levels of awesomeness by just getting rid of the ‘shame’ gene and embracing the ‘fuck it, let’s do it’ gene instead.
Remember, being shameless is not for everyone. But those who do embrace it are the ones who have the most stories to tell, and are some of the most successful.
Depending on where I am and what I am doing, I may or may not be doing something fun, boring, tiring, stupid or embarrassing.
Either way, I don’t care anymore.
For a large majority of my life, what I did (or didn’t do) was dictated by what people thought of me. Yet when I look back on all the instances when I made huge leaps in my life, achieved great things or did what anyone else
would have classed as impossible, I had one overriding thought: fuck it!
I simply gave it a go.
I wasn’t concerned if I looked like a complete plum, if it failed or embarrassed me; I just went for it. So far, I’m definitely ‘in the black’ with what I have achieved because of not worrying about what others thought. In fact, I got so into this way of living, I had a phrase tattooed on my leg: ‘Death or Glory’. It’s my own slightly morbid reminder that I’m all in or nothing.
I could use soooo many cheesy phrases right now, but annoyingly the one that sticks with me – and you’ll know it – is that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. It’s so easy to create excuses why you don’t ‘do the thing’, isn’t it? I know, because that is exactly what I did for a long time.
It occurred to me some time ago, as I went through the transformation to where I am today, that quite frankly, pride will fuck you up!
Being too proud to ask for help, say you’re struggling or have fucked up, ask the person you fancy out for dinner/drinks, go up to the speaker at the event, write the letter to your idol, make the connection that will change your life will simply Fuck. You. Up.
I really can’t finesse it at all.
When I was too shy to say hello to anyone new for fear of what they may or may not have thought about me, I was essentially still ‘happy’. But internally I was lonely as fuck and pretty depressed.
Years. It took me years to get over myself and actually realise that the worst thing that will happen is I will look like a bit of a knob. I have contacted people who are infinitely more successful, influential and – for all you youngsters reading this – more ‘badass’ than me. And do you know what the worst thing that someone has said to me is?
‘I’m not interested.’
Followed by – well, nothing! (And I’ll tell you what I do with those folks in another chapter, ha!)