Punishment

by Guerin Zand

  Anna’s eyes just grabbed me, and in my weakened state, I was really just a sitting duck. The look in her eyes told me that she knew it, and she would go easy on me. All I could say was, “Thank you,” and I went to take a seat.

  A few minutes later Anna didn’t bother calling out my name. She could see I was totally lost at this point and like an angel she came down from the coffee bar and brought this poor little savage his drink. I just looked up, like the helpless little troll I was, and in her hands was this coffee mug that appeared to be the size of a small punch bowl. Maybe God had heard my promise, no, I was sure He or She had. I was sure They’d be getting back to me on what the promise actually was at Their next convenience. I took the offered beverage in my hands and took a long, long sip of a beverage so fucking hot I would easily have been able to retire on the earnings from a lawsuit. “SHIT!”

  “It’s hot!” Anna pointed out. Sure, she was a little slow with that information but the rush of the caffeine fix made me not care. “Can I get you anything else?”

  “No. I’m good now, but thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” And Anna went back to her station, ready to help the next poor schmuck who needed a fix.

  I know it doesn’t sound like much of an encounter. I didn’t get her digits or draw her into a conversation about the weather, but the writing, as they say, was on the wall. The Bree had sent Milly, but God had sent Anna, and today I know that for a fact.

  While I drank my coffee, I checked my emails and then started searching for the closest department store. In Japan, the department stores are multiple stories and each story of the department store is typically the same as all the other department stores. The top level is usually restaurants and the basement, or lowest level, is the grocery store which includes prepared foods and treats. I needed coffee and basic foodstuffs so I started to compile a list for my little shopping spree. I finished my coffee and headed out. I nodded, or bowed slightly, and thanked Anna for all her help as I walked past her on my way out.

  So that was it. Nothing really special but that’s how this always happened to me. It wasn’t love at first sight, but the first sight that led to love. I think I was programmed that way so I would never see it coming, or maybe I was just too stupid to see it and it just registered in my unconscious mind. With the never-ending tragedy, some called my love life, if I knew what was coming I’d probably run as fast as I could.

  Anna probably didn’t realize she had just saved my life. If I hadn’t scored that fix, I probably would have just run out and played in traffic. If I would have realized what had actually just happened, it would have saved us both a lot of time and pain, if I had actually run out and played in traffic.

  I would see Anna a few times a week as I settled into my work schedule. She didn’t work every morning and her schedule did not seem to be set in stone. When she was there we would just have small polite conversations. She’d always bring me my order rather than call out my name. I did notice I was the only one getting that treatment, but I thought she was doing it because she thought I had some sort of café handicap, or something like that. Just some dumb Gaijin. She’d bring me my order and ask about my job or some other polite question. When she asked what I was doing in Japan I gave her the vaguest description I could with a few lies thrown in for good measure. I told her I was a research assistant working at the college as part of an international exchange program that of course had no name. Roger hadn’t sent me off to the spook school where they teach you to become a really good liar, and I therefore sucked at it.

  One Saturday morning I was working on the BMW to get it ready for a daytime ride and Anna walked by. The garage door was open and she looked my way when she heard the motorcycle. I noticed her as she walked towards the garage and I turned off the engine so I could say hi.

  “Hello, Anna.”

  “Hello. Do you live here, Guerin?”

  “Yes. This is where I’m staying. Are you going to work?”

  “No. I just live a few buildings down the road from the coffee shop and I was heading home from shopping.” She lifted the plastic grocery bags to show me since it appeared to her I was too dumb to notice them on my own. She was right.

  “Oh, I didn’t know you lived around here. I don’t get out much except to go to the coffee shop or work. Sometimes I walk to one of the local restaurants if I’m too lazy to cook.”

  “You have a very big motorcycle.” Ok, if you’ve never been to Japan, the BMW was a big motorcycle compared to the usual rice burners you saw, but still, I found this humorous. This is what I like to call an example of Japanese direct subtlety. It sounds like a contradiction, and it is. It probably was a subtle joke with a sexual connotation to it, but she was very direct and very proper in saying it, so it appeared not to be and she could easily deny it was.

  Being the smooth player I was, I simply answered, “Yes, I do.” We both laughed and she did that cute little Japanese girl thing of shielding her mouth with one hand while she laughed. This is a common thing and I never understood what they were trying to hide from people when they did this. The men did it as well sometimes, so was I being rude laughing without doing the same? Like I said, Japan and outer space were very similar. The best I could do was try to be polite and hope I didn’t offend anyone too seriously.

  “Are you going for a ride?”

  “Yes. Do you like motorcycles?” I asked her not really having anything better to say but I wanted to talk to her. I spent most of my free time alone so having someone to talk to was a treat. I wasn’t trying to hit on her.

  “They are kind of scary, no?”

  “Getting out of bed in the morning can be kind of scary but we still do it every day, right?” She gave me a bit of a funny look. I thought it was a good line.

  “You get scared getting out of bed?”

  Ok, witty banter was a problem when translating from American thinking to Japanese. “No. That is not what I meant. When you wake up you don’t know what the day will bring. It could bring bad things so that can be scary if you think about it. Riding a motorcycle might seem scary if you just think of what bad things might happen.”

  “Oh.” That was her way of saying she had no clue what I was talking about.

  “Would you like to go for a ride with me? If you have no plans for the day, I’d like the company.”

  “I’ve never ridden on a motorcycle before. I don’t know.” Anna was sending mixed signals which is normal from my experiences with Japanese women. Maybe she was politely saying no but she might also be hoping I’d put in the effort to talk her into it to show I was sincere. It was a totally different game here and my Japanese dating skills were non-existent. I needed to do what I did best and that was wing it.

  “I’ve never given a pretty Japanese girl a ride on my motorcycle before, so it would be a first for us both.” I hoped I was being polite and proper enough. I really wanted the company. Ok, maybe I was hitting on her a little bit, but it was just reflex, and not intentional.

  What followed was an intricate little exercise in Japanese flirting. She’d ask questions and I would answer. Then it was my turn and as this went on we both were very careful to not be too informal while at the same time somehow convey that it was something we both wanted. In America, a woman would have simply said yes or no when I asked if she wanted to go for a ride and that would have been that.

  Anna was actually interviewing me to see if this man, who had been forward enough to ask her out, was actually worthy of her consideration. If I was, she might then consider the question I had asked which was would she like to go for a ride. If I had been hitting on her this may have been a bit much for me but like I said, I was just happy to have someone to talk to. Finally, she agreed to go for a ride but with all the excitement I normally displayed when agreeing to a dentist appointment. She was obviously a pro at this ritual and she knew I was totally outmatched. She just decided to take pity on me just like she had the first day we met at the café.
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br />   I went and got another helmet for her. I always have a second helmet that is smaller than the one I use. I need an extra-large, so the passenger helmet was a large. Still, this was a bit too big for her, but it would work. I mentioned that she should wear jeans, boots, gloves, and a warm jacket since it was still a bit cool this time of year. I dropped her at her apartment, waiting outside like a proper gentleman, so she could drop off her groceries and change. She came out looking so pretty in a cute little leather jacket, tight jeans, and some very sexy boots. None of which would actually protect her much in case of an accident.

  My helmets were equipped with Bluetooth so we could talk as we rode. I started to head out towards Yokohama. It was not too long of a ride and there were a lot of things to do in that area making it a good choice. Once we got underway I asked her to tell me where she wanted to go, and I would just follow her directions. She was hesitant to take charge like that, but when I explained the alternative was getting hopelessly lost, she agreed to be my guide. We rode for about an hour and a half and I suggested we find a nice place for lunch. She knew the perfect place for a nice Soba lunch, a little off the beaten path, and it was a perfect choice. We had a great lunch and a nice comfortable conversation. She enjoyed riding on the motorcycle and I told her that I was glad she was having a good time. On the way back, I took several detours along the most interesting roads I saw and finally set the GPS to take us home. The whole trip with lunch took us about six hours and I did have a really good time. It was probably the best day I had since I had moved to Tokyo. I dropped her off and thanked her for her company.

  After that day she became friendlier towards me. She would often sit with me in the morning, if she wasn’t busy, while I had my morning coffee at the café. We went out on several more innocent little dates for dinners or lunch when our schedules allowed. Soon she started to drop by my house to visit. I would often cook her an American meal since I couldn’t cook anything remotely Japanese, and she seemed to enjoy those dinners.

  One day she dropped by and I had been careless. I had left my gun out on the kitchen table after cleaning it. Since the incident at the Lodge, it was determined that the missing travelers, who were most probably Trogan agents, posed a risk to my life and I normally carried a firearm for my own protection. In Japan, this was a bit of an issue so I entered the country using the cover of a member of the Diplomatic Security Service which allowed me to carry.

  Anna was unaware of any of this and thought I was simply a research assistant at the university. I could see the look of shock on her face when she noticed the gun and I tried to explain.

  “I’m sorry, Anna. You don’t need to be scared. I’m not just a research assistant, although I really am involved with research at the university. My work is government related and I can’t really talk about a lot of it. The gun is legal and it’s for my protection. I have all the proper credentials to carry a firearm. If it would make you feel better, I can have the police come and verify this for you?”

  “I don’t know if I should trust you, Guerin. You’ve lied to me about who you are.”

  “I haven’t lied to you, Anna, well maybe a little bit, but that’s only because I can’t talk about what I actually do.”

  “Have you always had a gun when we go out?”

  “Yes. I always carry it when I go out.”

  “Why do you need a gun?”

  “I can’t tell you anything other than it’s for my protection. I’m sorry. I should have told you, but at first I didn’t think about it, and later I just didn’t want to worry you.”

  “Are you in danger?”

  “Maybe. There are threats against me but that doesn’t mean there is an immediate danger. I should have told you since it could put you in danger as well and I apologize. I just try not to think about it. When we’re together it’s not something I considered. I’d understand if you don’t want to see me anymore.”

  Anna took a seat at the table and I picked up the gun and secured it in my bedroom. I returned and Anna was still at the table. I grabbed a couple of glasses from the cupboard and a bottle of Pappy’s. “Would you like a drink?”

  “Please.”

  I poured us both a small drink and I raised my glass. “Cheers.” And Anna did the same. “Is there anything you want to ask me, Anna?”

  “I don’t know where to start. I thought you were just a scientist, but now I don’t know what you are. Are you a spy?”

  “No. Not really. Not the way you think. I do get involved in some intelligence work but I’m not a spy. I guess that’s sort of a bad term to use. Most people think of spies based on what they see in movies. My primary job is scientific research and that is what I am doing here in Tokyo. Sometimes my knowledge and talents are needed to help with investigations, but it’s nothing like what I bet you’re imagining. It’s hard to explain since most of it is classified and I can’t tell you anything about it.”

  “Have you ever killed someone?”

  “No, I have not. If I had, I might lie about it so how could you tell if I was telling you the truth? I think you just need to trust you know me well enough to not have to ask.”

  “Hmm, I see.”

  “I apologize, Anna. I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. It was selfish of me, I know that. I’d understand if you didn’t want to see me again. Perhaps that’s best. There is a lot more I can’t tell you and you deserve to know. It would be best for you not to waste your time with me. I’m sorry.”

  Anna just sort of sat there nodding her head up and down. She finished her drink.

  “Guerin, I don’t think you are a bad man, but now I don’t think I really know you. You’ve never told me how you feel so I’m not sure what I should think.”

  “I’d hope you would know how I feel by the way I act when I’m with you.”

  “I should not have to guess. A man should state his feelings clearly to someone he cares about.”

  That thing I missed, all those weeks back in the café when we first met, finally hit me. I was hopelessly in love with her and that was the worst thing that could have happened. If we weren’t at my house I would have simply got up and run away.

  “I care very deeply for you Anna and I want to be with you. It’s because I care so much for you that I have to tell you that it would be best for you to move on.”

  “Are these things you can’t tell me bad things? Bad things that you’ve done?”

  “No. They’re actually amazing things and if I could share them with you you’d think so as well. It just makes being romantically involved with someone impractical.”

  Anna looked at me differently. I could tell she was confused and I couldn’t blame her. She stood up and reached for my hand. “I’m hungry. Will you take me to dinner?”

  I stood up, with her hand still in mine, I pulled her close and kissed her lightly for the first time. I knew it was a mistake, but she just looked at me as if to say, “You aren’t going to get away that easy.”

  After that day, we were inseparable. She never asked about my work again. A few weeks later she moved in with me. There were times when I would have second thoughts and start to back away from her, but she would see this and go out of her way to do something special for me. She was fighting from a totally different rule book then I’d ever seen before and her Japanese Jujitsu made that Bree alien juju look like child’s play. Resistance was futile.

  One day I told her about Milly, except the part about her being an alien and how she had recruited me for my job. I explained how I had made a promise to her to commit to this job and how I could never break that promise. She asked what happened between us. I explained to her how the people I worked for forced us apart. I told Milly she needed to worry about her career first. The people we worked for made her choose, and she chose her career. I was honest with Anna. I told her that I didn’t blame Milly for the breakup. I was sure it was not what she wanted.

  Anna simply looked at me and said, “Well the difference is, that
unlike Milly, I wasn’t stupid enough to listen to you. Do you still love her?”

  “Yes, and I know that’s not fair to you, but I also don’t want to lie to you. She didn’t do anything wrong and neither did I. We just weren’t in control.”

  Anna was more than understanding. She said it was no different than losing a spouse and she had only one question for me. “What would you do if Milly walked in the front door right now?”

  “Other than fall apart?”

  “Yes, other than that?”

  “I’d tell her I loved you and that she should go. Then I’d walk away and find some hole to curl up in while I fell apart.”

  She could see this whole discussion was hard for me, so she pulled me close and kissed me. “Well, as long as you sent her away first, I guess I could handle the falling apart thing.”

  My work in Tokyo had gone extremely well. Anna was probably as much responsible for that as anybody. We decided NFT would open an office off the UTokyo campus and one of my last jobs was to select the office location. I knew that Anna was anxious about what would happen next. We had avoided the subject for as long as we could. After dinner one night we sat back in the living room and I brought up the subject of our future together.

  “I don’t know the right way to do this, Anna, so please don’t get upset if I screw it up too badly. I don’t want you to answer now, and I know that will seem stupid, but will you marry me?” The look in her eyes was priceless. I knew she wanted to say yes but I stopped her before she could say anything. “If you want to say no then you can say it now, but if your answer is yes, then you have to wait until I can tell you everything.”