She couldn’t believe that seemed to be her mother’s primary concern, not how betrayed Olivia felt that her mother hadn’t told her something so significant in her life.
“Your secret wasn’t as safe as you thought. Apparently Doug Carlson takes his mother to the same multiple sclerosis clinic as you and saw you there last month being treated. He casually mentioned it to me. I told him he must be mistaken. How stupid of me. He wasn’t mistaken. I’m just the idiot whose mother doesn’t think she’s strong enough for the truth.”
If possible, Juliet looked more stricken. “It wasn’t like that. I promise. Oh, honey. I found out about the MS just as you were starting your new job. You had just moved into your new apartment and had started dating Grant and you seemed...happy. I didn’t want to be a burden to you. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to come home and take care of me.”
“What about since then? It’s not like you and I never speak. Grant and I aren’t together anymore. I’ve been at my job for four years. My apartment is no longer new. You could have mentioned it anytime since then. It’s not that hard to pick up a phone. Or forget about over the phone. We’ve lived in the same house for three weeks. You don’t think it might have come up during this time I’ve been here, while I left everything to come home and take care of you?”
Otis apparently didn’t like her tone. He jumped down from her mother’s lap and scurried over to her, rubbing against her leg until she picked him up.
“I should have told you. I’m sorry. I don’t have an excuse. The truth is, I prefer to forget it myself and pretend I don’t have MS. I know that probably sounds stupid to you but that’s how I’ve been able to cope with it. It can be a terrifying diagnosis.”
Olivia didn’t know that much about MS, other than she’d had a friend at work who had been diagnosed at a relatively young age. She knew it was a chronic autoimmune disorder affecting the central nervous system and that symptoms and outcomes could vary widely.
“I’ve been in remission most of that time. I have a few episodes here and there but mostly things have been okay. A little dizziness here and there and some trembling and double vision when I’m tired, but most of the time I don’t even notice.”
She definitely needed to do more research, she thought, then suddenly remembered why she was even here in Cape Sanctuary. Her mother was healing from a broken hip and concussion.
“What in the hell were you thinking, to climb a twenty-foot ladder when you have MS?”
Juliet winced. “Not one of my smarter decisions. I told you, I prefer to forget I have it, most of the time.”
“So you’re in denial.”
“I’m not. I know I have it. I take medication every day and I’ve completely changed my diet since I was diagnosed. Overall, I think I’m healthier than I’ve ever been.”
“Then why the secrecy?”
“I don’t know if I can explain it. It’s just... I refuse to give people another reason to pity me.”
“Who pities you?”
“Everyone! In the years since your father died, everyone in Cape Sanctuary has given me the identity of that poor young widow who lost her husband so tragically. And then when Natalie overdosed, it became so much worse. I have hated that. I want them to see me as more. As a person first, with opinions and causes and emotions. The last thing I want is for people to think of me as the poor widow with MS. Anyway, it’s not impacting my life or the garden center in any significant way, so why do people have to know my business?”
Okay, that rationale she could understand, especially knowing how fiercely independent her mother could be.
When her friend in Seattle had told Olivia she had MS, she had asked her not to tell anyone else about her diagnosis, saying she feared the information might impact her standing at work and could influence whether or not she received promotions or other career opportunities.
“Henry,” she exclaimed suddenly as another thought occurred to her.
Juliet swallowed hard. “Excuse me?”
“Does he know?”
After an extended pause, her mother shook her head.
The break between them was wholly her mother’s fault, because of this, she suddenly realized.
“You broke things off with him without telling him. That’s the reason. It has nothing to do with any age difference between you, does it? It’s because you have multiple sclerosis?”
Juliet didn’t answer for a long time. When she did, her voice sounded strained. “Lilianne was a beautiful, kind, athletic woman. My friend. Her life was filled with joy and art and kindness. Her death, on the other hand, was anything but. It was long, horrible, drawn-out. And Henry was there for her, every single step of the way. For five long, dreadful years, he cared for her. I can’t do that to him again. I...I love him too much. He deserves someone young and healthy, vibrant and strong.”
Olivia stared, aghast. “How can you arbitrarily make that decision for him? He deserves to be with the woman he loves. If you’ve never told him, don’t you think he deserves all the information so he can be the one to make that choice?”
Juliet huffed out a breath. “I know what he would say. He would say it doesn’t matter. He’s too honorable to say otherwise.”
“Or too honest. Maybe it truly wouldn’t matter to him.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Juliet said, her usual way of shutting down a discussion she didn’t want to have.
Only Olivia wasn’t fifteen years old anymore, trying to be the perfect daughter. She wasn’t finished giving her opinion yet, that her mother was being stupid to throw away something wonderful without giving him a chance.
“Think about what you’re doing. What’s the difference between you keeping the truth about your diagnosis from Henry and Natalie keeping the truth about Caitlin from Cooper?”
“They’re not the same thing at all,” Juliet protested.
“Aren’t they? You’re unilaterally making decisions for him without giving Henry the right to choose for himself. You have to tell him.”
“That’s easy to say, not so easy to practice. What if I tell him the truth, he says it doesn’t matter, and then he changes his mind down the road, once he faces the reality of my diagnosis?”
If she had been in her mother’s shoes, with a potentially life-changing disorder, would she have done the same thing? Walk away from someone she loved to protect them?
Possibly.
Her mother was acting from a position of fear. Exactly the same reason she was running from Cooper. She couldn’t think about that now.
“Weren’t you just telling me life is about taking chances? That the risk is great, yes, but only because the reward is so much greater, too.”
Juliet glared. “That’s not fair. You’re not supposed to throw my own words back at me.”
“Henry is a good man. You know he is. If he truly loves you, he would want to know this. If you truly love him, as you said, you owe him the chance to make that decision for himself.”
Wind rattled the windows and a branch from one of the trees outside scratched against the glass. Juliet said nothing for a long moment, her features distressed. Then she sighed. “I do love him.”
“Then you need to tell him.”
She looked out the window, then back at Olivia. “I probably shouldn’t wheel down the hill in the rain. Would you mind giving me a ride?”
“Now?” She disguised her shocked laugh with a cough. “The truth will still be the truth in the morning, when it’s not raining.”
“I need to go now. If I wait, I’m afraid I’ll lose my nerve.”
Her anger at her mother for not telling her warred with an unwilling admiration. She should learn a lesson here. Juliet was throwing her heart on the line, taking a chance.
“All right,” she said. “Sure. Let me grab an umbrella.”
/> Her mother didn’t waver as Olivia wheeled her to the car and helped her in.
“What if he’s in bed?” Olivia had to ask after she had backed out of the driveway and headed down the street.
“He won’t be,” Juliet said with confidence. “Henry is usually a night owl. And Jake was over earlier tonight and told Caitlin his dad isn’t sleeping well. He hasn’t seen Henry’s insomnia this bad since right after his mom died.”
Poor man. He had been shut out of Juliet’s life and had no idea why.
Sure enough, there were several lights on at the Craguns’ elegant midcentury modern house. She glanced at her mother, hoping she hadn’t been completely wrong to push her into this.
“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?”
Juliet gave her an exasperated look. “Are you kidding me right now? You’re the one who just lectured me vehemently about how I need to be honest with him. Don’t make me doubt myself more than I already do.”
“You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Don’t listen to me. I’ll wheel you up to the front door, then wait in the car.”
“I’m going to walk with the crutches. That’s why I brought them. He doesn’t have a ramp into his house.”
“It’s rainy and wet, Mom. What if you fall?”
“Fine. You can walk with me to make sure I don’t.”
She helped her mom out as lightning slashed across the sky, followed quickly by a drumroll of thunder.
“Do you want me to ring the bell?” she asked when they reached the door.
“No. I’ve got this. You don’t have to wait. Henry can give me a ride home or I’ll call a ride share service.”
“I don’t mind waiting.”
“I don’t want you to. Go back home.”
Home.
The word seemed to resonate through her soul like that thunder shaking the night.
Cape Sanctuary was her home.
Yes, it had been a place filled with painful memories. But there was also so much she loved here. Today had reminded her of that in a hundred different ways, from the outpouring of support for the Gallegos family to the sheer drama of a storm rolling across the ocean.
She didn’t want to leave.
She had friends here, family, loved ones.
She wanted to build her life here. She wanted to do as her mother counseled and take a chance on Harper Media—and on Cooper.
Could she borrow some of Juliet’s strength? The greatest risk also carries the greatest reward.
Cooper would be the very best of rewards, the man she loved, if only she could find the strength and courage to face him and tell him how she felt.
She was tired of cowering. She wanted to reach for what she wanted.
34
JULIET
This might be the craziest thing she had ever done.
Juliet made sure that Olivia was back in her vehicle before knocking softly on the door. Lightning crackled through the night, illuminating the beautiful, elaborately designed gardens around his home.
Henry Cragun was a man who nurtured the things he loved.
He didn’t answer the door for so long, she wondered if she was going to have to text him and tell him she was waiting on his porch. Maybe he was ignoring her. Olivia hadn’t driven away yet, which might be a good thing, if he didn’t answer.
As soon as she thought that, the door opened suddenly and Henry stood there, wearing his reading glasses, his hair mussed as if he had been lying on the couch.
He needed a shave and had dark circles under his eyes, and she wanted suddenly to kiss them away.
Now those eyes darkened with alarm. “Juli. What’s wrong? What are you doing here? Has something happened to Olivia or Caitlin?”
“No. Nothing like that. May I...may I come in?”
Looking wary, he stepped back and held the door for her. Olivia still hadn’t driven away and Juliet made a little shooing motion behind her back to her daughter, then walked carefully inside on the crutches.
Now that she was here, she didn’t know where to start.
“It’s been quite a day at Sea Glass Cottage,” she finally said. “Did Jake tell you?”
“I got the impression he had news after he came back, but he said it wasn’t his story to tell.”
In truth, the news was Cooper’s and Caitlin’s to share but she doubted either of them would mind her telling Henry, especially since his son already knew. “She found her father. Apparently Jake helped her take a DNA test through one of those genealogy websites and she was able through that to find relatives here in Cape Sanctuary.”
Surprise registered in his beautiful dark eyes. “Really? Who is it? Do you know him?”
“Cooper Vance. Can you believe that?”
“Wow. That’s a shocker.”
“I know! He was Natalie’s best friend but I never suspected for a moment they were ever more. For Caitlin’s sake, I couldn’t be happier. He’s going to be a terrific father.”
“That’s very exciting. But are you telling me you came all the way down the hill in the rain in the middle of the night to tell me Cooper Vance is Caitlin’s father?”
Oh, this was much harder than she’d dreamed it would be. “No. I... Could I sit down? I’m still not as strong as I would like to be on these.”
He looked momentarily abashed that he hadn’t considered her crutches. He gestured to his living room, where soft, plaintive-sounding jazz music played and a mystery novel by an author they both enjoyed rested on the arm of the sofa.
She would prefer to do this standing but wasn’t sure her legs would hold her.
Once she sat and rested the crutches beside her, his sweet old dog Rosie came over and rested her head on Juliet’s lap. Grateful for the moral support, she petted the dog for a moment to gather her thoughts before she faced him.
“It has...come to my attention that I have been...unfair to you. At least that’s what my daughter very firmly lectured me about tonight.”
“Oh?”
His tone was not encouraging at all. If anything, he was going out of his way to be the opposite. She sighed. She deserved nothing else.
“Olivia insists I owe you the truth about...about why I told you I didn’t want a relationship.”
He said nothing, only continued looking at her.
“I don’t want to bury the lede, so I’m going to start by telling you that I...love you.”
He stared at her, not saying anything, though he seemed to make an involuntary movement toward her. She held up a hand.
“Wait. I...I need to tell you the rest. I love you so much that I felt like I was doing the right thing for you by pushing you away. Olivia tells me that I was really being afraid and that the right thing would be telling you the truth so that you can decide for yourself.”
“The truth?”
Oh, this was hard—which was probably the reason she hadn’t told him, all these years.
“Four years ago, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I’ve been lucky. It’s been mostly in remission since then. I’ve been on various medications and the one I’m on seems to be doing a good job of controlling my symptoms for now. My doctor tells me that while my particular case is mild currently, obviously there are no guarantees. It could progress tomorrow and I could permanently need that wheelchair I’ve been using the past few weeks.”
He sank onto the sofa next to her, still watchful and silent. Why didn’t he say anything? Had she made a terrible mistake?
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s just... I know how hard things were for you, caring for Lilianne. You were so wonderful with her. Sweet and loving and patient.”
She could feel hot tears at the memory of her dear friend and willed them away for now.
“Her cancer became so much a part of your lives. I couldn’t do that to
you again. I wanted you to have someone young and healthy and strong. That’s why I...told you I couldn’t have a relationship with you.”
“Because you have multiple sclerosis.”
“Yes. But Olivia made me see I had to be honest with you, no matter how hard, so that you could choose.”
She looked down at Rosie, afraid to meet his gaze. “So there you have it. You don’t have to decide anything right now. You can...think about it. Weigh the options. I can give you some information about MS so you can make a truly informed decision. But if you decide you’re...you’re willing to take a chance on a future with me, I would...would want that very much.”
Her voice trailed off and she finally lifted her gaze to meet his. The blazing emotion in his expression stole her breath.
“Are you done?”
“I... Yes. I think so.”
“Good.” He leaned over, wrapped her in a tight embrace and kissed her so fiercely, she had to reach for the arm of the sofa to keep from falling backward against the cushions.
The kiss was raw, wild, and so full of life and promise and joy that those tears spilled over and trickled down her cheeks.
Oh, she wanted this. A future with him. But she was so afraid to hope. “Henry, stop. You haven’t read any of the information yet. You need to be sure.”
He gave a strangled sort of laugh. “Juli, I’ve known about your MS all along.”
“You have not.”
He left her for a moment, turning to the built-in cabinets on either side of the sofa. The top was bookshelves but the bottom was cupboards, and he reached into one and pulled out a stack of books.
All of them were about multiple sclerosis, including several she had in a drawer of her own nightstand.
She stared, not understanding. “How? You can’t have known!”
“Who did you tell when you were first diagnosed four years ago?”
She blinked, trying to remember that frightening time that seemed a lifetime ago. “No one. Well, okay, Lilianne. But I made her promise she wouldn’t tell anyone.”
The Sea Glass Cottage Page 33