by Guerin Zand
Prima grabbed me inappropriately under the table and I fended off her advances. “Oh come on, Guerin. It’s not like you didn’t enjoy yourself.”
“That’s not the point. Can we not talk about this in front of my daughter?”
“Really, Dad? Maybe you’d like to talk about what you and Milly did after you left the dinner last night?”
“We had a couple of drinks and talked for a bit. That’s all. What time did you get home last night young lady?”
“Who says I came home last night?” Yes, my daughter couldn’t help but get in a dig of her own. I ignored her and ate some fries.
“So are you coming to the gathering tonight, Guerin?”
“Yes, Nancy. I said I would, didn’t I?”
“I was just checking. We may have some issues that the rules committee will need to deal with and they might need your help.”
“My help with what?”
“Well, the twins haven’t actually been awarded any credits yet and there is a bit of a dispute about it.”
“How’s that, Nancy. Are they pissed off that they have to share the credits?”
“No, it’s not that. In fact, they get crazy bonus credits for double teaming you like that.” The twins gave me a pair of evil and sexy grins. “The anonymous player, who is playing as you, has not confirmed the score, shall we say. The twins are arguing that reality trumps fantasy, and since it was really you, the Guerin player should have no say in it. See, normally a player will claim to have scored, and the Guerin player will confirm or deny it. The Guerin player has quite a reputation, and he’s arguing that since the twins didn’t actually score with him, it shouldn’t count.”
Prima decided to speak. “We may need you to testify to the rules committee and back our claim.”
“Oh. So, after what you did, you expect me to help you out? I mean, if I deny it, then you don’t get your credits, right? Maybe, in that case, I get the last laugh, and it will turn out that it was you two that got used. How does that make you feel?” I gave Prima a dirty smirk and she just smiled as she made a silent attempt under the table to convince me to help them. I brushed her hand away again.
“So tell me, Nancy, just how many women has my alter ego claimed to have scored with?”
“As of today, the count is 8,137.5.” Everyone started laughing.
“Are you serious? I thought the game was supposed to have some correlation with reality. I would have had to have slept with a little more than one different woman every day for the last 20 years to have gone through that many women, and don’t forget, I was married that whole time.”
“Well, things like the number of sexual partners, that aren’t germane to the reality of events, don’t have to be accurate.”
“So this scumbag, who’s playing my character, gets away with tarnishing my reputation and I have no say? And just how can he claim any of these scores if no one knows who he is?”
“Well, if you want to do something about it, you can join the game and wipe out his player.”
“No thanks, Nancy.”
“Well then, as long as he and these women both say the encounter happened, then that’s all that’s needed to make the score official.”
“Ok, but explain how he could possibly have scored one half of a woman?”
“Well, that was a bit of a sticky issue, so to speak. According to both parties, they didn’t actually have sex, but he ‘messed her dress’. It took us a while to figure out what that meant, but when we did, we decided since it did involve intimate contact, that they deserved partial credit for the act.”
Now the whole table, including me, busted out in laughter. “You’re all a bunch of pervs, you know that don’t you, Nancy?”
Chapter 30
The Gathering
I was sitting in the living room doing a little writing when my daughter came in. We really hadn’t spent any time alone with each other since we arrived at the ship. There was a lot for her to see and I figured it would cheer her up to get out and just explore. The “kids”, that term includes Sid, Nancy, Maria, Katie, and Steve, had gone out to play tag and shred the open areas with hoverboards on a few occasions. They went out every night to the hot spots, if there actually was such a thing on this ship, and Maria did seem reasonably happy. Being her father, I had to do something to ruin that.
“Maria, do you have a minute?”
“Sure, Dad. What’s up?” She hopped over and took a seat next to me on the couch.
“We just haven’t had any time to talk since we got here. I just thought maybe we could catch up.”
“This isn’t going to turn into a talk about the lizards and the monkeys, is it?”
“No, I’m sure you’ve figured that all out. Last night I heard your plans for the first time and you never even mentioned them to me. Is this what you want?”
“You’re the one that put Julie in charge of me. Isn’t this what you want, Dad?”
“It’s not so much about what I want. I mean, yes, I want Julie to keep you safe, but what you decide to do here is up to you. Are you looking forward to heading out for your education? I’m planning on taking off for a while, but if you don’t want me to, or if you’d rather be with me, I’ll change my plans. I want to make sure you’re ok with everything.”
“Yes, I want to travel and continue my education. I’ll miss you, but we can keep in touch. You could always come visit me you know?”
“I guess. I’m not sure where I’ll be though and, well, you know. I have a tendency to piss off the people in charge here. I might not be so welcomed at times.”
“What’s going on, Dad?”
“Nothing. I’ve just been through this before. I have no idea what they have in mind for me, and I’m still angry about what has happened so far. Don’t be surprised if your Dad gets himself put back on their shit list.” I wasn’t going to tell her what I had planned. I just wanted her to know that it might be a while before I’d get to see her again.
“Won’t your girlfriend Milly protect you? She’s on the Council now.”
“She’s not my girlfriend. Just what is your problem with Milly?”
“Please, Dad. It’s not like everyone can’t see how the two of you act when you’re around each other. I don’t like her. She dumped you, and your too stupid to see that. Now she pops back into your life like it’s no big deal?”
“It’s not like that, Maria. There’s a lot I don’t understand, so how can you have it all figured out? She’s on the Council now which means I can’t really confide in her. If anything, it’s put even more distance between us.”
“Yes, but you still love each other.” I started to reply but Maria stopped me. “Don’t try and say you don’t. I know you loved Mom, I’m not mad because I think you didn’t, I just think you can’t think straight where Milly’s involved.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry. She’s leaving with you, and I’m going my own way. I just want you to give her a chance, ok?”
“Why?”
“Don’t be like that. I just want you to try and be nice to her. You might actually like her if you give her a break. That would mean a lot to me.”
Maria realized I was serious. “Ok, if it means so much to you.” She said that with all the enthusiasm she used to reserve for shoveling dog shit in the yard. I rolled my eyes in response. She kissed me on the cheek and jumped up off the couch.
“Good talk, Dad.” The sarcasm was so thick we both nearly choked on it. “Sid and Nancy are coming by to pick us up for dinner before the gathering. I need to go get ready.”
“It’s still several hours away. I don’t think you need to dedicate the rest of the afternoon to getting ready.”
“I’ve got to pick out an outfit. I may have to order a new one. I haven’t even thought what to wear yet. Then I…”
“Ok! I’m not going to join you guys for dinner. I’m just going to fondle the replicator and see what I can coerce out of it. I’ll meet up with you guys later at the ga
thering.”
“Dad, your obsession with the replicators is bordering on creepy, you know that?”
“What can I say. You don’t want to get on their bad side, trust me.”
“You’re weird, Dad.” I smiled, and Maria walked off to her room.
Nancy and Sid came by to get Maria several hours later. Maria still wasn’t ready. I took on the twins in less time. Ok, maybe that’s not a good analogy. Nancy was upset that I wouldn’t be joining them for dinner. Maybe she considered it somehow a double date and I’d missed the warning signs. If that’s what she thought, then it was probably the right decision on my part. It’s funny how things had changed between me, Sid, and Nancy. It just felt weird hanging out with them now. They were my daughter’s friends, and you know how that could seem creepy. Nancy did impress on me just how disappointed she would be if I didn’t make the gathering. I insured her I would be there. I guess she wasn’t going to take my word for it, so she said she would send someone to pick me up and escort me there.
After they left, I cozied up with the replicator and we had an intimate dinner together. I opted for sushi and a bowl of miso soup. After dinner, I showered, shaved, and got ready for the gathering. I was sitting on the couch browsing the universal web when the doorbell rang. I closed the viewer and went to the front door to greet my escort. It was Diane.
“You ready, Guerin?”
“Yes.” I walked out the door and we headed to the waiting transport pad. I hopped on and let Diane drive.
“You seemed to have figured out how to drive the pads.”
“Yes, Maria, Katie, and I spent some time together figuring it out. We missed you at dinner. Why didn’t you join us?”
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just not as excited about being here as the rest of you are. It’s all new to you guys, and I don’t want to spoil it for you. It’s just not like the last time I was here.”
“I guess I understand. Thanks by the way.”
“For what?”
“Julie told us that you had insisted that the Council speak to us, and it was you that asked them to reward us.”
“I didn’t ask them to reward you. I just asked them to listen to you and what you wanted to do. I wanted you guys to have a choice.”
“Well, thanks. It feels strange though. I mean, after what happened to Tim. I feel guilty being so excited about getting to travel the universe, and the chance to learn from the Collective. Do you know what I mean?”
“Yes. I feel the same way. How can we be happy after what happened? We know that in time this feeling will pass, and that makes you feel even more guilty.”
“Exactly. We both are the only ones that can really know how that feels, except maybe Maria.”
“Have you spent much time with her since we’ve been here? Is she alright?”
“Yes, we’ve been hanging out. I think she’s doing better than we are. She’s making friends, and she’s excited about traveling as well.”
“I’m glad.”
We got off the transport pad at one of the transportation hubs on the ground level. We made our way to the elevator to take us from the day side to the night side of the two domed cities. As I’ve described before, the gravity in the elevator and the passenger’s orientation does an abrupt 180 when we pass between the two sides. This, of course, amazed Diane.
“I can never get used to that. For a brief flash, my mind realizes something is happening, but you can’t actually tell what it is. You don’t see, or feel, the rotation or gravity switching directions, but you know it happened.”
“It’s probably some simple math trick.” I smiled and started to laugh. Diane joined me and we both laughed at the crazy alien juju.
We arrived at the bar I used to call home. Back when I first visited the ship it was just a door off a hallway. There was no sign to tell you there was a drinking establishment behind that door. Now there was a big picture window spanning the entire outside wall of the bar with neon signs, obviously smuggled from Earth, with beer and liquor advertisements. There was a big neon sign over the door that read, “Earth Bar”. Not the most original name but it was better than no name. I wondered? Did the twins own Earth Burgers as well?
The crowd was what really amazed me. When I used to come here it was typically empty, or just a few patrons from the space docks. Now the place was packed, and young alien hipster types were hanging around outside. They appeared to be trading credits for party favors or something along those lines. I was sure the old dock workers wanted my balls for turning this quiet drinking establishment into a hangout for juvenile hipster delinquents. A lot of them were dressed in Tommy Bahama knockoffs and I wished I could have changed what I was wearing. I never liked being one of those guys that fit in with the crowd.
As we made our way through the crowd to the front door a lot of the hipsters started to stare at us. This made me feel even more uncomfortable. I wanted to run. Prima was waiting for us at the entrance and escorted Diane and me to a table reserved for my team and our friends. Roger was even there, and I looked around to see what other familiar faces I could find. Bart and Sly were at the bar, so I said my hellos at the table, and I went over to join my two alien drinking buddies for a drink.
“Guerin, you made it.”
“Yes. Did you get a kitchen pass, Sly?” Bart laughed.
“Sort of. Stella and Gladys will be joining us later.”
“Quite the crowd, huh, Guerin?”
“I guess, Bart.”
“Hi, Guerin. It’s nice to see you again. I’m surprised you haven’t dropped in before this.” It was the pretty Bree bartender Suzy who had helped me with my drinking problem on my last visit. “What can I get you?”
“A Manhattan, straight up?”
“Not a problem. I’ll be right back.”
“So, Sly, I have a question for you guys.”
“What is it, Guerin?”
“Ever since Julie’s little modifications took hold I can’t seem to get really drunk anymore. I get a bit drunk, and then no matter how much I drink, that’s it. Like my kidneys kick into high gear to keep me from having too much fun. This isn’t normal, so did Julie do something to ruin my fun she didn’t mention?”
“No. If you think about it, your body is designed to remove the toxins, and now that response is enhanced.”
“You guys too?”
“Yes,” replied Bart.
“Even if I drink Gluarks?”
“Yes, but since the Gluark has other toxins besides alcohol it has a bit more of an effect.”
I shook my head. “I guess even mainlining heroine would be a waste of time then?”
We all laughed. Suzy brought me my drink. “Let me know if you need anything else, Guerin.”
“Tell me you’re not just looking to score some bonus credits too, Suzy?”
“It’s a lot of credits, Guerin.” She gave me a sexy wink and moved on down the bar to fill another order.
Nancy came over to the bar and handed me a data pad with ten questions on it for me to answer.
“What is this, Nancy?”
“Questions for the What Would Guerin Do game.”
“Seriously? Your mother would give me questionnaires like this when I was on Earth, and she said they were for assessing my psychological state. Was she lying to me?”
“Yes. They were questions for the next gathering. If you’d be quick about it, we can get the gathering started.”
Why was screwing with me so much fun for these aliens? I was like a talking chimp or something I guess. I looked through the questions and just did what Nancy asked. I thought in the future I would just use a coin flip to come up with the answers. I handed Suzy the data pad when I was done, and the answers were transferred over to Nancy.
Nancy got up on the stage and signaled for quiet.
“Ok. Let’s get this gathering started. First, I just want to thank Guerin and his team for joining us.”
There was a brief applause from the crowd. I shoo
k my head and signaled to Suzy to keep them coming even though I knew it was pointless.
“We have some issues for the rules committee to rule on to start with. We have a new player to announce. Maria has joined the game as herself, and thus the committee has transferred all credits and other possessions of the previous player in that role to Maria. Whoever was the previous player with this character should have known this would happen, so no sour grapes.”
“Now for the big issue before the committee. The twins claim to have scored with Guerin but the player who currently controls Guerin’s character has refused to acknowledge the score. The committee has ruled that the score will count, and credits will be awarded the twins if Guerin confirms the score. So, Guerin, did the twins score?”
The room became silent and the crowd all turned to look at me. The drinks were not helping. I ignored the question and continued uselessly drinking.
“Come on, Guerin. A simple yes or no will suffice.”
“What sort of gentleman would answer such a question, Nancy?”
I thought that was a diplomatic answer.
“Guerin, I was at the dinner at your residence the other night when you more or less admitted it.”
“I’m sorry, Nancy. I don’t think I did anything of the sort. There was a lot of innuendoes and comments being made by a bunch of you alien pervs, but I never discussed anything that did or did not happen between me and the twins. Like I said, that’s not what a gentleman would do.”
There was a lot of rumbling in the crowd. Nancy looked confused. She expected this to be a simple yes or no, and now I had thrown the rules committee into a tizzy.
Nancy raised her hand to quiet the crowd. “The Guerin player is asking that we rule against the twins if Guerin will not confirm the score and the twins have no other proof. Prima, Seca, do you have any proof? A video perhaps?”
“They fucking better not have any video!” I thought to myself.
Prima shook her head and Seca answered, “No.”
Nancy went back to the rule committee and they had a rather lengthy discussion. I just smiled at Suzy as she brought me another Manhattan. Prima and Seca scowled at me. I didn’t feel bad. I wasn’t lying, but I wasn’t going to be the butt of the joke for this cosmic game.